Hello Anonymous

Hello Anonymous.
I've been stuck in this detectives office all day, looking for PI to help get me off for a crime I didn't commit, but you don't know the half of it.

The crime: bland food
The victim: anons taste buds
The sentence: Gordon Ramsey getting angry on twitter

But you and I, we're going to change all that.
Welcome to Cooking with Dorothy.
Join me or you are a louse, Anonymous.

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Today we're making a quick meal, clean cut, not dirty at all.
It only takes 15 minutes because that's all the time you've got in this fast paced world of ours.

And it's chicken. I love chicken.

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*eagerly waits for scraps*

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Might be a bit spicy for a dog, but that's life, right?
You can't always get what you want.

Here's what you'll need. It's straight forward enough. Clean and easy. If only more things in life were the same way.

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First step, cube the chicken.

Cut into the flesh with reverence for the beast that gave it; the next dead body might be your own in this town.

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I'm really digging this noir aesthetic

I'm glad to hear it. At least someone is.

Next we need a little olive oil.
Just enough to give it some flavor and line the pan, so it doesn't stain like the wet work has stained your soul.

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Hey, Alice. I love you.

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She has no face left. She's begging to god to spare her family from the hands of the killer of her family. Meanwhile, Mandingo has a big BBC!

It's Dorothy tonight.

Throw some salt and pepper on the chicken, toss it a bit to get it nice and evenly coated.
Put as much salt on as you like.
We're not going to live long enough for it to come back to haunt us anyway.

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This is the cringiest shit I've ever seen. This is about 6-7 levels below asmr waifufagging. It's worse than mlp.

Glad to hear it. Makes me proud I made you cringe so hard, you HAD to post about it.

Next we mix the other ingredients together into a sauce.
Be sure to get all the lumps out.
Don't contemplate how much it looks like blood.
Stop it.

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I was afraid I missed you.


Who the fuck needs directions to sprinkle honey and garlic on chicken?

Anonymous. You'd be surprised at what they need to be told to do.

You'd be surprised, friend.
You'd be surprised at what Anonymous is incapable of.
I sure was, long ago.

Next, we brown the chicken. Carefully cook it on a stove top until it is brown.
Don't leave the gas on.

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What's your favorite noir film?

Big O.

Cute pointing.

I haven't been here for about 5 years but the cringe shit on Sup Forums used to actually be fun too, not just some fugly attention whore waving with her face covered. Also, you'd already be doxed and your tit pics would be passed around like the trashy dishrag you are.

Hows Kansas this time of year

I've been doing this for 9 years. It's pretty clear you are new here. That's alright. We were all new once. I envy you.

Next we mix in the sauce.
It looks like inkblots as I stir it, but the readings are all wrong, distorted shapes and phantasmal screams.
I wish I could forget her.

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New faggot spotted

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2015. What a time. If only I had known then what I know now. If only.

Finally, we cook the chicken to 165F to ensure it's good to eat.
Life is precious in this world; don't waste the chickens life by refusing to cook adequately. Calories are movement, movement is survival.

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Alright. It's done.
Success is fleeting, but I don't mind it one bit.

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>Life is precious in this world

Nah. There's a lot of it, actually. It's not a precious resource.

not even close to true

thanks for the recipe, alice!

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Pepsi not coke this time?

It's me, Ted Bear!

Food is carbohydrates! Carbohydrates means energy, energy means movement, and movement means survival!

Sorry, I had to, your sentence reminded me of that old Cyanide and Happiness short.

Thanks for the recipe!

Lookin' good.

Of course.


I'm glad you got the reference.
Just for that, you can see the meal first.

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Glad to hear it.

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See ya next time, Big D.

Right back at you. I'll be streaming pokemon soon, if you want to join me.

I know Alice is a sweetheart, but damn. Dorothy just gives me the vibes of "I'll haunt your soul for an eternity user" and that just resonates with me.

I mean, who wouldn't want someone haunting your soul for the next eternity?

I could watch some Pokemon.

i just graduated college and got a job across the country. it's only been few months but i'm worried that i don't know how to make new friends.
the people i hung out with back home I'd known from high school, or met at college, or indirectly from parties with the other friends.
now i'm starting over and i don't know what the fuck people do here, or where to meet people other than who i work with.

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Glad to hear it.

I see. That sounds rough.

You are a louse, Anonymous.

I'm sorry. :/ Can you forgive me?

Nothing to forgive.

Dorothy is less affectionate than Alice. Don't get thrown off by it.

Don't call me Shirley

why doesn't this one stutter

i can't cum to this

Don't call me Nathan

You got it, Door-thee.

Fucking newfag. Alice has been cooking for poor anons like me for years. Fuck off. It isn't all raids and pranks. Sometimes we like a nice thread with a home cooked meal. Go jump off a bridge, do a flip, belly flop, and gave a trap fish eat your left testicle.

Love you girl. Thanks for the grub.

I don't have time for one. Not in this life.

dr just told me i have Complex regional pain syndrome AND a borken leg

Sounds awful. But you'll get through this.

I'll be playing Pokemon here, if you want to join

If not, have the best night you can, Anonymous.

my internet it too shity for twitch

i may be up to a year before i can walk agin

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May I see a picture of your dog, please?

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i heard you were diagnosed with ligma recently

that is a pre existing condition

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So you can fantasize about killing it?

why would anyone do that, wth

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nano is cute!

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you would because you derive sexual pleasure from harming animals now get the fuck out of alices thread

i want to pet the pupe "who is a good dogo"

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more tits

who is nano da?

this isn't even her thread

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go away

yes it is idiot

I believe her dog was called something to begin with N
is cute anyway

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but she doesn't have a twitch link...

ah okay do you have a pic?

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yes that is alices twitch

im ok with that

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i wish i had a short lispy asian gf like alice

even though she smells a little funny and her parents are mean i'd still treat her nicely.

I dont save pics of peoples dogs frien
plus uh
why are you so keen on seeing her dog anyway
is this the white women meme but actual
bark for me~

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puella puella puella puella puella puella puella puella puella puella puella

am i a good boy?

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You fucks need to learn how to make chicken saltimbocca. It's fucking delicious you don't even know

i Rove u, i know i just met you but i Rove u

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good dog, nya~
wtf is a saltimbocca

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so make your own cooking thread and teach anonymous

>be doxed
ask me how i know just how fucking new you are faggot

only time alice gets doxxed is when she doxxes herself

you seem nice
or drunk

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Saltimbocca is fucking spanish and it means "Jumps in your mouth" It's more or less good meat wrapped in ham.
nah, i'm not cute. Can't make /ck/ threads if you're not cute, that's the rule.

this is Sup Forums

boos stoped working for me
i dont think i can get drunk if i tryed

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your typing seems a lil off friem

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The rule still stands.

no it doesnt
everything belongs on Sup Forums

Wait no it's italian, sorry.

idiot. that is a man.

thats a woman

very clearly not

i have been strugleing with dislesua all my life
dyslexia there it is

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Fine fucker. Next time I'm making chicken saltimbocca you're invited.

do it loser

this called "normal life that everyone experiences". you're not describing anything out of the ordinary. as you get older your pool of close friends typically decreases significantly. you just get used to it or eventually you get so angry you go on a shooting spree and livestream it.

or you are just sad and lonely lmao

>"normal life that everyone experiences"
ya no i dont have that

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sure you do
dont you remember penis inspection day

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