Please someone fucking tell me how I can fix this. I haven't shit in 3 days...

Please someone fucking tell me how I can fix this. I haven't shit in 3 days. There's something in my anus(it isn't a dildo) that's stuck there. All I've managed to do is painfully squirt out liquid shit around the blockage with great difficulty. How do I get it out? Please anons I beg you tell me how. I've just spent the last 45 minutes on the toilet trying to push it out. As a 6"2' man who's /fit/ and goes to the gym regularly I left that toilet sad, in pain and sweaty as all hell, I couldn't push it out. What do I do?

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How does it feel when you shit? And were does it hurt when you walk and shit?

Garden hose up the anus, blast it out. You welcome OP

Ur shit probably got stuck sideways, unfortunately for you that means you’re going to have to look up do “digital” which means taking a digit (a finger) and shoving it up ur ass to get the poop loose.
My mom’s a nurse and had to do it for seniors who have poor sphincter control.

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Go to the doctor, stupid. You think a bunch of unwashed pedos and 12-year-olds know how to solve your GI problem?

It hurts at the waist right in the center, when I curl up it's slightly better. It doesn't really feel like much when I force out stuff around the blockage, just a lot of effort and takes a long time

Would a shower hose not be better user?

Take an enema, if that doesn't help, put on a glove (plastic glove) and stick your finger into your asshole to grease it up and break it up

Yeah definitely sounds like ur shit is just stuck sideways. Get some rubber gloves and dig it out. Good luck.

Unironically thinking something like this on a smaller scale to break it up into manageable sizes

Ok user I trust you but how can something as mushy as shit get stuck sideways?

what's in your ass dawg?

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Hardware store, find this bad boy & push it in all the way and rip that thang out = profit

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Lay off the fucking fiber you /fit/ retard

just take a laxative or drink some senna leaf tea and see if that moves it a bit. Otherwise you're going to need to go in there and dig it out.

withdrawal from narcotics or Kratom?

Could I make a homemade enema? I'm not going into the local pharmacy where I know the cute nurse working the counter and buying it

Does it hurt when you fart and shit?
And do you feel sick after waking up and puked some times?

Hernia, feel/finger belly for a knot

Relax, once you get "THE PLUG" out the rest will be easy.

as long as you have a thin, solid plastic straw that you can stick into your ass and squirt water through then you're game I think

Classic case of the Devil turning a man into a homosexual. Resist your anal urges, user, and pray to the Lord for forgiveness.

Seriously, some lube, gloves and up the bum.
Any hospital is quite well trained in that. In eurofag language we literally call stuff like that shit stones. Mechanical blockade.
And there's nothing to help you until you get it out, you will just feel worse and worse

Hardened shit probably. I've always chewed chewing gum all the time and shallowed it, never been a problem for me before

I don't have a high fiber intake, and I haven't changed my diet in over a year

Fuck a little black boy, it’ll change your luck

Haven't done drugs since a party I went to in November. What's kratom?

Blast it with piss

I'm in my 20s, and have never done gay shit with my ass. Aren't hernias a thing that happens with age usually like arthritis?

Get an anal douche and flush that shit out

>What's kratom?
It’s a narcotic mimic but that’s not important noew.
>fuck a little black boy, it’ll change your luck

No it feels slightly relived when I fart and after I manage to shit a small amount

get some magnesium citrate "citroma" user. guaranteed to get it all out.

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You can have a muscle weakness anywhere around your belly faggot

>a narcotic mimic

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Tumor user, it finally grew large enough to be felt, RIP

Not going to hospital for this if I don't have to so gloves and lube it is

Drink 3 large Gatorades and eat a bag of ginger snap cookies. Not even kidding. Also activia yogurt

kek
my good

you really haven't learnt a single thing about PUA I'm assuming. this is actually the perfect excuse to go an approach the cute nurse. It means you'll be spending a relatively long time in private, as I'm assuming fishing those fucking shit nuggets out of your ass will obviously be at least a 3/4 hour endeavor. Relax, be confident, make small talk and remember, ask her questions about her life wants during the whole procedure so you endear yourself to her. Most important of all: NEVER break eye contact, as a strong, confident deep stare into her eyes will show her the confiden alpha male you are, especially when she has her hand up your ass. It's the epitome of the power move.

Also a cup of coffee and a warm bath or swimming will help.

Anal douche..
Can order online or get it in a sex shop.
You can do an enema at home.

Cheese. It half a brick and dance for 15 minutes. That’s the best

*eat

Oh fuck no god if it's this. I have a benign brain tumor in the frontal lobe and two removed in my chest

Post results

muh dick

The closest sex shop is in a city. Where I live condoms/other sex stuff have only been legal for ~25 years so there aren't many dedicated sex shops

ER gonna treat u for impaction, xtra hard shit. First they try magnesium sulfate aka epsom salt & wait about 1hr then probe around with fingers n shit before busting out the bbq tongs. Good luck OP

Bro, hope it's NOT narcotic related but it kinda sounds like that. Trust me dude, if you go to the ER, they WILL clean you out, modesty be damned. You are forewarned.

I'm you are sure something is stuck up their then you need to go to a hospital. You probably should have already gone. The bill is only going to be bigger the longer you wait.

This is the most powerful move I've ever seen user thank you for blessing my eyes with this. I've been able to smooth talk for years but only have I been truly buff alpha for 6 months, my power level isn't high enough. I'd fuck it up I know I would

Where I live public healthcare for this typa thing bill doesn't matter. For surgery though I went private healthcare because with the waiting list I would've died of cancer before getting the first appointment

If you go to the doctor or hospital they send a plastic “snek” (attached to a drill basically) and run it up your ass. Yeah it’s messy (and embarrassing) but not much pain in comparison to being “stopped up”.
Good luck

Well then grab a balloon or something more sturdier and a straw/ tube or thin hose. Then you fill the balloon/ bag with water and seal it to the tube. Now you put the tube in your ass and squeeze the balloon so the water gets up your shitter..
Get creative bro

That’s only good if narcotics are involved

And then post results

Why do you think so?

>Why do you think so?
t. reads ‘Popular Science’ faggot

Well what does popular science say then?

>Well what does popular science say then?
Your mom likes my cum

Ok I have magnesium tablets, cheese and coffee. In the morning I'll go buy 3 Gatorades, activia yogurt and I'll try find those ginger snap cookies (never heard of them). I'll consume all that and run up and down the hallway like a retard, more intense the better. then when I feel it I'll hold out as long as I can hold it in and then pray for the sheer explosive diarrhea will clear it.

dude stop saying narcotic. weed is technically a narcotic. it's OPIATES and OPIOIDS that make you constipated. not "narcotic"

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Good plan sir but don’t forget the tequila and ‘Exlax’ combo

>weed
>narcotic
Get gud nigger

Opioids. Is THAT better?

Yeah and if that doesn‘t work you‘re really fucked.

Eat your fiber faggot

I have this metal straw it's somewhere in my drawers. This is the only pic I could find of it. Would it work do you think?

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Kys

Libertas Summum Bonum

The gatorades, ginger snap cookies (lots of powdered ginger in them - mad laxitive) and the coffee will certainly help. Cheese will plug you up.

Nub
Sharpen that fucker, you got hard shit in front of you errr behind you I mean

Stool Softener + Lots of Water.

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I guess. You just have to find something to fill with water and press it up your ass. As i said like a balloon or something like that.

>cheese will plug you up
Nigger, it’s a fact that butter and cheese come from animal fats. Fats are greasy. Get on my level pleb

Your constipated. Go buy some laxatives and follow the instructions.

I passed the longest widest shit of my life after being constipated for a few days. Hurt like I was giving birth. Now I drink 1 or 2 cups of coffee in the morning to stay regular.

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I remember watching a kliksphilip video where he heard a rumor that sugar free haribo gummies were lethal laxities and ate an intire big bag of them. In short it was true and he was basically shitting liquid for hours and hours on end. Having maybe 20 minutes between each shit. I might do this too?

go to the fucking hospital

Fuck if I know but if you fuck a little black boy, it’ll change your luck

I have a tin of powdered ginger. Should I just take spoons of that?

Better to die like a man

I think it should be alright. If I sharpen it and get too vigorous with the task of breaking it up I might accidentally cut the inside of my anus. From what I've heard that's a whole lot fucking worse

what’s your thought on fucking a little black boy? Change your luck or naaa

That would actually work. I would put it with some honey or shake it up in water. It won’t dissolve but the powder will be difficult to eat alone.

Never done serious opioids. A bunch of products have weak opioids in them so fuck if I know but I've never taken the concentrated drug

Ok good plan

Eat a peach

Yeah please don’t sharpen it.
But post results.

in all serious user. medic here. if this is not from inserting something yourself, and this developed on its own, get to the hospital. the pushing and trying to pass this on your own can lead to ruptured veins, in the intestines and rectum this can get very serious. do not feel ashamed at all and get yourself to the hospital, at this point you can not pass this on your own. days or weeks ago you may have had a chance to correct this, if you now have blockage its too late. if this does not pass you will get worse. septic is a serious issue. good luck user.

Just BUY laxatives!
Do not jury-rig your own, you will just fuck up your digestive system even more than it is now.

Why the fuck are you wasting time, just stop by ANY pharmacy or grocery store and buy some laxatives.

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So here's the current menu

>magnesium tables and water
>cheese
>coffee
>3 Gatorades
>activia yogurt
>spoons of powdered ginger with water and honey
>run like a retard until I can feel it

My wife had the same problem for a couple weeks. Doctor sent her for a colonoscopy and they found a softball-sized tumor in her sigmoid colon. Stage 3 colon cancer. They removed it and resectioned her colon. She’s fine now. This was like 11 years ago.

You crazy faggots, just eat fruit OP

If you stick your finger up your ass can you feel hard shit or not?

I'll try to do it myself tomorrow but if that fails I'll go to hospital then

This sounds like a good plan, what could possibly go wrong?

Hard shit

C‘mon Sup Forums we can free this anons asshole

Colonoscopy pics with timestamp or GTFO