Theater hammocks are full

>theater hammocks are full

>machine ate all my shower tokens

>last guy didn't clean the poop scissors

>complementary slippers are not microwaveable

>the in-theatre rape dwarf doesn't select you

>rented falcons don't come pre-preened

>Ice cream cone taped underneath seat is Neapolitan

>tfw kinoma mommy gives you an extra tuggy for being the only customer to clean up after themselves

>mass shooter can't figure out how to reload

>Falcon anvil wars kick off before the trailers even end

literally none of the things ITT exist

>cinema scrubbers haven't cleaned off the pink himalyan salt block

>female penis inspector blows a kiss before locking you in your cage
>makes eye contact with you during the pre prostate stimulation announcements

>pay extra for a special showing with two shooters
>one does all the work and the other only gets like two kills
Last time I'll be falling for that meme.

>mommy milkies boob wall is occupied

>kinoshrimp aren't butterflied

> mandatory penis inspection
> first time passing
> immediately get a boner from the good news
> inspector fails me last second for the boner

>buy movie theatre ticket on phone
>pay for first class
>getting drinks and shit delivered to me
>all of a sudden bailiff comes in
>apparently they overbooked the theatre and need more seats to accommodate the defense force to stop any future Oliver Holmes'
>they say I've been "randomly selected" even though its clear they profiled me for being a paki
>yell and REEEEE about how this is a free nation and all should be able to watch with equal opportunity
>end up getting bear maced and dragged out of there in front of the cute teen girls who have their barefoot up on the rails of the steps.

>they say this is the future of movie watching

...

>guy to the left won't pass you the rick and morty upvote designated theater watcher fidget spinner xD

>machine runs out of barbeque sauce
>have to dip kino sushi in vegemite instead

>you take a leak in the buttered topping jacuzzi
>nobody notices

>the kinogräphy catalogue that the custodian gave you before the flick doesn't include a free falcon coupon to redeem at the penis inspection gift shop

>theatre shower drains clogged with semen

>there's a black guy in the theater shower
>just wait til I get home to shower

...

>theatre shower still has drains
We removed those so now you can lie facedown and go straight into the drains
Makes the mandatory cleanup afterwards easier but less fun

I wasn't here for the no singles policy meme. Can someone explain the falcon rental and theater shower?

>sidewalks in bathroom already designated

>Falcons keep stealing your popcorn
>Bring sushi instead
>They steal that too

I laffed

>Go to the movie theater
>Enjoy the movie

LongLiveTheKing.jpg

At least try to be believable

>cleaning elves forgot to wash the shitstains out of the kinosheets

It was time for the first class of the day. Jaihoo kneeled down and kissed her goodbye on the bottom, and she gave him a tender loving kick in the chastity cage. As he hoverboarded to Retail 101, he looked up at the neon-vomit-colored sky and thought, “what pulses through our veins at the speed of love?”

>usher makes you remove your duster and fedora before being seated

>Intermission dancing black minstrel show killed by falcons

>on my way to the theatre taking a shortcut through the swamp
>decide to stuff my pockets with tadpoles to grill as a snack later
>as soon as i enter the theatre falcons go nuts
>fend them off with my wristguards and kill one of them
>two tadpoles leak out during the scuffle and splatter around on the floor
>so embarrassed and dont want to make things worse so i try to run
>doors blocked
>head gets caved in by the owner of the falcon i slayed, turns out it was a promotional falcon used for commercial purposes
>imprisoned and refs dont allow me to challenge the call
As soon as i get out of prison ill file a lawsuit because it should be their responsibility to ensure that their falcon dosnt attack patrons

You don't exist, user

>new penis inspector is a qt
>tfw grower not shower
>rub my hog through my pants to work up a chub
>she unfastened my belt
>instantly moan and cum on her pants right above the minge
>fail inspection and get labeled a potential rape threat and lose white shower room privileges

>cuckshed doesn't serve crablegs

>accidentally left my trenchcoat in the aviary
>left my falcon in the coat room

If you guys saw what goes on in the popcorn mines you'd never eat buttered popcorn again

>The two Robert clones stop me
>"Sir don't forget to finish you crab legs "

Don't know why I lost to this

>updated penis inspection standards
>now i have to sit in the front two rows (veiny section)

>Forget knife to cut hole in bottom of popcorn bucket for my benis

Where's the anarcho-capitalist ball for this?

You people need help.

Fucking disgusting.

W-wait, what all this shit about cinema showering? P.s. Eurocuck here.

you have to go back and you have to be clean.

They are in case you feel dirty after watching capeshit

>forgot to prep the cinema bull

>Enjoy the movie
>Movie ends up being shit
>So shit that the designated shooter shoots himself
>Before the bell sounds
>You didn't survive the shooting because it didn't happen
>You were one shooting-survival away from a free crableg bucket on the way out
>Going hungry tonight
>Movie was shit too

Learn to appreciate what you have, in our country there aren't any bidets to be found. As someone with sticky poo and occasional hemorrhage, it's embarrassing to keep asking the usher to taxi my used toilet paper.

Cool b8. These threads are always great.

so what, europoors just go into the theater dirty? What the fuck?

It's like how at pools you have to shower before entering.

>the manlet pit in the kinogym overflows again

We bathe in the privacy of our homes, not the cinema with 'shower tokens.'

>there's a single stacy on a theater bed and she won't share it with me
If that was me violating the no singles on beds policy I would have been kicked out. Her bull didn't show up all kino.

Kino Carnie is on vacation so I don't get to win the ring toss game like I always do and watch the film with my big cuddly monkey and mustache comb

>the theater hottub is filled with blacks again

>tfw you forgot all the ammo for your designated shooting theater
> go to the concession stand
> they're out of 5.56 because the falcon hunter bought all of it up

perturbed

>K-board downgrades local theater from kinohaus to kinotorium
>new falcons aren't trained for happy endings

>russians hack the kino computers
>get assigned seat next to a qt
>we exchange glances, we kinda like eachother
>just stare at her tits and leave early

>designated shooter starts shooting before movie even starts

Fucking bullshit, atleast wait till its half way through

le argument face

Should've reported here to the authorities mate. I think she'd rather share a bed with you than get kneecapped by a couple kinognomes.

you americans really do this shit?

isn't the point of going in the pool to get clean?

>when you skimp and get the cheapo bullet proof vest because you wanted to spend your money on a large popcorn instead

Trust me boys, the premium vest is worth it once you factor in the medical bills.

>He goes to the pool to get clean
Mate what the fuck kinda backwards country are you from? That's fucking disgusting.

>go to theatre
>robert isn't working that day
>teenager working the counter just doesnt get the crab legs right

>tfw not clever enough to post in these threads

how do you guys do it?

>see 2D movie
>get the 4D experience

>Attendant showing that weeks shooter the ropes
>guy can barely even pull the slide back on his gun
>as he's going to his seat his foot catches on the step behind him and his kit bag spews all over the floor
>"oh shit my clips"

Fucking amateur hour.

>sentenced to life in the mines
>initially everyone is cold until you learn the lingo
>join the 'cool ice' gang
>excel at grunt work for years and soon find myself nearing the inner circle of ice
>asked to sit in on a 'corn meeting to learn how they control the currency down here
>i am so close to the top i can taste it, only one obstacle in my way
>i understand my final task
>so does the boss
>i stab him in his sleep
>he was awake the whole time, anticipating this
>yet when he turns over, he is smiling and hands me his popcorn chisel
>i feel choked up, i didnt want to be the leader anymore
>he tells me not to worry, that the guild will be safer under my reign
>with his dying words he says: i cant wait to tell you about all of the movies i will have seen by the time you join me, Ice Blend (my codename and also shows prestige in the guild)
>i emerge from the cave and confront my gang
>i know what just happened will eventually happen to me
>i try to change the way of our gang but the veterans resist and stage a coup dooming themselves to the same fate as I
Thus the head consumes the tail, and the cycle of the popcorn mines continues

For real, fucking gross

I mean not gonna lie I shit my pants as much as the next guy but I always shower before I get back in the pool

>endorphin regulators inside the janitorial kignomes malfunction so they start burning down the cinetorium

>going to my seat after showering
>slip on the wet floor
>drop my popcorn into the lava pit

>plot explainer pauses the movie during the sex scene and interupts my fap
>explains for more than the alloted 10 minutes per half hour

>decide not to be a sperg and show up to movie an hour before showing
>get there 15 minutes before
>all the bath towels are already taken

>Kignomes

>He doesn't go to the kinotorium specifically to get shot.

>forgot to bring tip for the tip collector

>finally work up the courage to ask the penis inspection nurse out
>it's going well and getting pretty hot and heavy
>finally lose my virginity to her
>afterwards she says she always knew i would be bad at sex because she's been inspecting my penis for years
R O A S T I E S

>not just paying the extra $15 for a reserved bath towel

>go to 4D showing
>its a re-release of an old disney movie
>it sums up to jusr 3 dimensions

>grab 95 y-o senile grandmother on my way to kinoplex because of enforced no-single policy
>security doesn't buy it and forces me to make-out and finger her to prove we're a real couple
>felt suprisingly good, spent a large chunk of the movie doing just that
>mfw lost my virginity that night. Shit felt pretty cash

You might enjoy PornHubs described-video category.

>see le blacked image
>disregard post immediatly

Ew, you know that means all the dried semen on you goes into the water right? Remind me to not go swimming if I ever go to Europe.

>5D movies are delayed again because someone didn't properly secure his falcon's CineSuit™ while using the Kinotranscender

how many cycles did you have to serve in the mines?

>have to watch movie with eye spoon to pay budget rate
>get tired of holding the spoon 5 minutes in

waste of 15 dollars

Crazy shit user, my kinoplex got rid of the mines after a civil war kicked off that lasted two years down there

>cinema jester doesn't speak the local language

What's the point of the jester again if you can't even understand him? Not to mention that he usually snags the best balls from the ball pits so there aren't any left for the customers.

they should make a movie about it using the actual folk who survived all the murders and pillages

...