"Sell me this pen."

>"Sell me this pen."
How do you respond? No, really. I have a job interview tomorrow, and my friend who works there said the interviewer asked him that question.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=dgCxt5gfaqw
penisland.net/
twitter.com/AnonBabble

Wanna join the pen fifteen club?

>buy this or I'll shove it up your ass

Or just ask for their autograph or something

"Can you write something down for me real quick?"

>no I need a pen

etc. etc.

>just picks up another of the million pens he has on his deck

Take the pen, then ask
"Can I see the pen you have now?"
Then you snap that pen in half and say "looks like you need a new pen."
Then you walk out of the interview because the interviewer is a fucking idiot and is wasting your time.

I'm worried that this might come off as autistic and make it into a "times you acted like the driver" thread. Or that they'll just pick up a different pen and look at me like I'm brain dead.

Buy this pen or I'll use it to stab your mother in her sleep tonight

You just describe the pen and what it can be used for.

Also, this is /adv/, not Sup Forums.

/thread

If you buy now, I'll throw in a free blowjob

>a Roman soldier used this pen to pierce Jesus Christ's abdomen as he was crucified (John 19:34)

I had to sell a regional manager on a box of chocolates when I applied at Sees Candy.

Put on my best mongoloid impression and acted out the bus stop scene in Forrest Gump

How'd that work out for you?

CEO: Do me a favor, sell me this pen. (reaches across to hand me the pen)
Me: (I slowly roll the pen between my index and thumb fingers.) When was the last time you used a pen?
CEO: This morning.
Me: Do you remember what kind of pen that was?
CEO: No.
Me: Do you remember why you were using it to write?
CEO: Yes. Signing a few new customer contracts.
Me: Well I’d say that’s the best use for a pen (we have a subtle laugh).
Wouldn’t you say signing those new customer contracts is an important event for the business? (nods head) Then shouldn’t it be treated like one. What I mean by that is, here you are signing new customer contracts, an important and memorable event. All while using a very unmemorable pen.
We grew up, our entire lives, using cheap BIC pens because they get the job done for grocery lists and directions. But we never gave it much thought to learn what’s best for more important events.
This is the pen for more important events. This is the tool you use to get deals done. Think of it as a symbol for taking your company to the next level. Because when you begin using the right tool, you are in a more productive state of mind, and you begin to sign more new customer contracts.
Actually. You know what? Just this week I shipped ten new boxes of these pens to Elon Musk’s office.
Unfortunately, this is my last pen today (reach across to hand pen back to CEO). So, I suggest you get this one. Try it out. If you’re not happy with it, I will personally come back next week to pick it up. And it won’t cost you a dime.
What do you say?
CEO: (picks jaw up off floor) Yes.

That's why you sneak in the night before and steal all if his pens.

>"Sell me this pen."

That will be thirty dollars. Want me to wrap it as a gift?

why do u meed pen mister? XD i have penm for yoU!!!!!!!!!! >.< he moight be big guy, but i do have the pen that you need! xD is there anything else i can get for you bane? bane? bane? bane? bane? bane? but you need pen no? thenb ut his one it is the only one that i current;ly have available anfd i know that you need it, for you. xDD ^_^

He's posting on Sup Forums. How do you think it turned out?

>Put on my best mongoloid impression
>impression

Interested?

youtube.com/watch?v=dgCxt5gfaqw
From the man himself.

McFucking kill yourself, reddit

I 've been thinking about this, a lot.

I don't think he was going to be sold to the pen.

I think it was him who was selling something with that question; the idea of a cunning marketist. He tried to turn everyone in the room into a striving salesman.

...

ITS FUCKING TELLS YOU IN THE MOVIE HOW TO RESPOND

>Let me show you a place I call Pen Island

I don't watch flicks

Get some spare change with you.
Tell her/him. How much do you think this pen is worth, how much would you sell it for?
He will replie a low ball numer like one cent/penny.
Buy the pen and say. "I'm known for making good financial decisions."

Also. Promotional pens are usually between 0.05 and 0.20 each. Use that knowledge for you advantage because the dumb bitch talking to you will have no fucking idea.
HR people that do interviews are usually psychology majors. They know jack shit about costs and running operations.

Also, if you are applying to a job were they ask you this question, don't get upset about not getting it, those jobs are crap.

I only got asked that once and I wasn't even applying to anything specifically. I just walked in to a recruiting company.
They wanted me to go door 2 door and I told them, fuck no.
Looking back it might have been good for losing weight though...

The Chinese have an old proverb. "The faintest ink is stronger than the sharpest memory"

Do you want to be the guy who forgot his daughter's birthday because he didn't write himself a reminder or do you want to be the greatest dad ever?

The difference between loser and hero is this pen. Wanna buy it or not?

>ask the interviewer for a piece of paper
>stare suggestively at the pen he's holding
>as he's about to hand it to you, pull out your set of crayons, hidden in the inner pocket of your jacket
>quickly draw the interviewer getting violently fucked in the ass, you've practised these lines a million times already, the drawing is complete within seconds
>the interviewer stares at the paper
>while he's preoccupied you take the opportunity to whip your dick out and cum in his hair
>escape the building before security arrives, you have 1 minute.

>tripfags

Stick the pen up your ass then hold it under his nose. I know these interviewer types.

>Does your hand hurt after writing for a long time?
>Does the ink smell irritate you?
>Does it feel like the ink ends too fast?
>Is the ink hard to wash?
Then worry no more;I have the perfect pen for you!
Just point imaginary circumstances and exaggerate them to make him question his old,degraded and out of fashion pen and buy another-your pen.

but the pen you have in your hand is so much better than his pen, it writes so much smoother/neater, its made in USA Germany, "here try it write your name, isnt that so much cleaner and more professional?... selling shit is easy dude.

First Sup Forums, next Sup Forums.

>It's just a pen. Get out before I beat you down.

>walk into office
>see a bunch of pens in his pen cup thing on his desk
>see empty pen box in trash
>"shit"

What is your problem with BICs?
I like BICs so much that in my company I ordered 200 BICs with the company logo.
You know why?
Pens get lost, but a pen only goes in the trash when it's out of ink.
You never take notice of the pen you sign stuff with. You take notice of the pen you have in your hand at the meeting, or at the presentations.
Now, I willingly let those pens roam free in other peoples hand so that could later admire the company logo.

>making some celebrity buy your pen to give you an autograph

If you don't buy this pen, I'll stick it so far up your sister's cunt she'll be using her tampons for ink next month

If this is a serious question, the answer they want comes from shopping channels, not The Wolf. The Louis Theroux documentary explains all but the outline is you've two lines of attack: features and benefits.

The feature is what the pen or is like, the benefits are what they do for you in your life. Just because every pen has the same benefits doesn't mean you shouldn't sell that pen with them (cars are a good example of something sold on universal benefits).

Basically a shopping channel jock can talk about the most inane product indefinitely.

So for pens:
Nice frame, hard wearing plastic, that will last you a good period of time, no need to rush out for a new pen.
Its attractive too, a smart pen is welcome in all social settings.
Good ink capacity, you aren't going to be caught our here.
Quality ink, make a note, sign a check? It stays signed.
So if you think about it, buying this pen will actually save you money while all the time, it delivers excellent penmanship.
Did I mention penmanship? Writes beautifully. People can tell a lot about you from your handwriting and this pen...

And so on. You get the drift.

4X OPTICAL ZOOM
SCHNEIDER LENS
PHOTO PRINTER
SD CARD
LOOK. AT. THAT.... PEN.

CEO would have killed kicked your ass out long before you finished, redditor.

The meme man himself says that's exactly what you shouldn't do
youtube.com/watch?v=dgCxt5gfaqw

Look, I know you've got pens. You wouldn't be at a desk without pens because that just makes no sense.

The question isn't "do I need a pen?" The question is "do my pens work?" Because honestly you don't know. You could start filling out a check with a pen in your drawer right now, only for it to run out of ink before you sign it. And how's that gonna look?

This pen, though? This pen's got ink for all day. It's got ink for tomorrow, ink for next week. I guarantee you, you call me into this office next month, and you'll still be able to write with this pen next month.

[Place pen on table].

27 cents. 27 cents for the peace of mind that the next thing you write will not skip, blot, or run out of ink.

>Why would you want this pen? You have many others identical in easy reach. This is the pen you should buy *pull out pen in breast pocket" it's blah blah blah.

If nothing else, you'll get a laugh out of it.
>2017
>Not being a neet

Wanna see a magic trick?

Look at this pen;it uses a revolutionary design called kinopen.It has an imperceptible curve that allows you to handle it better and improve your writing!Also due to its design it can carry 23.6% more ink;the first pen is free.

>Me: Do you remember what kind of pen that was?
>CEO: No.

See, this is your first mistake.
Important/powerful people already have good pens.
Especially older people.

Assuming that the CEO doesn't have a special fountain tip pen would be retarded.

Use facts.

Silver finish
Ergonomic design
Steel alloy coating
2 year average life span
Top it off with a joke
With a 2 year average life span, this baby will last you as long as my marriage

>they start reacting before you finish your quip
>grab the pen back from you and kick you out

why is real life so hard

CEOs don't do job interviews so it's a moot point. It'll be some HR wench who loses her pen every other day.

I got in trouble in junior high for doing this

Because you're an autist with no skills who can't get a real job so you have to work in sales

And you're an expert on autism I bet

Makes me want to buy ink desu

penisland.net/

>he isn't qualified for jobs where the interview consists of a panel of board members

Sorry sir I can't ethically sell you a pen that already belonge to you, that would be extortion

Where do you think you are

Plenty of ink in this pen. What, you're gonna sit and fill up all your pens?

He says you should be asking questions not shoving the pen into his throat and instantly telling him its the most amazing thing ever created.Asking questions first is what who you quote did.

playing game on easy mode

I'm gonna stick this pen up your fucking ass and skullfuck you with it if you don't buy it

I would hope no one that browses Sup Forums is.

Uhh, you don't get to bring pens.

Me: It'll also make your weiner longer
CEO: ... I'll take 12

Go to bed Aniki

>start shanking them in the gut repeatedly with the pen
>"BUY THIS FUCKING PEN AND I'LL FUCKING STOP!"
>start shanking harder, faster, and deeper til they finally buy it

Easy.

They are looking for upselling, not memes.

Talk about color, tone, ink lifespan, ballpoint durability, etc.

Their other pens are heavier, spottier, weaker, illegible, etc.

Ask them what they plan to use the pen for and tell him why this pen does that task and all others better.

Explain that pens are hobbyist items for a reason, and that even if the person doesn't collect pens as a hobby, others will notice a difference, and it matters.

>Buy me this pen and I'll suck your fucking dick every day I work here

>The CEO personally does the interview and not HR or the store manager

You are fucking dumb.

This pen was once in a celebs asshole, and you can always ever so slightly feel the pungent smell of their feces. Real celeb colon.

>
>10 minutes later you a pen AND a dead body

Best investment ever

For you.

just suck his dick. if he's not into it, pretend you were joking.

reminder to immediately walk out of any interview that asks such a retarded worthless question

even better, so this then wait for him in his office and as soon as he comes through the door let him know you've got a sick offer on a pen

t.b.h. if the CEO is the one doing the interview it probably means that they care more about their hires than the average company.

I should probably leave

>store manager
Oh user, I'm sorry you've failed at every point in your life

It means you're either interviewing at a very small startup company or you're interviewing for a pretty major position and it's very unlikely you would be asked to sell a pen.

Depends on what you actually do I guess.

First of all, everybody is talking about how great this pen is, okay? And I know pens, believe me. I have a lot of friends who are pens, and they all say to me "You will not believe how great, how GREAT, this pen is." It's true, it's true. You will look back on this pen purchase and say to yourself, that was the best, best, BEST purchase of a pen I ever made, in the history of pen purchases.

Are you going to work at marketing at Parker or MontBlanc?

It's not a marketing position and it has nothing to do with pens

The funny part is saying how hed just move on and not waste his time with someone who doesnt use pens. Though in 95% of all sales oriented jobs youre expected to sell the lump something anytime someone walks in the door no matter what. Sellings cars is pretty gay and unfun, btw

>take pen
>put it in jacket
>"No"
>Haha alright can I have my pen back
>"That'll be $25"

if the manager is a man,tell him that 99% of man using this pen had their penis growing up to 500%.
Everyman want a bigger penis,just sell him the dream not the pen

If someone were to walk up to me and try to sell me a oen the only way I'd say yes is if he threatened to rape me

Only good answer in this thread. I would definitely almost buy.

except while you were talking I searched pic related and purchased with one click for $.23 per pen and free next day delivery

>people ITT describing why pens in general are useful

It's "sell me THIS pen" idiots

>hello sir would you like to buy this pen?

>no i already have a pen

>well a responsible employee like myself would not want to oversaturate the market, so i will be on my merry way. please let me know when you do need a pen, i have a very nice one right here

10/10 would buy

4 extra cents and you can have it right now.

And if he handed you a pen with no ink idiot?

He knows he just handed you the pen, you sound like a retard making up stories about what an amazing pen it is. Anyone who starts bragging about it shouldn't be let anywhere near a sales job

If you buy this pen and you're not happy with it? I'll replace it. You're not just buying a pen, you're buying a relationship with me.

if only such pen existed

By this pen or your mum will die in her sleep tonight