Be Aussie cunt

>be Aussie cunt
>walk into washroom barefoot
>get bit by pic related
>die in 15 minutes

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3news.co.nz/sport/video-highlights-australia-bowled-out-for-60-england-dominate-day-one-2015080706
numbeo.com/crime/rankings_by_country.jsp
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

>only kills people from shitney
nothing of value was lost

>be yank cunt
>walk into bathroom
>brother runs your over with his motorized cart
>die in 15 minutes

>be aussie cunt
>put boots on
>bug/spider/snake/jellyfish/komodo dragon in boot bites you
>die in 15 minutes

>be american
>get shot

>Be Americunt
>walk into Australian outback
>forget how to follow a trail
>die of exposure

>be yank cunt
>walk into bathroom without bulletproof vest
>get shot by nigger hanging on the ceiling
>die in 15 minutes

>be Australian
>walk into bathroom
>run into strange creature
>it starts demanding a visa and social services

>be yank cunt
>go to shartmart
>get run over by motorized cart
>local doctor performs surgery right there, giving you alcohol to douse the pain
>your Irish heritage makes you immune to being drunk
>get $10000000 bill
>sell house to pay bill
>live on the street, become homeless
>a masked man with a strange hat approaches you
>he slowly crouches down, coming face to face
>he takes off his mask
>it's a Vietnamese farmer
>"fuck bạn chất béo cunt"
>stabs you
>all Americans in the vicinity quickly retreat
>die in 15 minutes

>be yank cunt
>walk into bathroom
>take 1 hour to take a constipated shit
>police barge into the bathroom with aiming guns at you
>"PUT YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR CRAWL ON THE FLOOR LEFT LEG OVER RIGHT ARM OVER LEFT ARM OVER RIGHT LEG"
>begin to pull up your pants so that you can follow orders
>get shot

>be Australian
>visit America
>call police
>get shot

>don't die because we have access to antidote

at least she got a good dose of american culture before she died

Our hospitality is legendary.

>be european
>get trucked

...

legend- wait for it -deady

Legend- wait for it -greasy

Legen-wait for it-
>keeps waiting because asking a spaniard to be productive is considered a human rights abuse

>be americunt
>wake up at 4 in the morning
>drink coffee-infused high fructose cornsyrup
>gain another chin
>open door to leave
>dodge bullets from startled police officer
>thank him for his service
>get in pick-up truck
>wait in traffic for 5 hours, only poor people take public transport
>the clock strikes 11 past 9
>everyone gets out of their car and faces towards new york
>salute the twin towers. never forget.
>get to work
>see a job creator pass by
>prostrate before him and ask if you can work longer and for less
>he tells you that that you're going places
>the entire office begins clapping, thanking him for being so generous
>take lunch break (unpaid)
>eat a super size bowl of ranch sauce with a topping of salad
>gain a bra size
>finally head home from work after working unpaid overtime
>get pulled over by the cops
>they ask to see your ancestry.com results
>60% white
>cops feel threatened by how white you are
>get shot

lmao this post gave me a boner

...

>be australian
>housing bubble
>games are good $50 more expensive
>tramp stamp on flag
>everything is venomous, from dogs to sisters
>mommy has a belly pouch
>ping 400+ with data cap to slow down on that supersonic 1.5 Mb/s """"Internet""""
>struggle to load up about:blank
>smear vegemite on your wooden cables to boost the signal as petrol shaman instructed
>have a Gaytime that is hard to have on your own
>celebrate National Sorry Day
>go to Canada as a girl, get drunk and frostbitten during a nap outdoors in February
>go to Bali and get burned
>be tasmanian, be inbred
>get cancer due to the lack of ozone layer
>get glassed
>get fucked by Wei Long
>get shot by Muhammad the Pinoy
>get stomped by emus
>get kicked by cassowaries
>get stung by platypus and live in horrible world of pain for months
>get bitten by spiders in your closet
>get in the water and step on a venomous sea urchin
>get stung by a 4mm jelly fish
>get curb stomped in kings cross
>get privilege checked in lelbourne
>get chlamydia from koala
>get anthrax from wombat
>get fucked by kangaroo
>get rused by NBN Co. site
>get invaded by chinks
>get bit by snake in shower
>get kids stolen by dingos
>get laughed at by two Polacks on Sup Forums
>get nuked by fucking Brits of all people
>get mocked by New Zealanders
>get outside and fall into the pit because the world literally hasn't rendered yet
>lose all wars, even against allegedly lesser beings
>huff petrol, bubble and drink cow piss from a goon sack
>2 0 1 6
>0 * * 1
>1 * * 0
>6 1 0 2

>be australian
>wake up next to your sister
>"ay dahlin fahk moi that was a noice root last noight"
>ride a kangaroo to the shitposting plant
>get stopped by abos
>their faces haven't loaded yet because of high ping
>give them all your petrol anyway
>apologise for invading their country
>say thank you to the traditional owners of the land, the irrawajjialabumbajjiju people
>continue on your way
>shitpost hard on Sup Forums all day so you can afford to pay your internet bill ($1000 for 0.1bps connection, 3mb data cap)
>go home
>get mugged by abos again
>no petrol this time, give them some of your ping instead
>switch on the tv
>the wallabies lost to new zealand again
>"fahkin no worries m8 she'll be roight I'll just watch the loigue instead"
>the kangaroos lost to new zealand again
>"m-muh cricket"
>3news.co.nz/sport/video-highlights-australia-bowled-out-for-60-england-dominate-day-one-2015080706
>"m-muh afl"
>can't see what's happening, players' mullets blocking the camera
>go to new zealand, steal some pavlova and claim it was yours all along
>cry yourself to sleep muttering "m-muh hdi, m-muh gdp per capita"
>get bitten by spoidah
>die within seconds

...

>be Australian
>get out of the house to taste some fresh air
>fall into the pit because the world literally hasn't rendered yet
>get into hell after 4000 hours
>satan lags into the room
>get banned from high ping
>wake up in your bed
>mom phases through your doors while you masturbate
>you unlag your penis thrusting it too hard and breaking it
>artefacts everywhere

>be australian
>zone into bedroom after 11 retries logging into irl server
>clip through bed into basement rumpus room
>clip through dog and mum on way to freezybox, cutting them in half along multiple vectors
>panic
>attempt to hide inside barricaded bush shack
>hear sirens
>cops clip through door and have shot me dead before i hear the noise
>respawn ETA 17y13d4h153s

>be australian
>get roasted online
>get roasted IRL due to depleting ozone layer
>at some point ancestors were deliberately roasted by abos
>about to be roasted by new PM
>has no other purpose or existence other than a island mine
>still have a higher crime rate despite being filled with less dirty chinks and malaysians
>numbeo.com/crime/rankings_by_country.jsp
>literally more fucking dangerous than sweden

>be Polish

>be Australian
>mock leaves on the Internet
>my 4 MB of data runs out
>go outside
>get stung by a leaf
>shoot myself

>Be australian
>decide to look at porn
>it's banned
>decide to browse youtube
>have to wait 48 minutes to load Men at Work's Down Under
>go for a stroll in the mean time
>forget sunblock and insect repelant cork hat
>run towards the nearest liquor store to get some shade
>get bitten by several spoidahs
>buy a twelve pack of Fosters
>run back home
>see an Abbo pointing at the corner
>get trampled by horse archers in your front lawn
>Down Under is still buffering

>be autistralian
>throw a house party
>lots of people come
>house gets laggy as fuck
>the music stops
>host not responsive, connection lost
>dad comes home early, restarts house
>guests start respawning immediately
>"the fuck is going on here, son?"
>panic mode
>make a shitty attempt at explaining
>dad's not responding
>ping 3000 ms
>dad has timed out
>run off to the beach before he logs back in
>running too fast, map can't keep up
>fall down and get stuck in a half-loaded road
>cry out to a passerby for help
>he walks outside the draw distance before the message can reach him

...

>be Australian
>meet qt mongol girl online
>she looks beautiful, is funny and understands me
>start to fall in love with her
>have the desire to fuck her really hard
>she feels the same
>arrange everything, buy her tickets to fly to here and rent extremely expensive hotel
>she finally arrives
>we instantly make out, my dick is rock hard
>"wait Temujin, there is something I have to tell you"
>whats going on
>I'm a... man
>she takes off her pants
>she has a penis 6 inches bigger than mine
>"I hope this isn't a problem Temujin"
>shocked but aroused because I'm an Aussie
>c-can I touch it
>"Sure!"
>start giving the mongolian trap a handjob
>god I love her so much
> start sucking it
>"Yes Temujin, your tongue is truly the fastest in all of Altai!"
>Deepthroat her gigantic mongol cock
>I'm actually enjoying this
>"YES TEMUJIN I WANT TO FUCK YOU NOW"
>have no option but to give my virgin Australian boypussy to the great Khans
>she drills my asshole like the Emus used to, filling me with joy
>I'm going crazy, cumming over and over again as the 10 Inch Mongol dick is destroying my Anus
>"YES TEMUJIN I'M COMING LIKE THE MONGOL HORDE CAME FOR THE ABBASID CALPIHATE"
>she fills my asshole with her superior Mongol semen
>stick my fingers in my ass and lick all of the mongolian genes
>"You've done great Temujin, the Great Khans will be pleased"
>walk outside to get some fosters
>get trampled to death my mongolian emu Archers

>be american
>unable to fit in the bathroom
>die of diabetes
>crematorium burns down due to a grease fire
>crematorium owners sue your relatives
>100 000 dollar bill + tip

>be finn
>get drunk

>be Australian
>get genghis khaned

>be russian
>get drunk
>be poor

>be finland
>drink
>get blind cause poor vodka
>shoot 7 russkies
>get shot
>freeze
>"oi vittu perkele suomi sauna mammi :DDD x--DD"
>go to hell cause not Catholic

>be finn
>get stabbed

Richer than you, Mohammad.

ebin:DDD

KHAN'D

K H A N ' D
H
A
N
'
D

...

>be jew
>get circumcized

>be americunt
>get shot

>be jew
>get gassed

...

lmao, do moar