ITT: Cinema pet peeves

ITT: Cinema pet peeves

I hate it when the cinema runs out of popcorn butter and I have to use ketchup instead.

I hate when there is a long line at the cinema showers.

My local theater just cannot cook a steak properly. Medium and above is just charred to a crisp, medium-rare is closer to well-done, and rare is still fucking red all the way through. Their demi-glaze is pretty good though.

>falcon is sick
>can't fly me across the manlet pits

When they show car ads and shit before actual movie previews

I hate it when singles policy officer decides to strip search me randomly.

>complaining about car ads

Did you fail your post-showing ad quiz or what? That's the easiest part, I have a much harder time with the dance intermissions

Anyone else getting kinda tired of the mid-Kino circus act? It was pritty gud when I was a kid but it's just sad now. The unicycling bear is getting so old they had to nail her paws to the peddles in order for her to stay on. Really was a downer and ruined the rest of Batman V Superman for me.

I just use turpentine instead, it tastes the same

>chinese week at my local cinema
>they sell chicken feet instead of crab legs

Hate this shit

no Trivia variety.

My local cinema is so cheap they serve imitation crab meat instead of the real thing, I hate this place

When they bring in substitute anvil supervisors, none of them know what they're doing and they let people hog them for hours

When they pause for a commercial break between every scene.

Do they do this anywhere else besides America?

That new inanimate object surcharge is really killing me. Pillows are people to

I hate how all-white couples are still allowed in, it's 2017 interracial-only couples should be mandatory by now

>Enjoying that disgusting greasy goo
>using ketchup with popcorn
What's wrong with you Americlaps?

Anyone know what the point of the harnesses on the seats are? My cinema recently had these installed and I was too embarrassed to ask anyone what they are.

Mandatory cavity searches are such a pain in the ass.

when you're the designated shooter but the the provided gun is their old .22 that aims like ass

Last time I went to the cinema the ammo they gave me was for the wrong gun and I had to scavenge ammo from a dead customer. Barely made it out alive. Probably going again next week.

Probably because of the new australian owner.

I hate it when the slaves escape from the popcorn mines so none of the stuff you get is fresh. Happens all the time at my local theater

Its for the white males only they need to be strapped down the whole time during the movie so minorities can feel safe.

Last time I went to the cinema they left the electric door handles on too long so we were stuck in our chairs for an extra 20 minutes with the clapping machines moving our hands.

>not bringing your own gun
Non-Americans get the fuck off my board

>guard in the watchtower points the headlight at you

>popcorn butter
strange, ive always used it for the crab legs.

You do realize it's not butter right? Even in the image it says "butter topping". It's literally butter-flavored oil.

t. former Robert

The local cinema has a "piss meter" in the toilets now. If you dont piss enough it wont flush. And even if it doesnt flush nothing happens. They dont kick you out or anything

Absolutely patrician

it's to keep you from ripping your face off after they start injecting you with massive amounts of LSD

Guys, they caught me browsing Sup Forums while waiting in line for the showers and took my phone before sentencing me to 6 months in the popcorn mines. I'm using this post as a "last phone call" of sorts. Can I fight this?

That's why I've started to use ketchup instead

>forgot to extend my single male card at my local police station
>go to see new alien film
>cinema security tazes and blacklists me so now I can't even enter the building

I guess it's netflix for me fom now on

Good grief, or when you go to a cheap cinema and they dont even have supervisors during the day.
I wanted to make one kino chain real quick but they guy in front of me decided to change out all of his horses shoes so i took the lids from the cans of soda i snuck in to make it instead

To keep white men strapped in while the theater releases the cinema bull to come fuck their wives and cuck them. It adds to the experience of the kino.

They've got you by rights, user. Do the time, or don't do the crime.

Nope, just like you won't be able to fight off the bbc supervisor when he wants some white meat

i hate how i can hear the used-car auction happening in the main lobby through the theater walls. anyone else have this problem?

>trying to watch a kino
>Jeep Renegade commercial starts playing

Kiss-cams are the worst.Last time my falcon scratched my lips badly.

>singles que is behind a fence with a barbwire
>que is really long been waiting for 15 minutes now
>really need to pee
>ask passing guard if I can go to the toilet
>his german shepard barks at me as he laughs and tells me to shut up or ill be sent to popcorn mines
>can't take it any longer pee myself
>get dragged out of the que for unsanitary behaviour
>guards beat me half to death
>cinema manager sentences me to 2 months in the popcorn mines

When they have previews about literally who shows on literally who cable networks before the actual movie previews.

>cinema security guards find man in violation of no-singles policy
>his falcon is immediately apprehended and has its neck broken right then and there
>man gets dragged out kicking, screaming, and crying
>hear a muffled bang a few seconds later, followed by silence
So has anyone tried the new sriracha flavored crab legs? A little too out of the ordinary for my tastes, but I've never been too adventurous with food anyways.

I hate how they've moved the penis inspection checkpoint to outside the auditorium. Like bitch my arms are full of food and drinks I can't just drop my pants.

>half time show didn't have any pop music

Sriracha crab legs are a meme. True patricians bring their own crabs and boil them in the cinema kitchen.

>covering your popcorn with canola oil and grease turning it into semi liquid mess
>not just bringing some iodized salt with you

Please tell me that is not real

>tfw new penis inspector working the station snatches off the 20 wrapped around your dick and says "oh good, you found my money! *wink* *wink* thank you so much bro!" Yet immediately checks out your dick and makes you fail the test

Fucking prick

sometimes they have a U2 cover band play at my cinema and they are pretty good

>Not creating a crab hatchery at your local kinöhauß to catch them and boil them live for maximum freshness
Fucking plebs need to leave right now

I hate when britcucks call it "The Cinema". Kill yourself you shit-toothed fuck.

>the only person making any sound in the theater is my manchild father eating popcorn like some beast and then proceeds to unwrapping copies amounts of sweets he bought as noisily as possible.

>Cinema updates their manlet policy
>only 5'7" but still have to enter through the manlet door
>custodian dumps all the old gum into the entrance so I got gum all over my yeezy's

...

>tfw can't watch Gaurdians of the Galaxy 2 in the underwater theater room because it needs repairs and they can't get an underwater welder for another 2 weeks
Whats a guy to do?

>go to box office
>show driver's license, social security card, birth certificate, passport, insurance info, tax returns, blood test results, dental records, vaccination records, and the express written consent of the NFL

Honestly, they should just ban White men because I would hate for the ineteracial-only theater to be filled with White Male/Asian Female couples.

I honestly want a movie based on the ideas in these threads. A guy tries to see a new movie and just keeps getting hasseled. Feel like it'd be comedy kino

When they forget to put newspapers under the falcon perches and I end up scrubbing bird crap off the floor like an hour after the movie

when i take a shit in the cinema shower and the timer runs out before i can stomp it down the drain

>hey Xberg, what if we sold ad time in the theater that played while everyone came in and sat down
>but Ystein, who would be so desperate?

Do the nazi mods still hate these threads? These threads are one of the reasons to stick around this board

When I buy my tickets in advance but the bull is still busy prepping the cinema shed.

At my theater anyone under 5'7" has to buy a membership card to get access to the showers.

We don't have showers in Icelandic cinemas. Shame.

kek

>designated shooter's gun is in the shop getting a magazine change
Its not an American theater going experience without the shooter. My theater has a strict no renegade shooter policy so I can't just bring my own guns

I thought for sure your cinemas would have hot spring baths considering the volcanos.

What coincidence, I hate it when they run out of ketchup and I have to put popcorn butter on my hotdog.

you have to give them a tip to avoid searches

To keep white men from shooting up the place

If you apply to be the backup shooter you get free tickets and you can entertain the audience for some pocket change. Assuming the designated shooter shows up late of course.

But Chinese night is the only time they put out those shakers with powdered rhino horn.

send it to brazzers

My theater has separate auditoriums for couples who want to have sex during the movie. One is the standard package sex room and the other is the premium cuckolding room.

The penis inspector caught me smuggling in sour cream in my foreskin for my nachos. She put me in a chastity cage and then told me I'm on probation for the next 3 months. Should I see a locksmith?

When the usher tells me I can't engage in light, tasteful masturbation during the cunny scenes

Their massage parlor are really bad. I asked for a happy ending and they gave me a free ticket to Justice League.

I always thought a tv series about a teenager getting his first job at the local kinoplex and the daily wackiness that ensues would be based.

I like those threads because they make spotting redditors really easy. They completely miss the point.

i read some guys biography thing on his adventures working at a cinema
>body slamming the soda flavor syrup
>sprays everywhere
>blame it on someone else
>becoming the manager at 14
>think they also played paintball in the longue
i forgot what else but there was some funny shit in there

What's the coffee like at your cineplex? Are the in-theatre baristas adequately quick with the refills?

My kinoplex actually has a redditor tax. Anyone with a reddit account is charged an extra 10%.

One of them spills hot coffee on your crotch like a third of the time. She never gets fired because her dad owns the kinoplex though

I remember when theaters were just dim/quiet before the trailers began. It sucks so much that they figured out to show commercials beforehand. Probably won't be too long before there's a commercial inserted halfway into the movie disguised as an intermission.

My theaters forge is never hot enough to melt iron. I'll never be able to make a katana with the iron I ordered from Japan at this rate

>go to see foreign language film
>translator has to go pee during the most important scene
>still have to tip him afterwards

what if I have an account but never post and only go to 2 subreddits?

I found out my translator was faking it. Now I gotta rewatch all the foreign movies I've seen there

The coffee is pretty good but they keep putting fucking sour cream on the cheesecake when I specifically ask them not to.

Is your theater part of a big chain? If so you better not, the bigger ones can afford the cages that are jury-rigged to blow your dick off if tampered with.

I hate it when the barber's scissors are sticky with wax during the mandatory haircut.

only a third of the time?
that's unacceptable!

my fucking sides!

Fuck. Thanks bro. I was wondering what the red light and beeping sound meant but I have an idea now

I thought that was the point of the penis inspections
Were you single or with someone?
It makes all the difference

Easy pickings when the next shooter comes in so they won't have to face lawsuits from survivors.