Namor The Sub-Mariner Storytime (Part 3)

Welcome back Anons. I have the day off tomorrow, so time for another big storytime!

Well, he's seen better days.

Even as a kid, Namor was still an arrogant prick.

Wait, is Namor remembering this Master Man flashback? How?

I admit, I'm no expert on Nazis, but given their whole "Aryan purity" thing, why are they letting a redhead acting in a position of authority?

Well, I guess he isn't anymore.

And now we're getting a variation on Namor's first appearance in the Silver Age.

Can he actually control the SPREAD of his flame, so that he didn't set Namor's friggen head on fire?

And how we got to this moment...

Why is Master Man wearing a dog collar? On second thought, I'm not sure I want to know.

Credit where it's due, they gave her a met for her cage, and don't just have her sitting on the bars. That's not something most people think of.

Aryan purity was a joke, Japanese were Aryan and Hitler made a Jewish doctor an 'honorary Aryan'.

It's not exactly a DOG collar, per se.

And here we even have two Super Nazis working with a black man.
At least I think he's supposed to be black, I don't know many black men with blonde hair.

Okay, maybe it's because I've been playing MGS4 lately, but I swear that looks like Big Boss in that blue picture.

I will always love that Namor's first appearance in modern comics was "Johnny Storm decides to shave a hobo".

He just looks really tan.

And suddenly we're back to Misty and Colleen, and now with Rafe.
Still no Luke or Tyrone though.

This was back in the '60's, before President Ford made hobo shaving illegal. It was a grand old tradition.

Remember, one of Namor's major weaknesses is dehydration. Which is almost EVERYBODY's weakness.

So Toro's back now, and as an Inhuman, right? Has anyone mentioned this woman to him?

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More Golden Age heroes? Somewhere, Roy Thomas has an erection and doesn't know why.

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Because of this issue, we're technically doing less chapters than the normal big storytimes. You know, double-sized issues.

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Remember when the Human Torch was in this story?

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Even the page is saying that Namor is wrong here.

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And another expositional flashback.

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Huh, they're actually did a decent job.

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Man, those 80's shoulderpads.

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I won't lie, for a while I got Captain Britian and Union Jack mixed up.
Mostly because of Captain America.

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So their plan to save Namor involves an old woman, an injured superhuman, and Union Jack.
This seems like a bad idea.

Wait, does he have super strength?

This is a horrible costume that would be much better if tweaked and was not meant for a flying brick

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Remember her whole "doesn't like to be touched" thing? Yeah, seems she doesn't mind as much now.

Seriously, while his freaking henchmen watch!

>he asks his henchman why she isn't immediately wet for him

Fucking what?

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Huh, I guess that's one thing that the American Super Soldier Serum has on the German one. The American one doesn't wear out, I don't think.

John Byrne is the most inherently creepy and misogynistic mainstream comic writer ever to work for the big 2. You have to roll with it.

Oh god, another elf with a gun! I thought we were done with Gerber's madness!

CAPTAIN AMERICA, OUT OF FUCKIN' NOWHERE!

It's not the fact that he expects the woman to be madly into him, that's just typical supervillain arrogance. Villains are allowed to be wrong.
It's the fact that he immediately asks his henchman what's wrong with her that makes it laughable.
It'd be like, after every Johnny Bravo episode, he immediately called his mother and asked why they're not into him, you know? I can't tell if he's confident or a beta.

Is this set in Germany?
Because I like to think he takes vacation in Germany, ambush punching neo-fascists for nostalgia.

See, the elf is even referencing Val!

Oh wait, he's just a midget cyborg. That's normal.

Every single comic title Byrne has worked on for any length of time starts oozing with his fetishes and disdain for the female gender. It's why he isn't employed by either company, despite being a reasonably good plotter and and of the the great artists in comics.

I thought it was because he's kind of an ass. I mean, have you heard of why he split from Claremont on their X-Men team at basically the peak of their popularity?
He drew a page where Colossus easily ripped a tree stump out from the ground, and Claremont wrote that it took some effort. Don't even get me started on how he basically jumped ship to DC after Shooter didn't support him in something. I genuinely forget what it was.

Besides, Frank Miller is still working, and his misogyny is literally a meme.

I think this is in East Germany too, which means he can get a commie AND a nazi with the same punch. That's just a double-score right there.

John Byrne had Sue Richards psychic raped into an evil bitch in fetish-wear
He had Superman mind controlled into sexing Big Barda (also mind controlled) in a porno.
He had possessed Superman try to rape Wonder Girl violently
Even in his Hulk run, where he mainly disregarded bitches, he had Doc Samson punch out an inquisitive female reporter just to steal her helicopter.

Don't even get me started on his own independent stuff like Next Men. Brrrrr.

he's also just a total asshole who's burnt all his bridges. I really don't wanna understand how big a pain he is.

& I don't think he's drawn a comic in months or longer

> "They may be nazis, but it's not for us to stand by and let them die!"

And honestly, he's always been a splendid artist who's a mediocre (at best) writer.

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He has to have someone to punch on his time off.

>"Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to find a Nazi in the 90's?"

And now, every female is hot, mission accomplished!

Huh, so that's a thing that can happen.

If every woman in the story has been injured or sexually threatened, and running around half-dressed, it's a successful Byrne story.

Maybe it's just the autist in me, but I've always wondered how cape universes deal with the sheer nonsense in them.
Like, the legal difficulties that come from, say, coming back to life. Or being made decades younger?

Remember when Pym used to just go by "Hank Pym" and wear that cool red jacket?

It helps that people only become "old" as part of a temporary story narrative.

>suddenly reduced back to teens
>don't even have to keep the elderly weight

Man, she got a good deal out of this.

Ugh, and how would Pym have figured out that she's 16 physically?
Good old Byrne.

Or all the shapeshifters and evil robot duplicates running around must make it impossible to prove anyone did anything.

Not to mention the mind control.

For everything else Bendis has screwed up, one part I liked about his Daredevil is that he is legally recognized as an authority on magic. Like, a lawyer can call him in, and he's legally considered an expert on the matter.

>the first question is about age in a sliding timescale

Wow, and I thought my nonsense about the legal issues of a cape universe were autistic.

>"NAMOR DOES AS HE PLEASES!"
>toot

Man, if you thought shaving a hobo was fucked up, imagining just dropping a motherfucker into the ocean.

See, if this were in She-Hulk's book they could just read that issue of Fantastic Four and call it a day.

I love the wording of that objection. It makes me assume that Jean Grey has been on the stand, they asked HER that, and she just read his mind.

After turning them gay, of course.

Yes, Ben is human today. It's comics, let's keep going.

So this is during one of the times Ben was human?

>"I am the mightiest living mortal on earth!"

Was that how he was treated in the Golden Age? I mean in the Silver Age we got Hulk, Ben, and Thor who could give him a run for his money, but I don't know many Golden Age heroes.

Credit where it's due, the colorist knows Namor wore a different colored speedo in those days.

Oh man, they're trying to bring up Silver Age silliness in a serious setting, this'll be great.

He was strong enough to tear through a ship's hull. That was pretty damn impressive in Golden Age Marvel.

I looked it up, turns out this first panel is literally the cover of issue 6.

Oh come on, I wanted to see how they'd explain the time he tried to get them to act in a movie for him so he could get into Sue's pants!

But compared to anyone else, nobody could do that?

And since you all wanted to see Atlantis...

DUN DUN DUN

>they actually stop to wonder if the god swearing on the bible would actually mean anything

It's the little things that make me chuckle.

Not terribly versed in Marvel Golden Age, but most heroes' strength was about peak human. Human Torch had a lot of power, but that's Energy Projection, not brute strength.

Once again, the first panel is a comic cover. Avengers issue 3, actually.