Here we go, another weekly battle against the infamous capchas. Tonight's episode is a Lizard episode written by people who clearly didn't know a thing about him.
Jose Butler
Ey Chuck, what are we fishin' for down here in dem Floridy Everglades?
I dunno Al, manatees, piranhas, dolphins, froggies, worms and plastic minnows?
Nicholas Nelson
OOOOOOOOUT OOOOOOOOUT OF MUH KINGDOM
Aaron Sanders
AHHHHH! What is that? Is it a lizard? Or is it a man?!
Dylan Scott
Clearly a Lizard-man ya pink-skinned mammalian dinguses!
Andrew Young
And this is MUH SWAMP. GIT. OWT. OF. MUH. SWWWWWAMP.
Jaxson Wood
Have a taste of the water! There's pee in it. There's A LOT of pee in it!
Logan Hernandez
And what are you lookin' at user, don't look at me like that, you've peed in the pool and at least I'm Lizard-man enough to admit it.
Carter Miller
Now you two! GIT! Today I rule the swamp! Tomorrow! The World!
Carter Turner
WE LEAVIN' WE LEAVIN'
Nolan Phillips
EXTRY EXTRY READ ALL ABOUTIT LIZARD MAN SLIGHTLY TERRORIZES ONE MAN, LEAVES OTHER MAN INDIFFERENT
Landon Barnes
GET YOUR BUGLE READ ALL ABOUT IT
TODAY'S GARFIELD ESPECIALLY LACKLASTER JIM DAVIS' GHOSTWRITER CLEARLY PHONING IT IN READ ALL ABOUT IT
Nicholas Cruz
A lizard man in Florida? I'd love to fight a character like that! But how would I ever get to Florida? There's the usual problem of having no moneys and there's the problem of me not knowing where it is or how to get there!
Jonathan Sullivan
Better ask ol' Picklepuss. He's always willing to put up cash for a scoop! What a second, no he's not, but who else am I gonna ask?
Cameron Kelly
PARKER! You want to fight the Lizard? YOU? Don't make me laugh! You haven't been keeping up on your training, your spirit energy is low, you haven't released your Bankai yet, and your chakra reserves are pitiful! You'd be lucky to knock over a Saibaman let alone beat up a Lizard man!
Benjamin Baker
Betty: But Mr. Jameson! What if he does beat up the Lizard? Peter's the underdog! Everyone loves a good story of a scrawny man giving it his all against impossible odds even if he does go down faster than Kimbo Slice!
Leo Fisher
Whoa hold on a sec may I speak? I don't want to fight the guy I want to take his picture! We're a newspaper not a martial arts dojo, remember?
Lincoln Myers
Parker: Imagine the headlines! Handsome, Debonair, and well-endowed Publisher J. Jonah Jameson scoops nation with first ever photos of the brutal Lizard Man and confirms that /x/ was right along!
Nathaniel Foster
HMMMMMMMMMMMM
I got it! Replace well-endowed with Mammothly-endowed and have two page spread outline of my penis for the kids to compare theirs to and we have ourselves a story! Well, Parker, what are you waiting for, World Toilet Day? GET ME THOSE PICTURES. I'll pay for your plane fare.
Cameron Gutierrez
Peter: Con successful!
Betty: Bring me back a deep-fried snowglobe, ok?
Lincoln Adams
LATER IN FLORIDA
Evan Rogers
HERE LIZARD LIZARD LIZARD ANYONE SEEN A MONSTER?
John Anderson
Dr. Curtis Conner? There's something not right about this sign. Still, it's a good place to start. If I'm going to wrassle a lizard I must first learn to think like a lizard.
Ryder Rivera
Awww no not bigfoot too! I'm only here to take pictures of one monster! JJ won't pay for two!
Hunter Barnes
Aha! As I suspected! My feet are nearly the same size!
James Brooks
He thinks he can make it to Dr. Conner's laboratory? He won't! I'll ssssssssssee to that!
Carson Cruz
Did somebody say something? My Spidey sense tells me someone's starting to talk shit about me. Huh. Must be the swamp wind.
Charles Lewis
Lizard: Got your leg!
Liam Carter
Whoaaaaaa
Adrian King
Lizard: 360 Lizard Power Swing!
Spider-man: If you're trying to make it in to Marvel vs. Capcom 4 you'll have to do better than that! Put your back and tail into it!
Logan Hughes
Spider-man: Now let go! There's leaches and water moccasins down here!
Ayden Green
Spider-Man: Let me send you off 1 league under the swamp.
Owen Lewis
Spider-Man: Say, your ass is rock-hard, what's your secret, that can't just be squats can it?
Noah Perry
*cough* *gasp* *ackam*
It's going to take weeks to lose this wet-spider smell.
Jack Murphy
Still don't know a thing about fighting Lizard Men but something tells me under water where they try to drown ain't the way to do it.
Kayden Morales
See ya later alligator! I'll be back after I have a chat with a smart science guy!
Angel Martinez
AaaaaAAAAAaaaaAAAAAAA
Nathaniel Walker
You better run! Next time when we fight I won't just be fighting with 1/3 of my true strength!
Tyler Scott
Billy: H-hey! I know you! You're Spider-man! If you offer me candy or a puppy or a car ride I'm supposed to take off running.
Spider-man: That's right! I'm your worst nightmare! Now who are you?
Jacob Cook
Billy: My name's Billy. Billy Conner.
Spider-man: Any relation to Dr. Conner?
Julian James
Billy: He's my dad, at least he was my dad. We used to live in that house until he just disappeared. He's been gone for a week. My mom's been crying for 13 days, but he's been gone for a week.
Lucas Howard
Spider-Man: Your mom's living alone, sad, vulnerable, and sexy in that big house all by herself? Maybe I should have a talk with her. A long, sensual talk.
Billy: And then you'll find my dad, Spider-man?
Spider-man: Yes. Or I'll be your new dad.
Connor James
.. And when I got up in the morning he was gone! I just assumed he died and put his picture up. Here, you can have the note, I don't know what he meant by it for I cannot read.
Levi Watson
Let's have a looksee. It's all damp and torn!
Joshua Taylor
Hmmmm he says there's a terrible monster living around here and you're supposed to take Billy and remarry the first virile man you come across and leave all your valuables and deed to your house to him.
Henry Collins
Spider-man: I will save you and your possessions from this monster and then we can hold hands! AND YOUR NAME IS MARTHA?! FOR FUCK'S SAKE WHY IS EVERYONE WHO NEEDS SAVING NAMED MARTHA?
Martha: Well ok...
Billy: MOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM
Thomas Richardson
Stay back Lizard! Don't hurt me!
Liam Price
OOOGA BOOGA BOOGA
James Wood
Martha: Not Billy! He's being accosted by that... creature!
Spider-Man: You know we can always make another child...
Martha: Save my son!
Spider-Man: FINE
(bumps would be appreciated if anyone's reading. Plus I love the commentary you guys bring)
Evan Long
What are you doing Billy, don't you want to play with your old man? I don't want to hurt you!
Ayden Long
Spider-Man: I'll be the one who decides who gets hurt around here! Hold on tight to my well-defined muscles, Billy!
Michael Garcia
Spider-Man: You stay here, Kid. Pretty sure lizards can't climb trees. Watch me Spidey Swing him.
David Diaz
Spider-Man: AWW FUCK
Lizard: GOT YOUR LEG
Evan Diaz
Lizard: Now! At long last! I have you right where I want you!
Spider-Man: I've never kissed someone with a forked tongue but I'll try anything once.
Brody Rodriguez
Martha: YOU GO AWAY GREEN MONSTER! YOU DON'T BELONG HERE! SHOO SHOO!
Lizard: Martha! She can't see my like this! Not until my plans are complete!
Asher Garcia
Thanks OP
Colton Gonzalez
Wha? What happened? Did I get my first kiss?
Gabriel Miller
Martha: Billy! You're ok!
Billy: Moooooooom! Not in front of the superhero!
And thank you, user bro.
Tyler Wilson
Billy: Spider-man Saved me! But why did the Lizard run away all the sudden when he heard your voice?
Martha: Every time I look at I regret that you didn't get enough of my genetics. God, every time I look at you it looks like someone new beat you with an ugly stick.
Brayden Myers
I don't even know what's going on. I dun goofed and got saved by a desperate housewife.
Ok whew. Deep Breath. Let's get this plot moving.
Aiden Hall
Spider-man: Mrs. Conner, what exactly was your husband working before he disappeared?
Martha: I don't remember! It was either some cure for swamp fever or amputations or some shit. Do I LOOK like a scientist in this continuity?
Jack Morales
Guess we'll just have to break into his lab and rummage through all his stuff then.
Robert Anderson
WHOA! Look at all this science! And it's still warm! OMIGOSH THERE'S SO MUCH SCIENCE I'VE WAITED ALL DAY TO SCIENCE AND NOW I CAN SCIENCE WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S SCIENCE.
Jayden Campbell
Ta-da! This looks to be the most flavorful Sour Green Apple soda ever created. But there's something wrong with it! Look at that unsafe level of carbonation!
Gavin Martin
Better take a quick Spidey Sample and look at it up close to see what's in it!
Gavin Torres
God I love microscopes.
Joshua Myers
AHA! This isn't good science! This is bad science! There's reptile DNA and it's moving in a suspicious manner!
Lincoln Morales
That explains this map! There's a red dot around every swamp in the world! That proves that a Lizard did this! Lizards are notoriously bad at geography!
Parker Gomez
I WANT TO FUCK HIS SHIT UP SO MUCH
Sebastian Ramirez
Spider-Man: But instead I'll find an antidote for Lizards because chemistry is fun! Kids, you stay in school and you can do this for a living!
Juan Young
I think I've poured enough liquids around to make a cure. Red is always a better color drink than green.
Isaac Perry
HEY! THAT'S MY JUNIOR CHEMISTRY SET. I BOUGHT IT WITH MY OWN MONEY. GET YOUR STICKY FINGERS OFF OF MUH STUFF!
Cameron Moore
Lizard: Soon! The entire world will tremble at my name! When I pour that serum into the swamp I'll create a reptile army that will take over the world.
Spider-Man: I should have guessed! Well, you'll have to pry this serum from my cold, dead, hands!
Noah Evans
Spider-man: DAMN IT.
Wyatt Miller
*BONK*
Gabriel Hughes
Way to go butterfingers. The speed and strength of a superlizard beats that of a Spider any day. My path to conquer the world starts with me eliminating you.
Gavin Watson
*BOOM*
Nathan Johnson
Martha: Spider-man? Are you ok?
Spider-man: I'm.... I'm having a bad day. I am OK! Next time I'll do something to avoid getting hurt!
Charles Wood
You can go hunt that Lizard but first you're going to clean up this room or you're grounded.
Brandon James
*sigh* fiiiiiine.
This is the second time he's knocked me down. Third time's the charm, but first.... I clean house.
Leo Gonzalez
We'll see how he handles MY serum next we meet.
Dylan Bailey
Spider-man: He's out to create a reptile army and it's up to me to stop him! Look after our errr your mom Billy.
I'll take the web propeller to search fast!
Robert Ward
SPECTACULAR SPECTACULAR SPEEDERMAN
Mason Gutierrez
Walloping websnappers! My Spidey-sense tells me he's hiding in that old Spanish Fort!
Joshua Sanchez
Spider-Man: What's he doing? About to play Golf? Nothing is greater than golf with a gator but is this really the time or the place?
Alexander Collins
Lizard: Now my pets! When I pour the serum into the swamp Mankind will be at my mercy! Come! Come and watch!
Ayden Fisher
Spider-man: One for JJ! That should make that old skinflint happy.
Jackson Mitchell
Now it's wrasslin time! Uh oh, the bricks here are loose.
William Phillips
Shoddy Spanish Construction! This is why you guys lost control of Spanish Floridaaaaaaaa
Josiah Price
WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME
Blake Anderson
Lizard: Spider-man! You're still alive?
Spider-man: Yeah! Last I checked!
Lizard: After him my pets!
Luis Garcia
Spider-Man: We're at the point in the relationship where you're introducing me to the parents already? Had I known I'd have worn the good red dress!
Carson Watson
*scamper scamper scamper*
Josiah Perry
Word to the wise, Lizard, alligators are slow as shit on land. You really expect that to work? You're supposed to be the lizardoligist!
Connor Myers
ALRIGHT! WHERE DID YOU GO? READY OR NOT HERE I COME
Cooper Ward
Lizard: Surprise piggyback ride! How does it feel to have gross squishy lizard genitals at the back of your neck?!
Spider-man: No no no you're supposed to T-bag from the FRONT
Samuel Howard
Lizard: YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO TALK AFTER YOU'RE STRANGLED
Spider-Man: Before you get around to that could you get the knot in my neck? It's been killing me all day
Liam Cruz
Have we tried webbing yet? No? Seems like an oversight...