I want to an hero

I want to an hero

I'm 34yo
I have anxiety disorder and depression
So my private life had always been a disaster
I was very successful at my workplace at first for several years
then my condition got worse and I had to quit 3 years ago
and I went back to my mother's basement

I doubt I can be productive at work anymore
And I doubt I can be with a women
I fear I would ruin her life and she deserves better

I have two friends, they are good people
but they do not really understand my condition

Me becoming an hero would be best for everyone
I would leave behind some money I saved
My family/friends would put a better use to it then me

So that's it, I want to an hero
Method: neck on train track, seems fast and reliable

If you don't care, simply don't post and don't waste your time
If you care and want me not to do it, then tell me something that will change my mind, but please w/o bullshit
If you care and want me to stream it, fine, lets just have a little chat and keep this thread alive for a while so I can at least die happy

thanks Sup Forumsros

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Have you sought help for your condition? Or are you just gonna be a huge cunt and give up?

so you literally saying you fear anything and you are to afraid to live, but you arent afraid of ending you?
FAGGOT
Stop lying to people on the Internet and to you and continue on your miserable life.

OP here

I on meds since like 10 years
And last year I attended therapy for 3 months
I'm just tired... I want it to end...

OP here

>so you literally saying you fear anything and you are to afraid to live,
more or less: yes
>but you arent afraid of ending you?
I am. But I want it to end. I'm very tired and it hurts too much.

So what is bothering you more.. Panic attacks or depression? Usually, anxiety is the cause of depression because it makes doing anything difficult

what kind of therapy?

OP here

anxiety towards doing anything with my life, because I may end up worse then I started
panic attacks at workplace (IT) because anxiety disorder and impostor syndrome
depression caused by the two above combined
the other reason for my depression is the state of today's world being turned into uncivilized shithole
so I don't even have energy or will to live here and build this world anymore

>what kind of therapy?
cognitive-behavioral group therapy

''I want to an hero''

Don't. Enjoy your only life.


''I have anxiety disorder and depression''

Go see a psychiatrist, fix your diet, train everyday, find yourself a sport and a passion, meditate 30 minutes a day, take cold showers, try to beat your anxiety by gradually talking to people and doing shit that makes you anxious, consume high in CBD marijuana, consume Tianeptine Sulphate, stand straight, avoid stressful people and stressful things, read books about cognitive behavioral therapy, look up method acting and law of attraction, brainwash yourself into thinking you're a giga chad who's affraid of nothing and who can do anything

''I was very successful at my workplace at first for several years
then my condition got worse and I had to quit 3 years ago
and I went back to my mother's basement''

Congratulations on being competent, sincerely.
I understand that you suffered and couldn't take it anymore. People like you need help, not to be spit on.


''I have two friends, they are good people
but they do not really understand my condition''

It is really hard to understand depression unless you've experienced it or studied it a lot


''Me becoming an hero would be best for everyone''

That's distortion, I am sure your friends and family would miss you, and even if they didn't, you really should try to have fun before even considering that. Maybe go on a trip and do shit that you never dared doing ? Have a little fun ? I heard of a guy in there that told himself he'd do everything he never dared doing and always wanted to do for 1 week before finally offing himself. He had so much fun that he cancelled the plan and got his shit together.

I have general anxiety disorder too and depression among other mental issues, I lost my best and friend I had who I had known for so long in 2018. This year I might do it, method might be inert gas bag or hanging.

are you fat?

Make sure to send pics as well, OP.

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Why I'm asking is because I noticed that whenever I'm not physically active, I get depressed. I got an elliptical at home exactly because of that and I'm forcing myself to do 10000 steps each day. Huge difference in energy levels, and psyche.

Not OP, but you can't compare them. The root of my extreme depression is from something else, panic attacks are miserable as fuck and you feel like shit after them. My depression is I can't get her back, it's not generic "aw man she left" depression either and just got worse until where I am now and I have started self-harming just to distract myself from the missing and the pain. My fucking heart is gone and any moment of joy means nothing to me without her back, I really am at that point after these year that I will kms before this year ends unless she comes back. I know sounds pretty pathetic, but that's who I am and I can't change that even if I wanted to. Been sent to the mad house, hospitalized for injuries and drinking so much I blow 0.458 or some shit and on my deathbed. Last time I was in hospital I was self harming by smashing my head against the door so hard there was blood everywhere.

Same question then. Are you physically active? Do you do any sports?

I do 40 minute walks to the shops and back to get stuff like booze and groceries since I have no car and my bike got stolen. So yes, I'm not physically FIT persay though.

i have the same thing you an op has and i still don't consider offing myself.

i realized that depression, anxiety, pain, happyness,... were just perceptions, they're not fucking objective!

i don't take desisions based on subjective emotions, certenly not killing myself.

worst case, i'll stuff myself with anti-depressant to keep my brain balence in the right place.

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You’re honestly such a little bitch. You’re having petulant temper tantrums over some tramp that left you. Grow the fuck up. If you can’t deal with a break up you should’ve have relationships.

To me it makes no difference, that's your perspective and I'm glad you've got that. Nobody's the same.

Anti-depressants can fuck you up, I've been on them before. As for the anxiety I take valium whenever I have an anxiety attack and it takes about 20 minutes to work.

Oh look, a typical response.

OP here

>''I want to an hero''
>Don't. Enjoy your only life.
I can't. I'm tired of it and I hate it.

>''I have anxiety disorder and depression''
>Go see a psychiatrist
done
>fix your diet
it's ok, apart from candies/cakes that help me "fight" stress and my condition now
>train everyday
I used to
>find yourself a sport and a passion
I used to walk and bike a lot, I have a hobby (programming)
>meditate 30 minutes a day
I do. Shit is only getting worse.
>take cold showers
I do.
>try to beat your anxiety by gradually talking to people and doing shit that makes you anxious
Talking to people is not a problem. Making important decisions is.
And working, because of impostor syndrome.
>consume high in CBD marijuana
illegal here
>consume Tianeptine Sulphate
stand straight
>avoid stressful people and stressful things
avoid work? and life?
>read books about cognitive behavioral therapy
I did
>look up method acting and law of attraction
I did, /x/phile
>brainwash yourself into thinking you're a giga chad who's affraid of nothing and who can do anything
that's impossible

>''I was very successful at my workplace at first for several years
>then my condition got worse and I had to quit 3 years ago
>and I went back to my mother's basement''
>Congratulations on being competent, sincerely.
>I understand that you suffered and couldn't take it anymore. People like you need help, not to be spit on.
Thank you. But I don't want help anymore. I just want this to end.

>''I have two friends, they are good people
>but they do not really understand my condition''
>It is really hard to understand depression unless you've experienced it or studied it a lot
That's right I guess. I do not blame them.

>''Me becoming an hero would be best for everyone''
>That's distortion, I am sure your friends and family would miss you, and even if they didn't,
They would.
>you really should try to have fun before even considering that. Maybe go on a trip and do shit that you never dared doing ? Have a little fun ? I heard of a guy in there that told himself he'd do everything he never dared doing and always wanted to do for 1 week before finally offing himself. He had so much fun that he cancelled the plan and got his shit together.
I was thinking about this. A trip to one of the countries I wanted to visit. But I do not want to waste my money. That's all I have left. And without a job I won't have more. I don't want to be a burden to my family. Now I can at least pay for myself.

for my entire childhood I was fat
then I lost my weight for several years
now since 2 years I gradually eat more and more to "fight" stress and my condition
and now I'm a bit chubby
I would like to lose some weight
I felt better back then

Look ma, im 34 too, 35 this year. I was fucked up by schizophrenia in my prime. Im on my own all the time, have very serious full body psoriasis so I can't even bang a prozzy and I haven't had sex for over 5 years. I had been out of work for over 7 years and managed to get a job last year. I have opportunities to at least get a date with women except because of the psoriasis, i cant.
It's a shitty journey on the road to recovery but that's all we got.
All you can do is keep your spirits up and soldier on. Focus on health, building wealth and strengthen your character.
Maybe go to meditation classes or religious groups.

I’m not surprised you’ve heard it before, anyone would say the same thing seeing that stupid story. You’re either under 25, this was your first real relationship, or it’s been less than a year since you broke up. I had an 8 year relationship end with the person I was going to marry because my mental health fucked it all up and I’d honestly be embarrassed for myself if I behaved like you. You need to sort yourself out, you’re the sort of person who says “I’m ill, I have mental health problems and that’s who I am” and then does NOTHING to improve his life and cries that things don’t change. I’ll say it again, you need to grow up.

go back on training
what do you code?
github?

OP here

>worst case, i'll stuff myself with anti-depressant to keep my brain balence in the right place.
I did it. Took shitloads of meds before going to work. It helped for some time. Then it wasn't enough and I quit.

Im not gonna beg you to not do it. It's your choice. But please don't neck on train track. The driver will feel guilty and could cause mental health issues for him. Also, someones gonna have to clean that up. If you're gonna do it, do it privately where no one will find you.

You have no idea about my life or how my brain works. You're making complete assumptions about me and what I am talking about, you seemed to have missed the point of my post.

OP here

I understand you.

>Anxiety
>Depression
Christ. It's fucking cringe listening to someone say they can't function as a normal adult because of their 'anxiety' and 'depression'. Stop being a fucking pussy. Your life is not that difficult and you have it so much better than a good 90% of the world. Suck it the fuck up you fucking worthless snowflake.

OP here

>Make sure to send pics as well, OP.
ok

>Anti-depressants can fuck you up
fuck you up more then kiiling yourself?

Did you or did you not say your depression is because you can’t get her back? I’ve suffered massively with this and probably understand better than most. I fought back though

>Your life is not that difficult and you have it so much better than a good 90% of the world.
That's true. But you have to stand up to the task to live a "decent" and "productive" life of a typical person around you. You don't want to be worse then them. You don't want to be with a woman that would be better off being with someone else. You can't just live your life at the minimum, even if, as you say, it's not that bad in the 1st world.

>Being upset over one woman
There's millions upon millions of them. Fucking figure it out and get a new one. Jesus Christ you're a fucking pathetic coward.

I was on them, they kind of remove not just your depression but most of your feelings. It's weird to say, like you feel but the feelings are fake.

Yes I did, and maybe you can but a lot of people can't. You're a different person with a different life with different issues. Regardless, my mind is set no matter what advice I've been given. I can't go on existing without her.

Ah so you're one of those people, "just get a new girlfriend." You're shallow as fuck.

OP here () not the guy who lost his gf
I'm just saying that I do not want to disappoint a woman with myself
ruin her life by being with her (in my current condition, no job)
because she could be better off with someone else

>Letting a woman ruin your life and mental health
Why do people do this? I genuinely want to understand how you can self-destruct over one fucking person. They're not unique or special.

OP here

>Ah so you're one of those people, "just get a new girlfriend." You're shallow as fuck.
this
I need someone I could love with all my heart, protect, comfort, cherish above all else.
And I can't afford to have one because I do not have a job now. I won't let her suffer because of me.
I could look for a rich woman, but I would probably feel very bad that she would have to support me. No woman would like this anyway.

CBD is kind of legal, if it's not marijuana then try to find other ways to consume CBD, or you can always find a dealer or go on the deepweb

The time investment. Our lives are on a timer so when you spend a lot of time investing yourself with someone, it's hard to let go. You can't just go back to the past and not spend time on that person. It's not so much the person you've spent the time on because there's plenty more people just like them, it's the fact that you spent some of your fleeting life on that person.

t. spent 3 years in a relationship with a sociopath who was only pretending to love me.

She was an awful human being but it was hard to let go and move on.

>they kind of remove not just your depression but most of your feelings

i'v been on them, i know.

but there are many types of anti-depressants.
most are only meant to be used for short period (high dose) but in some cases for people with an unbalenced brain it is possible to take light doses your whole life.
not enought to kill all your feelings, but enought to get rid of abnormal anxiety.

i know a guy who's been taking them for 30+ years, you couldn't tell by talking with him.
he seems like the regular Joe, work, hang out with friends, have fun...

You’re brick-walling yourself into thinking like that. People are people, we all have the same distress when a relationship ends. You lived before you met her and you can do so without. There’s probably another girl you’ll meet and you’ll fall even harder for her. Every relationship I had thought they were the best I’d met and then each other one was better for decent reasons.

I don’t really care to give advice to an ostrich that refuses to pull their head out of the sand any more than I have done though.

If you’re never going to put any effort in you may as well kill yourself then because you’re right, nothing will ever change.

Hello user! I am a locomotive engineer by profession and I would kindly like to ask you to fuck off. If you are going to kys do it like a man. Dont go out like a bitch. For once in your life be a man. Cause if you jump under my train I will personally skullfuck your dead corpse. Have a good day!

OP here

you won't even notice me:
- track curve where trains slow down
- cargo train
- neck on track between car's wheels
you will just continue like nothing happened
someone else will report this later

Do it then, don’t hang around here putting it off and asking for help like a pussy, go now.

rob a bank for a shit ton of money if you survive that go live a good life if not kys g luck null chummer the world is full of shit learn to swim

I'm not asking for help
I just want one last chat with Sup Forumsros

Well they all think you’re a pussy judging from this thread so get on with it

May I know how you got depression?

stream it or your a NIGGER

His girlfriend broke up with him. Literal joke

You always see it or hear it. If you dont stop you will be in a fucking interrogation about what happened, why didnt you notice it, what were you doing because you didnt notice it and so on.

Where do you live? I want to check the news sites and am looking forward to this