ITT: We write Colbert's monologue
>Alright, alright. Thank you all. Thank's for coming It's good to see you.
>The crowd's applause slowly simmers. The band plays a funky tune.
>The music stops. The crowd stops clapping.
>It looks like were's still alive under Trump
>The crowd are in tears of laughter.
>The band are doing cartwheels
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DRUM.......PF
BRUMFTLE
>So...uh...you see...LAST WEEK
so
I know we all hate Colbert now, but can we appreciate the days when he had balls?
Nigger.
...
DRNODL RTMUP
He's not that funny though
Anybody who talks shit about this board doesn't understand good taste.
DIMPLE
DRZIMPFP
SO... JUJJ W. BOOZH
DDODNDADLDDD
DTRDTRUPUP
Did someone say DHFSKDLD PDORPF
DONALD
DRNOFS
DONDLD
DMTGMJ
DRBPFS
DONAK
DRUNOFg
GG
JUFK H
So... *farts loudly* Don- *phhtt* -al- *brrppttptptptt* -d
*TRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPHTPHTHPPPPPPPPTFFFFFPF*
*feces is visible on the floor*
*audience applauds*
>my gender isn't the only thing on the spectrum if you know what I mean
DIIINNARLD DRIPTFTH
DKLE UPHER
>audience on the edge of their seat, some begin preemptively passing out from excitement
>colbert smirks
>so....Trump this week, I mean...really?
>at once - a cacophony of shrieks and laughter of immeasurable magnitude erupts from the crowd
>colbert chuckles to himself and then points at the camera
>i mean c'mon people - im looking at you, white males
>all the women in the audience immediately begin twerking on the one black guy in the bleachers until the vibrations begin superheating his body to neutron star level temperatures
>the camera zooms in on colberts face
>seriously, do you not realize what year it is?
>the tidal forces resulting from the combination of applause, laughter, and tribal dancing starts to alter the very fabric of time itself
>colberts face begins to bend and contort until it loses any resemblance to its original figure
>the universe as we know it rips and vanishes into sheer darkness, leaving only one cardboard sign from the audience floating indefinitely within the endless abyss
>"it was her turn"
D O G N A L D R
F F T R U K M P T
>tfw no redpilled jewess gf
kill me now lads
SOOG TROMPK
D I G O L D
I
G
O
L
D
F R U P T H P D U M
T U D O M P T H S T
U M P R T A L T P F
R U M P T H F D A O
Q D U F G V U M F T
P R F T U I M T F P D
R̴̛̤͍͗̄̐͐̚͘E̸̲̥̰͎̰̮̓̒̆̽̆̍͊͒̚̕͠͠Ţ̸̺̗͈̻̭͉͓͚̾͌͌̇̈́̒̇̿̔̄̀̉͝͝Ọ̸̫̲̗̫̝̥͓̣̦̅̋̍̍̿̽̌̎̀̔̀́̂̕͘ͅŅ̸̡͕̻̯͓̙̼̝͓͒̽̄̔̾̅͐̓̔̈́̽͑̀̒̓Ḑ̸̛̥͉͚͈̲͚͉̒̊̆̿͒͑͋̀̚̚L̴̳̰̥͔̠̲̎Ḓ̴̛̠̱̰̟̥̱̲̹̪͐̆̉ ̸͖̌ͅF̶͖͍̤̍͗͠͝Ų̴̛̘̰̯̩͚̖̜͓̞̆̈́͆͋F̸̡̢̢͕̱̮̰͎̞̯͈̩̱̝̭̿͐͆̾̆̃̊͝T̸̛̤͖̹̥̳͚̣̮̩̖̺͋̓̈́̎̋̑͛̑̽͐͜͠͠͝U̷͓͕͍͖̲̣͓̬̾͛͛͂͑͑̈̄̽̐͜͜͠P̶͎̈́̒̌̽͆͌̽̎̈́̎̚ͅU̸̹̟̞͍͚̍̑̈̈́͝T̶̡͇̩̘̺̱̱̐̈́͋͒ͅF̶̛̛̩͖̬̈́̀̉̀̀̄̇̈̄̀̑͘͝
...
GONDALDS GOMFT
purty gud one I must admit
...
Not enough screaming
...
!EID WON !FPMURD, SEMAG RUOY FO HGUONE DAH EVAH I
Needs a laugh track
This, it's needs to be autistic rage tier screaming that gets more and more incoherent as it goes on
Had its moments but I'm sad you ignored as a far would have been perfect.
In all seriousness, the left is going to keep pushing and pushing all around the world and it will result in the rise of the most dangerous far right demagogue in fucking history. It's most likely going to happen in the American south or France, but we're going to see the rise of the next literally Hitler. Their "drumpf is a facist" jokes won't be so funny when a right wing death squad slaughters an entire refugee camp in a day. They're playing with Fire here.
with the audio quality dropping gradually
>DUNALD *pterodactyl noises*
>So...uh..BLWERUMPFFF
SO....
DONALD ZLORMPF
Fuck the haters, Colbertposting is fucking hilarious and I don't know why.
BAWN?
DONALD
It's going to be a southern militia that grows, gets well armed, and probably will start by destroying a minority neighborhood. What happens there will be history, either more people join their cause, or the military squashes them immediately. I am in the camp of "a legit race war is literally about to start" all it'll take is an organized killing of a minority by an actual right wing death squad and shit will hit the fan afterwards.
especially when he farts/shits
FUCK GURNEY SHRIMPT
AND FUCK WHITE PEOPLE
>"Alex Jones shouldn't be allowed to see his children"
>*audience dies in a fit of laughter*
FUCK GLOMP AND FUCK CRAB PEOPLE
Some Eastern European white nationalist group is going to do something like suicide bomb a refugee camp and their leader is going to proclaim themselves as the next Hitler or something.
...
did he actually say that?
what a massive piece of shit
underrated post
>White people, stop having kids.
IMPEACH DONALD... *Gets up and starts kicking his desk while screaming at the top of his lungs*
a literal nazi party has like 15% of the vote in greece
Imagine if Greece becomes the bastion of white supremacy. Wait, they're in the middle of a huge economic crisis right? Oh shit.
>I suppose you've all heard what DIBALD TUMSP has done this week. I mean, seriously?
>A shock wave explodes from the audience destroying the entire studio
>starts tapping his desk with his palms and whispering something
>the audience leans in straining
>he starts hitting his desk harder saying DRAWBALD
>the audience starts clapping in synch
>he starts pounding his fists on his desk yelling PRAPFLOLD
>the audience is cheering and whooping
>HE JUMPS ON HIS DESK SCREAMING QUORMPH
>THE AUDIENCES EXCITEMENT REACHES FEVER PITCH AS APPENDAGES BURST FROM THEIR CHESTS AS THEY PICK UP PITCHFORKS AND TORCHES AND BEGIN SPEAKING IN TONGUES
kek
I watched almost every episode of The Colbert Report for about 9 years straight.
I refuse to believe this shit. I'm just not watching his show. I still believe, unlike Jon Oliver and Jon Stewart, that deep in his heart he doesn't agree with this stuff and he is a good natured conservative Christian man who knows he is doing evil.
Does anyone have the clip from Colbert that started the colbertposting?
yeah they're taking the brunt of the refugees flooding into europe for their free ride.
FUMP
WONALD
TUMP
I feel bad for you dude. His quality dropped so far. Report was legitimately funny every once and a while. Either he's not good doing anything else but that character or his writers were the only reason he was funny.
do you guys mean donald trump? the president?
>So...
>*Raises Eyebrows*
>*Audience giggling*
>Drumpf...
>*Audience Howls and claps*
>I mean, really?
>*Audience starts seizing, multiple fights break out*
>*Colbert gets on his desk and rips off his shirt*
>DUANLD TRUUUUUUUUUNP
>*Audience is completely rioting, they're attacking and cannibalizing the TV crew*
>AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
>*Colbert's eyes become red, a huge storm kicks up outside*
>IMPEACH BONALSD GRUMP!!
>*Wings sprout from the audience members, they begin chanting in Latin*
>DAAAANAHLD
>*Colbert sheds his skin, a 10 foot demon is now standing in his place*
>BLUMPF
>*The world descends into chaos, mass murders, rapes, and cannibalizations sprout up*
>GLOMAND MUMP IS A FAVICST
>*Trump, laughing hysterically, but crying profusely opens the nuclear football and demands that all nukes be set off*
>*DC iS wiped off the map*
>*Trump is literally BTFO*
more like donald drumpf
...
Colbert is a horseman of the apocalypse
i dont get it. its spelled trump
KLORPFSTEINS BTFO! BACK TO GHURPFWEENIE!
IMPREAVH FONALD ZRUNPF
DORNUNGANDR TWISTS AND TURNS
MIGHTY IN HIS WRATH
THE EYES
ARE FULL OF PRIMAL HATE
...
Change demon into lovecraftian monster and it's pure kino
Sooooooooooooooooo..... *trails off*
ᴰᵒᶰᵃᶫᵈ ᵀʳᵘᵐᵖ
Audience spontaneously combusts
>tfw no mulatto big tits conservative gf
just kill me
I want to see this animated
>all these butthurt trumpeteers