I think I got HIV the other day :(

I think I got HIV the other day :(

2019 was rough..... rough like every other year. No gf, wagie job, sleepless nights wondering why nobody likes me even if I try to be nice. Hard to remember the last time I didn't cry in bed before falling asleep, 12? 13 maybe?
Life's going no where no matter what I try. Can't make it through college, not good enough to keep an ok job and to stressed out and depressed to stick with a minimum wage job.everything and everyone keeps moving forward but I have to experience the same groundhog day everyday.

The last few years have been so self destructive I don't even understand why.its like im fighting for my life against my self. Everyday it gets worse and worse been experimenting with drugs the last few months and I dont even have an addictive personality. I stop for weeks at a time with no withdrawl side effects and always come back wether through boredom or just wanting to hang out with somebody even if they are a druggy who happens to be poisoning me.

Does anybody want to talk? The loneliness is heavy the last couple days I don't know how ling I can bare it, I think he was defiantly Poz even tho he denied it I feel so Isolated right now and can't find out if I ruined my life for another 3 months

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>Does anybody want to talk?

there always is somebody willing to user

how did the spiral start?

go get a hobby. seriously.

Im here to talk ,user. Anything in you wanna talk about?

Since you are experimenting with drugs, I assume you think you got HIV via a shared needle?
Try smoking your heroin or take pills instead. I hear the medical stuff feels better anyway.

user, I'll tell you one thing right now. I've been through this shit as well, except for HIV and all that stuff. Whats your kik, son? We'll have a talk

Been awful as long as I can remember but the last 2-3 months have been particularly bad.
I started failing school and eventually had to withdraw for the third fucking time after working so hard all year and summer to make sure I could afford and go to school all for nothing. Started using grindr to find weed and the occasional fem twink hookup but Ive been taking meth the last couple months ever few weeks or so. It made me feel good and made it easy to find people who wantes to be sexual with me for hours and hours (sometimes days ) which is something I never had the only human intimacy I have is the occasional guy on grindr who doesnt mind me being ugly but the Meth made it so I could experience somebodys company for days..... and we would see each other more then once. It was like the closest thing to a relationship I ever had even tho I know how horrible and self destructive it was I kept going back even after telling my self to stop after every time

>Started using grindr to find weed and the occasional fem twink hookup
Aaaand no sympathy.

Just join the military they'll fix you youre to far gone sucked Mama's tits to long

Anything, i just want out of my own head right now.
Noo no needles or opiates, its Crystal meth and I smoke it (or snort it if im by myself) the HIV in question is because some creep that I stupidly let bareback me when I was very twacked the other day
Let me download and make a kik one sec user thank you.

I understand Op, Do you play vidyas?

aaaaaaaaaaaand why is that? I dont need your sympathy thanks anyways tho user.
Would take me all year to get to the fitness level to qualify for the military and that's assuming I don't HIV since they wouldn't let me in with it anyways
Moms been gone for a long time, wish I could talk to her still :'(
used to love vidya's when i was younger but lately I can never enjoy them. Sometimes i just play them out of boredom and wonder where my day went and why i spent it playing something that actively annoys me/ makes me more depressed when im not getting any enjoyment out of it

HIV is really not an issue anymore. Almost no one gets to the point of AIDS and the medication has much less severe side effects. Just gotta use a condom for now on.

Check yourself into a psych ward if in the US or some non-nigger country. I know how ya feel OP, been there with the self-destructive decisions and impulsiveness. Psych ward is kinda like another escape from life instead of using drugs. Go get help, take a break from school, focus on feeling better. Keep trying to work since it'll keep you busy but isn't as stressful as college.

It'll take a long ass time but you'll feel better over time as long as you keep making improvements.

Thats sucks bro, I have schizoaffective disorder and vidya is my only escape. I smoke weed regularly but nothing takes me out of my own head like a good game. Do you have anything you enjoy doing as a hobby?

>be a meth-smoking faggot
>why is life so rough waaaaaah

Kill yourself. Fucking kill yourself. You're a disgusting, repulsive, sickening piece of shit. You are worth nothing and never will be. Kill yourself.

Lol most people take adderall or ritalin in college, meth is a pretty similar chemical compound. Pretty obvious you are underage, careful with that edge bud.

that's the thing user, hookups are just short term

gotta make a serious change now user. time to break through the wall, keep punching, even when your fists are a mush, hit it with yer fuckin head if ya have to

I wish I had more to say to ya, but I can't user, I wish you all the best lad

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Don't listen to this guy!
Keep trying op, that's what I'm gonna do!
No matter what obstacles are thrown at me!

Hey OP I haven't been exactly where you are but I can relate. Been through tough times too.
Does your school have a psychiatric center? Mind had one connected to the clinic. It got me help so I could get through the worst of it.
What helped me most was making a list of things to do every week. And my list had everything shopping, showering, home work assignments, everything. And I would mark of things as I got them done. So even when I didn't have the emotional where with all to plan my next step I could still keep moving in the right direction, and you feel a little better when you mark something as done.

kik is
hello4chanfren
Its just one mmore thing on top of the pile, I dont want to have to go through all the, feel that way. basically have any hope of a future relationship crushed. have to tell my doctor what happened let alone my family. id rather it just kill me quickly and get it over with.
used to be a big escape for me aswell, i wish i could still enjoy it. I smoke weed also but Im too broke to afford it. could really use some right now but no money. thats a big reason i started to do some drugs off of grindr actually easy for a poor fag like me to take something and forget about life for a day or week. ive tried a few different hobbies but nothing sticks.
only started smoking recently after my life was already at its peak for roughness.
hilarious and original tho kid enjoy your (you)

F.

whats the psych ward like ? im in Canada. I dont know if i could do it. the shame of my family knowing im in a psych ward would be soul crushing.
they are short term but there all I had. I just wanted to experience some emotion with some one else and its so difficult to do that. im going to try and get better but its not looking so great right now, thank you for your kind wards user.
thank you user.
yes it does, for the first time in my life i started seeing a counciler (who i no longer see because i had to drop out of school) as well as seeing a psychiatrist and taking an anti depressant for the first time in my life. I started anti depressants almost two months ago and I dont feel very different and the last two months have been some of the worst (as mentioned above) to top it off.
maybe i should try making a list thank you.

I can agree with you, no matter how far you fall you always have a route back up and sometimes that route could be cloudy. Drugs and sex may seem to be the route back yet it only makes your issues worse and make the journey back harder, godspeed user!

What kind of a loser edge lord kicks people while they're down? Get a mirror and take a good hard look, you're an ass.
Good luck living life as yourself.

I'm on antidepressants too. Don't get discouraged if the first one didn't work. They never do, we don't have a good way of testing for how your depressed chemically speaking. Docs usually have to try a few different prescriptions and different doses; but when they find the right one it makes all the difference. Hang in there buddy. I know it can be rough trying a new medication for two or three weeks just to find it didn't work but it's worth it in the end. You mood and attitude just turn around and everything is easier after that.
Go back to your psychiatrist and ask for a referral. Tell them you've dropped out but you still need help. They will help you find another clinic.

thanks user, dont worry about them I wont. I was expecting more making a thread like this on Sup Forums but there are alot of nice people in this thread so far including you. thanks alot man.
hope to have this feel

Im taking Venlafaxine the medication and the doctors say told me it could take up to 6 weeks to start feeling the drugs work and they increased my dosage after the first two weeks.I was hoping it would start working around this time but I still feel the same. I want the medication to work so badly, even if it makes me a zombie, even it it only makes me 20% better. I just want to be able to deal with my life. Getting up in the morning is a battle every single day and it has been for as long as i can remember.

I had an hiv scare too,it was a horrible time and I was planning on killing myself
How much time ago did you had sex with that guy? Most hiv tests have a window period of 3 month,symptoms usually appear 1 to 2 week after infection
He cummed inside of you? Not trying to scare you or anything but the fact that he fucked you raw and uses meth is a very bad red flag,but remember hiv is very hard to catch,so even if he cummed inside of you is not 100% sure that he infected you,did this happened less than 2 days ago? PEP is a medication that you take if you suspect an hiv infection,but i think it only works within 72hrs after the exposure

Sure thing buddy, I have totally been there, and you deserve better.
As for people being nice I've always found it hard to ask for help, but wherever I've found the cottage people have always surprised me. Hang in there.

PEP INFO
cdc.gov/hiv/basics/pep.html

*Courage*

Did you go to the health department for PEP? I would recommend PREP as well.

it will be 72 hours in about 7 hours, i think i missed the window for the most part. I was pretty depressed and not thinking very clearly the last 48 hrs in bed after coming down and feeling sad and scared about the fact he came in side me.yeah i know its a red flag thats why im almost certain he has HIV he was very weird acting and said he got accused of giving someone HIV before but wouldn't tell me he had it. when i asked him about it afterwards he blocked me.
so pretty much i think im dead is why I feel pretty horrible right now. I dont know what to do what to feel what to say. I just want to jump off a building right now so i dont have to deal with anything anymore, If i have to feel this way for 3 months waiting to get a test done I fear that i might just do that.
again thank you user sending love your way.

Noo i missed the window for the most part (72 hrs mark will be at 5am which is 6 hours away.) and i dont think i can afford PREP, if i don't have HIV I hope i never have sex again without a condom.

I understand. Six weeks is a long time but it's sounds like you're on the right track.
Trouble getting up in the morning to have the day is a classic symptom of depression.
I also found it very helpful to start thinking of depression as separate from me. As in I'm a person who happens to be depressed right now rather than a depressed person. I keep a list of common symptoms of depression and note when I'm experiencing them.
It helps my doc know how in dealing but it also helps prevent me from dwelling/spiraling on things.

Something like 6:15am couldn't imagine how I could face the day, clear symptom of lack of motivation.

There's a way you could take PEP before the 72hrs? If I were you I would at least try to find a way to take it,you still have
some time,I really hope you are not infected user but please at least do a research in your area

It also has the added benefit of giving you a small doable task. One step at a time. One step at a time.

tldr dumbass newfag

haha faggot

I think ive been depressed for a very long time, I dont remember what it was like to not feel depressed. I should of seen a doctor in high school. I spend way to much time dwelling on everything, I wish i could just turn my brain off sometimes and relax..... probaly where the drugs come in.
by the time i got to the hospital another hours gone, by the time i get threw emerge and sort through all the stuff at the hospital to get the perscription for prep probaly another 3 hours and then i have to go to a pharmacy and get it....... I want to but i think its to far gone to be effective now, even the info for PEP says every hour counts and by the time i get my hands on it and can take it the 72 hour mark will be here. I hope to god im not infected I wish I could go back and re do over that night. Im so fucking stupid some times.

Do give the list a try. Keep in mind that's it's ok of everything doesn't get done or marked off. The point is to plan in advance and to track your progress. Not to stress over every task. Good luck fren!

maybe you should stop doing drugs and getting fucked by faggots and study and try to pass in college. seriously that whole “woe is me” bullshit isnt gonna work on anyone, and youre only hurting yourself

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Fuck I'm really sorry to hear that :((
I totally understand your feeling of wanting to go back in time,it's awful and horrible being in a situation like this,I really REALLY hope you are not infected ,I'm gonna pray for you tonight user
Let's hope you are ok,and also there are some hiv test that detect the virus early than 3 month so you don't have to wait that much,took a look on Google because I don't really remember very well about that

okayy user thank you.
those both came after i failed out of college. thanks anyways.

I know what you mean. It took me years to get the help I needed but when I finally reached out and got help it made all the difference. It took me six months to find a drug that worked and I've had a couple years of therapy but I've turned my life around. I'm happy now, wish I'd started looking for help 25 years ago. It's never too late.

OP got hiv through shared needles and PnP. You did this to youreself. R.I.P.

Sorry I'm typing on my phone. Didn't mean to tag the edge Lord idiots

there is ways to detect it earlyer but they could show negative even if your positive so you have to test again after 3 months to be sure.
thank you user, i hope i can get on the right path soon and all of this will be behind me.
no needles involved.

>1 in 70
unless he was just recently infected which would mean its over a 1 in 3 chance that I could have HIV .......AND THERES NO FUCKING WAY TO KNOW FOR 3 MONTHS
I am so terrified right now :(

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Hey op I hope you're ok and get a clean bill of health. But keep in mind hiv and depression are manageable.
What you need is help and a good support group. Find a clinic and request help on both fronts. Then take it one day at a time.
Keep reminding yourself, things might not be easy but they are doable.
You'll be ok. Chin up friend.

>find a clinic
what kind of clinic? How do i find a good support group? I don't have any friends and i'm not very close to any family members.

Not him but maybe an std clinic? Some std clinics also offer psychological help,good luck fren

I'm not sure how the healthcare system works in Canada but Google your closest hospital they should have a hotline and connections/referral services. You'll need to ask for both medical and psychological referrals.
As for a support group you'll need to start making connections and friends. Start volunteering. Homeless shelters and soup kitchens are a good option there's also environmental clean up 'clean Rivers', adopt a highway and habits for humanity. As for friends consider group meetups like game night at your local comic shop.

Don't know about the clinic but the best way to find a friend is to be a friend. Invite people or for stuff as friends. As in get a hobby and invite others to tag along.

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