I'm an airport security screener. Ask me anything

I'm an airport security screener. Ask me anything.
>inb4
>I do not work for the TSA
>I do not work in the USA

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has your job made you racist yet

Do you get a little stubby hard on making people take their shoes off when there's really no good reason for them to?

Could I wear a chastity cage through one and be fine? Or would they see it and I’d get searched

Obvious question:

Drugs.
Are you looking for them when searching people? How to get them past security?

In a certain way, yes. But it's not what you might think. It's just that you see how different people from different countries have different kind of behavior and do different kind of things, but are very similar in between people from the same country. It's not the kind of racism where "niggers suck" or things like that.
Absolutely not. It's the exact opposite thing. If I can make you go through with your shoes on, it's better for me. I don't have to argue and say the exact same thing over and over. If you have to get them off, it bothers me because I have to tell you that you have to get your shoes off, point at the couch and say that you can sit there, say where you can find the one-time use plastic socks and that you have to put your shoes into the x-ray machine.
It will be detected. And it won't be fun, I assure you.

No, we don't work with drugs. The security checks you go through when flying are just to search for forbidden objects, like knives, guns, screwdrivers and explosives. We do not work with drugs, we do not have any machine that can detect drugs and we are not trained to find or recognize drugs. Technically, if we find drugs, we can let you by without any consequence, because it's not our job. In reality, if I find you with a small amount of weed, I'm not going to bother, but if I find a pack full of cocaine or something like that, I am going to call customs.
How to get the through? Mostly, luck. As far as I know, there is no good method. You can get busted with all of them, it's just a matter of luck.

Answer honestly. Do you really believe that what you do makes flights safer?

how are you?

How often are dildos, vibratorsd and sex toys?

Let's just say that it'm more of a deterrent. If you want to slip something through, you will do it. There is no security check that will stop everything.
I'm fine. A bit bored, but fine, thanks. How it's your day going?
In hand baggages, about 1-2 per week. In hold baggages, about 1-2 per day.

Why I can't bring my own water on planes?

How many stewardess/week do you fikki fikki.

Also, are you the spic, the nigger or the angry he/she troll?

It's a long story. I'm extremely simplifying. Back in 2006, there was a plan to blow up many British Airways planes mid-flight, using liquid explosives. From that point on, you can't bring container that aree bigger than 100ml containing liquids, gels or gases. The main problem is that checking these things takes quite a while and it wouldn't be feasible to do it in reasonable times for all the people.
It's not like a week. And not a lot of stewardess. Many of the woman I did fikki fikki with were either colleagues or airport workers. Not many stewardess, we don't have a lot of time to hang around with them. When you're young there are a lot of opportunity for getting laid in the airport.
I don't understand what you're saying.

Whats the biggest dick you've fondled while "searching for explosives"?

You’re not USA and you’re not Europe then. In what shithole do you work I wonder

As if there are no explosives in plastic form in 2020 that couldn’t to the damage as a liquid bottle. Please. 100ml of plastic can be even more potent than a bottle of water. Plus you can get a water bottle from the airport, who says that’s safe if there are inside men.

What can I do to get things to be non-detected by the x-ray machine which scans my luggage if I wanted to sneak things on?

Don’t sneak by civilized.

Wow it's easy to spot an Amerifat

What's the best part of your job and what is the most shit part?

About as long as the carry-on bag. It was quite big.
Who said I don't work in Europe? I'm not saying I do, and I'm not saying I don't.
Everything you see inside an airport has been screened. Every single thing. The water you buy from the duty free, the tiles you walk on, the light bulbs, the toilets, the toilet paper, the soap. If it's after the security check, has been screened. Yes, even cars, buses, and every single thing you see on a plane. So the water you buy doesn't contain explosives. And, as I said, it's not like you can't do anything, you can find your way trough if you really want to. It's just that the possibility of doing damage is reduced to a minimum. A 100 ml of explosive will do much less damage than 2 liters of it.
Depends on what you want to sneak.

glad i dont fly anywhere, those commercial airlines are like airborne cattle cars

The shittiest part is the contact with the public and making them do specific things in a specific way. The flow of people is about 1200 per hour. So, even if 0.1% of those people are dumb fucks, (and the percentage is much higher than that) it means you encounter about 1-2 dumb people per hour. In reality it's more one every 5 minutes. It really does get on your nerves. Oh, and also the smells. Some people don't wash at all, and when you ask to take off their shoes the smell hits you right in the nose. No matter how many years you've worked there, the smells will be something you won't adapt at all.

Do Pelican cases and other gear cases get treated with extra care, or are they just thrown around like everything else? Does stickers like "fragile" really do something?

>It's the smell
Agent Smith.jpg

Younger me would say that the best part is the opportunities to have sex. Many workers in the airport are more than willing to have a night of fun with someone, both younger and older ones. The fact that there are many hotties really makes it good. Also, it seems that being in security is something that gives you a boost when trying to hook up with airport worker, never understood why.
Older me would say the pay and the benefits, especially if related to the hours worked. Also, in the airport, you are treated very well, nobody wants to be the one that argues with the security, so many little perks make this job even better.
Every single transport company works with airborne cattle cars. They want to save as much as they can.

Usually, I don't trow bags. I only do it if you're a major asshole with me. The best thing is to let other people touch your bag as little as possible, that's why we say to push your stuff indie the x-ray machine. If you do it, you will probably do it with care, if I do it, I just want to get those bags out of my way, and won't be as gentle as you. Doesn't mean I will kick them, though.
The sticker doesn't do anything, especially for the handlers. They have very little time and very little personnel to load/unload a whole plane full of bags. They don't even have the time to look at the stickers, let alone to treat the bags gently. Bare in mind that we are talking about hold luggage, because for carry on bags you are the only one that will handle the bag except for security check, if you let us push your bags.

Do you work for the TSA in the US?

You're evidently not in canada because they have swabs if they suspect drug smuggling or explosives.

I was randomly selected and came back positive for smokeless powder and corrosive primers.

They took me into secondary and questioned the ever living fuck out of me. Apparently being a sport shooter wasnt good enough.

Fair. Yeah, I was only talking about the hold luggage.

Nor any other first world country swab testers are the standard now

depends, i've seen plenty national-only terminals with no swab testers at security, simply because there is no point in smuggling drugs on a domestic flight in europe (car is way easier)

They probably have a different department doing that. That's also how it works where I work. It makes absolutely no sense having both the drugs check and the security check at the same time, it would just slow everything down by a lot. Also, there are swabs for both explosives and drugs and, since the machine are the exact same, at least externally, you wouldn't be able to notice the difference.
Also, 100% of passenger does the security check, while only a really small percentage does the drugs check. And the way it works it's really different, both in what we look at the X-Ray image and how we choose people for the check. In the security department it's really really rare to pick a passenger for further checks, in the drugs one is really really common, since it goes more on feeling than anything else.

What is it that's looked for to check for further scans/scans by you? Pretty sure I've been profiled before, always get picked up for optional scans.

FYI I do drugs overseas only, so I don't want to get my blood/piss taken. I check ALL my belongings/luggage fastidiously for any drugs I may have forgotten/secreted/trace amounts. Basically how do I avoid getting picked up at all?

Well, there are two kind of additional scan. One, the most common, it's a truly random additional check. There is a percentage of passenger that must be subject to additional scan, and the passenger is picked by the metal detector when he walks trough, basically it gives a special alarm and we know that the passenger is the random pick for the additional check.
The second one, is when we pick the passenger. It's a really rare occasion, about 5 a year. It's when we notice something strage, like their behavior or a weird bulge in their clothes or in the way they move. In that case we do all possible checks and turn him and his bags inside out.
The customs doesn't care if you do drugs. They don't give a single fuck. They just want to know if you have any drugs on you. The traces of drugs are impossible to get rid of, just time will do it.

Thanks user, just that once I got picked out by the drug enforcement boys at the exit (any shit to declare?) for a scan and questions. I'd just gotten back from an euro-tour to boot.

Addendum, drug enforcement boys for sure cuz first time I'd seen people literally with my country's drug enforcement agency's name on their vests, scanning people and picking them out. I'd always heard rumors, but first time I experienced it.

Yeah, basically they are customs agents specialized in drugs. They also look for excessive quantities of money or not declared goods, like tobacco or alcohol.
Some of them work right behind us, and it's not rare that we chit chat with them during boring moments.

I travel a lot for work, internal European flights, so at times I go through the same security check multiple times a week. I started recognizing some of the frequent screeners.

Do you recognize the frequent flyers? Any "relationship" or different approach developed?

How do they profile?

Yeah I learnt not to forget about undeclared tobacco after that one time I got fined for having a bunch in my bag.

>>
Is the classic search methods good enough to find any non-metal contraband hidden inside vaginas or assholes?

You get to see pretty girls titties and finger pussies working that job?

Has anyone shat in your hand when you were searching their ass?

What's your favourite liquid screening equipment to use? Cobalt or Nuctech?

best way of smuggling little amount of drugs through any airport (Brussels, London Gatwick, Frankfurt, Amsterdam) is by carefully pack your shit hermetically and shove it into a shampoo bottle. Did this many times, my luggage has even been searched, but they'll never find it there

Won't the scan pick up the "wtv isn't liquid" inside the bottle?

Forgot to mention, you have to put it in your checked luggage, not carry-on

Yeah, you can see a frequent flyer a mile away. Usually well dressed, tie and jacket, small carry on bag, sometimes just a briefcase. Ha arrives at the checks with his laptop and coat in his hands. It's good when they already know what to do, but any interaction with them usually it's a pain in the ass. They are total assholes. And god forbid if they have to do something that in other airports isn't required. They start a long rant on how we are abusing our power and we just picked him because we are racists and just want to annoy him and how he pays our salary. With some of them we actually had to call the police officer and they had to escort them out.
Usually the different approach consists in not saying anything. If you remind them something, like taking off their belt or their laptops they will look at you and say "Yeah, I know" in the "I'm not a dumb fuck, you asshole" tone.

OP, how come my Swiss knife I had completely forgotten in my backpack wasn't even detected? I mean, went to Ecuador from Europe through Amsterdam and back, found the knife (TBH, it was a relatively small one) deep inside a pocket.

I happened to "smuggle" drugs by mistake, twice. Wasn't aware of it till much later, so I guess the best trick is looking as natural as possible.

First time was flying from an EU airport to London after a whole night bender with friends. Went directly to airport and didn't realize I had a few buds in my pocket till I arrived in my hotel.

Second time, flying back from Amsterdam(!) to an EU airport. Thought I was carrying my rolling tobacco but turned out I mistakenly took the bag with the ground down weed in.

Yeah, I'm one of those who gets to the check with a small carry bag at most, ready with my liquids bagged and out, laptop, etc.
I hate those oblivious Asian tourists starting to sort everything in line just as much as you do.

But I meant more towards your own airport, do you happen to remember the same people passing through multiple times?
There's a few security screeners in my him airport that do.
I swear that one makes a thing out of forcing my to take off my watch just so he can check it out (I have a bug collection, wearing something different every time, which he once commented), and another one remembers a certain pair of shoes I have that always beeps and goes "I hope you wore sneakers this time!" Every time I approach.

It's a small-medium airport with a separate queue for fasttrack with only one lane though, so possibly easier to remember repeated passengers.

I don't really know. I can tell you that certain flights are more targeted than others and many drugs finding are done either with dogs or intelligence findings. But some behavior is suspect, like having no bags or staying for just a couple of days after having done a transcontinental flight.
Absolutely not. If you have something non metallic in your butthole we will never find out. But, since we don't work with drugs and our screening aren't made to find drugs, it's not something that we really worry about.
Seeing titties, yes, a lot. Finger pussy, well, not during work.
Never searched anyone's ass.
We don't use either of them. We use Ceia's one.
Depends on how big the knife was. Some airports don't throw away Swiss knives, others do. Also, it depends on the person at the X-Ray and how the knife was positioned in the bag.

There is a limit on the blade size that you are allowed to take on board. A good screener will know what size the knife is by comparing it to other items in the bag on the image and will let it go without a search since they know its within limits. Or you just had a shit screener who didn't see it.

"niggers suck" would be racial prejudges. racism is just recognizing the differences.
Propaganda and buzwording has changed the tru meaning of the word

Funny stories, maybe OP will acknowledge but body language never lies...when I came back from Ecuador, got searched right inside the passenger boarding bridge, in AMS and in GVA. First time it ever happened to me.

>another one remembers a certain pair of shoes I have that always beeps

>always beeps

You sir are a dumb fuck.

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What about bullets? How often do you get former armyfags, hunters etc that forgot bullets in their bags?
I once had a ONE SINGLE bullet tucked in the lining of my carry-on through some small hole and completely unreachable, damn what a scene that shit caused.

Oh OK, thanks

I have worked in both small and big airports. In the bigger airport we were about 2000 people working for security alone. So, no, there is no way that I would remember someone while working there, even if it flew every single day. Maybe only after a lot of years. In the smaller airport, yeah, I do recognize some frequent flyers. There is one asian dude that's like a 7th dan belt that travels every weekend. He is super chill and we usually let him slip a bottle of water through or something for his nephews and grandchildren. There is another guy that I hate, because it always has to brag about what he has done in his previous travels. Mainly fucking girls. And he would go on for over 1 hour, talking about how good was fucking this girl and how every girl wanted to fuck him in a 30 mile radius and how he met all sort of VIP during his travel, if we didn't stop him. Also, there is a retired couple that every weekend goes to her daughter.

I once had 3 US Marines flying back home from an exchange program with the military in the country I work in, and one of them had 3 live 7.62 rifle rounds in his bag and a combat knife. He had travelled from the States with them by mistake and he wasn't even stopped on the way out of the US.

Hey OP, is that you?
youtube.com/watch?v=5Td_Ce1fiL0

The limit is 6 cm. A Swiss knife is right on the limit. That's why sometimes they take it and sometimes they don't.
We had a police officer that tried to go through with a gun. And bullets. He thought that we would let him through just because he showed the badge. Not to say, we were not amused, nor the airport police, especially when he said that he was carrying it because, in case someone wanted to hijack the plane, he could take him down with the gun. He got fucked so hard I doubt he will ever forget. Other times we had people with bullets saying that they were "presents for the children".
I don't know why, but they all think that if they ask, then somehow it's ok to bring anything trough.
Not me, but some of my colleagues are like this.

Kek I got my military issued SOG multi-tool almost dumped once, had to spend 20 bucks renting a box and re-doing the checks to keep it.

Usually we try to throw away as little as possible. We always ask if the passenger wants to go back and send the bag as a hold baggage, or if he has someone outside that accompanied him there so that he can leave whatever thing you can't bring in to him. Especially if we are talking food, it's suck a waste to trow away so much good food.

>bullets saying that they were "presents for the children
>Bullets are presents for the children

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You don't believe how much shit we do hear because they try to keep whatever they can't bring. Some excuses are just hilariously bad.

Sorry, meant so say "can't believe", not "don't believe".

Yep, I didn't have the other options so they suggested I rent a box and get it when I got back.

You were lucky. That's a service that we don't provide. You either give it to someone else or we throw it away.

Yep, I've been forced to dump stuff in plenty other airports. Same service isn't even provided in other terminals of the same airport.