Tell me about your first love and what your learned from it...

Tell me about your first love and what your learned from it. I'm here only to ask clarification questions and give honest feedback.

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Brunette. Long, braided hair. We used to walk our dogs together

How long were you together? What did you learn from being with her?

Not really together, as such.

Elementary school. Her name was megan. She was my crush from 1st grade thru 5th grade. We went to different middle schools and she honestly is ugly af now but I still miss her something awful sometimes. Probably should let it go because I'm married now... oh well. If you're here megan I wish I could go back to 3rd grade and talk to you more.

You aren't giving me much to work with.

How old are you now?

>You aren't giving me much to work with.
There isn't much to give

we were kids. Going through psycho hell together. I still love her forever. I think I might have put her through too much. If I get stuck doing a redo again. Ima soak more damage see how it turns out.

>be me
>in elementary school
>fall head over heels for this girl
>she’s into me too
>start ‘dating’, hang out at the playground , etc.
>last day of school find out she’s moving to a different state
>she kisses me right before she leaves
>never love another girl again
>mfw this is why I’m a fucking faggot now

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she was a bit younger than me, but pretty much the village bicycle. I learned that when women look at men, they see earning/spending potential and very little else. She made me realize that if i didnt trick her into believing she could earn gifts, meals or some other monetary reward by doling out intimacy to me, she would make herself absent from my life. It was a harsh lesson.

At keast you realize you were probably the issue. Kind of a bummer that you desire to cause more pain, but to each their own.

Silver linings, right? At least you found clarity.

I think both sexes have people like that. One of my female coworkes almost entirely financially supports her boyfriend. Both sexes have their moochers. That being said, I have dated women that both never expected a dime from me and got upset when I told her I wouldn't buy her a phone.

How do you handle dating now that you have learned what you did?

We were 17, it lasted about three years with lots of long break up, obviously a defining era of my life, I learned that everybody needs that amount of love and care and that it shouldn't be restrained in a romantic context. Had a "sex high" after the first time I came into her, the kind of thing that makes you go "ok I can die in peace" and it's something I deeply wish everybody experiences.

I was too chicken shit to do anything about it.

I liked this one. Relationships don't always have to fill a void, even though they sometimes can. Also, the old fashioned ways of going live inside feels the best because it's designed that way. Big fan of it myself.

What?

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I don't "date", not as I think dating should be. I just say and do what I need to to shove my dick in her hole with her consent, and just keep my distance otherwise.

Well, that's a bummer all around. Hope that works well for you.

I was this close to rape a girl because of my anxiety

More background?

We were both in 9th grade.
She was nerdy, quiet, cute. She was really into anime and video games. We hit it off in german class of all places. It started out slow. We talked about final fantasy alot. She was into inuyasha so we started hanging out and watching that together. We played video games alot too.

Things started getting heated quick. In that naive middle school way. We started dating a few months after we first met. She told me she loved me, i her. We said we were going to be together forever. Deep down i knew that wasnt true but i wanted desperately to believe it was.

I learned early that he living situation wasnt ideal. Her father was in jail and mother had remarried. Her step dad and mother were drug addicts and fought constantly. Her mom tried to put a clean face on but her step dad was always drunk or high. Needless to say they fought alot.
It was one of the first times i was over he place since we started dating when her patents got into it. First yelling, then screaming. Later we heard the crashing of broken furniture. We sat upstairs trying to shut out the doldrum. She ran downstairs at one point to take a baseball bat that her mother had grabbed. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. My family never fought. Not like that. I could tell she just as upset but that this wasn't new to her. It was when things finally came to blows that we vacated the house with her mother.

We began walking up the road with no apparent destination in mind. She finally reached her grandmother on the cell phone to arrange a ride for us. We walked a few miles more before she picked us up on the side of the road. Her mother was oblivious to the insanity of the situation. High out of her mind. Her only concern was the cigarettes that she had left out the house. Her grandmother obv didn't want to return given the fight we had just escaped. But her mother wasnt content, she nearly jumped from the moving vehicle. We returned to the house. Cont...

Interested.

Guy in high school. Looked like a total jock, but was a huge nerd and so fucking friendly to everyone. He was straight though, and I learned that that wouldn't change, no matter how much I loved him. Still a really cool guy though, and I'm just happy I got to be his friend at all.

What would happen when we returned? I thought. Would they start fight again? Would he be waiting there with a loaded pistol ready to blow her away? The truth was far more mundane. She went in, retrieved her cigarettes and spent some time taking. She returned a few minutes later like nothing had happened. Instead vowing to return later so they could "work things out". I was shell shocked to the whole situation. He grandmother insisted we take me home and i concurred. On the way home my girlfriend cried in my shoulder. Saying shed understand completely if i wanted to break up. I consoled her and told her i wouldn't leave. It wasn't her fault after all that her family was crazy. I wanted so desperately to be loved. To be there for her when the rest of her life didn't make sense. Id look back on this a few years later as a mistake. Missing my chance to vacate a very toxic situation. Instead we soldiered on.

The time passed and we stuck together her and i. Our relationship became physical. Us losing our virginities to each other while her mom lay passed out on the couch downstairs. Things weren't easy. Her parents were always behind on bills. Electric, cable, Internet, phone. All of them got shut off at one point or another. She used to walk to the gas station to call me on the pay phone. We'd talk for hours. Some time about nothing at all. I felt for her and the situation she was in. But it was around this time i realized there was something wrong with her besides her parents. Emotionally, mentally she began to become unstable. Cont

Don't go searching for women, whatever happens happens. You don't need to put work into having trash in your life. You can get pussy whenever you want but a friend is much more valuable, and you can't force those things.

Focus on friends, relationships happen on their own and nothing is permanent.

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It started small. She would say things that didnt make sense, make believe stories. I shrugged them off as an active imagination. Later she started to threaten self harm and eventually suicide. I didn't know what to do. It was like a sick game. Every couple days she would call me, suicidal. Id spend hours trying to talk her down, eventually succeeding. Then the next day she'd act like nothing happened. Only to repeat the same pattern a few days later. I didn't know who to tell. I eventually decided on my father.

I could see the look of shame on his face when i explained the situation to him. He knew i was unhappy but refused to leave. He talked to her parents later that day and they intervened. She was committed for about 2 days before being released. I learned this wasnt the first time shed been to a mental institution. We picked up where we left off. Again she asked if i wanted to leave her. Again, i decided against my best judgement and stayed. I dont know what i thought would happen. I guess i didnt know any better. Trying so hard to make things work when i knew they wouldn't. We entered 10th grade on relatively good terms. By the end of the year id regret not taking the out when i had the chance. Cont

That there is no god, and life is just a series of distractions until you die