DUDE ALCOHOLIC DETECTIVE

DUDE ALCOHOLIC DETECTIVE

but this time she's female! and she gets BLACKED! wow what a progressive show!

Will we ever get a series about the adventures of Purple Man?

DUDE SNARK LMAO

The Kilgrave arc was the best arc

She grew on me.

You're not supposed to watch the show and think "Wow I want to be like Jessica Jones!"

literally this

DUDE
BLACKED.COM

DUDE
COME BAAACK HERE JESICUUUUUUUHHHHHH

DUDE
MUH RAPE ALLEGORY

DUDE
WHITE MEN ARE BAD

She marries Luke in the comics, you dips

explain how that requires a sex scene

When a man and a woman like each other very much...

No, the director was very clear that as good as David Tennant was, this is Jessica's story and it will advance with her and nobody else.

Also people who still hate this after Iron Fist came out need to take a long hard look at their lives

>what if we made a show where every plot development is based on a random character doing something retarded for no reason
based Marvel

I'm not, but I do.

>characters fall in love and get married
>that means they have to have a sex scene

>Luke is worried about his super strength killing her while they fuck
>it's cool though, she's strong too

>first episode of Luke Cage he bangs Misty Knight just fine

Fucking plot holes. Is it too much to ask that they be consistent in the deadliness of Luke Cage's cock?

Audiences need to know that they bang to remind them that they're a couple

holy shit cunt there's sex scenes in like every fucking show shut up

Stop feeding the troll

This is Internet 101

All tv shows are based around that

She'd better fucking fly in Defenders

She can get air-sick or whatever, but if she can't fly then she is literally just a shitty inferior Luke

Why are all of the Defenders such sluts?
>Matt bangs Elektra, Claire, Karen, and probably Jessica
>Luke bangs random chicks, Jessica, Misty, and Claire
>Jessica bangs Kilgrave, Luke, and probably Matt

>Danny sleeps with Colleen once and betrays his best friend and lifelong ideals immediately

I AM THE IRON FIST

>fist becomes tough as iron from a lifetime of masturbating and eating donkey meat

*autistic hand glowing*

Physical display of affection between two adults.

...

Are those lips computer generated?

She let him cut loose

no he's just black

Danny must be able to see Stark Tower from his office. Why the fuck not just ask him to pitch in? Or go to Queens and see if the spider guy who's all over the news wants to help?

Spidey's jurisdiction ends outside of Queens

What the fuck was he doing at that airport then?

She gets bonus points for her enemy not being the fucking Hand

Uncle tony said he had to

Luke didn't have to fight the Hand, just gangbangers and black robocop

Yeah but Luke's enemies didn't have powers, Jessica's did.

Why does she have powers again? The others I know, but her

The chemical truck she crashed into gave her powers

No that was Daredevil

What was his problem?

>After coming into contact with experimental chemicals and spending some time in a coma, Jessica emerged with superhuman abilities. She possesses superhuman strength, as well as flight, and is known to block mind control because of her strength.

He didn't get the part as Captain America

>and is known to block mind control because of her strength

That's retarded.

Were they the same chemicals as the Daredevil ones?

Because that's how chemicals work

If chemicals can give Matt super blindness, they can make Jessica fly

Stick gave Matt super blindness. Chemicals just gave him regular blindness.

One batch two batch, Red

Luke doesn't have super strength though. Whenever he shows impossible physical feats other than having inpenetrable skin, it's the writers not understanding his power.

>dude just REALLY listen
>instant superpower

what a shitfest

Except he does have super strength

rewatch Luke Cage senpai, it's all "crush guns with hands" and "wave a sofa around like a wiffle bat".

I hope he learns origami so he can make all those mashed up guns a little more artful

Maybe that's how he pays his bills, he sells them on Etsy

>being this triggered by a nigger dick
how tiny is your weewee

>it's an user gets triggered and REEEEEEEE's when a sex scene comes on episode

That's what I mean by inconsistent writing. Canonically, Luke's only superpower is iron skin. In JJ, Jessica is manhandling him during one of their sex scenes, showing that he is just as strong as any normal human with his body frame would be.

>how he pays the bills
Well he's black so obviously he robs people for money, but since the writers are in a tight spot with the whole "he's supposed to be a hero" thing they made a major breakthrough when they realized he could steal money from thieves, and bam! fixed that plot hole.
Would still want to see Luke Cage's version of the Murdercube.

I prefer the idea of him sat in an internet cafe getting vexed about people not bidding on his ebay art

You're a funny guy

>alcoholic
>she isn't waking up in her own piss daily
fucking hollywood bullshit

>wow what a progressive show!
Yes, you can tell it's a really progressive show when the main female lead is self-loathing, alcoholic that is weaker than all of the main males in the cast.
Don't forget the toxic lesbian relationship.

Her bladder is also super strong

Your fatal flaw here is that you somehow presume that his powers are gonna be 1:1 with the comic. They never said as much. As things stand right now with JJ refusing/being really shit at flying and Cage having superstrength he's basically straight up better at everything compared to Jessica. Which is hilarious considering the somewhat feminist writing of these shows.

Luke is the brawn, she's the brains.

Except that Matt is probably the brains, which I guess makes her the heart?

Now I just picture that shot of Foreman in house with the caption "This vexes me". Well done.

the bladder isn't a muscle. that also wouldn't stop it from involuntarily relaxing while unconscious.

Face either she's a bedwetter or she isn't an alcoholic

>weaker than all of the main males in the cast.

What show were you watching? JJ could wreck Nuke and Luke easily and Kilgrave was the main villain, so obviously he'd be a big threat until the very end.

Pretty sure Danny is the heart. She's the ass, figuratively and literally.

>Pretty sure Danny is the heart. She's the ass, figuratively and literally.

No, Danny is the heart. He's actually got ideals and shit. Jessica is just cynical about everything.

Whoa I wanna be an alcoholic private investigator who has sex with black men now WTF??

>Except that Matt is probably the brains, which I guess makes her the heart?
Danny's the heart, she's the attitude, or the sass.

Disappointed that he didn't become Bushwacker

DUDE MY GIANT FEET

Reminds me of those webms of that white boy getting pounded in the ass by a BBC. He's weeping the entire time. Too bad male voices are a boner killer for me.

She gets wrecked by Nuke, and has to rely on her friend to take his adrenaline (or whatever) to save her. Jessica almost loses to Luke, being much weaker physically.

What other enemies does she have for S2?

Will any of them come close to Purple Tennant?

Seriously guys this triggers me

and?

>Guys, we need someone to play an asshole General

Every single time with this dude.

I dunno, Blue Tennant?

Because the fight started with her waking up from being unconscious from when that crazy chick hit her over the head. Jessica is physically WAY stronger than Luke. At least that's how these 2 characters are supposed to be in the source material AND in the JJ tv show. I didn't watch Luke Cage but from what I've heard the writers didn't have any clue on how to write his powers, so now all the secondaries are really confused about how strong he's supposed to be.

>I didn't watch Luke Cage

Why not? Purely the race thing? Because it's a better show than Daredevil S1 was

Most of her enemies are either dead in the MCU or are spiderman villains
>Victoria Hand-Killed by Ward
>Rhino-Spidey villain
>Doc Ock-Spidey villain
>Jigsaw-Punisher villain
>Hobgoblin-Spidey villain
>Green Goblin-Spidey villain

I like how he was an asshole general on both Daredevil and Flash in the same year.

When does he get his own series?

I'm rewatching Flash now (because I'm a trash person with trash taste) and watched DD S2 recently, so yeah I'm now interested in going through his IMBD and see how many movies he's credited as a soldier in.

>it's a better show than Daredevil S1 was

That's the first time I've ever heard anyone say that. Everyone else said its boring as fuck and drops off even more after the first half, which is why I never bothered to watch it. I also think he's one of the most boring superheroes of the MCU and the actor has zero charisma to carry a show by himself.

He's a fucking white male, and that's a no-no.
Only virile, ebony men can be the good guys.

they're probably going to bring toxic masculinity back as a villain

never, hes part of agents of shield last i heard

Never. FUCK Ghost Rider.

He's just returned to Agents of SHIELD and I'm as anti-hyped as it's possible to be about marvel tv shows. He's so fucking boring and he's going to ruin the big bad trying to burn the entire world because Fitz dumped her.

Agents of Shield is where characters go to die

B-but them low swinging misty knight tiddies tho

>Only virile, ebony men can be the good guys.

75% white
75% male
100% hetero, cis gender, human-kin
100% able-bodied

They should really rename themselves to The Shitlords

Do you understand that there is more than one Ghost Rider?

>group shot
>all looking at something
>Matt is facing the right way

Why don't Netflix understand their source material?

They all seem to be looking at something. Danny is staring into the sky for some reason.

Well to be fair, Matt is smiling and laughing at whatever everyone else seems to think is grim.

>i have no idea whats going on

>Matt noticing the human / thing in question via his radar-senses long before anyone else could even see it
>somehow wouldn't position his body facing said thing

Why don't you understand the source material?

This is all well and good, but where's my fucking Punisher series?