I can't sleep

Tell me a story Sup Forums

you're a fag

you're a fag

you're a fag

You're a fag.

you're a fag.

you're a cunt

this is a good idea, reply to all amerimutts with "you're a fag"

Once upon a time a fag called OP

why are you guys being so rude

no u

you're a fag

Quite rude desu

you're a fag

Herr von Ribbeck auf Ribbeck im Havelland,
Ein Birnbaum in seinem Garten stand,
Und kam die goldene Herbsteszeit

Und die Birnen leuchteten weit und breit,
Da stopfte, wenn's Mittag vom Turme scholl,
Der von Ribbeck sich beide Taschen voll,
Und kam in Pantinen ein Junge daher,
So rief er: »Junge, wiste 'ne Beer?«
Und kam ein Mädel, so rief er: »Lütt Dirn,
Kumm man röwer, ick hebb 'ne Birn.«

So ging es viel Jahre, bis lobesam
Der von Ribbeck auf Ribbeck zu sterben kam.

Er fühlte sein Ende. 's war Herbsteszeit,
Wieder lachten die Birnen weit und breit;
Da sagte von Ribbeck: »Ich scheide nun ab.
Legt mir eine Birne mit ins Grab.«
Und drei Tage drauf, aus dem Doppeldachhaus,
Trugen von Ribbeck sie hinaus,
Alle Bauern und Büdner mit Feiergesicht
Sangen »Jesus meine Zuversicht«,
Und die Kinder klagten, das Herze schwer:
»He is dod nu. Wer giwt uns nu 'ne Beer?«

So klagten die Kinder. Das war nicht recht -
Ach, sie kannten den alten Ribbeck schlecht;
Der neue freilich, der knausert und spart,
Hält Park und Birnbaum strenge verwahrt.
Aber der alte, vorahnend schon
Und voll Mißtraun gegen den eigenen Sohn,
Der wußte genau, was damals er tat,
Als um eine Birn' ins Grab er bat,
Und im dritten Jahr aus dem stillen Haus
Ein Birnbaumsprößling sproßt heraus.

Und die Jahre gingen wohl auf und ab,
Längst wölbt sich ein Birnbaum über dem Grab,
Und in der goldenen Herbsteszeit
Leuchtet's wieder weit und breit.
Und kommt ein Jung' übern Kirchhof her,
So flüstert's im Baume: »Wiste 'ne Beer?«
Und kommt ein Mädel, so flüstert's: »Lütt Dirn,
Kumm man röwer, ick gew' di 'ne Birn.«

So spendet Segen noch immer die Hand
Des von Ribbeck auf Ribbeck im Havelland.

Very nice story. Would be nice if other anons could post as well.

Shut up fag.

Go to bed you sound cranky.

What dialect is this my gf is having trouble translating your pear-fetishist story.

One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four sheep, give sheep, six sheep, seven sheep.... Eight sheep, nine sheep, ten sheep, eleven sheep, twelve sheep...... Thirteen sheep ..

I've seen what getting jizzed on by a group of people does to a man, it is not pretty. I wasn't a part of it but when I was 12 or 13 I went to a sleep away summer camp and this is like when we were starting to discover porn and jacking off. Some kid brought some playboys and naked playing cards, sh*t like that with him. Anyway, one kid in our cabin was a huge tool, stole stuff like food and money from other people in our cabin. So half a dozen kids decided one night to wake up in the middle of the night at like 3 a.m and take turns jacking off in the bathroom, running out before they finished and blowing their load on the kid when he was sleeping. Literally 6-8 kids did this, all over his face, sheets, upper body, and hands, one kid also did it in his shoes. So everyone else wakes up the next morning and we all knew what had happened but this kid couldn't figure out why he was all sticky for like 15 minutes until a counselor forced it out of a kid. When the kid found out he went absolutely nuts, like certifiably crazy mental breakdown. He had to leave the camp for psychiatric treatment, worst part was after he took a shower and went to leave he stepped in the jizz shoes and also like 6 of my friends I never saw again because they got kicked out.

If anyone deserves jizz in their shoes it is truly those of a thief.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

Caxo gheto dito su de mi, picòa roja? Sapi che me son diplomà mejo dea me classe nei Navy Seals, e sonti sta coinvolto in numerosi raid segredi su Al-Quaeda, e gho copà pì de 300 persone.

Sonti alenado a far guerra da gorilla e son el mejo cechin de-e forse armade anericane. Non te sì niente par mi che n'altro bersajo. Te demojrò co na presision tae che non se ga mai vista en chesta tera, sta tento a chel che diso.

Te te pensi che te poi pasarla lisha dopo averme dito che-e monade su par l'Internet? Pensa mejo, mona. Come che siam parlando mi son drio ciamare à mia rete segreda de spie da par tuti gli stati uniti e 'l tò IP sta vegnendo trasado proprio ora, quindi xe mejo che te te prepari par la bufera, moreja. À bufera che demojrà chea penosa cosa che te ciami à to vida. Te si morto, bocia. Mi pòso essere da par tuto, a ogni ora, e poso coparte en pì de setesento maniere, e cheo xe solo con le me mani.

Non solo mi son parechio adestrà a combater disarmado, ma go anche acèso al intero arsenàl dej marine dej stati uniti, e lò userò tuto par far scomparire 'l tò poro cuò da-a fasa del continente, picoa boasa. Se solo te savesi che rasa de conseguense el tò "furbo" comento gavaria portà sora de ti, forse te saria stà zito.

Ma non te si mia stato capase de far da meno, e dèso ne paghi il prexo, fotuto mona. Cagherò merda tuto sora de tì, e ti te te ne negherè.

Te sì fotutamente morto, bòcia.

هذة مرة كان في واحد ثنين ثلاثة :DD

Wut

It must have been 8-9 years ago when I was around 20 years old.
I was having severe sex withdrawal symptoms. I mean I haven't lost my V-Card yet but I was dead set on doing so no matter what it takes. I tried my luck with women, I just OKCupid, POF, all those shitty dating sites with no luck apart from one coffee date that ended after 20 minutes with a "I don't think this is working out".
I was desperate and for better or worse browsing Sup Forums made me a little less dubious about the idea of getting my dick sucked by a man. After all, those traps didn't look half bad...right?
So I did what any desperate young man would do and signed up on a gay dating website so I can get my dick sucked by a guy. If I can put my dick up a girl's vagina, at least I can close my eyes and pretend one is sucking me off...
And how easy it was, it didn't take more than 30 minutes to find more than a handful of men willing to meet up somewhere so they can suck me off. I was young, willing, inexperienced. They seemed to like that.
Fast forward a day and I am standing in a hidden corner on campus getting my dick sucked in public by a chubby guy 10 years my senior.
It wasn't what I expected, nor did it open up a whole new world as I would have expected...but I was hooked.
What followed were countless other gay encounters with horny gay men who would suck my cock. In a car, in public, in their apartments...now, a decade later and cured from the gayness with a girlfriend and marriage in the near future, I can say that no matter how a good a girl sucks you off - rest assured a gay guy will do it better.

Congrats user, you made it.

kill yourself you fucking faggot

What the bau bau micio micio did you just ciapèt say about me, you little besugo? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Kooly Noody, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret tapiri on Sgarbi, and I have over 300 confirmed su e giù e tric e trac. I am trained in triccheballacche warfare and I’m the top Capitan Ventosa in the entire Mediaset armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another Romano Prrr... Romano Prr... Romano Prodi!. I will biro-biro you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this programma, mark my fucking word di cui abbiamo una diapositiva. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? E allora??? E allooooora??? Eh eh eh! As we speak I am contacting my secret network of inviati across Italy and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the tapiro, besugo. The Che roba! Che roba! that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your ciapèt. You’re fucking è lui o non è lui? kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can farti accapponare i capelli in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in STACCHETTO, but I have access to the entire arsenal of LE VELINE and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable bau bau off the face of the micio micio, you little CERTO CHE E' LUI! If only you could have known what unholy SOS GABIBBO your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, E allora??? E allooooora??? Eh eh eh, , you goddamn Pino..Abete. I will shit fury all over you and you will be in a cul de sac. You’re fucking attapirato, kiddo. C’è crisi, c’è crisi!

I just spent the entire night playing video games i wanna die.