Hey /b

Hey /b
Would like some advice if anybody wants to give some. Trolling me as a cuck is welcome too.

Been dating this girl for 2 years now. Things are going pretty well but I'm def more attached/needy than she is. I miss her more when she's away, I can tell from my texting etc. Get jealous if she goes out without me.
I'm actually semi Chad-ish and get female attention/friends have jokingly said I'm the settler in the relationship but I can't shake this insecure behaviour off.
I know this is ultimately going to complicate if not ruin this relationship and I'm very aware that this fucking pussy beta behaviour should certainly not come from the guy.
What should I do? Anybody had similar insecurities and got over them? Just focus on gym and shit? Any advice is welcome

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pretend you don't care

eventually you won't

Hm sounds like good advice. But I mean I don't want a shitty relationship in that case might as well be single. Do you mean pretending until I actually don't care will help me/us be happier?

Ask yourself why you are so worried? Past experiences, friends relationship horror stories, or if you feel differently about her.
We have to answer why these feelings are occurring so we can get at the root of the problem
>not worrying/just going to the gym
Intentional distractions from personal emotion is unhealthy user. Stop that

Never been cheated on so not sure. I guess I'm insecure cuz I know women get alot of male suitors and it's prob insecurities about my self worth (ie "what if she leaves me for someone better"). Horror stories don't help. She has been unfaithful to her past boyfriend but was super young and I actually don't judge her for that. He was a fat duck and I've done stupid shit in my past too. I think it's really about my self worth.

Where did you learn that unhealthy behavior from user?

So why do you think you are not worthy of her time or that she will find someone better?
I think all guys go through this in the comfortable stage of a relationship. I know I did at least. I was worried that she would get bored of me, or start to not like my body or sex and a whole myriad of insecurities.
What helped is being honest and telling my gf (wife now) that I was worried and having these thoughts. I know it's hard to be vulnerable, but hearing her say the words sincerely after you've let your guard down may help ease your conscience. It will also help her bond with you since she will feel special, like she should, for you sharing.

Hmm well I have been honest in the past and it's not like she's not possessive if she sees some hottie talk to me too. But I still feel like she has more "power" and I'm more needy. I don't think I'm not worthy on theory. Just not sure why I'm like this.

Hmm well I have been honest in the past and it's not like she's not possessive if she sees some hottie talk to me too. But I still feel like she has more "power" and I'm more needy. I don't think I'm not worthy on theory. Just not sure why I'm like this.

Do you love her? And have you ever been in a relationship this serious.?

Yes and yes

Sounds a lot like you just dont want a repeat of that past relationship. How did that one end?

Fights and I left the city

So did the fights start when it was known you would be leaving the city? And what did you fight about?

Read the book The Rational Male. You should be good if not at least better.

Keep constant contact with other girls, not as side hoes but as friends. If one you like wants to fuck, do it, but be very careful to not compromise your main relationship. The relationship is more important than you or your GF individually, so you must tackle your insecurities not for your comfort, but because they can compromise your relationship.

Your insecurity comes from not understanding the femenine mind. They're not waiting for you to turn around to go and suck a nigger's cock. Women's mind work differently. If they find your love reassuring they don't do that shit. Most of the time they do it out of spite.

So anyway, having a lot of female friends and actually sharing meaningful bonds with them will make you feel more confident. Be open and truthful to them about you being in a relationship, if you lie to them, you won't build any trust. Intuitively, by talking to them, you'll begin to understand how their mind works.

An example is that hate to feel like property, but at the same time they find ecstasy by giving themselves to someone else for love. Such apparent contradictions is very hard to rationalize for the masculine mind and are the bread and butter of the female ego.

Be authentic and share your insecurities with them too, you'll find that they are more open, more supportive and less judgemental than your buddies.

If you do it right, you'll leave behind selfishness, which is the root of your insecurity. You'll learn that the female mind is a wonderful place and learn to contact with your female side. Your emotional intelligence will boost and you will discover a completely new part of your consciousness.

1) allow your balls to drop
2) wait until your mom doesn’t do your laundry any longer
3) graduate from 8th grade
Then maybe date.

>if one you like wants to fuck, do it
>use female friends to gain confidence
>dont talk to your own partner about the issue
>just risk the relationship instead of building confidence in a healthy way.
user, where did this come from?
Psychologically its sound for the guy, in ths short term, but what about his partner? How does he learn to work through issues with them if he refuses to communicate? And why do you think being unfaithful is ok?
This is borderline sociopathic behavior tbh. If it's a larp, good job on accuracy. If not, find some help man. A lot of these behaviors are precursors for behaviors that are hard to correct once manifested.

look dude, insecurity will kill your relationship.
I know this from past experiences because i was once in the same exact boat.

There must be something about this girl that really bothers you. Is it slutty friends? does she have a history of being unfaithful? Does she have guy friends who hit on her? Does she take forever to respond when shes on her own on the weekends? what is it?

At the end of the day, i dont think MEN who have lots of self confidence, and alot going for them should ever love the girl more than she loves him.

Im 29, in a committed relationship, have fucked 20+ women in my life, and if relationships/dating ever felt "off/weird/", or were too much trouble to ever feel like they were flourishing on their own, then they never worked. You can try to work things out, but if she isnt doing everything she can to have your attention(this is different than a needy chick), then things wont pan out.

>user, where did this come from?
Mostly, psychology with a gender perspective. Or in Sup Forums's terms, feminism.
>what about his partner?
What about his partner?
>How does he learn to work through issues with them if he refuses to communicate?
What?! I'm saying precisely the opposite. I'm urging him to communicate.
>And why do you think being unfaithful is ok?
Being unfaithful is dictated by the terms of the relationship. The human psyche can feel love for 10 people at the same time. I can love two persons and that doesn't mean that my life project with one of them needs to crumble. Same goes the other way around. Of course OP won't admit "infidelity" from his partner in his current stage. He has to experiment it first in order to understand the difference between individual needs and what's good for the relationship. Sexual frustration is never good. Not for individuals, and certainly not for their bonds.
>This is borderline sociopathic behavior tbh
Not at all. Sociopathy is trying to exert control and dominance from masculine superiority, which is whst OP is manifesting through his fear. Ask him "If you had a device that could make your GF's sexuality revolve exclusively around you, would you activate it?" He'll probably say yes.

>dont talk to your own partner about the issue
BTW I never said that, but it's an excellent idea. Talking to his partner about the issue is like telling a jury that you feel guilty. It won't make you guilty, but it'll set a precedent that will be very hard to forget.

Remember that relationships are based on trust. If OP doesn't trust himself, he cannot look for that trust in his partner because she is not able to give it to him, since she is the very object on which OP is projecting his distrust.

I advised OP to talk to women in order to find the building blocks of that trust, which lies within his feminine mind that needs to be awakened.

OP here. All interesting stuff guys, and I'd say a lot of that shit I know within myself and try to work. I'm not fucking blue pilled and know that she might be attracted to other guys sometimes, and no I wouldn't press a button that makes her just into me forever and always. I know women like to be flirted with, even if they don't need sex to get gratification. I've cheated myself which is prob partly why I project these insecurities on her. Yeah, slutty friends don't help but she doesn't have a million guy friends no, mostly gay/friendzined dudes. I have female friends and talk to them about my feelings sometimes, but I have also been pretty open to my gf about some of my insecurities. Not sure that was a good move. I realize that I have to stay attractive to other females to an extent to keep her attention and "lust" too, which I do. So still kinda annoyed at my mind for doing this to me, because I am kinda Chad myself, unless that's my ego speaking.

I disagree with your method but I'll agree it is a method.
Now you clarified you didnt intend for him to leave her in the dark it's plausible.
Theres an interesting talking point about psyche and culture though. Sure the human mind can handle it, but has both parties been culturally conditioned to handle that? It's like the age of consent argument somewhat. Sure a 16 year old is physically prepared to mate, but because of western culture its taboo for someone older than 18 to mate with them in general. It's not nature, the physical limitations of body and mind, but the cultural learning that says it's wrong.
If you are suggesting polygamous relationships are healthier for the male psychologically, I could see why from an evolutionary standpoint that it would be supported. More mates, more offspring, genetic survival. It makes me want to do more research on how monogamy became the standard for the west.

>I am kinda Chad myself
That's ego, but that's good ego. Good luck with it man.
It wasnt a bad move to tell her your insecurities. If she abuses the trust that comes with a relationships required open communication, then shes not worth your time.

OP here. Aren't males naturally polygamous and females hypergamous? We wanna fuck as many females as possible (more offspring) for we don't get pregnant. They want multiple babies from the best one guy they can get (not necessarily the one who'll raise them ie. See dual mating hypothesis and cuckholding, not the meme but the actual process). Marriage and monogamy make sense to be enforced by cultures because men fucking women and leaving them pregnant doesn't build strong families/kids and therefore societies. Marriage benefits women.

Thanks man, and no she never shat on me for being a bit of a pussy.

Yes. By evolution men are hardwired to spread their seed. But western culture does not approve polygamy.
Keyword is western culture. There are many cultures where polygamy is the standard. Typically smaller nations who's sustinence is mainly horticulture or pastoralism. It somewhat has to do with a household's need for labor or, as in the case of cultures where 1 woman takes many husbands, make up for losses of men due to war. Polygamy is still practiced by these cultures and they've survived as long as western culture has, sometimes longer.
The truth, in general for both polygamy and monogamy, marriage benefits the wifes family. Typically in most cultures the husbands family has to pay with something of value to the wifes family to approve the union. This strengthens the wifes family while they lose a labor unit in the household.
Western society, built on monogamy, is somewhat the same concept. Since daughters arent seen as just labor anymore, only a symbol of this ancient rite remains, asking the father permission to marry the daughter.

I agree with the cultural impact. I'm not suggesting that polygamy is the answer to OPs problem. Poligamy is a choice, but what comes behind that choice? I don't think it'll be the same if OP goes polygamous one night with a stranger because it's "the Chad thing to do", in which case OPs ego would've been operating in a more culturally biased sense as if OP decides to share an intimate moment with a long time friend. None of those scenarios is more "authentic" and both are satisfying different needs of OPs ego. But the question is which of both polygamous encounters will be more enriching for OPs sexuality in the long term? Which one will fill OPs heart with love, empathy and affection which he can consequently share with his partner? In other words, is it is more important that OP feels like a total Chad or that he feels understood, supported and nurtured? Where ik both places can OP find long-term satisfaction?

Read "The second sex" by Simone de Beauvoir for a full, thorough, accurate and eloquent explanation on that subject. Her intellect is superb and it's a joy to read.

This is why I hate anthropology and psychology/sociology. Theres never one answer. There never will be. The answer is dependent on who you ask:
Anthropology: follow your cultures guidelines, even if they restrict your natural urges. This promotes the good health of the group and helps maintain the cultures survival.
Psychology: these thoughts and emotions are manifestations of inner urges suppressed by both the world and you. You have to work out the cause for the urge, or it wont end. This could even mean a change in environment entirely, just because external societal pressures changed your natural hardwiring. Or you could just not be sleeping enough,getting enough sun, or getting fresh air. Just pretend your a daffodil for a week and see if it gets better
Sociology: I'm not gonna lie, the average of my 3 sociology based classes in college was a solid C-. So I got nothing. I just know they will have a different suggestion
The humanities are wild.
>inb4 these are gross overgeneraluzations.
Yeah. I'm a fucking mechanical engineer who minored in Anthropology. I graduated 12 years ago. Shits gone a wee bit fuzzy

I'm the poster you replied to. I have a master in marine biology, but I turned to humanities precisely because of that multiple-answer approach.
Currently I am adhered to a kind of "existentialism as a humanism" approach, in the sense that culture, psychology, evolution, genetics etc. have a large and heavy impact on our decisions.

But if we look carefully, ultimately we have a very small nook inside our consciousness where our own individual freedom lies.

Sometimes, circumstances give us the option of working our way into that tiny nook and once we get there, we can decide freely. It's not always and some people might never make a single free decision in their lives. It might not even be true, but at least I find that it's worth looking for.

OP here. Lol I never thought I'd create this pretty interesting exchange from my childish fears. The irony being that reading this has taken my mind of my bullshit insecurities for a while. Focusing on my interests such as these topics and generally improving myself are probably partly key to stopping being such a fearful cunt.

I hope it's there. That's something that bothered me about anthropology and sociology. The studies treat humans like a hive mind. It works and makes accurate models, but loses that touch of individuality that makes humans, human.
Psychology addresses it with I'd, ego, and superego; but if seems like the end goal of psychological studies is to make us more similar. With stricter recommendations on what is and isnt antisocial behavior, more people are see psychologists just for being weird.
They are pushing for a uniform population that, from an anthropological perspective, is easier to control since everyone's cultural needs are the same. Kind of makes sense if you see the struggles in America. I live the melting pot, it keeps things fun, but there is no way to make everyone happy. And the byproduct of this can already be seen in our huge prison population and absurd crime rates. Sometimes I worry the Navy was right, and uniformity is the key to cohesiveness.

Absolutely op. That's what a lot of self help books boil down to actually. Small daily improvements. Gives your brain that sweet dopamine when you complete the goal, and small goals are more managable.
This is seen in the elderly, to be morbid for a second. They must constantly be moving towards something, no matter how small. If they stop that progress for too long, it's like their brain just shuts down and they pass away.

>my childish fears
Validating your emotions is a big step towards self improvement. Your fear is important, because it makes you aware. It's the tool through which you will avoid harm and danger. So acknowledge your fear. You just did in a way by sharing it with us, but acknowledge it as a part of you. Work with it and let it tell you what you don't want and what's not good for you. I have childish fears too, we all do.

There's a saying in Spanish "Fear doesn't ride s donkey" meaning that only stupid people are fearless.

Same goes for anger, love, sadness and joy. Get to know them well and how they feel in your body. Once you do, that's when the fun begins.

Sadly, academy - as every human-made association - is an agenda-driven sector, in its internal struggle, some power groups are pushing for what you mention.

I recommend watching the Chomsky-Focault debate and particularly Foucault's work on power structures. It helped me a lot to deal with that particular issue, which was a big let-down for me as a biologist.

On the brighter side, not all of the information produced by academia is rubbish. There are very useful articles on almost every subject. The only big problem is taking the necessary time to assess that their intent is authentic and an even bigger problem, surpassing our own confirmation bias.

Humanities are driven but not in science and engineering. Looks like we chose the safe fields to be individuals in bro.
Why was it a let down for you? You cant skew good science. The work the researchers do where I work does support the national security mission, but when they get numbers that dont agree with what the Uncle Sam Approved Bean Counters want, then the bean counters just have to live with it. Although this could just be because it's part of the weapons complex. So I could see the possibility of corruption above the researchers, probably concerning deadlines and the use of subpar material.
And that bias is a bitch isnt it. Its burned me before. I convinced a system would work in a jury rigged state, even though the numbers my technicians were getting completely disagreed. I made the call to follow through with it, just to get called in at 0100 because it failed

I used to work on coral reef research. Most of it is funded by the Global Environmental Fund which is operated by the world bank. If your work didn't have a climate change-oriented framework, funding would be denied. The climate change agenda was all over the place and it was the key for every scientist in the guild to generate more paid research. It didn't matter if you were doing good science or not. If it had the "climate change agenda" label it got approved.

I worked on a project for mapping and monitoring reefs with multispectral satellite imagery, which had the potential of significantly reducing the cost in fieldwork work hours. It was received with little enthusiasm because scientists want their diving tours paid by the public.