Forget multipass

I bet you don't even have a pet falcon

>tfw cinema shower runs out of hot water before you finish
>tfw penis inspections right after

This, the government forced mandated pre-viewing shower sessions for a reason damnit.

If you didn't bring your NSA microCams with you before viewing you deserved to be culled with the rest of them.

>get some needle nose pliars
>break the chains on all the poop scissors in the cinema bathroom and steal them
>come back a couple hours later after the film
>see shit leaking into the hallway because the toilets can't handle people's monster turds

>drop the soap in the showers at the local kinomaplex
>it's that shitty powdered soap
>have to bend over and fucking scoop it up as it gets all hard and goopy as the water hits it
>falcon flies by and shits on my head, I get startled and fall over
>the cinema crab herder loses control of his herd and a bunch of crabs scuttle in around me and start pinching my balls
>as I'm laying there crying a black man begins sodomizing me
>miss the entire movie and get fined for getting soap, blood, tears and cum all over the showers

>going to the cinema all alone as always
>the usual routine, bought two tickets and the multiculturally approved combo of hummus and goatmilk, family size
>also brought a womens jacket which I hold on my right arm when I enter
>"Excuse me sir but where is your companion?"
>"Oh she's at the bathroom no worries" *point at the jacket*
>"Enjoy your kíno sir"
>a bit sweaty from that interaction but it all seems good, have plenty of time to cool down during ads
>lights go off, movie finally starts
>let out the last few farts from the warm goatmilk so I can finally enjoy my highly anticipated flick
>suddenly the opening credits are stopped, cinema staff bullies come in with flashlights
>Saw a guy drinking the offensive Coca Cola drink so they gotta be after him
>but the main cinema bully flashes right at me and yells "RIGHT THERE! GET THE LOSER"
>they are clearly onto me, should've brought a more convincing and expensive women's jacket
>the whole row is throwing me out, spitting and throwing stones at me
>cinema staff bullies drag me out of there with the whole crowd cheering and clapping
>"This is the third time you broke the 'no singles policy', you're going to jail you fucking weirdo"
>they throw me in the cinema jail, small dirty cell with no windows or toilet (pic related), just a designated shitting corner
>they don't tell me the time or date so I don't know if I was there for weeks or months
>survive on eating only leftover spilled cinema hummus and sheep blood which the cinema staff scrapes of the floor of every screening
>get to know all the other losers in nearby cells, we form a secret women hating club in there
>one other loser overhears our conversation and starts yelling at us
>brawl ensues, cinema jail clans are fighting to death
>I pretend dead so the staff throws me out in the dumpster with the rest of the bodies
>wait for the night to fall and run back home to my room
>have to start collecting good boy points all over again

>penis inspection day
>forgot to bring my penis

Do you idiots really enjoy making these threads? It's always the same stupid memes rehashed into new, equally boring greentexts. None of you are funny and only a few of you will get (you)s. This thread will eventually die and you'll close the tab without learning anything or experiencing anything real.

>As part of Kinoplex ticket agreement need to work 12 hours in popcorn mines
>Get butter in my hair
>Finally finish my shift just in time for capeshit previews
>Forgot to shower, well too late
>Falcon dives on me and starts pecking my hair
>Try to get her off (my head)
>Theatre Gestapo warns me not to disrupt her habitat under threat of death
>Get tazed repeatedly, pass out
>Miss all 3 hours of the BatmanVManofsteel: Dawn of Kino Extended Edition Director's Cut Trailer
>I paid $280 and took out a high-interest loan for this

Just go to the showers, trust me. It beats the alternative.

At least I got out before the post-credits roming rape gangs captured me.

>pic related
>no pic