Have you ever tried stand up?

Have you ever tried stand up?
How did it go?

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inb4 nude scenes

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>Walk on stage
>Lights much brighter than expected
>Have to squint to keep my eyes from watering
>"So... ever hear about the globalist conspiracy to kill everyone?"
>"Yeah, apparently the Jews are behind it. Then again, when are they not haha?"
>No one laughs
>"Alright, alright. What about the super bowl. Is that still on nowadays?"
>By this point I can hear the wooden chairs sliding on the hardwood floor
>Everyone has left
>Only person left is some guy who's sleeping
>Somehow get a rotten tomato to the face
>Never do stand up again

Sam Hyde?

I tried a set at Brainwash once. The jokes were about how certain dumb races loved fried chicken and couldn't stop committing violence and maybe chickens should be eradicated from society, and also about how women were just holes. Got booed off the stage and someone threw a shoe at me. Haven't tried it again.

>Have you ever tried stand up?
>How did it go?
A little in highschool and college. Had a lot of fun but shit went sideways in my personal life and never got back into it.
It's a huge rush when you kill it on stage. I miss the shit out of it. Being a standup comedian was my dream job as a kid watching HBO specials, evening at the improv, live at the icebox on VH1 and all that good shit in the 80's.

Went to one of those back-of-the-bar free comedy deals once.

Ever seen a comedian bomb live?
Ever seen multiple comedians bomb live in a row?
It's a special kind of awful, especially when you've already sat down with your drink and have committed to staying for a bit.

I swear, we got asked our favorite foods/where we were from like four times each.

Is 28 too l8 to start?

It's only too late if you're physically incapable of doing it.

Never too late to start, but it takes a while to hone the craft so you're a little behind the curve.

I started when I was 30.

I did standup for about 3 years. I was decent. Got to the point where I was hosting shows once in a while at the local comedy club.

I slept around a lot during it. I didn't start comedy in order to get chicks, I mainly did it because it was something that scared me and I wanted to face my fear, and it turned out to be fun. The women wanting to sleep with me part was just a side effect.

Out of the blue, a woman whom I'd never slept with made a very public announcement saying that I was a rapist and a sexual predator. She claimed that I raped multiple friends of her a year prior. I was almost immediately blacklisted and received a lot of physical threats of violence and stuff. I still deal with a lot of anger and depression about it but I've more or less moved on from it. When it was first going down I was almost ready to kill myself.

Moral of the story is if you do comedy don't sleep with comedians and stay out of scene politics. Just work on your set, be nice to people, and treat other comedians like coworkers or things can get ugly fast.

actually starting later is actually better because you already have experience life a little bit. You live life and then report it to an audience in a comedic way. That's the job of a stand up comic.

Can one catch up?

The only two comedians who i have seen make it work are Tom Segura and Christina Pazsitzky. But their the exception to the rule. Don't date other comics but also don't the work staff at comedy clubs ether. My friend who is a comic dated a waitress who worked at our local comedy club for 3 months but then it ended badly. Out of spite she told the club owner that he raped her and that's why they broke up. He was blacklisted from the club and everyone in the local scene heard about it and he lost a few friends. He considered moving to another city or country but he just ended up quitting comedy and decided to focus on his desk job.

Told a pedophile joke. A couple of people laughed, others were yelling and throwing shit and one guy told me to watch my back.

How da fuk do you get the confidence to go on stage?

I'd like to try it, but anxiety crushes me.

Kind of how it ended with me right too. I lost probably 95% of my friends and had to move to a new city (I'm in Los Angeles now). I don't do shows anymore and just work a regular 9-5 writing JavaScript right now. I think about getting back into it but it's really hard sometimes. I know a lot of comics from the town who perform down here and still get paranoid going out to shows just to watch but I go anyway because I feel like I need to. I go to The Comedy Store a lot.

The one thing that probably hurt the most was the day that everything was happening, I went over to a very close (former) friend of mine's house and told her "what you're hearing is not true." Her response was "I'm sorry, but as a woman, I have to believe it". I just got up and walked out after hearing that because I was so shocked by it.

THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR

You just have to accept the fact that you're gonna suck and bomb and no one will respect you for a while when you start. If you stick to it eventually you get used to bombing. Once you get used to bombing, you start to focus on your material and eventually you get better. At least that's how I approached it.

YEA ... THEY INTERFERED WITH THAT RELATIONSHIP!

>Got drunk at party
>Start ranting about deep state, pedo conspiracies, etc
>Friends find my satire hilarious
>Mfw I was serious

Got some laughs thou so no ragrets

I tried doing stand up once but everyone laughed at me

How long has it been since the incident?
If it's been a few years and not a lot of people from the Comedy Store know then i would say give it a shot.
I plan on starting stand up soon and if it works out after a few years of doing it locally i'll move to LA. Is the store all it's cracked up to be?

you do what everyone else does, fake it

Honestly there's only one way to find out. Get out there and try it, don't get discouraged if you bomb, especially at first. A lot of comedy is finding out what works, and how to craft jokes to be consistently funny.

About 2 years. I have some friends down here doing standup who gently nudge me into trying it out again, but it's...Hard. I don't know. I still see a therapist every week about this. I know most of it's in my head and no one would actually say/do anything if they ran into me because a) they are cowards and b) they're too absorbed with themself to give a shit about me. They tweeted to LA comics "warning" them about me and then went about their business.

And The Comedy Store is awesome. I love it there. No one there gives a shit as long as you are nice and funny. I go a lot and just watch shows in the Original Room. Going to This Is Not Happening next week.

Still would

I think you should just do it once, just once and see how you feel afterwards. You obviously have a huge love for comedy and if you don't get back on the horse it might be one of your biggest regrets. If you don't mind answering did you actually rape anyone or did you do something that could make people think you raped someone?

It's something I'd like to do but I am fairly convinced I'm not actually funny or interesting enough to write any material

youtu.be/iBG03A49-0Y

youtube.com/watch?v=9fewYw4g7bk

I did a couple shows a while ago that actually turned out fantastically but nothing consistent.

And no. One woman invited me over to her house and into her bed and I kissed her. She indicated that she did not want to be kissed and I apologized and slept the rest of the night. The next day we talked about it more and she was perfectly fine with it. A year later people said I assaulted her because of this.

Another woman invited herself to my apartment and we ended up in bed. She specifically said "have sex with me".

Yet another woman invited me to her house, then brought me to her bedroom and initiated sex. During it I asked her I could video part of it, because it was something we talked about previously and...I don't know, it just seemed hot at the moment. She said yes, I filmed it, and the next day she asked me to delete the video and I deleted it right away.

Another woman literally grabbed my dick and put it inside of her.

These women had all been drinking. But they were not slurring words, stumbling around, or doing anything else that would indicate to me or anyone else that they were incapacitated.

When a mutual friend of theirs found out about all this (I don't know how, because I never really told anyone because my sex life isn't anyone's business), she said that I purposefully was getting women black out drunk so that I could rape them while they were passed out. It quickly spiraled out of control to where people were trying to get me banned from driving for Lyft because they thought I was using Lyft to "hunt for new victims", and people were saying that I was roofie'ing drinks.

Fucking normie, you got what was coming.

bruh u just jelley u aint slinging dick like dis guy

I'd keep doing comedy and in the future try not to fuck girls who are drunk even if they have had one drink. Try to prove to everyone around you that your a good guy and that you would never take advantage of women. My guess is that whoever this girl is who made up all this was ether jealous of your success, just didn't like you, is mentally ill or it could be all three. I could be wrong but why do you think this girl did this to you?

God I want to eat her out so badly.

she and all her friends are super radical feminists. and she's insane. i dont know.

but did you name the jew?

>radical feminists
Most of them are mentally ill. I'm not saying this because "fuk da sjws" i'm saying this because most of the time it's true.

I'm 20 and a girl i knew in high school was a radical feminist. She was a cutter, dressed slutty and posted revealing pictures of herself on Twitter and said she was gender fluid. Turns out she has borderline personality disorder and she was also raped when she was a kid. Once she said a guy she hooked up with once raped her but almost no believed her because she was so crazy, only her other sjw friends believed her.

The sjw's are losing and in the next 5-10 years they will be mostly gone (hopefully).

youtube.com/watch?v=YgCqfXslVFQ

You made it in, just in time!

I tend to agree but I think 'losing' is the wrong term. It's just a fashion trend and like all fashion trends it will get old and disappear.

My legs collapsed and I had to shitpost on Sup Forums off the cold, hard floor until the paramedics arrived and lifted me back onto my bed.

>Moral of the story is if you do comedy don't sleep with comedians and stay out of scene politics. Just work on your set, be nice to people, and treat other comedians like coworkers or things can get ugly fast.

No truer words. Been nearly doing it two years now and it's crazy. I did sleep with a comedian when I started but she had stopped doing stand up by the time we started so it all worked out well.

I hate so many people in the scene and just feel so much resentment about how they treat people. At the end of the day, these people aren't my friends, they're co-workers at best. Friends are the ones you catch up with outside of a venue. Also I have so much dirt on so many comics now that if I ever wanted to leave the scene to do my own shit, I would just make a random post and just disappear.

This for sure. Don't do comedy to get lady. Don't talk to female comics to get laid. Treat them like everyone else. Girl comics talk, if you're a shit head, they'll talk about you. Someone won't book you based on this, maybe not everyone, but if someone who runs a monthly won't book you, you fucked up.

try to be chill. I stir up shit in my local scene, usually for the best, people like it, thoguh sometimes I make enemies. Luckily those enemies run dogshit rooms and I run a good monthly and now they want time from me and I get to say no.

Too many local open comics act super fucking entitlted. Like anyone owes them shit. Like they can say and do whatever they want. They get really butthurt when that obviously is not the case. When you're low level, you suck, and you need every place that will take you to practice. You eliminate options, you hinder your ability to grow. If you're not growing, you're just in everyone else's way.

I tried to stand up once.
Then I remembered I'm a paraplegic.

What the fucking fuck is wrong with women in America?!
I'm 30 years old and I've never heard of anything like that happening in my country.
and apparently it's a thing in the US.
If I ever meet an American girl I'll record her saying I'm sober and want to have sex with you and sign a fucking contract. Maybe have 2 witnesses too I don't know.
Jesus fuck what the fuck

I did it at an open mic in the pacific NW and the cucks that went on stage told the cringiest "jokes" I've ever heard in my life. I was the only person to get any laughs and I told a bunch of jokes about sucking dicks when I was five years old and girls with turds in their panties.

How's the javascript scene in LA? Was it hard to land a job? Did you land it through connections or just a job site? How much do you make? Why LA?

how does anyone figure out that they are funny?

When people laugh at things you say and tell you that you are funny, usually.