How would YOU get rid of this motherfucker?

how would YOU get rid of this motherfucker?

Hard mode: NO EAGLES

Walk down nigger central and drop it

Eat it

What if you just ask the eagles for advice?

destroy it in the fires of Mount Doom where it was forged.

>getting rid of it
The ring is mine.

1,000 Degree Hot Knife

Toss it into the sea. It will be eons before it's found and by then it won't be my problem

give it to tom bombadil and tell him its his responsibility now. Faggot will have to take action once the nazguls are at his door

I wouldnt

I'd just use any other volcano, fuck going to Mt Doom

Under rated

The ring is constantly drawn to sauron, it would be washed ashore and found by someone.

Put it on my cock and get all the cunny.

Take it to the pawn shop

shit on it so if sauron wants to wear it, he'll have all shit on his finger

Mail it to Valinor

It took centuries for someone to find it when it was just in a river

take a cruise and throw it overboard when we are over a really deep part of the ocean

Put it on my ass. What then Sauron, you gonna shove your hand up my ass, gaylord?

i think one is around my penis as we speak

Tom Bombadil doesn't give a shit about the ring or Middle Earth for that matter, he would tell you to fuck off his property

Gollum might bite it off though. Have fun

Say it's name backwards.

Fire it into the sun.

>The ring is constantly drawn to sauron, it would be washed ashore and found by someone.
What if you were to go into the middle of complete nowhere, dig a 15 foot deep hole drop it in, fill the hole up and walk away.

fill the centre with adamantium so he can't get it on his finger

Sauron wasn't as strong back then.

>ocean

You gays realise that osse (an even bigger dick than sauron) lives there, right?

It still won't be my problem when some Dol Amrothian finds it in a cod though

Maintain my crippling low self-esteem so that I wouldn't feel worthy or deserving of the ring or its power. I would simply walk to Mt Doom and drop it in, since I wouldn't feel like I deserved it anyway.

I'd keep it. Pressing matters like a ring of power need a lot of thinking so what's the point of rushing.

Osse is Ulmo's bitch though

You wouldn't, because willingly parting with the ring is nigh impossible for all but a few.

Just leave it in his house without telling him

You don't seem to understand, some strange insect would find it and eat it, a bird would then eat it and defecate it somewhere populated. It might take months or years or even eons but it WILL find a way. Also the reason the ring must be destroyed in the first place is not because of what would happen if Sauron gets to it, but because of Sauron being there in the first place.

If that's your MO you wouldn't find his house anyway

Hydraulic press.

Is that why he caused so much shenanigans during the first age having sided with morgoth. Ulmo didnt do shit

ok, what if someone forced you to dig the hole and throw it in, then killed you.

I quit biting my fingernails. Pshh. Walk in the park.

Osse is a fucken faggot who stopped being edgy when his wife told him off

He would know it was you, he'd return it and kick your ass

See

>moving goalposts

Shove it over my dick and run past all the deatheaters as they laugh at how stick thin my dick is.

Drop it in Mount Doom and go to McDonalds for some Chicken Nuggets.

Isn't there some sort of spell or magic shit to fly or levitate in the world of LOTR?

use is as a cock ring and make my benis dissapear

>some strange insect would find it and eat it
Not if you put it in a 5 inch thick lead box.

You can only meet him if you're a jive dude, you don't just GPS to his house

>implying I'd be able to resist it and not just end up keeping it for myself like everyone who had it

Is your "benis" a different entity seperate from your body?

Give it to those elves leaving middle earth.

Id give it to Galadriel in exchange for sex.

I would go to the local hobbit pub and shitpost with them about what to do.

>secretly encase it in some gold bauble
>give it to some uninvolved elf going overseas
>have that elf present it as a gift to the valar

No. Well not by the third age anyway

hiding wouldn't work because sauron was winning without the ring anyway.

I'd just give the ring to legolas and let him surf all the way to mount doom over orc heads.

>talk to my local pharmacist
>tell them I'll need another repeat of my script for 40mg/daily of Aropax, an antidepressant of which side-effects include an almost total numbing of one's emotions
>go back to wherever those fucking people were
>(never watched the movie, never read the book, come at me, I don't give a fuck)
>start doubling my dose of Aropax to 80mg/day
>all work and no play doesn't matter, Jack is one VERY dull boy
>greed? nah. anger? fuck nah. every single other emotion? what are you, a fucking idiot?
>alright chaps, give me that cunt of a ring
>cunts come at me
>aragorn and the dwarf and the fag with the bow fend them off
>lather, rinse, repeat
>always repeat
>make it to Mt. Doom or that fucking volcano
>don't see why you couldn't just have a blacksmith make a fucking hot fire to burn that cunt
>fuck it, never read or watched it, i'm sure there's logic
>drop that cunt on in
>go back to frodoland
>try to fuck bitches
>Aropax has made me impotent
>shit
>make my way back to Mt. Doom to throw myself in
>mfw as I'm falling in

They would get easily corrupted. Middle Earth Elves are very easy to corrupt, that's why they're there and not on the holy land.

Make that sauron and its a deal

build a tunnel under mordor.

No Eagles???

Nah lad, you give the hyper intelligent giant eagles the One Ring and you better be prepared for the terrifying Age of the Feather.

Kekd heartily

This could actually work. The valar aren't technically interfering

Kill every living person or thing so they could not return it to him and then dispose of it in the sea and then kill myself

Why didn't they just get the autistic hobbits and elves to make a catapult strong enough to launch it straight to Mt. Doom?

Make a deal with Sauron. He can have the Ring, I'm sure he wouldn't mind giving me a nice house and position for saving him the trouble once the war is won.

Let's face it there's a 0.001% chance anyone in here could destroy it, why even bother?

>local man outsmarts omniscient gids, brags about it in the anonymous basement tavern

underrated post

Make a deal with Sauron

Ah yes, this has turned out fine in the past

I still don't understand the eagles argument. If they just flew into Mordor with eagles, they'd get fucking murdered by 1001 things discounting the fucking FELLBEASTS

Sauron would torture you for having it in the first place not to mention seeing sauron wearing the ring would be torture itself

>the reason the ring must be destroyed in the first place is not because of what would happen if Sauron gets to it, but because of Sauron being there in the first place

The reason it needs to be destroyed is because it's dangerous in the hands of anyone powerful enough to wield it. Hypothetically, if Aragrorn or Gandalf or Saruman or whoever gets ahold of the ring, they could potentially use it to overthrow Sauron. But then Middle Earth would just be left with a new more powerful Dark Lord to contend with. That's also why Sauron is so hasty to attack Gondor, and it's why he's so willing to take the bait when Aragorn marches to the black gate on a suicide mission with his tiny army. Sauron is scared shitless that someone else might use the ring against him. The only viable solution is to destroy the ring.

Cast it into the fire.

The fellowship was a good idea, but honestly they could have organised it better.
They knew Sauron was aware it was in Rivendell and a group would be making a break for it and Gandalf knew that Sauron mistakenly believed they'd try to wear the ring and rally Men.
So they should have started with a larger group of Rangers and Elves, travelled for a bit then split the group with the Ranger group making a lot of noise travelling to Gondor to 'deliver' the ring.
Meanwhile, a crack team of Legolas, Elrond's kids and motherfucking Glorfindel carry Frodo to Mount Doom and chuck the ring there.

They shouldn't have relied on such a small, mortal force to make it to and through Mordor.

Sauron was winning without the ring anyway.

The ring is like a phylactery- you have to destroy it to destroy Sauron. Destroying his body again will weaken him but he'll regrow if the ring is intact.
Throwing the ring away so it can never be found again is almost as bad as letting Sauron have it: he still has all his gigantic armies and he wouldn't be able to be killed even if you defeated him.

Id take it to Valinor and let Tulkas body slam Sauron when he comes looking for it

Hey cmon he's not that ugly

What if they flew at 20,000 miles up and then just dived straight into mt. Doom

This, Eagles in the Hobbit were wary of rescuing the dwarves because regular humans shot them with bows and they were afraid of arrows.

He's not ugly at all

maybe gandalf could, but im pretty sure Eru told him that would be cheating

knowing what I know of just the films:
>take the ring and explain to the fellowship that we all need to stick together
>explain the whole wormtongue, sauron situation
>explain the ents
>explain the ghost army
>we overthrow sauron before he can muster up an uruk army
>tell aragorn to get the ghosts to clear a path for us straight into Mordor
>go into mt doom with 50,000 men at my back and throw the ring in

w-wait, would this work??

>>tell aragorn to get the ghosts to clear a path for us straight into Mordor
Couldn't you just get one of the ghosts to run to Mordor with the ring, can the ring corrupt what is dead?

I'd offer it to Sauron, he'd give me power

Did Frodo even technically succeed or fail?

Sauron already had a standing uruk army

What are the barrow wights

>a fucking manlet hobbit takes the ring and keeps it for 100's of years turning into gollum


I would've just dug a big big hole and put it in and covered it up, it's not like they're gonna find the ring, just like the ring wraiths couldn't find the ring when the hobbits hid behind the treeroots

He failed. Its impossible to willingly destroy the ring (unless you're tom or vala)

Well he succeeded in the sense of destroying the ring but failed to do it willingly (as Gandalf always knew would be the case)

or Sam!

stfu

>as Gandalf always knew would be the case

Is this implied in the books? I don't remember this from the films

Then the Balrogs would find it.

So... wait, if gandalf knew he couldn't willingly destroy the ring what was his purpose for sending him to mordor? Is Gandalf a double agent

He did as much as was possible for a mortal to do, which from the Christian viewpoint is a success. Keep in mind that although Tolkien didn't really want real world religion in his story, he was still a religious man and later described LotR as a religious work.

>"The Lord of the Rings is of course a fundamentally religious and Catholic work; unconsciously so at first, but consciously in the revision."

i meant Saraumon not Sauron
as far as I know he didn't have a full army during the fellowship. even then the rohan army and ents would BTFO them. In fact we could just break the dam and drown them while they are gathered

Even if it's not your problem you'd still be fucked.

Thank me later

>bury it somewhere
>travel to the east
>
>profit

for real, could this shit fucking work, motherfuckers? have we ever considered this before? i for sure haven't.