Character is home by himself

>character is home by himself
>doesn't pretend to clear the corners and doorways SWAT team style

Me when I eat taco bell

ok

>character is home by himself
>doesn't download Everybody Dance Now.mp3

>character home alone at night
>doesn't run full speed to get out dark sections of their house before it gets them
>doesn't run on all fours to get up the stairs faster
>doesn't lock every single door and close all the blinds

>character is home alone and the doorbell rings
>doesn't crawl to the doorway so they can't see you through the window

>character is home alone
>phone rings
>it's the same number as the phone he just picked up

this happened to me

I unironically used to do this as a kid with a little airsoft pistol I bought. But now I have real guns all around me so I just shitpost on some Nepali earthquake relief forum and if I hear a bump in the night I can just grab the one in my desk, shoot whatever made the sound, and go back to calling random people faggots over the Internet.

To be young again, lads.

>character is home alone
>he doesn't masturbate furiously while chanting "what a lovely night, what a lovely lovely night!" with british accent

>character home alone
>doesn't download lewd things and have a two hour edging session

are you me?

>doesn't buy a 6-pack beer

I'm going to start doing this because of you.

>character is home alone
>doesn't sit for two hours starring at a wall contemplating suicide

i do this. is this normal

>character is home alone
>doesn't talk to other people who aren't there to make sure robbers won't think hes alone

>character is home by himself
>doesn't make gestures imagining himself having a conversation where he looks really cool

>Character attempts to have a 2 hour edging session
>Doesn't just give in after 4 minutes and cums anyway

Unrealistic desu

jokes on you, edge for 3-4 hours crew checking in

>character is home alone
>Doesn't narrate his life to himself as if he's in a tv show
>Doesn't occasionally answer questions to himself as if he's the star of said tv show being interviewed

my guess is no

Very cool

>character is home alone
>he's not spending 30 minutes breaking down and crying over the pathetic excuse his life is

>character is home alone
>doesn't stay up all night in a state of paranoia afraid burglars will break in and kill him, and only feels comfortable enough to go to bed when the sun has come back up and the birds are singing

>Character is looking up porn
>Doesn't end up finishing looking at thumbnails because he took too long finding the best rape scene

Suspension of disbelief broken.

I do this very often. Imaginary interviews too.

>character is home alone
>doesn't make a super sugary fruit and pudding smoothy in the blender

>character is home alone
>doesn't create a jerk collage of any woman who vaguely interacted with him that day

HAHA this is me

;_;

Well maybe that character have tab in browser with regular stuff, so when he's feeling that end is super close he can open that tab and browse it while still stroking his dick

>character is home alone
>doesn't inspect every corner for bombs that his family might have planted to get rid of him

>character is sitting in a classroom
>doesn't have daydreams about utilizing his CQC training to take down a school shooter

>Character is home alone
>doesn't masturbate in every room in the house.

>tfw i'm a /k/ommando
>tfw i actually do this
dont forget to slice the pie gents

I blame shit like Unsolved Mysteries for doing this to me

>character is home by himself
>he doesn't run up the stairs on all fours

>character is home alone
>doesnt walk around naked then masturbate to the thought of girls watching him

>character at home by himself
>he doesn't dance and sing to himself in the living room,

>character is home alone
>doesn't masturbate furiously while filming the windows of his neighbours HOPING a women appears

Pulls me out of the show everytime

>character is home alone
>doesn't get paranoid and awkwardly tries to act absolutely normal because he thinks people can somehow see and judge him

>character is home alone
>doesn't sit on his bed with his gun in his mouth wondering why he's too much of a pussy to pull the trigger, tears streaming down his face as he wonders whether anyone would even miss him, before eventually giving up and masturbating to increasingly disturbing fetishes

>>doesn't run on all fours to get up the stairs faster

Fuck I did this as a kid up to the age of 10. I have no idea why. I once pretended I was a cat when I did it. I felt so stupid after it I think I stopped soon after.

>be me
>be 27
>have huge window by frontdoor
>girl coming up with flyer
>just came out the bath room and hadn't put my dick away
>instead of stopping and putting it away like a normal person
>I just kept walking and hoped she didn't see me

Maybe I'm autistic.

Dangerous.

This new Pepe is pretty good.

Oh god, make it stop, they are laughing at me, i know they're are...

Samefag.

I try to hide my penis from invisible viewers sometimes

I do this because I know that when I finally cum the joy will be gone and I'll hate myself

>character home alone
>tries to edge and it doesn't go wrong and just feel weird/uncomfortable, sometimes sort of cum and not really (retrograde ejaculation i guess) or cum properly but it's not any better than usual

>>>doesn't run on all fours to get up the stairs faster
>Fuck I did this as a kid up to the age of 10. I have no idea why.
Shit dude I still do this sometimes and I'm 28. It's really the most efficient way up some staircases.

>character doesn't regularly think "Get out of my head" when he is around people in case they are reading his mind

I used to do this in high school. I thought my teachers could read my mind. I always started to cry whenever I couldn't understand something.

>character is at home by himself
>doesn't pretend he is in a roman forum preaching about virtue

>tfw every time the doorbell rings it could be the fbi coming to arrest you for something you did 3 years ago
I never shoulda done it

They already caught you. You were deemed mentally incompetent to stand trial and are in a padded room at a psychiatric care facility. This entire board is imaginary, the product of your psychosis.

It's time to wake up.

Literally me

>character is home alone
>starts saying everything he's doing out loud
>"currently getting out of my chair"
>"currently walking to the kitchen"
>"currently opening the fridge"
>cant do anything unless he announces it to himself while he does it
is this normal? asking for a friend who saw this in a movie

Finally I've found you. We're coming for you motherfucker

Stop. This is just too close.

>character is at home by himself and orders a pizza
>doesn't blast everybody dance now in the next room and pretend he's having a party when delivery guy shows up

>Character is home by himself
>Doesn't imagine the girl he currently likes is watching everything he does and judging him for it

>want to have a guilty fap,and jerk it to fucked up shit
>immediately think of all the mind readers,all-seeing stacies and chads secretly watching disgusted
>fap to vanilla shit
hmmm maybe its a good thing after all

home delivery triggers me. I live far up north and have never experienced this luxury

>character is home alone
>lays down all day surfing the chinese american taco forum
>can't do anything productive unless he has his daily drink

>character is home by himself
>not fapping or shitposting on Sup Forums

how the fuck am i supposed to relate?

>Character is home by himself
>Doesn't let go and break down crying
Realism straight out the window

>character is listening to a heartfelt song
>doesn't imagine himself singing it in front of an audience, with his crush on the front seat

>character is home alone
>doesnt remember every little fuck up hes done in the past
>doesnt grab the box cutter from work and holds it to his jusy barely piercing the skin


Its like the producers dont even know their audience anymore

>tfw listen to love songs and pretend they're in the background when thinking of the times i was a couple of feet away from my crush
what did i mean by this?

>Character goes to pee in the morning
>Doesn't stare at himself in the mirror with seething hatred

Didn't know I was watching a fantasy movie

Done what, user?

>character is watching a film and when something really interesting happens he turns his head to the side and imagines his infatuation next to him reacting too

>doesn't run full speed to get out dark sections of their house before it gets them
This is giving me such vivid memories of being 4, when I'd wake up from a nightmare really late at night and I'd have to make that dreaded journey to my parents' bedroom which was on the other side of the house. The hallways seemed to stretch on forever.

>Character doesn't climb up the stairs monkey style

I stopped doing this when I turned 20, it's been 4 years I'm going to give it a go lads

just did it
feelsgoodman

I jerked off too much/too hard and now there's a weird hard lump in the shaft of my dick and i dont know what it is. it's cutting off blood flow, I can't get as meghard as I used to.

I'm scared to go to the doctor

>Character is home alone
>without a tulpa

What are you all, gay?

You probably rekt your frenulum or tore some deep skin tissue.

If it's the frenulum, stop jerking off, keep it clean and in 2-3 weeks it and it should heal, otherwise go to the doctor you might have broken your penis and if it doesn't heal properly you might end up with it working like that forever.

His benis got had because of very very young sexy girls, and he probably saved

>character home by himself
>fully clothed

>tfw I done it 6 years ago and statute of limitations is 5

DELET DIS

>nobody cares enough about you to kill you

>character home alone
>doesnt binge eat some frozen pizzas and a thing of ice cream, in addition to anything else edible in their home
>doesnt decide to get drunk immediately after
>doesnt go to the bathroom to vomit all the fucking food he ate because he wants to get wasted as fast as possible
>doesnt order a hundred united states of america dollarydoos worth of food through uber eats while drunk

PFFFT, THE DIRECTOR IS A FUCKING HACK

>character is home by himself
>doesn't masturbate watching "right said fred" videos in her sister's room

>still sprint out of my basement because of the dark spots beside the stairs
>still rip up the stairs on all fours
>still throws a blanket over my windows to get a blackout
>am 29
yikes

>character he is home by himself
> he is not drunk, listening to Jar of Flies and having a good time with his e-friends

>Main character goes to a shop or cafe and is served by an attractive girl.
>Doesn't track her down on Facebook via the shop's page.
>Doesn't save all her revealing photos into a hidden folder.
>Doesn't masturbate for an hour, blowing over his keyboard.
>Doesn't eat a snack without washing his hands immediately after.

>character is home by himself
>doesn't walk around while methodically turning his head and observing things while mimicking the ambient music from Terminator

>Character is home alone
>He isn't whispering "I'm a big guy now" under his breath

Literally me

>character is home alone
>doesn't get up multiple times in the night to check that the oven is switched off and all the doors are locked

I legitimately did the first 2 until I was at least 16 or something. Fuck, what a retard.

>Character is home alone
>He is literally so fucking alone
>Downs half a bottle of whiskey watching movies from his backlog and passes out on the floor

haha love this trope!

lol

>Character home alone
>Starts making philosophical arguments and discussing them against an imaginary person who is unaware of his argument

>Character is home alone
>Doesn't use the broom as a gun as he mimics shooting his way out of a heist gone bad

>Character is home alone
>He doesn't pretend to punch himself and then sell those punches before falling onto his bed dramatically, as if he was knocked out

>character is home alone
>doesn't make robot sounds