Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

>Budget: 210 million
>Worldwide box office: 30 million
What went so, so, so so so wrong?

Their promotional art was made for ants

nothing, their money-laundering scheme worked perfectly

The first five or so minutes were great.

Cara Delevingne has a huge penis

>title is a name that means nothing to anyone (see John Carter for another example of this mistake)
>trailers that made it look like a boring CG-fest
>mediocre reviews
>no actors that anyone recognizes

Honestly, it would have been a miracle if it did well. This movie is essentially "How to Lose Millions of Dollars 101."

is this a sequel to Jupiter Ascending?

>No stars
>No recognizable IP
>Insanely high budget
>Underwhelming marketing campaign
>Jews don't play friendly with anyone trying to work in industries they've monopolized

Poor casting
Poor trailers
Poor marketing
For months I thought the two leads were a brother and sister pair on vacation in space

>For months I thought the two leads were a brother and sister pair on vacation in space
they're not?

>No stars
>No recognizable IP
>Insanely high budget
>Underwhelming marketing campaign
exactly, so where did all the money go?

No, apparently it's a famous Space Bond or Bourne or Bauer or something with a sexy Space Partner

haven't seen the movie, but the movie trailers looked GREAT. i sincerely have no idea what plebs disliked about them.

They're Time Cops. He's a modern guy and she's an 11th century peasant.

Not that you'd ever know that from anything they show you about this shit.

seriously? well the promotional materials give fuck all information except that the movie will cause a headache from its visuals

Will this kill Cara's leading role career?

No seriously why did it cost that much?

It would've made 3x as much if they put 'from the makers of Lucy' in the advertising

>from the makers of this other turd that only made money only because Scarlett Johansson was in it, here's a movie with nobody you know

Watching this abortion right now holy shit its bad

they did

We can only hope.

Someone needs to shop some boners on her pics like right now

nah, her daddy has money to burn and will keep buying roles for his little neanderthal

what went wrong? they released it in the US first. it doesn't come out here for another ten days. hasn't come out in China yet, but of course AMERICA (stands to attention, salutes flag as everyone starts singing OH SAY CAN YEW SEE) is the centre of the universe, so if it hasn't made its money back in the first week in the LAND OF THE FREEE AN' TH' HOME OF THE BRAVE, then it never will. right?

Never!

...

OBSESSED

i think the name of a film is extremely important in regards to the advertisement of it

what is a valerian? is it a planet? is it a person? is it the boy, or the girl?

hope so

I knew this movie was going to flop. I knew it, the minute I saw it.

No, is a flop

>What went so, so, so so so wrong?
Originally I started typing things that are wrong with the film but the list is so ridiculously and painfully long that I gave up, deleted it all, and wrote this instead.

just came back from seeing it. Cara was hot. Other than her it was a waste of time

Its name wasn't Star Wars.

Stop with this meme. She is not good looking. The fact that she's below average yet a 'model' is kind of insulting to other women

>if it hasn't made its money back in the first week in the LAND OF THE FREEE AN' TH' HOME OF THE BRAVE

You seem to enjoy unnecessarily insulting all Americans. Does it surprise you that with the short attentions spans in the U.S., a film only has a few weeks to make its money? And the U.S. is one of the few markets where there are enough people with the disposable income to make money.

>then it never will. right?

I don't know what kind of dope you're smoking where you are but in all likelihood, the backers of this film are going to lose money.

She's a model because she stands out from the crowd. The more ayylmao you look the better.

Not enough dance-offs or reddit songs

it wasn't even about the city. I was expecting Zootopia mixed with Star Trek

None of these women are wearing makeup though. Even when Cara's caked in it she looks like a goblin

BRAVO LUC

>No stars
>No recognizable IP
>insanely high budget

Irrelevant. Doesn't matter at all unless you're a stupid jew executive. The biggest blockbuster of all time was from a *gasp* UNRECOGNIZABLE IP WITH A *LITERALLY WHO* LEAD. UNTHINKABLE!
>Underwhelming marketing campaign
Valid point, marketing was bad and trailers put too much focus on visuals.
>Jews don't play friendly
Jews are tunnel visioned retards.

Dane are you trying reverse psychology?

>no heroin gf

>title is a name that means nothing to anyone (see John Carter for another example of this mistake)
that's a pretty accurate desu. never heard of this shit, immediately forgot it existed when the trailer ended. didn't help that the trailer was s h i t

People never heard of Star Wars when it came out either. The name Titanic makes you think of some boring period piece. Avatar's only immediate relation for the layman was some cartoon.

Name doesn't mean shit you stupid fucking pleb.

They could call it Count Dickingtons wild shitacular and it would make money if the marketing dept didn't drop the ball.

honestly if i was a time traveler i'd probably get a peasant wife too.

though i'd try to get one that doesn't speak english like a retard.

Adriana lima is the only actual good looking one on there

Lara Stone has a nice rack.

Also you're a faggot.

Wouldn't that make things worse?

Nope, name is incredibly important. Everyone knows what Titanic is, it was a fateful night where the unsinkable ship actually sunk on its maiden voyage. Star Wars sounds fucking killer. What's a Valerian? Who cares? City of a thousand planets? That could be every neighborhood in LA put together, again, who cares.

Star Wars just happened to be in the right place at the right time and quite literally defined the blockbuster concept. I can't think of any movies prior to it that had that level of special effects in that sort of action movie style. It didn't matter that the movie stared literal whos, people just wanted to go see some hollywood wizardry. Exactly same reason why people went to go see Avatar. Now, shoddy muh space adventure movies are a dime a dozen. Guardians of the Galaxy succeeds specifically because it is linked to an already established successful franchise, while everything else fails miserably.

I never even heard of this movie until a week before release.

They did a really really shit job promoting it

CGI

this. literally john carter all over again. I saw absolutely no ads for it and when I heard the name I had no idea what it was supposed to mean. literally thought it was some medieval shit.

>The biggest blockbuster of all time was from a *gasp* UNRECOGNIZABLE IP WITH A *LITERALLY WHO* LEAD. UNTHINKABLE!
what movie are you talking about?

>who cares
That's literally what the trailers are for.

You're an idiot.

>below average

makeup can do wonders to people just remember that

it's a male name fucking burger retard

imo the trailers were bad, the casting was bad, and there was no hook whatsoever. Who's even the lead? A model or literally who: the actor, maybe? Rihanna is more prominent in the promotion than what to expect story wise, but you know what sci-fi fans don't want? Pop stars making cameos for no reason. And I don't think I'm making much of a stretch when I tell you Rihanna fans aren't in for the high concept Mass Effect meets Star Wars angle this film was supposed to be (I think).

Basically it tried to appeal to everyone, but then inevitably appealed to hardly anyone.

Every time I read John Carter my mind skips to the Get Carter remake and I'm thinking it's some gangster film instead of a sci-fi adventure or something.

who the fuck even buys movie tickets to see Rihanna act anyway?

>emily didonato isn't far and away the most gorgeous individual on the graph

kill yourself

>the name of the movie is what makes it succeed guise

This is middle school writing level retarded. You could have just drooled on the screen and saved us the pain of reading your stupidity. IP and known actors are just things that minimize risk, they don't lead to success and this definitely didn't flop because of that. It flopped because the marketing was terrible and it was matched by equally bad word of mouth.

Nobody outside of France has ever, ever heard of this story.

The adaptation of the story isn't very faithful.

Shit leads, both of them.

That said, as a massive fan of The Fifth Element the movie pleased me.

>unnecessarily insulting all Americans
Impossible. All insults to Americans are absolutely necessary.

>Nobody outside of France has ever, ever heard of this story.
Doesn't matter.

>The adaptation of the story isn't very faithful.
You just said no one knows what it's from but they all care how faithful it is? That's why it failed? That's asinine.
>Shit leads, both of them.
Relevant if you mean this contributed to poor audience reviews.

>Nobody outside of France has ever, ever heard of this story.
American education.

>implying some shit scifi book is edumacational

you probably think not reading harry potter is bad education too

There was a Valerian anime made in 2007

A Rihanna fan would, but not when the film is the antithesis of everything else they like. It just seems like a complete misfire to get her for whatever role that is, even if it's a space pop star, you could get another actress that would make 10x more sense.

>as a massive fan of The Fifth Element the movie pleased me
it would.

I saw this coming from a mile away. Every single movie like this ends up the same way. Random Sci fi movie with a nerdy sounding gay ass title from some old setting that no one remembers or care about with shitty second rate leads. See John Carter, Jupiter Ascending, and the Ender's Game movie for more of this exact thing.

Ender's Game had an audience and Harrison Ford

The fact that I haven't heard of this movie before this thread probably has something to do with what went wrong.

>Nobody outside of France has ever, ever heard of this story.
Nobody outside of the US knew who Spiderman and Batman were either, and even today, those US comics are quite hard to find in Europe.

Shit won't just launch on its own, you gotta push that shit unlike it works, and it worked with the Smurfs, Asterix, XIII and Tintin among others.

Lmao that's just not true, in fact I'm pretty sure Batman and Spiderman had/have the largest foreign market presence of any superheroes.

Nah, but Valerian was pretty popular all over Europe until some time ago. There was also an anime recently, iirc.

I still kinda want to see it desu.

>Nobody outside of the US knew who Spiderman and Batman were either

that is the biggest ass pull i have ever seen

>Nobody outside of the US knew who Spiderman and Batman were either

Spiderman and Batman both had their own TV shows in Japan. Hell, Japanese Spiderman was actually a pretty formative and influential series on the sentai genre.

also, Spiderman and Batman have complete and total media dominance and have for years. Even before Iron Man came out you could find Spiderman and Batman shit for sale in any store. Valerian, even in France, does not have that kind of media empire. It's just not comparable.

Stupid ass argument. The very fucking names tell you exactly what to expect:

>Spiderman, thats probably a guy who can climb walls and do something with a web
>Batman, probably some guy who can fly and hangs out in the dark and is scary looking
>Valerian, some guy who can........................................

I fucking love Ender's Game. I first read it as a kid, and when I read it again last year I still got choked up at the ending. But come on. Ender's Game does not have franchise-level fame. It's niche at best.

also
>Harrison Ford
>2013
lol

Again. The marketing was shit.

These stupid ass plebs in this thread.

>hurr naem wuz gay
>durr no star power
>herp no one heard of the IP

These are all things execs do to minimize risk but these things contribute to attention and make the marketing team's job easier or irrelevant, lacking these won't mean failure. Word of mouth and good promotion to proper audiences is all this needed to make a profit and they dropped the ball.

Fucking wrong. I've never heard of it.

t. eurocuck who reads sci fi books

Maybe you fucking suck user

Nah Valerian just doesnt exist. Looks like garbage too.

Not MCU.

>french education

Nah, you suck.

wtf is going on with Kristy Kaurovas forehead? Most of these look like horses, but at least they dont have unibrow or a huge theeth gap

Not a Mass Effect movie. But damn they tried, even took the sexiest curve in the world.

They'd have to release it on a thousand planets to make it's budget back olololololololol

>boring looking, generic, run of the mill sci-fi
>CGI shitfest #592374
>looked like Jupiter Ascending 2: Blue Alien Boogaloo
>the male looks like a 13 year old child, not an action hero
>the female looks like an alien without needing special effects or makeup
>absolutely nothing intriguing or enticing about either of them
>no idea what the plot was about
>only vibe I get from the trailer is that it really wants to be a marvel / star wars movie but pathetically has no hope

You may realize I used the past: "knew". Yet you're acting like capeshit has been around forever. There's a start to everything, and that's how Valerian and Laureline start, just like Batman and Spiderman started between the 40s and 60s with corny TV series and shitty movies, and only picked up steam with cartoons in the early 90s, and a range of toys that did alright. This of course changed today, just like it could change for Valerian.

Still, when it comes to comics, capeshit is far after Spirou, Marsupilami, Boule et Bill, Titeuf, Thorgal, Lucky Luke, Worlds of Aldebaran, Gaston Lagaffe, Yoko Tsuno, Natacha, Blake and Mortimer, Spike and Suzy, Sillage, Nero, Corto Maltese, Il Signor Bonaventura, Rahan, Blacksad, Djinn, Suske en Wiske, Jommeke, and all the major nip mangas. No one really reads capeshit in Europe, fans are few and far between, and movies only work because of marketing.

She alsways looks so pissed off. desu, I wouldn't watch this movie just because of her. The guy looks like young Leonardo DiCaprio.

I would ejaculate and breed every single one of these harem. Some more than once.

>capeshit is far after a bunch of random trash literally no one has ever heard of

How detached from reality are you weebfag?

This thread made me realize that Sup Forums is a board who criticize movies without watching them, like gossiping whores.