Sup Forums I got a drug test tomorrow, urine, and I smoked last yesterday...

Sup Forums I got a drug test tomorrow, urine, and I smoked last yesterday. Does any anons know any sure fire way to pass the test? Its for THC

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bump pls b

use someone else's piss and hope they don't watch you pee.

stop smoking and get your shit together

Im probably gonna be watched so any fake pee is pretty much out of the question. Im seeing if anyone knows any detox drinks or I hear about Certo working but Id like some first had experience stories

The only way, metabolites will be in your body for weeks to months.

Use a liquid called Certo Follow directions will pass test liver will be mildly fucked

Work out like crazy and sweat like a rapist for HOURS. It attaches to ypur fat cells;sweat out fat and it'll shed with it.

You're fucked, have fun with your extended probation.

Drink lots of water till your piss is straight water then take B12 pills. Itll color your piss so itll look natural. When your taking the test dont piss right into the cup try to catch it mid stream.

That's not how it works. It's not like metabolics which need until 2 months to leave the body can leave the body in a night. Otherwise the body would do it since they are toxines for it.

> ITT is there a way to pass an test for drugs when I took drugs without cheating

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Weed is legal, what the fuck are they gonna do about it?

This. I have used the over the counter products at smoke shops to pass probation tests before. All the old dogs inside told me to load up on creatine/testosterone boosters too. Passed 2 this way as some faggot stared at my cock, good luck op.

there's literally no way for you to pass using your own urine.
how the fuck are they gonna watch you? that has to be against the law in some way.
the only way to pass is to just buy/get clean urine and sneak it in there faggot

You ever heard of creatinine? It's not like these drug labors are fucking retards. Everyone else already tried it. They will just say that the test was tried to cheat and is invalid and OP can piss again in a week.

Buy detox drinks from a smoke shop. They exist in Australia.

Well they caught me trying to use fake pee before because the temp wasnt right, so now they watch me everytime

So do you recommend the certo or the detox drinks? I bought a detox called "The Stuff" but I hear certo works better so I just wanna know which to do tomorrow

drug test for what?

pee a bit and use the middle of the pee stream for the bottle. works for my friends dad when hes on probation. the dude smokes every day and passes lmao. or just drink a shit ton of water.

>Well they caught me trying to use fake pee before because the temp wasnt right, so now they watch me everytime
hahahaha oh my god
fucking retard, you are 100% going to fail that shit

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Just tell them your are ill faggot. Then go to doctor get prescribed I'll for 1-2 weeks and don't smoke in that time and drink a lot of detox tea in that time and then hope its clear.

Wait is this for a court?
Because if this is for a job I don't even know what to say

'Tis funni

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Indeed a job

I'm going to say this nicely. You are fucked. There is no getting around a drug test, at least not in the time you have. If you had one two weeks from now... maybe. But you will not pass. Doesn't matter what you try to do, what chemicals you use to "detoxify"... nothing will work. They know all the tricks and if it comes back fishy, they'll just make you do it again. If they watch you piss, your only hope is that you have a friend who is a qualified medical professional who can cath you and completely drain your bladder and put a clean sample back into your bladder. They would need to do this like five minutes before the test too. And by doing so, you risk severe infection from having someone else's piss inside you. (In spite of popular belief, urine is not sterile) And the best part, it will only give you about a 50/50 chance of passing.

If this is for a job... go look for another one.

Drink lots of water from now and until the drug test. Exercise too.

I've passed smoking 2 nights before drug test.

the urine test singles out home pot use in the last 40 days with a cutoff of 50ng/ml over opiate use in the last 6 hours with a cutoff of 3000ng/ml.
grow up and either switch to pain pills or be abstinent from social recreational drugs if you value a job young thug

that’s the point. it buys you time until your piss is actually clean.

Oil change. Before the test put a catheter in your urethra to drain your urine. Take clean urine and funnel it back up the catheter. If you piss within the hour and take your sample mid stream you can pass anything.

go to puriclean dot com and look for puriclean instant max cleanser. then call local headshops/vape shops if they have it and follow the directions. it absolutely works. I passed a piss test after smoking pretty solid for the entire week

Hide clean piss in your mouth and dribble it into the cup.

no job is worth that. at least no job that requires a drug test is worth that

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Fake pee out of a hollowed out fake dick.
Also stop smoking so much pot you fuckin addict
>B-but pot isn't addictive!
And look at you just needing to smoke it when you know you shouldn't have anyway

Ummmmm
This

Play dumb and act like maybe you inhaled second-hand smoke at a party while you were drunk.

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Keep smoking and tell them to lick your butthole

This!

No you didn't. Or you got lucky.

Walk up in the building with a joint in your mouth, and tell them to lick your butthole

When I was in the air Force we had a girl try to say she used hemp lotion in her vagina to explain a failed drug test.

>last yesterday

Why would it be against the law to watch someone piss into a cup to ensure they don’t cheat and use fake piss, retard?

Stop smoking last yesterday you high ass nig. Now I’m gonna go take a top shelf dab and laugh at your life beta cuck fagnugget

This is probably your best chance. Unless you want to go the catheter route..

I'd even skip the B12 since the color of your piss is like Mountain Dew and a bit suspicious. However regular multivitamins have this same effect. Just drink a ton of water before the test, piss at least a few times beforehand. The test will come back "diluted" but you can tell them you were concerned about being able to piss while someone is watching so you drank a lot of water to be sure. Very plausible.

Now if you're not actually watched while pissing, then just sneak in someone else's clean piss in a small container. Warm it beforehand and keep it in your taint and the temperature will stay within range.

I've passed tests using both of the above methods..

You should be fine. Now if you had smoked yesterday, thatd be scary, but if it was last yesterday then you should be set

try praying, god might just be on ur side this time.

>you
Yes, as in the last time he smoked was yesterday. Fucking retard.

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This could work

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Even if you're a regular user you will likely piss clean within 3 days of stopping. You can confirm with a test yourself at home

Kill yourself. It’s the only surefire way

Grow up and stop smoking weed.

It's worked every single time someone has tried it.

>be OP
>"got a drug test tomorrow and I smoked..."
>"when was the last time I smoked?" Asked himself
>"oh that's right!" He said, brilliantly
>"I smoked the day before today, but what day was it before today? Maybe it's the before BEFORE today, but, what is time, but a mind construct upon which we lay our gentle minds, the one where we let the seed of fiction and reality melt and fuse as not one, but two different yet held together beings that hold our life that us precious to us, together."
>OP sighed
>"People know" he said, hopefully
>"They know enough to not care, so I trust thee to understand me in my time of need"
>and he wrote, patiently and gracefully, the words that will be held on forever on time: "l a s t y e s t e r d a y"
>He clicked "Post" as time was on his side, and nothing he could ever do would make it go away, but rather, hold him closer and closer until at his last moments, he'd have to face that urine test and get fucked right off for being a junkie
>This, is OP's legacy

Hahahah

But then you don’t get to smoke weed, user

Inb4 loser, I’m happily married with 2 kids, own my house, and have $60k in my checking acct rn

you better drink a gallon of water an hour and take laxatives if you want any chance of passing

Drink water to the point that you're a fucking human faucet

Your body will be excreting THC metabolites like normal but hopefully it will be watered down enough. Like seriously, a fucking faucet

Take B12 to make the pee yellow.

In the off chance that they do a creatinine test on the pee to chemically test if it's watered down (see if u just took B12) take a bunch of creatine. It will break down into creatinine and make it look like undiluted piss in the lab.

not keeping your fake pee between ur ballsack and thigh to keep it at internal body temp is a pretty noob mistake

I have too. But also never smoke so I guess I had a very small amount in my body.

came here to post this
> last yesterday
> infinity loop

pee is stored in the balls

Don't take the test and report them for molesting you during work. Also leave the job.

Finally, someone with some sense

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then switch to something safer like pain pills
see

hey OP. I'm on probation for 4 years so I can help a brother out
in order to do it legitimately:
1. drink a shitton of water
1a. worst case scenario, they say the sample is too diluted to tell if there's any drugs in your system (iirc they check for microparticles in the piss to see if you've smoked anything)
2. they will always be watching you if its for probation or a criminal charge. if you're applying for a job, this may not be the case and they'll let you have some privacy. I dont know for sure though
3. inform them that you have some really heavy anxiety or some shit, and pissing in front of a person makes you really uncomfortable because of that. that's what I said to the guy that has to watch me piss for my probation officer, because it's true lol
but if you plan to do #3 just dont encourage others to do the same, you could throw people with actual anxiety about shit like that under the rug

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When I went to the marines, the dude took me to the super market to buy a package of plain gelatin. Put the packet in a gallon of water, drink the entire gallon... dont be a pussy.

Next morning, before pee test? drink another full gallon of water with another gelatin packet (powdered k faggot).

I peed clean with trace amounts. said idk i was at a concert but i didnt smoke wtf u want from me?

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