You have an accident at work. The superpowers you get as a result of this are based upon your job

You have an accident at work. The superpowers you get as a result of this are based upon your job.

What powers do you get? What do you call yourself?

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I have the ability to count money faster than any human alive. They call me "The Human Calculator!"

>Student

So do I get no powers or...?

I study criminology. So what, criminal mastermind?

I do auto insurance so I guess my power would be being able to explain anything to any brain dead retard.

The organ harvester
harvest human or animal organs for consumption or medicinal purposes

That's just autism, user.

I actually do a physically laborious job, so I'm claiming super strength. get lost you white collar losers.

>car wash
Either I get cool water powers or I can turn into a car.

I volunteer at a charity shop, mostly steaming clothes today so could get something pretty useful in a fight like being able to shoot blazing steam at people but on the other hand might instead end up being turned into a horrifically burnt mutant-freak who has to hide in the darkness away from the judging eyes of men.

I'm unemployed and homeless. Can get powers based in that. Like spare change telekinesis. Or I could fly around on cardboard but only when lying down. Or maybe I just get drunk...that's it my power is I just get spontaneously drunk.

I'm a waiter, so I guess I can now wait a lot of tables.

You're homeless and yet you spend your time and energy browsing Sup Forums?

>Get paid to LARP with a bunch of kids
>Get paid to DM for a bunch of kids

They call me...Autismo

>EMT
I can resurrect people

>Medical insurance

I

am

the

UNDERWRITER!

Wood shop!!! I have very hard wood 24/7!!!!

Superhuman organizational skills

I rent myself out to my local criminal organization

Geotechnical engineering, so... earth bending?

"The Freelancer"

I use my design and animation powers to manifest a shitload of actual lances to fuck people up with.

I can pull information from datastreams shot all over the world by satellites. I will be call misinformation man.

I'm in the military so what would I get?

I'm a systems/data analyst. Suddenly I see everything like Neo in the Matrix.

I sell Mattresses. What accident could happen?

Your body becomes the consistency of a matress. The downside is you can never get erect again.

Bitten by a radioactive Serta

Gun-mancy
control and manipulation over all guns

to be in hydra

Start Up, with the amazing powers of corporate and securities law focused on tech and media startups!

How the fuck did you get that job?

>Customer Service with a few heavy lifting and inventory here and there
Apathetic empowerment. Basically an apathetic version of Gladiator

What the fuck else would I be doing? I'm homeless.

just debt

>Author
I'm either a horribly broken reality warper, or Kishibe Rohan

either way, I'll call myself Scribe

>Gun-mancy
The correct term is free spirited american you bigot

I'm surprised I'm the first programmer. I work with algorithm development so I guess I'd become Vision or something like that. Maybe movie Zola.

I get the power to seal my enemys inside vacuum bags.

Dream powers

>Human resources manager
so i get to say who gets powers and who doesnt?

I work in shipping, so... teleportation?

>English as a Second Language Teacher
I spend most of my time writing on the board, so how about Energy Construct Creation, but to the extent of my own artistic ability, which is crap.

I'm a cartoonist. My superpower would be to making a living as a cartoonist

I gain all of the powers of AutoCAD, able to create force lines of near-boundless length and thinness, which can be combined and worked into wireframe structures that take on illusory properties of whatever they are meant to resemble.

Unfettered nepotism. Literally, my friend who crashed on my couch for two years created the LARP system they use (it's based off of Amtgard, if you know it) and so I started working there because I helped him playtest the system so I know it about as well as he does.

The DMing is because it's hard to find someone with the patience to DM for children that can run three different D&D systems.

You could be a magic armorer! Weave textiles that are invulnerable and can levitate their wearers and whatnot.

I cook so I guess, I dunno? Pyromancy? Maybe be the world's best swordsman with superior nippon katana folded 1000 times?

I work at a comic shop, can I just be Superman?

>Technical Support Analyst
I help those in need by superanalyzing everything, coming to the best conclusions possible given the situation, while telling you what an idiot you are for making such decisions.

I thought AutoCAD was the filename for the resources Buckley uses to copy paste all of his comics.

But does he get to do the dance

I'm a zookeeper, so I guess you can call me Elizo Thornberry

Sysadmin,
A time traveller from the future my ship crashed with a random firmware error.

Now stuck on Earth, he tries to right wrongs with his technopathy powers. Technopathy, but with the downside of having to record everything I do on an excel document.

Future police called quality assurance visit him twice a year to make sure he is "playing by the rules" and "has the proper documentation".

In a freak Internet accident, I became the OverAnalyst, gaining the power to instantly access anything held on a network with my mind.

Looks like we have a super group here.

>THE ADMINISTRATOR

I put that in allcaps because my superpower is being able to put things in a spreadsheet real fast. I guess SHIELD has to have a typing pool, right?

I work at an autoshop as the custodian, porter, and groundskeeper.

I guess my power is to be able to do anything fast. I can mow lawns ten times faster than any other man, drive a customer back to their house twenty times faster than any normal car, and mop any mess faster than you can say my name.

IT sysadmin.

If this was a comic book it'd be control over everything computer-related, though knowing my luck it'd be something mundane like the ability to refill ink and toner for printers automatically.

>3d artist
guess I'm getting a power ring

good one, user.

You will have the powers of the wolf, hawk, puma and bear

>work at a candy store
CANDY ELEMENTAL

>taxi driver

Overdrive powers? Maybe Autoempathy or something.

You get a sweet costume. You are part of an elite super team. You have peak human conditioning (lol), and high tech weapons and equipment. The citizens of the city see you and damn near worship you. You'll learn to say "all in a day's work" as they thank you for saving the city. You get amazing resources like training (education) and regenerative abilities (tricare).

But the other higher ranking members of the super team treat your like their bitch. You stand guard at the Hall of Heroes for 15 hours without a any break. Superman constantly yells at you, and you have to bow to him when you see him. You have to drive the super truck. Your the sidekick of "The Lieutenant" who has no experience, but "the best ideas". You are constantly having to be the Penny to his Inspector Gadget. You have the shittist rogue's gallery of just Arabs and more Arabs, slowly making you the most racist superhero.

You are "America's Bitch"

I can now melt solid steel with my fingers
I will call myself Jet Fuel

Science Teacher, so the door's wide open.

>super knowledge
>super charisma
>some sort of mutant/radiation powers

Hmm...

>You have an accident at work. The superpowers you get as a result of this are based upon your job.

Archivist.

Basically show me any piece of writing and I could dox everyone involved in its production, were it not for my strict code of conduct. Such as it is, I'm just going to document everything neatly in an easily accessible form and keep it under lock for exactly a hundred years.

Health Informatics

I know everyone's most hidden and coveted secrets, including some things they themselves do not know. Yet, I am unable to divulge these secrets. I end up being that frustrating hero/villain that constantly talks in riddle, and am often the butt of the snarky side characters comments.

the hero we need

>eco advocacy firm legal department desk jockey

Lawyer by day, The Reforester by night! Disassembling wooden buildings (probably substandard housing) and planting nailed together planks in the ground to save the trees

costume is just green daredevil

if only I could land a job that would pay for law school2

They call me...

THE SERVER

My powers are based on poorly-understood and improperly applied jargon!

"My vectors will stop those criminals in their tracks!"

"It only took me fifteen GPU cycles to determine every one of your possible reactions, and they all end in failure!"

"You have no chance against my unbreakable InfiniBands!"

"NUMA!"

I guess I become one with computers

I work for the BBC.

I already have super molestation powers.

lucky bastard
youtube.com/watch?v=MDCxNHyND68

comic writer
the ability to write reality, but it only works if it is plausible to happen. Meaning i can't make someone do something he would never do nor change the laws of physics

>I'm disabled and periodically can't see, speak, or move my upper body and therefore can't work
So I become the bastard child of Daredevil, Black Bolt, and upside down Professor X?

How are you seeing this?

Dou tyopos scerw wiht JAWS softwere?

>teacher

Uh...do I gain knowledge or something?

>nursing
Super Scrub
healing.

You're fucked. They always take the healers out first.

>machinist

polymorphism to an absolute degree of accuracy

call me Tolerance

>male prostitute
ummm...

I create a field in which everyone is mentally balanced and well.

>work
>job


Nothing I guess

you can fit anything in your G-string..... anything...

More springs, Joshua

>Between jobs for like a month after moving to a different state.

Before that, I was at a truly awful job for longer than I should have stayed. I also became kind of an asshole to cope. I'd probably be able to alter others' perceptions, or get something food poisoning related.

But being more optimistic, I've got ten years of food service under my belt. Usually mid to high scale, high volume, physically demanding jobs like busser or dishes. I'd probably have gotten the ability to be in multiple places simultaneously.

>periodically
I have conversion reaction disorder mimicking hemispheric paroxysmal nonkinesigenic dyskinesia. It's episodic and the specific symptoms I have during any given episode range from a slight facial twitch to being slumped over into a spasming ball.

Right now I'm seeing this out of my right eye.

the power to learn shit super fast maybe, I'm a student too and that's what comes to my mind like being able to decipher the inner workings of things in no time

can't come up with a name other than Prodigy thought

I work at outpatient surgery.

Medicine Man. Healer for hire.

I have the ability to get my fucking head crushed in at any given moment. I'm a stage hand.

>QA

I know how to break anything in ways no one would possibly expect but would be blatantly obvious if you'd just stop and think for two fucking seconds.

So you're 5?

I get send to do drug testing and then fired immediately.

I'm a cashier/guest service at Target sooo..

Maybe I could pop my chest out like a cash register and hit suckers

My name is Anonymous. And I am THE CASHEST MAN ALIVE.

I used to be an ordinary cashier. But then, the unthinkable happened! To the rest of the world, I'm just an ordinary part-time employee. But with the help of my friends at work, I sell lotto tickets and bag goods for other metahumans like me. I am the most accurate cashier alive.

I am... The Cash!

I work moving and cutting metal all day.

D-do I get to be Magneto?

Oy

Actually a good power though. Either that or become some sort of booze based frat hulk.

You can be Colossus. Have fun being relevant!

I work in a baby store...

Anthropologist here. Do I get the ability to speak any human language? That would actually be really cool.