Protagonist goes to sleep

>protagonist goes to sleep
>doesn't spend the entirety of the night consistently scratching his thighs

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>protagonist sits down in front of his computer
>doesn't keep one hand in his pants, firmly clasping his crotch

you got bed bugs nigga

>protagonist has a peaceful, uninterrupted sleep
>doesn't get up multiple times during the night to pee

that's diabetes

>protagonist just woke up or is just about to fall asleep
>doesn't start vigorously picking his nose

>protagonist gets out of bed
>he doesn't crack his fingers and toes
>he doesn't crack his neck by forcefully pushing his hand first on his right then his left cheek
>he doesn't push his hands into his back until he can hear the thing on the front crack real loud
>he doesn't twist his spine all the way
>he doesn't stand up, extend his arms above his head and twist them around so he can hear the cracking noises in his shoulders

fuck you

>protagonist goes to sleep
>doesn't put some background noice to keep him from thinking bad things

i listen to podcasts

>used to do this
>can't anymore
I have the most fucked up bad things that keep haunting me every night I try to go to bed. I hate it.

>the protagonist doesn't stay up all night wishing that he would die in a freak car accident

>driving in mom's car real fast thinking about how easy it would be to just jerk the wheel to the side and rush into oncoming traffic or a tree

What haunts you?

i listen toy you, listening to podcasts

>protagonist doesn't fantasize about ways to die with honor; protecting someone or children or something

It's really fucked up to even mention. Basically dead family members.

>character goes to piss
>there's blood in his urine
Finally a film that is true to real life

so when you say haunt you mean actual ghosts?

i think i saw blood in my feces the other day

LOL OP I THINK THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR HEALTH LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLOLOL

>tfw acute chronic pain after being hit by a drunk driver 7 years ago and haven't slept more than 2 hours a night because of the pain in that entire time

I miss sleeping for 10 hours and waking up fresh. Now I just lay there in pain while hopped up on medication, praying the pain stays away long enough to fall asleep.

>that feel when I wake up and it feels like someone has poured boiling water inside my knees and arms, and my back is so fucked it takes me 10 minutes to get out of bed

I'm only 30 and my 75 year old father is in better physical condition than me. You cunts have nothing to complain about.

Might be a hemorrhoid being burst or maybe something you ate that wasn't digested properly. Also if you ate something spicy it could cause an anal fissure and some bleeding, was it bright red or dark red? Of it's dark it means it something internal.

>protagonist goes to bed
>falls asleep within five minutes
>doesn't get up multiple times during the night to pee
>alarm rings
>doesn't snooze for half an hour
>looks completely awake as he steps out of the bed
>is hungry enough to eat breakfast immediately

How the hell am I supposed to relate?

fuck off cuck

god Sup Forums is the worst board on Sup Forums by a wide margin

>protagonist wipes his ass after pooping
>no blood on the toilet paper
help

>you got bed niggas bug

Look forward to it every morning user, I love it.

>laying down with your back to the floor and pulling your head upwards with your hands for that final spine crack

You lie down. You lay traps. Retard.

no hemorrhoids i think
dark red, strongly resembled raspberry sauce color wise

i ate a lot of beans because the cans are easy to warm up and just eat, at this point i get why hobos do it in cartoons
maybe it's the sodium, i did drain the bean water though

or one of those long worms that lives in your gut and eats your food, i've lost some weight recently

I thought I was the only one...

you lie to your mom when she asks if you find traps attractive

you lay on the floor in the past tense

>protagonist goes to sleep

>doesn't wake up next morning with dry af throat and extremities

I had this. Turned out to be mold. Basically athletes foot but on thighs. Get some tough acting tenactin.

Oneitis burning coal

if you have a dry throat you might be snoring

you should stop, breathing through your mouth makes your face grow bad

>character drifts to sleep
>doesn't constantly click his teeth together
>doesn't wake up in the middle of the night unable to move while a ghost walks in through the slightly open door

...

>protagonist goes to bed with his gf
>it aint me starts playing

>bed niggas you got bug

You might have sleep apnea.

please tell me this works, I couldn't sleep with the lights out for years and I don't want to get back into that habit

You should go to your doctor, worst case is some type of cancer but I wouldn't bet on that unless you're having some severe abdominal pain(although weight loss is also associated with it too). Still go see someone about it especially if it's happening every time you shit.

meant to reply to

Serves you right user, if you're such a cuck your injuries haven't healed by now then I have no sympathy.

nigga did you at least get a settlement off that?

thank you friend, i will try and make sure it's nothing that bad

I was the guy you mistakenly replied to but yes it works. Having your favorite show playing in the background while you sleep is great.

>protagonist doesn't sleep with a fan on to drown out the noise of nothingness.

>character doesn't get terrible sleep paralysis begging imaginary people to help him lift him up by hand before he wakes up

>character goes straight to sleep instead of remembering all the cringy things he's said and done over the years and then says something random because it eases the cringe
>character leaves his feet outside the duvet and doesn't quickly jolt them back in to be safe from the monsters

>how to stay up all night and watch your favorite show instead of sleeping

>doesnt put a pillow between his legs when he sleeps on his side

>Korean protagonist sleeps with a fan on in his bedroom

fucking yes

>protagonist wakes up and briefly isn't haunted by how he's 2 inches flaccid and will never get a gf because of it

>character starts remembering all the cringy things hes said and done over the years
>he doesnt hit himself in the head until he forgets what he was thinking about

why is the silence so loud

those are called jigaboos

>character lives alone
>doesnt have body pillow to cuddle with when he sleeps

You can cuddle with a pillow that doesn't have an image on it you know

>protagonist eats breakfast
>it's not just leftovers from last night or Campbell's soup

>character turns out the lights
>doesnt see horrifying visions in the darkness and hear whispers
movie fucking ruined

>>protagonist eats breakfast
things that never happen in real life, stupid movie tropes

not all body pillows have images my dude

>he's too riddled with ADD to pay attention to sleeping while listening to some good shit

>somebody takes a shit
>doesn't cut it up to smaller pieces so it flushes easier

are these just stealth /r9k/ threads?

>character doesnt shove girlfriend to the opposite side of the bed to avoid her body heat

>takes shit
>doesn't need to take a shower afterwards

>protagonist is falsely accused out of nowhere

i've never even been to r9k

>character wakes up in the middle of the night
>doesn't grab his phone to jerk off to interracial porn before going back to sleep

>protagonist goes to sleep
>doesn't turn and switch positions for two and a half hours until falling asleep

>>protagonist doesn't sleep with a fan on to drown out street fight noises and gunshots

>protagonist goes to sleep
>doesn't need a fan on
>doesn't need to position the fan to be blowing at his face but not blowing even a single hair
>doesn't need complete silence besides the fan
>doesn't need the room to be freezing cold even in the summer
>doesn't contemplate his life every night
>doesn't have tormenting dreams every night about what life could have been
>doesn't wake up at 2AM every night to piss and drink water
>doesn't wake up 30 minutes before his alarm goes off so there's no point in going back to sleep
>his first thought in the morning isn't "please kill me now"

>you should stop, breathing through your mouth makes your face grow bad

how, he's asleep

>protagonist doesn't share my slob NEET lifestyle and habits

REEEEEEE WHY WEREN'T THESE MOVIES MADE WITH ME IN MIND??????

...

>protagonist eats lunch
>its a proper meal instead of 3 granola bars hastily thrown into their work bag

>character is unemployed
>Somehow maintains a healthy weight and has the appetite to eat more than twice a day

Hollywood

>female protagonist wakes up
>her hand doesnt rocket down to her aching gash and the now transparent panties covering it to relieve what she only can call The Roaring Emptiness

>bisexual agendered tasmanian transvestite hermaphrodites get to expect and demand their own movie
>i'm not allowed to

>tfw the fan develops a slight squeak

>doesn't own a white noise machine and lock the cat in the spare room all night
>shares a bed with gf, cuddle in the most uncomfortable positions and fall asleep

Most people aren't junkies, user.

>protagonist wakes up
>doesn't immediately brings his fingers to his eyes to slowly peel out the thin strings of mucus that have collected there

You just described me.

In all seriousness can anyone actually give me a movie that portrays a realistic neet lifestyle.

>protagonist isn't an insecure waste of life that projects his inadequacies into Sup Forums shitposts

heres some NEET kino
youtube.com/watch?v=rdnQ0nO3AcY

>character's getting ready for bed
>doesn't shave one of his legs so he can rub them both together and pretend it's a girl's leg

>there people on this board who ARE AFRAID OF THE FUCKING DARK JESUS CHRIST YOU'RE ALL LITERALLY CHILDREN NO WONDER THIS BOARD IS IN ITS CURRENT STATE

I used to be afraid of the dark until I was 19

A few months ago there was blood in my urine a few times when I pissed. Sometimes very little, sometimes more. This kept happening for a few weeks. It always hurt like hell. I was scared to mention this to anyone because hell no, I don't want any kind of surgery or test down there. So, what was it guys?

Btw I still feel a little burn from time to time. It all started after when I fapped real hard one time, maybe I fractured something inside, I dunno. But I can't stop fapping so it never really heals maybe

>character's parents don't do the mandatory sleep nudity check each night after he's fallen asleep

not to worry, i still watch you every night to make sure it doesnt get you

there is literally no reason not to always be afraid of everything

>protagonist leaves the shower
>doesn't start scratching his legs for the next few hours

>character gets up in the morning
>showers despite having showered just before bed
Burgers, I swear....