Wake up

>wake up
>lay in bed for 2.5 hours before finding the energy to get up
Do any movies portray this aspect of reality?

Cameron in Ferris Bueller

>it's a protagonist wakes up and doesnt get out of bed until he faps to tranny porn episode

more like 4.5 hours

son "what does that tattoo mean daddy?"
you "it means im a faggot"

>ever getting out of bed

Fucking subhuman trash.

>fapping in bed
Does anyone actually do this?

yes it's patrician

most of the time for me. wipe it up with a sock or some other piece of clothing that's going in the wash anyway and chuck it to the floor. nobody visits my place anyway so i'm hardly in a rush to worry about smell.

I always do it in the shower even though I live alone and could do it wherever

It's just so nice not having to clean up when you are finished. I also find my orgasms to be much more intense when I'm standing up, especially if I clench my ass muscles and lean back slightly.

Lol thanks for the tips faggot I'm sure everybody found it very helpful

this, i live alone but i'm not some uncouth swine.

also my orgasms are much longer more intense when i'm not watching porn for some reason, so the shower works.

>wake up horny
>jack off but can't get properly hard
>takes ages and is always disappointing
>wasted the first fap of the day IE the best one
NEET problems

you're welcome

yeah

Are you very old or something?

>every Friday at work get super happy to look forward to order pizza and shitpost all night
>Friday night comes
>get super depressed and feel horrible about myself
>spend Saturday and Sunday in a half asleep daze doing nothing but sleeping
Might get a weekend job at this rate desu lads

>xitpoints
?

i'm always looking forward to some time off, but when it happens i never do anything. sometimes i can just pace around my apartment for hours, only doing minor chores, never sitting down.

Just weak and lazy as shit, you know when you wake up and you can't get your muscles to tense properly?

>look forward to Friday after work
>get trashed in 2 hours and pass out
>wake up hungover and can't function till late afternoon on Sunday with work in the morning

This episode is becoming repetitive

>Childhood is thinking you'll be like Ferris
>Adulthood is realising you've become Cameron

I don't know, I almost always wake up with a literal diamond between my legs

>spend your entire childhood waiting for Ferris to happen
>realise in adulthood that Ferris was Ferris because he did the exact opposite of waiting for it or anything in life for that matter
>rewatch the movie and realise he even breaks the fourth wall multiple times to tell you to do just that in no uncertain terms while you still
'Oh yeah, right, whoops'

>Cleaning off your penis with dirty socks.
Do guys really do this?

i don't clean it at all
only next day when i shower

>Not beating off while simultaneously shitting

Fucking plens

Melancholia, actually depicts that pretty damn well.

Lrn2injaculate retard

muh nigga

>wake up
>remember where I am and what my day is about to entail

What are Xitpoints?

I like jerking off in the shower, but the post-orgasm relaxation and the hot water together make me feel really tired. Sometimes it's a slog to finish showering.

Nothing is a bigger turn off than smelling shit while I'm jerking off.
I feel unsexy, my fantasy is invaded by disgusting images, it's just awful all around.

>wake up
>still got fragments of that superb dream I got
>jerk off to dream

I would never, under any circumstances, get a gaming tattoo.

You know that's really fucked up that "gamers" actually have tattoos like this.

You don't see movie buffs getting Star Wars tattoos, or trekkies getting tattoos of Admiral Ackbar.

Tattoos are supposed to have meaning.

When I was in the army, I didn't even think about getting a tattoo until near the end of my deployment. I've seen and done some horrible things in my life so when I came back to the states I did a lot of volunteer work which prompted me to get two tattoos of the words "angel" and "devil" in chinese on my left and right wrists so that I can remind myself that I am capable of doing both good and bad things.

10 years from now I'll look at my wrists and still have profound thoughts of what went through my mind the day I decided to get these tattoos but the idiots who got them because they like videogames will only see an outdated, obsolete franchise.

haven't seen this pasta in years
what the fuck

>when you forget it's pasta and are about to respond to it legitimately when you realise

this pasta is perfect for triggering, it even has reddit spacing

>not passing out immediately after jerking it and letting the cum in your underwear dry and then wearing the same pair all day long the next day

...

missed the good old days with pasta like this

that kind of restless energy that cant be directed into anything meaningful is maddening

>not jerking off at school/work thinking about cutie student/co-worker, using your underwear's waistband to dry it off, then having a conversation with her after you finished.

They know. They don't know that they know...but they know.

He may not really do this... Just a theory.

They would smell if you actually did that.

Fellow shitjerker here. Have a 6 week old baby and my wife too tired for sex.

I do what I can to survive.

Your point?

>tfw wiped my cum on the walls and now it's all yellow stained
How do I get rid of it? I'd invest in paint but I have no idea what color my walls are.

think most unassuming people would think he's just done laundry or something

White vinegar and water

Will that damage the paint? The stain is about a year old.

Of course not, google it if you don't believe me

Semen sticks like a motherfucker when heated, its hard to clean and blocks drains. Pretty uncouth if you ask me

What about carpets? I moved on to that. I pour my load on one spot about 4 times a day every day.

It's all yellow and crusty.

>jack off under the sheets and wipe cum on my boxers
I-isn't this what everybody does?

>spent years fapping while shitting to avoid getting caught and to make clean up easy
>actually starting to find the smell of my own shit erotic

h-help

This is the biggest regret of my life. I used to be a shitfapper from 13-15, but I quit because it was uncomfortable. Now every time I want to fap my body wants to shit first because my brain associates the two.

what the fuck dude

>shitjerker

lol damn you should genuinely see a therapist.

pics

>trying to fuck your wife 6 weeks after she gave birth

Has her gash even healed fully?

I just realised how autistic this sounds but I have feet socks and fap socks. All the odd socks or socks with holes in them get used solely for fapping, and complete, intact pairs never do. I find the idea of fapping into something I'm gonna wear after a cycle pretty gross, and I'd never use a dirty sock.

If I do this I feel the urge to rush because of the water bill, it is pretty comfy but I don't do it regularly.

>have sex with girlfriend hours after abortion

>try masturbating in shower
>can't cum

wtf...

That's not the same thing.
You're a disgusting degenerate though.

at least I didn't reproduce :^)

>recognised it from the image and the mention of gamer tattoos

Jesus why can't I remember uni work this well

>tattoos of the words "angel" and "devil" in chinese on my left and right wrists so that I can remind myself that I am capable of doing both good and bad things.
infinity worse than a gaming tat

Un homme qui dort

I just got a warm fuzzy feeling from this post

don't let them take your innocence away

>that shit stamina

>tfw quick morning glory ends up lasting 90m

quality post on a quality board