Mike Ryan of Uproxx criticized the convoluted plot and overabundance of characters...

>Mike Ryan of Uproxx criticized the convoluted plot and overabundance of characters, writing: "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man Tell No Tales is practically incoherent. I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the 'plot,' but it's been futile. I've asked literally eight other people who saw this movie to answer a couple specific questions and no one has been able to do it."

What the fuck is this retard doing bragging that he didn't understand the plot of this film? I'll admit that I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as I would have liked to, but "hard to understand" is not one of my criticisms. I found it very simple and easy to follow.

Is anyone here on Sup Forums so dumb that they didn't understand a film chiefly made for children? I'll be glad to enlighten you if you have questions.

Mike Ryan is absolutely shit. Vince Mancini is 10x better in every way. Everyone who reads it points it out each article.

the bit where they are hanging on chains and fighting? while the sea is parted is literally incomprehensible

Sounds like a raunchy, R-rated laugh-fest is what you need right now bro.

It was shit, but it was comprehensible shit.

The only thing I don't understand is why the fuck they put that wedding scene in there

It's not that the plot is "incoherent", it's that the "story" itself is literally multiple Macguffins and a lame revenge plot being clunkily explained in between CG-heavy setpieces. They devote very little runtime to the story, it's beyond transparent that the whole thing is just a bunch of loosely connected action scenes.

Frankly I've never even heard of Uproxx, but a site with "roxx" in its name doesn't sound like a trustworthy source of film criticism.

What was incomprehensible about it?

I followed Pirates 5 up with Whiplash, now that was a fucking good film.

It was extraneous, but it was pretty typical Pirates humor. I imagine the writer thought he had a really good idea for a joke and that was all there was to it.

This is basically true, which is why I think it is immensely stupid to call it a "convoluted plot." Its main problems to me are that it has a very predictable plot and that the new characters feel very shallow and uninteresting, which is a problem when they're the new main characters. They just don't have the same charm as Will and Elizabeth (who I hope will have real roles again if by some miracle this franchise makes it to a sixth film). As it is, I mainly only got any enjoyment out of this one for the quips.

Because it was stupid, even for pirates, that, for reasons we dont know, sailing into a cave curses you for all eternity unless you find a magical staff that would have solved many of the problems of the other four movies. Also that giving away the compass, something done multiple times in the series, unleashes the ghost people who were cursed by rocks. Haven't watched 4 since it came it out so I dont know how well it holds up, but at least 4 had a memorable soundtrack and a few solid scenes. The love interest in 4 was too tame and in 5 it's too forced. How the hell was she an educated orphan in the Caribbean anyways?

I could have looked past this though if they had more ship battles. They were over in 5 seconds and ship monster was a neat idea that didn't play out well. At least Kraken had build up to it.

It was really low bar, even for a pirates movie

Movie was enjoyable but incredibly cliche and simplistic.

Last cash in still fun though.

Can't believe they went with the she's-mah-daughter and daddy-sacrifices himself at the end.

Gotta admit it was nice watching daddy turner and that thin bitch reunited at the end. Like a nice send off for the series.

>There are also suggestions that the series has forgotten the subtleties of female characterisation that were embedded in its earlier movies. Few and far between on the high seas they may have been, but piratey ladies such as Keira Knightley’s Elizabeth Swann and Penélope Cruz’s Angelica usually managed to just about hold their own against Sparrow and his ilk. Yet in the new instalment, Swann is reduced to a cringeworthy cameo, while her replacement, Kaya Scodelario’s Carina Smyth, feels like a thinly drawn stand-in. The screenplay makes great play of the young woman’s excellent scientific mind, yet insists on constantly placing her in positions where she can be ogled and subjected to appallingly Trump-like comments from Depp.

>American bragging about ignorance
Well, that's new.

The fact they killed the kraken off screen is unforgiveable

>Can't believe they went with the she's-mah-daughter and daddy-sacrifices himself at the end.
It was especially disappointing after seeing GotG2 which pulled off the same thing in a much more powerful way, largely because it focused the whole film on the parent-child relationship instead of having it just be a side thing they tossed in like what Pirates did.

In PotC you have like five different characters, including Barbossa himself, who have died and come back. So to kill him off again has literally no sentimental value. And then, to add insult to injury, we see fucking Davy Jones come back at the end of the film. AGAIN.

It wasn't an awful movie but it was definitely very lazy.

Do you really want scenes of a sad kraken being forced to kill itself and wait for it to dry on land in a kids movie?

>pulled off the same thing in a much more powerful way,
Nah. Maybe it's due the better music but the scenes in POTC affected me much stronger. Not the death itself, it was shit but the realization on the ship and later the tattoo. Plus her going "my name is Barbossa".

GotG2 focused on it but IMO it weakens the impact, since it takes too fucking much attention and you want it to get over with, specially after spending all the time on the planet of daddy issues. In POTC it was about lonely girl looking for someone she idolized but didn't know much about. The little bonding over their passion for astronomy was great too and felt very organic.

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on that one. As far as music goes, I found Father and Son to be far more impactful. Fair enough though, the little things you mentioned did have their appeal.

Kino

nr 5 was great, but the plot was extremely simple, it's not like nr 3 where every character in the movie has their own agenda and motivations and the movie attempts to follow each one (I like that one too desu)

If you can't follow the plot of the new one, you're an idiot

lel

anyone pointing to cruz as to how to create a character has lost my attention

elizabeth was great and I really enjoyed kaya.. she sailed the freaking pearl ffs, what more can you ask

movie would have been great if we would have had one last ELIZABEEEETH at their reunion

The monkey's reaction got me

Elizabeth was cool in the first movie and start of the second but in the third it was just too fucking much. The guys accepted her as pirate lord over a fucking necklace? She couldn't find the time to tell Will about the misunderstanding? (Of course, he's a fault too for not asking) What did she even want beyond Wills dick?

Carina is way cooler due having goals and personality on her own. Plus points for using her own execution as an opportunity to preach how much better she is than the masses to them.