What the fuck is wrong with handshakes these days?

what the fuck is wrong with handshakes these days?

because of my job, I meet multiple new people everyday. no bullshit, maybe 20% of males have an acceptable handshake. on top of that, people seem to be somewhat taken aback when you actually shake their hand, instead of offering up a limp fish

why is this?

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Hardly any are able to look others in the eye these day as you pass in the street. They dip their head and pretend to study their mobile phone instead

poor buggers

Touching another man is gay as shit. If you reach out something to do and you're not a hot ass bitch after my dick, we're gonna have a problem.

right , its not like i want to fucking fondle your hand for a second , fucking actually give me a firm handshake , hate those pussies

If you can't close a 250 gripper at least, keep your mouth shut you little girly man

not hygienic

i know what ya mean. This morning, i shook somebodys hand, looked down at their pathetic attempt, and called them a faggot. Got arrested for hate speech shortly after.

lol handshake pissing contests are one of the weirdest surviving traditions in stupid macho bullshit

nigga , handshake is the most well known ancient way of being alpha - manly

Maybe they just don't want to touch you.

lol stfu about that , what are you sucking on your fingers like lolipops when your done ?

My thumb webbing should come in contact with your thumb webbing.

STOP GIVING ME JUST YOUR FINGERS YOU FUCKING FRUITCAKE!

...

Some gutless faggots attempt the short shrift power squeeze but I am a captain of crush and put it to them until they wince a bit in the eye. Set the thing straight right away.

I am from London, most new people I meet are black or brown poo in street and wipe your ass with your hand type, naturally we dont shake hands.
I always carry antiseptic tissues in case I do have shake someones hand.

Just a leaf.

nothing to do with being macho. you could be th most effeminate male to have ever graced the earth and I'd still respect you more than the Chad the bodybuilder who offers up a limp fish

...

didn't know women browsed 4ch

exacctllyy

>not grabbing early to just get their fingers make them feel like a pussy

Yeah enjoy getting your face smashed in like the faggot you are.

>limp fish
I hate when this happens, like wtf man

Like 30% of all people have literal shit stains on their hands.
Many people never wash their hands after going to the toilet and just as many casually scratch their ass daily.

You're right. The limp fish is fucking gay. Seriously. Give me a firm handshake. Don't rub your limp hand against me like a weirdo. WTH is that?

I don't (can't) shake hands.

I have mental problems and am on neetbux for it.

Hands are dirty.

I think it's kind of cringey when someone squeezes my hand really hard when we handshake.

Yeah, I get it, you're tough or something because you squeezed my hand really hard. Didn't really ask you to, not sure what I did to deserve that asshole, but hey, whatever.

The idea that I have to squeeze your hand to prove I'm tough seems fucking retarded. I'm not going to go through the effort of trying to gauge whether someone will squeeze and thus I should squeeze back or if someone will just do the common sense thing and keep their grip to themselves expecting me to do the same.

I certainly don't want to get into a contest to see who can grip the other harder as well, because it's pointless and I don't want to have to say sorry if you start saying "ow," because I went too far.

This.

Handshakes are for pussies, people suck my cock when they greet me.

>he doesn't realize a grip that's TOO strong in a handshake is a sign of insecurity

There's a reason they say to be firm, not excessive.

I also am a big proponent of the lefty ambush if I don't like the way someone looks. Ambidexterity rules.

Who cares? Just assert your dominance.

i mean if you are shaking the hand of filthy untermensch maybe , but fuck dood

I swear to god some people must do this.

I stop, grab their wrist and say "that's just awful, give me a real handshake" and grab the full handshake.

I've done this to people in the office even if they have a higher position than me. Don't give me a fucking halfy, you cunt. You're not better than me.

If shaking a man's hand arouses gay thoughts then I have some bad news, user. You're gay.

>shake someone's hand
>they grab my fingers
You son of a bitch.

I have small hands

>leaf

Even your imaginary girlfriend would fuck me behind your fat-rolled back....simpering dolt.

>limp fish detected

Handshakes are too intimate for millennials.

i always thought it was childish when a man tries to break your hand but a lot of hand shakes are pitiful. how hard is it to give a firm two pumps

If I know I'm going to meet someone like a salesman, I purposefully stank my hand up on my ballsack before I deliver a crushing death grip, ideally leaving my stench on them.

Tmyk

Yeah I know. I shook my professor's hands and couldn't believe what a lump fish shake he gave. I thought to myself, "how on earth does this guy expect me to respect him with a shake like that?"

i don't even shake hands

all of my friends just slap hands and then fist bump after
maybe a shoulder bump if we're good bros

>insecure compensator detected

well those people are dumb , others dont realize their hand strength , but a normal handshake SHOULD be firm but not death grasp firm ya know

Lol plus they also think women who want to fuck you will want to shake your hand...

/thread

good thing we can just hug and take a selfie together

this shit happens all the time, I go in for some confident full contact 100% heterosexual thumb webbing on thumb webbing action and he clamps down when I'm 80% of the way there

I'm posting on hospital wifi waiting for my mother to drive her home and you fucking throw shit like this at me

Please mind where you force giggles out of people.

It's always more surprising when a guy who appears to be a Chad has a limp fish hand shake.

how about using rubber gloves m8

ps nice dubs

I don't think I have ever shaken the vast majority of my friend's hands.

I'm talking about business settings, where handshakes are to be expected

politely assertive, two shakes, eye contact, smile

congrats you just started this professional relationship with a +5 trust bonus

you level up! increase (S)trength, (D)exterity, or (I)ntelligence?

I don't shake someone's hand with strength so they lower their guard and I can stab them in the back.

I find that Asian men are most likely to offer up a cold fish. They don't understand handshake culture, and literally think that all they have to do is touch their palm to yours. But then you get these dudebro chads with something to prove who actually try to break your hand by squeezing so hard and don't even attempt to "shake" it, they just want to prove how strong they are.

My results have been the same as OP's. Only about 20% of men (a lot lower percentage of women) know how to properly shake someone's hand.

Cuck him mentally by putting out your left and refusing to withdraw it until he submits. I did this to a man with baby flipper monofinger left arm and totally groped it like I was going to steal it.

Sorry bro. I hope she's ok, and tell her a random Sup Forums user says "hi."

>the fuck is this guy doing, looks a bit too eager... creep

What people actually think of you. Better look for other "how to interact with people" guides, because I know you read a few to learn how to pretend to be a human being -- it's evident by how you view it as a formula

Ahmed, raping every woman you meet may be acceptable in Pakistan, but in an actual civilized place, it's not

I have a firm grip but my autism kicks in at the shake part and I either have a limp wrist or move my entire arm.

>I judge people based on the pressure they apply when I perform a hand ritual with them
this is the whole point of your handshake ritual, you realize?

to decide that someone is worthless trash because they either squeezed too much (they're obviously overcompensating!) or they squeezed too little (they're obviously a cuck!)

if you are satisfied with each and every handshake you make then there would be no reason to continue doing it, because it would no longer serve the function of allowing you to make stupid assumptions about people

Stop

my firm but fair handshake would make you shit your pants outside a walmart

Absence of the handshakes was one of the first things I spot when moved to the US from ex-soviet country. Not sure if it's a slav or soviet thing, but we shake hand with every man we greet during the day. Doesn't matter if it's your best friend, or just a guy who stand next to a person you know.
And it's considered rude if you don't shake hand of every man in the group you're greeting.

>squeezing peoples' hands when shaking them
You're the cringey one m8.

You don't fucking wring their hand unless you hang out with douches or are in highschool

You firmly grip their hand and shake for about 1-2 seconds then release.

I dont know why people get this autistic about handshakes

>when your kind of close but not really and your pretty sure you work with him but you can't really tell so you just make some noise and he looks at you strange and it turns out he's literally who

JUST

Fishman detected

Autist confirmed

pls go

Don't feel ashamed. Your retarded idol Drumpf does too.

deal with the fact that your primitive hand ritual is stupid, senpai

>claims to be firm
>says being firm is limp fish

Make up your mind you insecure faggot.

I bet I could break your arm with my grip alone.

But I stole a piece of bread as a child and I have no hands.

youtube.com/watch?v=xu_bE7g2wqM

>on Sup Forums
>not autistic
Welcome newfriend.

i dont understand how to do a handshake

How do you guys shake hands and hold vodka bottles at the same time?

because it is subjective

and doesnt matter TO THEM

Whenever I shake hands I do it as hard as possible and hold on for a long time to assert my dominance. So far I am the most dominate man I've met.

>Leaf

No, the handshake began as a ritual amongst feudal societies to establish trust and to show you are not armed.

Hej Achmed

I've had this problem for a year, I just stress when I pass near people, I just don't know where to look what to do wether im walking in a silly way.

Now I force myself to make eye contact with the person that passes by and if they smile I smile back.

>not initiating every handshake your self with your left hand
Now they have to think about the handshake and submit to your hand preference

>not grabbing their knuckles and grinding them while smiling innocently (and knowingly) to their face

Brian?

I personally have a pre-injured hand. So avoid shakes. Also like the Japs way of bowing. I don't want to touch some strangers hand who probably just got done jerking it

Dude was an alpha project manager and powerlifter (used bar strap for flipper limb) like a unmanlet Scott Caan. He was usually a dick to people but was very agreeable toward me after that.

Handshakes aren't meant to be a grip contest. From what I understand, it may have developed from people showing that their hand is unarmed and not a threat to the person. Which I never understood, because what about the other hand?

Anyway, physical touch is a way to remove the natural prejudice toward strangers. Allowing somebody to touch you implies a certain level of trust. It doesn't make you intimately involved with the person, but it's a strong enough bond to acquaint you with someone and feel that they aren't an immediate threat.

Not that this can't be exploited, but a mugger or attacker doesn't generally shake your hand first.

it no longer does this. the only purpose left is to irrationally judge that someone is either an autist or insecure because they didn't apply your desired level of pressure

but maybe they do it differently in the UK. maybe you're literally doing it because you literally think they might have arms otherwise. let me know

I always make sure to have food all over my hands, just sneeze or cough into it or something like that if I think some faggot will attempt to shake my hand.

Its fucking gross and I caught warts and ringworm from shaking hands.

Should women have a firm handshake as well?

put your foot out instead

Where did he say anything about squeezing too hard? There's a very distinct difference between a firm handshake and a limp fish without assuming that the only option besides limp fish is a death grip.

there is nothing 'subjective' about a good handshake.

there are acceptable handshakes, and unacceptable ones.

if our hands interlock fully and you apply even a small amount of force, it's a good handshake in my book. vast majority of males shake like women. partially interlocked hands, limp wristed, no grip whatsoever

>but a mugger or attacker doesn't generally shake your hand first.
what if they did?