Well, I give up. I tried so fucking hard, but I will be a virgin forever.
Yesterday I was with my GF and I gave her an early Christmas gift.
She was happy, kissed me, grabbed my dick and told me she would have to give me an early present too. This was it, I was so ready.
Then she said she had to freshen up. She went to her drawer, pulled out a hammer and put it on her desk. Looked at me, "You know what to do." with a smile.
She walked into the bathroom and started her shower.
I was super confused. I thought I knew everything I needed to know, from porn and shit. No idea what to do with the hammer.
I tried to look it up on my phone. Nothing came up. All I could think of was that she wanted me to hit my dick with the hammer so that blood would rush to it and make it harder.
Well, I tried that and it fucking hurt like hell. I screamed and started crying. She asked what was wrong but I ran out in embarrassment.
I tried to look that up but all I get is the stupid song. What is hammer time? I don't want this shit to happen again.
Bentley Roberts
lol, thanks OP, I needed a good laugh. Christmas sucked.
Levi Miller
You stick the hammer in your ass. Instant long lasting boner you idiot
Christian Wright
It isn't bait. I know this sounds stupid. I am kind of autistic. Hence when I am still a virgin. I don't know what I was supposed to do.
Isaiah Morales
Are you fucking serious? How the fuck. I don't want to have a fucking hammer up my ass. How the fuck would I even keep that shit in?
Noah Hall
If you are serious. The answer is nothing. Nothing normal anyways. I mean, what kind of hammer was this? Are you even sure she wanted you to do anything with it?
Christian Lee
I know this is bait but, wtf a hammer?? How do you come up with this shit OP? This isn't a thing...
Dylan Walker
It was a normal hammer. Basically like this.
I mean, she literally pulled it out and put it on the desk and said, "You know what to do."
You need to look up "The Carpenter". It is a sexual act where you do hit your dick, for the exact reason you described OP. You are just a pussy. You need to practice it more. I suggest you start tonight.
Christian Young
I looked that shit up. From what I can tell, that isn't it. A carpenter is when a woman gives you a handjob with sandpaper.
Jesus christ... wtf. I am not sure I want to have sex anymore.
Blake Wilson
lol, this thread is fucking gold.
I looked that up too, it is actually a thing on Urban Dictionary. HAHAHA
Christopher Campbell
Why don't you ask her. I am serious, there is no way she expected anything else with the hammer.
Ryder Gonzalez
She won't respond to me. Her last text just said she was upset I left without saying anything. Said we need some time apart :/
I don't know how to tell her anyways. I don't want to seem like an idiot.
Andrew Lee
Ok, this has to be bait, but here we go. Did she say or do anything else that would give us a hint?
Literally, she went to her drawer, took out the hammer and put it on her desk. Said I would know what to do with a smile and a wink... Then she took a bunch of stuff from the drawer with her into the shower. It looked like lotion and shampoo and stuff.
That is it.
Nathan Gray
You stupid nigger. Maybe that drawer just had a bunch of shit in it and she moved the hammer out of the way. Are you sure that was shampoo and not fucking lube? She probably wanted you to come to the shower with her.
Benjamin Adams
I think it was shampoo. IDK. That kind of makes sense though. But I figured if a girl said she wanted to freshen up I wasn't supposed to go in there???
Fuck, this makes some sense though. I am a fucking idiot if this is true.
Robert Murphy
You hit your fucking dick with a hammer you faggot. You don't need any more proof that you are an idiot.
