ITT We pretend we're in the DCEU

ITT We pretend we're in the DCEU

i can't say anything because superman killed me by punching zod/doomsday/batman into a building

Pretend as much as you want the Bat-monster is out there.
I'm getting out of gotham, gonna go move into the country.

Bane?

>he didn't leave work when dragon ball characters started beating the shit out of eacother

It sure sucks in here.

I was sitting in the church, when suddenly batman came through a window that was picturing Jesus. He then shot me.
What did that mean?

You should consider Metropolis, never bad ever happens there.

Tell me about it. It's darker than Pitch Black.

i left work but thanks to the impossible scale on which McTropolis was built i couldn't leave the city fast enough despite travelling at over 100 miles an hour

you want the previous and markedly better universe, don't worry, it's a common mistake

So basically real life but with superheroes and super villains?

My entire family is dead after that big fight and I have to rob and steal to even stay alive. Last night some guy in a gimp suit with a cape broke my bones and marked me, I'll probably die in prison.

Okay, who's jar of piss is this?

Please I can see metropolis from my apartment I aint moving to no city where sky scrapers can just fall at any moment.

Though I heard coast city is nice this time of year.

I've come into the wrong universe.... I... I.... aaAAAAAAaGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

More like all the really depressing parts of real life but with supervillains and non-necessarily evil dicks with superpowers who level the city either way.

What if I told you guys that the government is creating a team of criminals and making them do their dirty work, Bat-Dude's gonna be pissed! Wake up sheeple!

Coast City? What will you do if one of them supervillains just decides to trash the place? There's absolutely no superhero who exists and is associated with Coast City, none, the concept itself, of a superhero in Coast City, is absurd and laughable.

I heard about that. One of them really looks like that guy from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

Good thing I don't live over in Gotham or Metropolis....I just have to deal with Hub City.

gtfo tinfoil hat conspiracy theorist

Haven't you heard, rumors going around that them "Superheros" are the ones causing the problem. Did you hear of any "General Zod" popping up on our TV before Supes showed up?

It sure would suck if, say, an evil witch took control of the city's subway wreaking havoc to everything in her path and only a bunch of misfit criminals stood on her way, since apparently that newly formed Justice League thingy is too busy quipping at each other.

The nice thing about living in this universe is I never have to apply filters to things in instagram. Everything is really strongly color graded no matter how I take the photo! Also it rains like 5 days a week but everything is still grimy.

Do you guys ever get that problem with Gotham's Weather leaking over into our nice Metropolis? Whos fucking idea was it to build them so close together? For now Im blaming Lex Luthor.

Yeah, that would suck, but there's no way that would ever happen, that's crazy.

>all the really depressing parts of real life
I don't know what other parts of life there is besides that

Oh, fuck off! I bet you believe in amazons fighting in WW1.

Underrated post

Rumors of such a team are ill founded and I suggest that you refrain from spreading them any further.

>trump
heh

I saw the Joker jaywalking across the street today, it was horrifying. Thankfully that Batman guy stopped him even though he accidentally broke my legs in the process.

Anyone else wanna fuck Harley Quinn?

Harley who?

that's yours, don't you remember

Detroit here... so sorry for you

Superheroes? I thought they gave a shit about not harming civilians. Guys like "Superman" harm about as many people as they save, most of the time while "saving the day." I wish we could go back to how things were before he showed up. Everything seemed to just get worse.

F

Poor guy. Seems like he was just trying to catch a vigilante who was escaping justice. Then not only does he get killed by him, but then we embrace him as a hero?! #BAKA World sure is going crazy.

I was too busy phone-calling my boss to ask if it was ok to stop working and flee from the obvious threat

Lex please

Guys, like...
When you saw The Superman...
Did you feel like...
Touching him?
Because I did.
And when I did, I felt like going to heven and thanking our lord Jesus Christ for the second coming of his pure salvation.

No, I don't care what he's done you have to remember hes an alien you don't what kind of diseases he might carry.

SUPERMAN IS CUTE!

CUTE!

guys I've got a homeless kid with amnesia staying at my apartment right now. What do I do?

Kek

and he is going bald.

So here is a great question:

Why do the people of Metropolis think Lex Luthor was arrested?

Think about it. We, the audience, know Lex was a bad dude. But he wasn't implicated in the shootup in Africa, he wasn't implicated in the courthouse bombing. The only people who know he kidnapped Martha Kent are Superman (who is now dead) and Batman (technically a criminal vigilante).

He created/release Doomsday, but all he needs to do to get out of that (since, again, no one saw him do it) is to play it off as an accident (its alien technology! How could I know what would happen? It was an experiment into how Kryptonian DNA works, nothing more!) or better yet set up someone in his company as a fall guy ("Sure, Lexcorp made a mistake. And I promise that our internal investigation will find who is liable for this negligence. Obviously I wasn't there myself, I have a company to run.").

It feels like some pretty damning evidence must have been delivered to the authorities through official channels in order to result in Lex Luthor behind actual bars, instead of just catching heat in the media and being under investigation. But I don't think anything concrete is actually available to any of the heroes that could be used against him so clearly.

Batman may have a working relationship with the Gotham PD, after all, but his allies on the force can't touch Lex in Metropolis, which is where any such crime was actually committed.

Why the fuck is everything so blue all the time.

CHARLES

CHARLES

YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT HIM!

AM I TOO LATE?

I'M TOO LATE

YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT HIM

IT'S THE MASK CHARLES
YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT OFF

FIND HIM CHARLES

FIND BANE

Why is everything so gray?

Aye

...

>itt: marveldrones shit on the dceu

Superman is actually Lex Luther

WAKE UP SHEEPLE

I wish i died in that building

No real discussion allowed user, get back to shitposting.

I'm at the optometrist, getting my eyes checked because all colors look simultaneously washed out and dark

Where Oliver Queen at?

Another universe

I want Superman to fuck me.

>I saw the Joker jaywalking across the street today, it was horrifying. Thankfully that Batman guy stopped him even though he accidentally broke my legs in the process.
That because you are criminal too.

Nah, not really.

I'd bang that Asian chick with the sword pretty hard though.

I want to take live-action Barbara Gordon up to a rooftop.

And then cripple her?

Why is everything so grey

Its july

>BvS Superman Casket
>That's not the DCEU Superman logo

>hfw she sees your dick tho

...

She should smile more. Maybe this world wouldn't be so fucking grey and washed out all the time.

so i found this chick chained up and unconscious in Metropolis after the alien attacks. She says her name is Faora and Demanded me to remove the chains and green glowing rock from her.

so should I let her go or Stick things in her butt against her will?

I sure am glad Batman killed Superman and the monster that was wrecking the conveniently abandoned warehouse district.

Now nothing bad will ever happen.

About a year ago me and a friend were trying to break into this old geezers house. Scoped the place for WEEKS, some collector of old shit whatever. Point is no one was going to get hurt, we weren't even armed. We disabled the security, no hitch. We split up to look for anything that looked valuable, when I hear something...I look behind me and all I see is white. When I come to the Police have me in custody. My nose is broken, and I am missing fucking teeth. I got off lightly though, my friend got fucking paralyzed by that Bat-Freak.

I'm in the chat now, damn! some guys have very cool icons? Anyone know how I can get one like this?

It's a bird?
It's a plane?
It's a... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Fear not! I'll- AAAUUAUAUAUUUUUGH!

Dragon ball characters always go to a secluded area.

>People actually think Superman died
Nah, man. He's still out there somewhere, maybe even chilling on the moon. He saw a way out, and he took it because he didn't want to be blamed for another disaster.

Frankly, I can't really blame him. Dude was obviously new to the whole superhero thing. Seems like shit kept getting out of hand faster than he could handle. It was like what, DAYS between him and Zod showing up? Guy's just an illegal immigrant with bad luck.

I want to suck Joker's dick!

You know what's weird is that you guys in the east coast seem to have a super happening like every year yet here on the west coast nothing ever happens.

My sides

Dialy reminder that gotham is white and catholic while metropolis is a nigger hub for faggots

That's not how you spell Lex

That Clark fellow looks like Superman with glasses.

Here in prison you can keep safe if you serve the villains
Uh that's a false claim
You should check out super man vs Batman it was uploaded to Worldstar

Whats going on in this threa--
UUUUEAAAAAGGGHHHH!

It's called the ATF.

Fuck 'em, they'll shoot your family dog in front of you.

>Even the master race alien is balding

JUST

Isn't that the DEA?

No, DEA sells assault weapons to cartel gangs.

I'm the graphic designer for luthor, ask me anything

So uh... Has anyone seen a green glowing light traveling around the skies recently? It seems to have been seen by people who claim to see it leaving the earth at a very high speed.

It's light is sometimes faint as hell or really bright, but I've heard many other rumors about it. I heard that it's supposed to be an alien or some shit checking the earth, maybe a Martian or some shit that's tired of us checking Mars for life. Who really knows, considering whatever the fuck Superman is, maybe it's related to him.

My whole life is in slow motion and every problem in my life is convoluted but gets resolved in an annoyingly stupid way because dc and zack snyder are hacks

His load is gonna blow through your back like a shotgun

Today some guy tried to rob my house, but Superman stopped him by throwing him through my load bearing wall, knocking my house down in the process.

He's a real hero.

IMPREGNATE

is it just me guys or is superman like a god or something

>UU
>UU
>CIA

I live in Texas and nothing fucking happens here. All I know is that there's a bunch of big dummies in capes trying to kill each other. I'm preeeeeetty sure it's just a bunch of New Yorkers pretending they're special again.

no but really DC ignores the southern states like all hell what's the deal?

Guys, with all the destruction that happened in Metropolis should I leave Central City? I mean, there were those aliens over there a few weeks back but recently out here there'd be random moments where something like ball lightning just pops out of nowhere and does some decent damage to things like electronics and stuff in the area.

Go to Hub City. We're having fun.