Retail/Job Horror Stories: PT 2

Post 'em if you got 'em.

Also, make it through this without cringing/raging.

Pro tip: you can't.
m.youtube.com/watch?v=TqxDY2_gySo

>Work at wal*mart
>Walk in bathroom
>Big fat black guy is pissing all over the sink
>long bullshit day
>Finally clock out
>Leave store
>Drive by door
>Big black guy is pissing in the entrance

why

That faggot.
Fuck him and his yt prank bullshit.
People like him make me want to bring back lynching.

>Be me

>Be cashier

>Guy checking out 3 lanes over comes to me

>shows my some pictures he printed out

>holy shit

>he burned down two meth labs

>he took his pictures back and as he walked away yelled 'god bless you user'

god bless you mystery man

college bookstore worker here. What kind of stories do you want to hear?

>be American
>shart in mart

What your parents did when you came out to them.

holy shit the $100 bill at the end?!!?! fuck that kike, seriously, even if I didn't hate jews he's making a damn good case

im straight man so... i dont know what you want from me.

I can however say this: black people dont buy shit fom us. they always come in, get the isbn, and go to cheg or barnes and nobles site to get it there.

>Be a photo specialist at Wal Mart back when Wal Mart still developed film photos as well as digital photos. (they only do digital now I think).
>The way we develop is we scan through the photos on the computer and print them out on our photo printing machines.
>scan for photos of copyrighted photos or nude photos because we can't process those for customers.
>One time a big black lady came in and asked for her photos.
>The photos consisted of her being in nothing but lingerie and suggestive poses.
>I couldn't care less about store policies and was about to giver her photos to her in an envelope.
>My co worker, a bald 40ish something who still lived with is parents and rule follower saw the photos and told the lady she couldn't take the photos due to store policy.
>They got into a long argument. Manager had to come over.
>Manager told the customer we weren't allowed to sell her those photos.
>I was trying to keep from laughing throughout the whole thing.
>I'm glad i don't work there anymore.

>be working as cashier at Officeworks around december
>busy as fuck time of year
>get told im not supposed to leave the counter under any circumstance
>guy in wheel chair drops his card trying to pay for some shit
>walk around and give the man his card
>man says thank you and pays

>Next guy, angry as fuck, trying to use our half assed postal system i barely know shit all about
>dude fucked up the barcodes on the stickers, none on hand, have to go get another one, call on the PA for a worker on the floor to grab one.
>dude losing patience
>no one comes because everyone is busy
>dude just grabs one himself
>everything is in order, dude tries to pry open the locked lockers on the postal machine
>got a big line of impatient customers wanting to get out the door
>now have the angry fucker holding the door open, fucking giving me the stink eye
>call team member to assist, no one comes
>"well why cant you help me?"
>"im not supposed to leave the counter"
>dude loses his shit and abuses the door greeter
>dude gets his shit done, leaves
>door greeter abuses me
>then suddenly 3 cowrokers ask why i kept calling for assisstance

>mfw shit day

they sacked me back in febuary when they got a new manager and i wasn't "cost effective" to have on staff.

im salty, but bloody hell i miss that job

What do you miss about it? Was it your co-workers, or something about the job itself?

it was comfy

everyone knew what they were doing and did very well at it.
we ran the store pretty fucking well when we had no manager for the 4 most busiest months of the year.

i liked the people i worked with and they liked me.
it was also my second job ever, and it was much more "Action packed" than my first one.

i guess i loved it because i had a sense of purpose.


now im just a bit directionless.
i dont know what i should do.
i know what i want to do, and thats join the Army but im not sure if it's what i Should do.

my family have floated the idea of going back to university next year and doing a managment degree in business, but im not sure if thats something my heart would be in at all.

I've never worked a retail job but the engineering company I work for does a ton of work for a bunch of different retail (most notably Walmart). I do the mechanical systems design and try to make the duct paths into swastika shapes so if you've ever seen that at any kind of retail store you've been to/worked at there is a chance I designed it

I have a related story that happened recently.

>Work at a small gas station in a town filled with trailer trash
>This fat as fuck, short guy walks in
>Looks unkept, hole in shirt, baseball cap and butchered sweat pants
>Has a lazy eye
>Lisp
>Grabs a shitton of mountain dew, slim jims
>Sets them on the counter, then turns around
>Grabs some fucking tallboys of natural light, cheap pisswater beer
>Walks over to the cold foods
>Bends over to grab something
>Ive been watching him
>See 2 brown spots about an inch in diameter on his ass right at the crack
>Try to not die laughing
>He comes to finally fucking check out
>Give me a food stamp card for his garbage food
>He had $700 in fucking food stamps
>After that goes through he wants the cheapest pack of cigarettes we have
>Pays for his pisswater and cancersticks with a 50 dollar bill
>Bag his shit, he leaves
>Start busting out laughing with coworker
>He drives a fucking 2013 kia optima
>Mfw this is the type of person i see regularly
>Mfw this is what my tax dollars pay for

merchandiser/warhouse guy
>first day at job
>everyone is swedish

other one from yesterday

>there are theories that our (germoney) company is owned by juice
>open box of candy
>1 shekel inside it

they know

Done four years at target, quitting in about three weeks because I fucking hate that store. I've done damn near every job, what do you want to hear about?

What incidents have you had in your tranny bathrooms?

No trannies yet, plenty of shit smears. It's not a day without the holy trinity of bodily excrements.

...

I love reading these. They are the reason I said fuck no to retail and any customer service job.

Not that interesting but
>Be me
>Sell computers to old people at (((Staples)))
>Back-to-school-night, which is apparently the only day the company is profitable.
>idk how they sell notebooks for like 5 cents.
>Crazy busy
>Checkout system slows to a halt
>"Nationwide system failure" is what they told me
>Hundreds of angry mom's stuck in line
>Takes 5 mins to check out each customer
>JUST
But hey kids got their fuckin Zebra pens tho

Probably because college book store prices are always fucking jacked up beyond belief. Trust me, I wouldn't mind paying $10 extra to have in on the spot, but sometimes the prices are unbelievable.

Don't do management. I did that and it's pointless. You should do something with technology. Programming or web design. Both you can learn for free at home, and web design especially isn't very hard to get into. Khan Academy (I think that's the site) has a fantastic html and css guide where it holds your hand through it and teaches you all the basics. Anybody can do that.

Seriously. Management is just for people who want a random degree. That's why I did it, and it ends up being pretty worthless. You've gotta get a real, definable skill.

it's not the first time someones told me management is worthless, hence im very aprehensive about doing a degree, not even mentioning i'd be tying myself in further debt

i really just want to work with my hands, and earn my keep.

i cant stand being a fucking neet anymore.

maybe i could look into trades in the Army?
my uncle was an Army electrician back in the 80s, and i wanted to follow in his foot steps and join, except with the intention of seeing the sandbox with a rifleman job, not a electrician job.

reposting here

>be me, 17
>trying to save up for a gaming pc
>working night shift at a call center
>pretty chill, some nights go by without a single call
>tech support for comcast
>one day the indian call center that serviced half the area shuts down
>swarmed with calls, of course they are 99% niggers
>immediately develop a racist profile
>fucking niggers are retarded beyond my wildest nightmares
>average call time with a dindu = 40 minutes
>40 minutes of getting shit talked
>never less than 28 calls on hold
>one night this coon calls, surprisingly calm
>he asks for a movie (pay per view)
>ask him which movie
>"uuuhh, got any with some fine ass bitches yo?"
>the fuck
>"porn nigga"
>tell him he has to select it using his streaming device
>stupid nigger can't work the control
>he insists I help select the movie
>my manager is listening to the call, fuck my life
>pull the movie list
>879 movies found
>"CMON NIGA I'M TRYING TO JERK OFF HERE"
>Spend the next 50 minutes reading the entire porn movie collection to a retarded nigger playing with his dick on the phone and moaning like a howard stern show sound effect
>you can only image the titles of the fucking movies, everyone was staring at me laughing their asses off
>finally get to the last 120 or so
>"big booty bitches tw-"
>"OHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEE"
>"NAH SON ITS AIGHT"
>hangs up

He was marking his territory, you should have stopped him, you fool.,

I have never understood the concept of paying for porn. It's not like I'm "too young," or anything, as I was born in 86.

Worked in a garden centre in 2012,fucking rats are everywhere!.
5pm as we are closing up for the day , the rats come out.
Rats are smart little bastards.
If you buy food from a garden centre be careful it is well wrapped

>garden centre
Checked, and what do you mean? in NA English, a garden center is where you buy plants and potting soil, etc.

Same thing, many of them here also will sell food or have a cafeteria.

people are pathetic

Oh, thanks. usually it's just a seasonal place attached to a ShartMart, etc., disassembled in fall/winter in Canada.

i remember reading a greentext about a mexican who convinced a bunch of spics that to activate their phones, they had to hold their phone in the air and yell ACTIVATE 3 times

is that you famalam?

>Used to work at the biggest IGA in my town of 150,00 peopIe
>Saturday morning shift, 17 years oId
>ObviousIy pretty tired, stiII waking up, its Iike 9 am
>Working one of the 2 registers at the cigarette counter, girI working next to me I think can't remember
>Guy comes up, nerdy Iooking with gIasses in his 30s, has some generaI groceries, nothing speciaI
>Strike up a nice conversation with him, aIways taIk to customers because I enjoyed it and it made my job more interesting
>OIder women waIks up, in her 50s
>As she arrives to the other register the sudden, unmistakeabIe smeII of human feces hits me
>'Oh fuck me dead, that Iady Iegit smeIIs Iike shit'
>pretend to not notice, keep serving the dude
>whoIe time I'm going off in my head at this Iady, swearing, caIIing her every name under the sun
>FeeIing bad for the guy that he has to smeII it too
>He pays for his things with cash
>As I hand him his change he Iooks at me and says
>'Where's the toiIet around here?'
That guy IegitimateIy shat himseIf right in front of me man

God bless you user

americans might shart in mart but we aussies do our BUSINESS at the caSHITister!!

Hi, I'm Larry potterfield from midway USA

meant to be 150,000 peopIe, my mistake.
Another story:
>Working the cigarette counter again
>its a saturday afternoon shift
>fairIy busy but not that hectic, manageabIe
I don't know about overseas but in AustraIia at grocery stores onIy the cigarette counter can seII cigarettes, and at my store thats where they aIso had condoms, Iube, pregnancy tests etc.
>OIder gentIemen waIks up, grey hair, 60s+
>Has onIy a coupIe things
>Asks for a packet of cigarettes
>I turn around, grab them, scan them
>'Anything eIse today mate?'
>'Yeah I'II have a packet of condoms,
>He Iooks me dead in the eyes
>The big ones'
>Have no idea which fucking ones he's taIking about
>turn around, point at a random packet
>'These ones?'
>'No, the ones to the Ieft'
It was just weird as fuck that he basicaIIy death stared me in the eyes as he said the big ones, stiII don't know if he thought I was a twink (I was fairIy skinny but muscuIar 18 year oId at the time) or that he was trying to 'show off' his penis size.
Fucking weird though

...

Wasted.

Whereabouts roughly? This story sounds strangely familiar.

Only in America
>SHART IN MART

...

Retard.

Wait till he finishes, then piss on his piss, while making eye contact and showing teeth. You have to establish dominance or he won't stop.

maybe its just a case of he was uncomfortable with the situation so he made you uncomfortable so he wasn't awkwardly alone in how awkward he felt.

it wasn't an uncomfortabIe stare, it was a very serious stare.
PIus the way he paused and emphasised 'big' ones wasn't because of being uncomfortabIe Imao

I worked in a grocery store for a good while and the only thing I can really conclude is that the average person is far stupider than they're given credit for, at least older ones.

Most people won't really have good stories. It's just stupid shit, like the time I got molested by a mentally retarded teenager, or when some idiot tried breaking into the tobacco cabinet at 3 AM, or laughing on the inside when I see white single mothers with mixed race children. The vast majority of shit that I remember is just people not knowing how to open their god damn eyes and look around. It's just mildly aggravating.

He wanted to fuck you, faggot

>work in deli counter
>every day get weirdos and oldies
>one day old lady comes in for a blt
>asks for the bacon to be extra crisp
>throw shit in microwave 3 mins
>glare from autistic coworker
>he tells me to throw it in the microwave for 11 mins
>mfw the bacon looks like flavor flavs shriveled testicles and old hag sloppily enjoys it at the deli table with a sluttish gusto

>Working as cashier
>Been there about 4 months, still in probation but they're asking me constantly to train newer cashiers
>Or I'm forced to train them in shit no one covered
>One such example is a woman who has worked in retail before and has more time cashiering than me
>Yet she didn't bother to check the ID to match it to a woman's credit card when she bought 500 dollars worth of home improvement shit
>Same customer returns later to buy 70 dollars in locks, comes to my line, uses the same credit card but didn't bother bringing her ID
>Flips her fucking lid when I ask for one, and when she demands a manager, they reiterate that we can't authorize the purchase until we see an ID
>Tries walking out of the store with the locks, and when we stop her she screams that she already paid!
>Politely tell her I haven't authorized the sale and that she'll have to go out, get her ID from her car and then pay for the locks all over
>Throws the locks I bagged for her on the floor, manager just kicks them to the side and says it's not our job
>Old bitch comes back, pays, complains about the "bad system" as I am forced to train a woman almost twice my age on something as simple as checking credit cards and IDs
>Old bitch returns a few minutes after leaving, crying about how she lost her phone and how we have to help her find it -- same dumb ass cashier woman wants to abandon her post, and the growing lines, to help one nasty old bitch find her 40 dollar phone

Honestly prefer working returns. It's great telling Mexicans with obviously stolen shit or meth heads with dirty, nasty old shit that we won't accept it.

I remember that shit but it wasn't me.

>Working deli counter during closing shift
>We sell salads by weight
>Homeless people always come in during the one hour we have to clean everything to waste about ten minutes making me carefully measure out exactly 30 cents worth of green beans
>Or finicky assholes bug you to get them more of a specific fruit or item out of a salad, which is awkward as fuck without digging the entire bowl out of the cold case

Topest of Keks

Best thing I've read on here in weeks

>working at the gym
>there was an incident recently involving stupidity and niggers
>now it's my job to equip people with their feeding tubes
>naturally of course people get angry about it because they can do it themselves
>literally the same process as putting on an airplane oxygen mask
>working the early shift
>hear *clonk clonk clonk* getting louder towards me
>manlet bodybuilder had literally glued like 5 inch blocks of rubber to the bottom of his shoes
>stop him and explain due to new policy, I have to put on his tube
>he's the type of guy that wants to prove stuff
>looking up at me, he shouts "WHAT YOU THINK I CAN'T DO IT OR SOMETHING?"
>"WHAT I'M TOO FUCKING SHORT?"
>he jumps up to grab it and yanks one of the tubes
>he lands wrong and falls
>his long hair gelled straight up hits a person a few feet away
>the tube tears from the Slosh™ tank in the ceiling, leaking it everywhere
>customers get even more pissed and the manager grills into me
>have to increase the cost of squats to afford fixing it
>customers walk in and look at the menu above the receptionist and some just walk out
>losing a lot of business and afraid to quit my job because I want to use this place as a reference for the future

don't work at gyms. they suck.

Well since Hastings is going out of business might as well.
>have a coworker named Rio
>guy is probably only a quarter black but he acts full Dindu, this is montana so he doesnt have anyone more gangsta than him to show him how real dindus act.
>guy is the worst coworker i had to work with in the years i was there. Lazy, willing to throw anyone under the bus, and i would not be surprised if he was stealing things.
> He was fired 3 times, but for some reason he would keep getting rehired( combination waiting for a new manger and his cousin worked as assistant manger.
> One night he heads out to the outside rental return box
> He gets halfway across the parking lot before a man runs up grabs his throat and just starts choking the shit out of him.
>Turns out the night before Rio was at a party and at the party he fucked a 17 year old girl.
>the man now choking him was her father.
> Im not clear on what the precedent was but he was fired and they finally put the do not hire back on his file.

> Sell Canada Goose coats
> Decent, but way, WAY overpriced Now they've gone up to about $900
> 9/10 people have no idea which of the 50 styles they want
> Err... I want the long one

WHICH LONG ONE YOU PLEBS THEY MAKE MORE THEN A DOZEN "LONG ONES!"

I had a family come in once buying a $700 coat for their 14yr old daughter. Well in their infinite wisdom the brought their younger daughter who was about 9 or so. She fucking flipped her shit and started crying and throwing a tantrem because she wasn't getting one.

I WANT THAT PINK ONE! For I swear almost an hour. They kept trying to bribe her with cheaper($150) but still crazy prized Canada Goose hats and gloves. Not once did they think to take her out of the store and defuse the situation.

I'll give you one that happened today.

>be me
>slow fucking Tuesday. Everything done by 4 pm for me and off at 10 pm
>mostly shooting the shit
>customer comes by to pick up cake
>she wanted turquoise and it came out slightly morr green then she wanted it
>cake is 5.99 and she wants a new one
>I can decorate but not for a 5.99 cake with only 15 mins to close
>"sorry miss decorators gone"
>about to leave
>my caffeine crackhead of a coworker pokes her head up and is like "I can decorate it!"
>zooms off
>first she tried to scrape the icing off (kerp in mind she shakes/spasms every few seconds)
>didn't work
>went to go make her own from scratch
>can't find 5 inch cake so she decimates a 8 inch
>by this time I went to clock out and say not my fucking problem
>what I assume was a caffeine fueled meltdown she somehow does it
>sends me a picture of the mess asking if I'm going to come back to clean it.

Never laughed so hard this month, this little fucking spaz of a woman made a cake from scratch with no decorator training.

>tfw she doesn't know I'm secretly an asshole

Is she hot

> Costumers coming in 5 min to close
> Costumers who you've told you're closed but stay anyway
> Costumers who don't bring you the cloths you've tried on or don't put it back where they got it

If they're very apologetic about it and are just running in to grab something last minute I don't mind to much but god dam you can tell when people haven't worked retail before.

What the fuck is a gym feeding tube

Seriously what the fuck

kek

>tfw a loser like that guy probably has a gf, while I sit here alone in my boxers

>store is closing and most of the customers are leaving or out.
>except one guy in the book department
>sound asleep in a chair, will not wake up to anyone talking to him.
>shift manager tips up the chair and the guy falls out gets up but its clear he's super drunk
>he wasn't the only thing that fell out, while he was unconscious he shit himself and got it all over the chair.
>When the shift manger is telling the store manager over the phone what happened, she says just wash the chair off and itll be fine.
>those of us in the store including shift manger decide fuck that, this chair is beyond saving.
>we throw it in the dumpster, shift manager comes up with excuse for us to all tell store manager
>oh yeah, we carried it outside to hose it off and then Shift manager said he'd handle it and let us go home, then he went in to get soap and when he came back out someone must of came up and "stole" it.

Just go inside a gym to workout and you'll see one

You must be the type that orders his weights and exercises from the drive through instead

>put some items through for the customer
"Oh hang on that said it was cheaper on the tag"
>Point to how tag is adorned and decorated in text and logos stating it's only available to people with a store card
"Ok I'll just go put it back :)"
>Didn't have the ability to remove items from the sale
>had to call out my manager every time this happens

e b i c

Dunno how much discretion you had but whenever people did this I'd just ring up a card for them.

Then again, I could also void items without a fucking override so sounds like you had it harder.

Gosh darnit.
Those ignorant, wasteful, cheap college-niggers.

Yeah. The only car I ever had on hand was my own and, because it had an employee discount I would have gotten chewed out for using it.

the closest thing I could do was suspend the transaction but those got logged at the end of the day

Surrey.

Sup Forums came to the store

tfw gym valet scratched my car

I have to deal with an old man in dairy at walmart. He looks like the Gringott's goblin, sneezes and coughs on EVERYTHING and pisses blood on the toilet.

I'll think of some short stories, don't wanna green text about the hiding fugitive that happened this week.

>that 42 y/o milf that comes in regularly

She brightens a boring day lads

There's an entire book about retail horror stories written by a (literally) autistic /tg/ poster.
It's called "Broke Ass Brigade"

I have to deal with an old man in dairy at walmart. He looks like the Gringott's goblin, sneezes and coughs on EVERYTHING and pisses blood on the toilet.

I'll think of some short stories, don't wanna green text about the hiding fugitive that happened this week.

I have to deal with an old man in dairy at walmart. He looks like the Gringott's goblin, sneezes and coughs on EVERYTHING and pisses blood on the toilet.

I'll think of some short stories, don't wanna green text about the hiding fugitive that happened this week.

Hehehehehehe
Haha get the meme!? RETALE!! Retell!!! Babaganoch!

>doing a managment degree in business

Big mistake. The only possible way that major would be useful would be if you are doing a double degree and the other isn't a second meme degree.

I have a store, don't exactly work retail, but a library is close enough, I still have to deal with kids that will shit on the floors of bathrooms, people that shoot up in the bathrooms and people that try to steal dvds or books all the time.

Here's one story. It's 5 minutes to close and this dad is trying to get his 10 year old autistic kid to leave, but the kid isn't having any of it, he wants to stay. Then he starts running around the library and takes a shit ton of books off the shelves. Took two people about three hours the next day to clean the mess up.

Business management degrees are useful if you plan on starting your own company. Helps in structuring the business.

Wrong move. You tell the faggot that you could not give a fuck about his kike money, throw him out whether he pays or not, and ban him forever.

>work at subway
>Irish family keeps coming in every few days
>complete knightmare
>Talk too fast and with fucked up pronounciation in their Irish gibberish
>Make wierd orders with meat portions and tray of meat and get pissy whith the prices
>Try to take their sub and claim they've paid already on at least one occasion
>Have to keep the sub behind the counter everytime after
>one day it's the two mothers and a few of their Irish cunt kids
>Same routine with their gibberish and getting fussy with their order/you not understand their shit
>Kids try to take shit from the drinks fridge out front and walk away, parents pretend it isn't happening
>Get called out they start getting defensive/argue
>make them pay as I hold the Irish cunts money she gets uppity and yells some shit
>WOT R YOU DOING WITH MY MONEE
>Yell at her i'm just giving her the fucking change
>never see them again after
I'm terrible with stories

what was the punchline, you're an aussie, you're supposed to be funny.

Nothing really funny about the story honestly, also the kids made a huge mess on the floor while the parents were acting super defensive. Top quality Irish parenting. My boss didn't even care that I yelled at and swore at the cunts because he was a racist Indian that hates Irish people.

Everyone in Aussie seems to be racist, you seem to hate any foreigners, even though you're probably a foreigner yourself because your great ancestors migrated there as criminals.

>work at gym
>gym is very busy, full most days
>middle of the afternoon
>user there has been an incident upstairs, please go check it out
>Ok?
>go upstairs, open door
>overwhelming smell of shit
>half of gym cleared, a few people laughing
>dudebro shit himself running feel speed on a teadmill
>shit scattered 10 feet behind the treadmill
>some sticky shit is still spinning on the treadmill in a perpetual shit carousel

None of my ancestors are criminals, my grandparents on both sides are all foreigners from diff natios.

This is what happens when your gym doesn't have feeding tubes.

Not exactly retail but here goes
>be engineer on small cruise ship
>bridge officer is told to do fixed fire system alarm checks
>let's call him Mongoloid
>Mongoloid does as he's told
>Mongoloid doesn't tell the engineers he's about to do some fire alarm tests
>Mongoloid goes to the nearest passenger cabin from the bridge
>nearest passenger cabin Mongoloid chooses is the 15,000 dollar per week cabin PER PERSON
>four people, parents and two children, are staying there for two weeks.
>Mongoloid doesn't put the fire alarm system into TEST MODE
>Mongoloid holds lighter under flame detector
>Mongoloid floods that cabin with sea water
>Shit hits the fan, captain is fucking furious and the guests are even more so.
>Mongoloid is deeply sorry and is made to apologise to the guests in front of captain and staff captain
>guests get whatever compensation I don't know what
>all engineers are dying from laughing downstairs

>fast forward 24 hours later
>captain needs these safety checks to be done because local Coastguard are coming soon to inspect the ship
>Mongoloid, under supervision of staff captain, go to do the same fixed fire alarm checks
>the captain, chief engineer and myself are asked to go to the same super expensive guest cabin as yesterday's fuck up.
>staff captain ensures us that the system has been put into test mode upstairs on the bridge
>Mongoloid holds lighter under flame detector
>niagrafalls.jpg
>staff captain didn't confirm the TEST MODE on the computer terminal
>captain goes into full Ukrainian rage mode
>chief and I skidaddle downstairs to the engine room
>ourfuckingsides.gif

10/10 didn't sail on that ship again.

>Customer is in cafeteria, he looks about 90 years old and also looks dead/asleep
>Say to manager "I think customer is dead?"
Manager does nothing.
>I end up going near to the customer and dropping something accidentally, loud bang wakes customer
>customer is not dead.

>working part time at old folks home
>literately being a farm alarm due to safety regulations
>start walking around the old folks home
>sometimes the patients get out at night
>old man in view shits himself and slips in it
>stops moving and just lays there
>tell a nurse and go back to my 14 hour shift of watching tv and overtime pay

>disassembled in fall/winter in Canada.
Nah, just becomes an outdoor ice rink

Join the army if you aren't fat, it's a somewhat safe job and can be fun as fuck

I dont know what one is and I used to be one of those 'DYEL train eeryday' fags for 3 years of my life.

Sounds like my one buddy who used to work for a security company. He worked at a retirement home for a bit.

>one person "moves out"
>room fully furnished has been vacant for a few weeks
>he's tired, so he goes and crashes in the bed for a few hours
>a person that works for the home walks in with some prospective clients to check the room out
>they see him, he wakes up, they apologize and leave
>he's wondering why they apologized, he was sleeping on the job

He said it was his best gig with that company. Now somehow, he's an engineer, and he really has no idea how he passed his courses.

>back in high school
>work at department store
>on one of my first few days I find security sensors and Polo tags in the fitting room
>niggers in my gym class don't show up the next day
>on my way to work I see some of them leaving the shopping center
>when I get to the store I see the loudest nigger of the bunch in the back of a cop car
Feels Good

>managing a nightclub
>security call from main floor
>a nigger had reached over the bar and grabbed a bottle
>female bartender grabbed other end
tugofwar.jpg
>nigger punched her in the face and is fighting through the crowd
>security chasing him
>call the police and leave the office
>I’m walking down a hall toward the bar
>nigger running toward me
>he stops and chugs from the bottle
>250lb batshit crazy Russian security guy tackles the fuck out of the nog
>it was grenadine. the fucking nigger stole a bottle of grenadine
>kek
>cuffed and dragged outside
>just as we get outside the buck chimps and makes a run for it
>straight into the fucking street
>gets hit by the arriving police car

mfw

I would like to read that book but the title "Broke Ass Brigade"... Leads me to believe your full of it and by searching that title I will cripple my brain for years to come.