ITT: things that exist only in movies/tv

This shit kept me from shaving when I was a kid, because I thought it would look like pic related. Now I laugh every time I see some show trying to act like it's normal business when you cut during shaving.

Name me one other time you have seen this besides Jumanji.

you have to be a retard to cut yourself with a regular razor
only happened to me once in 10 years of shaving

That one simpsons episode when Homer teaches Bart to shave

your razor probably isn't 5 years old like mine, check your privilege

I use those cheap "disposable" razors for 3-4 months.

two and a half man, that shitshow where the nanny lives with some girl, pretty much every movie/tv show where kid has to teach himself to shave.

>character walks in carrying a brown paper bag with a baguette and some vegetables sticking out the top

...

King of Queens, when Carrie's hot sister is distracting Doug while shaving.

A shit ton of Two and a Half man episodes

How?

I change my razor once every two weeks, sometimes weekly if the missus uses mine for her legs

most people have normal testosterone levels and can't do that

>Incident happens
>Drops entire package of groceries.

>tfw I'm the only person in this thread who remembers Home Alone

You rich or something?

There's a country in Europe where they actually eat baguettes all the time

kek, owned
If this isn't a joke, buy a new razor, you cheap fuck.

75k a year in Australia isn't rich but i can still afford a 4 pack of new shaving heads a month

>user realizes he is posting on a board full of children

how do i avoid cutting myself while shaving

i mean i'm no pro shaver but i've done it a fair few times and it's very common for me to end up with a cut

i don't feel like i'm doing it like a complete retard without any care or grace, i try to be careful but it just ends up happening

>Speaking on the phone
>They hang up without saying goodbye

why did this happen? I used my old man's aftershave even before I needed to shave and this never happened.

do americans have normal aftershave?

...

Wagecucks have no time to shave properly. They have to wake up at 5:30AM and then wade 2 hours through traffic to get to their cuck shed. So they shave quickly and cut themselves. It's ok, the boss doesn't care.

>cops sit in cop car
>call comes in over the radio
>throw all the food out the window

Is that the same country where they eat nigger dicks all the time?

>person is fat/hungry
>shovels food into their mouth as fast as they can, barely chewing, talking with their mouthful

You don't lose decades of ingrained table manners in order to eat slightly faster and all the fat people I know are self conscious as fuck around regular people.

You are well above the average income

>table manners

This is Amerisharts we're talking about here.

I always assumed this happened when people used traditional safety razors and not the disposable multi blade shit everyone uses these days. I don't think i've ever cut myself in a decade of shaving.

america isn't in europe

>cocks gun to threaten someone
No need to do so before firing

>Explosion flings guy away without collapsing his lungs and smashing his ear drums

coincidentally
yes
yes it is

>racks already loaded shotgun to appear menacing
>it doesn't eject a shell

Some/most of these may be obvious

Try using a thicker shaving foam or switching to gel.

Don't press as hard.

Make sure you're gurning in order to stretch/flatten the area your shaving.

Never shave with a dry razor and try using a type you can unclog just but holding it under a tap

Don't save against the hair

If you feel the razor 'sticking' your're doing something wrong or the razor is blunt.

I never really cut myself when I shaved, but I changed the cartridge as soon as I needed to. It was fucking insanely expensive and I realized I was falling for the titanium jew and that's when I bought an electric shaver for $20 and never looked back. Don't cuck yourself with clean shaven boy faces and $25 packs of cartridges that last maybe 3 months.

That's every country in Europe

>high explosive
>creates a room filling fireball

>don't shave against the hair

i've heard this before, how do you know what the right direction to shave in is? just common sense?

how shave butt

It is if you shave with a real razor and are a retard with terrible technique or your name is Michael J. Fox.

Cartridge razors are garbage unless you are some kind of estrogen riddled faggot.

>not having a shavingbro to help you out

>tfw i only have to shave every 3-4 days
>girls always say how jelly they are of my hairless arms

>just common sense?
If you mean guesswork, of course not. You run your finger along the hair. Run your finger down, and then up. What direction do you feel resistance from the hair? It helps if the hair is short so it'll stick up and bristle your fingers.
Alternatively you can just look at the direction it is growing in the mirror. A lot of men actually map out how their facial hair grows so they know which directions to shave where; it's called Grain Mapping.

you don't want to do that user, friction is gonna ruin your life and your ass skin

Why would a girl want to have hairless arms?

proper close shave will result in a burn from aftershave splashes that contain alcohol

if you have good technique or a shit shave it doesn't happen

>expert driver driving a souped up car
>you know he's a great driver and driving full speed because it shows him shifting up gears

I don't think I've ever seen someone using paddles instead of a gear stick.

I cut my throat once by accident when using a friends disposable razor.
That was a freakout moment.

t. 18yo hipster

Across the road?

is this pepe silvia

the grinch you motherfucker, watch some fucking movies cunt

>Person running late to work
> needs to make coffee
> shovels insta coffee mix cream and sugar in their mout and then starts percolating the mixture in their head

Do americans really do this?

because kevin didn't shave
he just used the aftershave cream

>character sneezes
>"gesundheit"
no one does this

Old Jews do, which is why you see it in movies.

>all condoms used mysteriously disappear after sex, along with their contents

Yeah but how much does he spend on home defense against giant man-eating spiders?

Did they pick it up in the concentration camps?
Thats literally german.

>dumb frogposter posting his fantasy again
wew

Because it's nowhere near as cool looking.
Plus when you drive a stick you feel like you're becoming an extension of the car.
Not that movies know how to drive a stick that has people shifting beyond the top gear in some magic overdrive gear that doesnt exist.

Didn't this originate from the aids epidemic and everyone suddenly terrified of blood?

Yeah.

Yids, user.

Then man the fuck up and get a single-blade bic.
Change it after each shave.

>go a few days without shaving
>have a really close shave
>spend 2 hours running my hands around my face, amazed at how smooth it is

this faggot got BTFO

Except that's exactly what happens without a styptic pencil.

Gee it's like European Jews spoke a Germanic language.

The Fairy Oddparents Channel Chasers movie when they parodied Blues Clues

It's not super uncommon to nick yourself from time to time.
Don't use tissue though. Just use a dab of vasoline or neosporin to stop the bleeding.

My father does that every single time. I can't count the number of times I was left wondering if he was still there, talking to no one.

the opening of Dexter

I've started lifting again at the local Y and have been showering there. Now I'm trying to figure out how to get a close shave without doing it right after a hot shower. I tried a warm wet cloth for several minutes but it was nothing like a shower to soften facial hair.

Why doesn't your phone make a beep when someone hangs up you stupid fucking bastard?

I just shave with a beard trimmer without a guard on it. Sexy as fuck 5 o'clock sgadow all day every day.
Get a straight shave at the barber shop once a month. Shit is so cash.

I usually just use an electric razor so I haven't cut myself since I was a teenager.

Yes my grandfather worked on the oven at the concentration camp.
They would line them up and punch them in the stomach, and they were expected to say "Gesundheit"
Those who didn't were gassed.
Now whenever a Jew has a stomach contraction (like when they sneeze) they reflexively say "Gesundheit"
cool history lesson huh?

He's right though. That's why wageslaves usually switch to electric with expensive replacement blades.

Why would a straight dude own vaseline??

Calm the fuck down. You are being cringy as fuck.

For when your trappy friend comes over and you have to do totally straight things to him.
It's not gay if balls don't touch.

user you get a closer shave by rinsing with cold water. It tightens up your skin and your facial hair will stand out more.

To fap and fix shave cuts with, obviously.

Bullshit.

>user you get a closer shave by rinsing with cold water.

user dont use petroleum based lube ever.

>using anything
Maybe once every 20 times I shave I get a bit of blood out, but by the time I'm done shaving it's stopped. What's wrong with "men"?

>tfw I use an electric shaver
>everyone I tell acts like I'm a freak for using it
It's just faster :(

the delicious black cawks go in the baguettes
its called a parisian hot dog

You do. What do you think warm water does? It opens up your pores and makes your skin looser.

...

genetically women are snakes

the secret they DON'T WANT YOU to know!

>be me
>shave cheeks and neck with a safety razor, good close shave, no issues
>if I even think about using it on my lips/chin region I'm 100% going to get spots

what's my fucking deal? I just want to scrape hair off my face like everyone else, I want a chance to live.

Why do you know so much about shaving user

I can't shave my face.
It's not that i cut myself, it's instead that my skin gets incredibly irritated and pimply afterwards, until my beard grows back, defeating the entire point.
People told me to just do it over and over until my facial skin gets tough, but i did it for YEARS and it never got any better.
So eventually i just gave up and now i trim it really short with an electric razor.

The strangest part?
ONLY the skin on my face reacts this way.
I've literally shaved my ass, asshole, cock and balls and entire pubic area and i've had no irritation whatsoever (aside a couple of small ingrown hair but that's basically inevitable, i don't do it anymore, now i just trim it really short).

Why is my body like this?
How can i fix it?

>Buy some razors online.
>Didn't check what they were just cheap shit, whatever.
>They arrive.
>In normal looking packaging but the writing is all in Hebrew.
>Oh boy.
>Shave.
>Completely SHRED my fucking face to pieces.
Thanks Jews.