Cosmic Storytime of Pain: ALL of Bendis' Guardians of the Galaxy

You all know what high place Sup Forums holds DnA's GotG in. You all know that the general opinion about Bendis' GotG is "it's shit". But how much of it have you really read?
Of course it's shit, but WHY is it shit? It's not just not following DnA's characterization. There is so much more shit to it.
Well, starting this week we're going to read ALL of post-Thanos Imperative Marvel Cosmic, starting with our guys Bendis and Humphries!
I'll post the schedule later, now brace yourself for some rage and memes.
I'm not good at official thread themes but I suppose it could sound something like
>[WAKE ME UP]
I CAN'T STOP THIS FEELING
>[CAN'T WAKE UP]
DEEP INSIDE OF ME
>[SAVE ME]

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I warn you, my connection is a bit wonky, so this will take a while

Are you going to storytime The Black Vortex in full later on?

And in a stunning moment of clarity, Bendis' entire tenure of cosmic starts with the words of a bald man saying "I am cancer".

Yes, I definitely plan to. I have everything downloaded and fully organized.

Also I don't believe anyone has ever storytimed The Black VOrtex crossover in full on Sup Forums.

PLANNED SCHEDULE FOR THE THREADS UNLESS I SUDDENLY DIE:

Bendis:
thread 1 - AvAss #1-8 + GotG Infinite Comic + 0.1
thread 2 - #1-9
thread 3 - #10-12 + ANXM #22-24 + #13-17 (#14 minus the non-Bendis parts?)
thread 4 - #18-#23 + Annual + explanation from OHOTMU update
Spin-off: Humphries' Meme-Lord #1-8, (A God Up There Listening?)
thread 5 and 5bis - Black Vortex + LSL #12
thread 6 - Guardians Team-up #1-2, Gotg #26-27, Guardians of Knowhere
thread 7 - vol. 4

Remember that this huge Avengers celebration was happening at a moment where the biggest plot point in Bendis' Avengers books was "the public and the media fucking hate the Avengers"

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Yeah, despite multiple footing over the years of the Hulk and you laying siege to New York and transforming Manhattan into an arena, I thought you were a myth

To be completely honest, it wouldn't be fair to say that this arc wasn't 100% mandated for the movie though

What is it with Hulk and the military anyway?

Thunderbolt Ross isn't even around and just by chance he finds himself in this situation

Oh, reminder that it's never explained how these guys got their powers anyway

Unless you want to consider that Bendis' run mostly uses THANOS as an all-catching response

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Forgot to say: consider every thread a spoiler thread where things will get spoiled for you if you haven't read this

More moviebait

Well, at least NatxClint went a completely different direction in AoU

If they are in Latveria, shouldn't they be there as part of Steve's blackops Secret Avengers?

Because these guys definitely aren't fit for black ops

>jobber Thor
ah, a classic after all

And with this very unintimating scene the first issue is over.

>unintimating
*unintimidating
Leaving this ad in for pseudo-nostalgia

I mean, after all, AvX was a much better event than Civil War II.

And here we get a hint to the possibly single overarching theme in Bendis' cosmic run.

Wait, wrong page, meant this one

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Of course it's a "theme" that is just there to be repeated over and over, but not be carried in actual plotlines

Characters of course have to reference it and pretend it's motivation but then drop it and so something else

>earther
Oh boy, prepare to see a lot of this in the threads

Because clearly he got there unseen

I want to say Banner was doing some shit in Aaron's run, but that was so awful everyone pretends it didn't exist

It was a fucking crime to have Tony stop using Bleeding Edge armor

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Insightful dialogue

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Isn't Thor like 200kg legit?
Damn Clint.

>poor little white Tony

So far we had too few characters for some serious Bendis speech

>Natasha doesn't know the zodiac
That's gommunism for you

And this is where we go full retard in the mere space of a page.

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It's a revered Helicarrier tradition to be boarded and eventually destroyed.

I could honestly avoid the covers.

Both the covers and the recaps actually.
Is anyone reading?
Because that's one of the things I wanted to ask.

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I guess everyone really is in the Akira storytime.
Good taste.

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>they actually stop to listen

Why

Thor looks seriously nerfed here

Thanks for the much needed bump, user.
Why, you ask? Because God hates you.

Also it's stated in the OP; I mean, I thought I was clear there

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>that ass
Bendis' GotG isn't really completely awful to the point of being unreadable: it's just bad most of the time

Not to mention he gets all of the pretty artists.
McNiven, Pichelli, McGuinness, Schiti

Anyone from /m/ or /k/ who recognizes the aircraft here?

F

I sense some pottery here.

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Where was good ol' snarky Maria in Bendis' Uncanny X-men?

Fury's old toys > everything

If Songbird was there we wouldn't have made this mess in the first place

Nice one, Thor.

>ywn speak your own name in your logo
why live

Why would you want to inflict Bendis writing on Songbird, though.

3 issues down.

My favorite part was how quick he dropped Bug once he found out he wasn't in the movie

...I hadn't thought of that.
Are you reading along, user?

Was that really the issue, though?

I mean I heard the story multiple times, but many on Sup Forums believe themselves to be junior editors on Bleeding Cool, so

The original sin tie in is much more bullshit

Remind me again why we need to see this shit from Obama's perspective

You're a sick man, OP.

I'm in

I reread that and it's baffling how the idea behind it is (imho) great and then he ruins it completely with utter bullshit that only proves he didn't care to actually continue from what we saw in TTI
It's boggles the mind

i assumed so

I literally cannot take any complaints of it seriously because all i hear is "muh DNA" when people complain, despite being sure it is loaded with problems.

Well he warned us.

You're a monster, OP.
Yet I commend you.

I'd be willing to Storytime Zdarsky Horward the Duck this week as well.

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The idea to put out a lot of Thanos content before Infinity Wars so that you have a huge backlog of stories to sell to people once the movie hits isn't bad business-wise in theory...in practice, though, Marvel has jobbed him out to death and removed any impact he might have as a villain.

I've actually found a page of the update to the Marvel Universe Handbook that explains the Cancerverse issue tying it a bit more tight to the Thanos Imperative so it makes sense

Did you not read Thanos Imperative?
Bendis just wanted to use Thanos for movie synergy and didn't bother thinking of an explanation for 2 years.

Noice.
You embarked in a much lighter task than I did, though

The Infinity bait and switch wasn't a bad idea in itself... But he had to lose to Thane of all people. And when he raised again to fuck shit up with the Cabal he was hardly the protagonist out of those even, Namor stole his thunder

More like he was mandated to use Thanos and keep the previous run's baggage out for a while
He complied but I doubt he had much say in it

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Okay, another moviebait with controlled Hulk is over

>John King

at least BagleyWidow is delicious

This still is too similar to EllisCap condoning torture and torture threats in SecretAvengers

IT WAS JUST A PRANK BRO

We're going to discover what the name of the game is
But you're not going to like it

Can you hear the noise of Cosmic Marvel going down the shitter?

I mean, not like this is worse than Spider-woman

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And here we can see BMB starting to seed for his upcoming GotG run.

Basically:
>the Badoon have a plan
>the Badoon play the long game
>the Badoon pretend to play nice but plan to fuck everyone
>the Brotherhood/Sisterhood split will be highly relevant
>the Badoon allied themselves with Thanos
>the Badoon killed Starlord's mom

And guess what?
Absolutely NOTHING out of all this will end up being relevant in the run. Ever.
10/10 Bendis