What would be different in the Harry Potter movies if Hogwarts were set in America and all the people are americans?

What would be different in the Harry Potter movies if Hogwarts were set in America and all the people are americans?

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youtube.com/watch?v=lJss7x9qEuc
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Gothic_(1995_TV_series)
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_average_wage
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

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*gangster rap plays*

AYOO CUZ we finna up in one of da most thugged-out borin franchise up in history. Fo real each episode followin pimp wizzle n' his thugged-out lil' niggas from Hogwarts Academy as they fight different shitty muthafuckas has been indistinguishable from tha others fo realz. Aside from tha fucked up porno, tha series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement n' ineffectizzle use of effects, all ta make magic unmagical, ta make action seem busted

Maybe tha take a dirtnap was busted when Rowlin didn't want no Spielberg directin tha series; she made shizzle tha series would never be trippin fo a work of art dat meant anythang ta anybody; just cross-promotion ta make loadz of chedda fo' her books. Da Harry Potta series might be anti-christian (or not) yo, but it’s certainly tha anti-Jizzy Bond series cuz it don't accept wonder, beauty n' excitement. No one wants ta accept tha real deal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack

>a-at least tha books was phat though
"AWH HELL NAW"
Da freestylin is dreadful; tha book was shitty fo' realz. As I read, I noticed dat every last muthafuckin time a cold-ass lil characta went fo' a strutt, tha lyricist freestyled instead dat tha characta "stretched his fuckin legs"

I fuckin started markin on tha back of a envelope every last muthafuckin time dat phrase was repeated. This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. I stopped only afta I had marked tha envelope nuff muthafuckin dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowlingz mind is so governed by cliches n' dead metaphors dat dat freaky freaky biatch has no other steez of writing. Lata I read a white-ass, gangbangin review of Potta by tha same Stephen Mackdaddy yo. Dude freestyled suttin' ta tha effect of, "If these lil niggas is readin Potta at 11 or 12, then when they git olda they will go on ta read Stephen Mackdaddy." And da thug was like right yo. Nigga was not bein ironic. When you read "Larry Potsmoker" yo ass is, up in fact, trained ta read Stephen Mackdaddy

>"expecto bulletus!"
>bullets start firing from wands
Get it? Because America is obsessed with gun culture haha

Harry would be overweight
Ron would be black
Malfoy would mass shoot the school

What would be different in the Harry Potter movies if Hogwarts were set in CURRENT YEAR UK?
>allaharu akbarus

Would kill the whole soul of it..

america has no magic nor mystic feeling to it

>Obsessed
Lol no, we're just mocked for being the last of the uncucked nations.

If set in America there'd be more cigarettes, coffee, and whiskey/beer

bourbon ain't whisky lol

Harry would become the greatest wizard to have ever lived, surpassing Dumbledore by the end of the series. Ron and Hermione would become irrelevant. Voldemort would always send one his champion to kill Harry, himself appearing only in after-credits scenes. The movies would have a social commentary on current american politics.

Pistols instead of wands

Easy. Two irrelevant houses will be automatically hispanic. Slytherin would be all white people. Gryffindor would be bigass multicultural hellhole.

...

Dubs confirm. Americans have a weird obsession with Mary Sue and constant hamfisted social commentary about their bullshit politics.

>this sort of rationalization to ignore our very psychotic gun culture
From one burger to the next, we've fucked in the head about guns.

Voldy would have been gunned down pretty quick and the story would be the comfy coming of age tale it was meant to be.

>psychotic gun culture
I call it freedom.

*we're

>All these obessed yuropoors conflating actual Americans with kike media

one of the irrelevant houses would be mostly
blacks and descendants of immigrants throughout America's history and the other one would be the multicultural hellhole millennial house

gryffindor would be the sjw house complete with virtue signalling and "standing up" for the other two houses, and slytherin would be the white nationalist ne'er do well house with the most concentrated wealth in alumni and lots of forced nepotism. the headmaster would be from slytherin house and dumbledore would be the defense against the dark arts teacher

80% of the students would be black/latino
all prefects would be jewish

also, none of the houses are known for intelligence like Ravenclaw. the most intelligent house should be Slytherin through what I've stated, but somehow the SJWs in Gryffindor will be way more intelligent.

There'd be no Phys. Ed. class.
And there'd be a class on proper tipping etiquette.

>the "kike" media boogeywoogey
Neither Chris Columbus nor J.K Rowling nor any of the other directors were Jewish...

It kind of does if you appreciate history

Besides the actually rich in fables and mythos Native American folklore, there isn't any.

>uncucked nations
>foreskins are banned

>Harr'y, a black hood guy
>El Ron, Hispanic. Brother of Paco and Pedro
>Xermione, Trans Tumblrina girl (male)

>Harr'y wakes up in Hogwarts
>is thirsty so he drinks a can of Coke
>"This some good shie"
>smokes blunt
>starts browsing facebook on his government funded Macbook
>"dayum Xermione lookin thick.. lookin good white boi"
>El Ron appears out of nowhere
>Hola el Harry en que andas?
>Shiee mofuga hit that muthafukn blunt, I'm just chillin here sending DMs to them thots
>*El Ron hits the blunt*
>Harr'y keeps browsing facebook while El Ron is talking random shit in spanish in the background
>suddenly someone sends Harrya friend request...

this

Would voodoo be thought in the American version?

No one shows up to class, interracial orgies in the bathrooms.

I was watching Boku No Hero and it occurred to me that societies like the British and the Japanese prefer having a system to supernatural powers. The school system to be precise. I think it's a cultural thing in regards to how each society deals with freedom.

American characters with supernatural powers more typically are just vigilantes. Even X-Men is set 90% out of the classroom, with them out on missions.

So the answer to if it were in America would be that the American students would stop going to school and become protesters/vigilantes of a sort. Almost like anti-prohibition Americans in the 1920's-30's (read: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them)

youtube.com/watch?v=lJss7x9qEuc

but people drink and smoke far more in Britain

>be muggle
>get shot

>Harry Potter on the broom for the first time chasing malfoy
>Freeze frame as Harry is about to catch the rembrall
>Record scratch
>"I bet you are wondering how I got here"
>"Well to explain that, we have to go back... way back"
>Teenage wastelands starts to play
>"See I never knew my parents, they died when I was very young"
>"Ah it's alright, can't miss something you don't remember"
>But ever since I can remember I always wanted to know who I was
>Cut to the dursleys shouting at breakfast "POOOOTTTTEERRRRR!!!!!"
>"That's not my father"
>"That's my uncle, Uncle Vernon"
>I lived with him my aunt Petunia and Cousin Dudley since my parents died
>And here's where I stay, nope under the stairs in a little cupboard
>Could be worse, It's a nice little crib in the suburbs
>Everything was going well, as well as it could be at least until my scar started to hurt.

>early colonial period to late colonial period
>Cajun culture/history, early south, trail of tears/indian territory
>northwest territory, oregon trail, settlement of the west, gold rush
>US civil war, War of 1812, French and Indian War, American Revolutionary War
>purchase of the Louisiana territory, Alaska, annexation of Hawaii
I could go on

>b-but they are not magical things
are you really claiming the inhabitants' original ancestors have to be "magic" or at least practice a religion similar to it? the early settlers were from England and France and many of the colonists were escaping persecution from their home countries, so they are in line with this dumb criterion.

I literally don't understand your argument, the colonial period is proto-European culture in North America, there is no mystic folklore about that. America is a mixed cultural society, there is no explicitly "ancient" mythos that belongs to America...

It's not like enduring tribes of Natives over thousands of years who've made an elaborate tapestry of folktales over time.
Nothing you mentioned was really comparable to that.
>Cajun "culture"
Kek, just go fucking kill yourself.

*I should have written post-European not really proto

Loved the books and the movies. Not a fan of Rowling's bullshit shenanigans, but there wasnt any smoking and hardly any drinking

>no mystic folklore, no ancient mythos
again, you're clearly insistent on claiming that there has to be magical tradition directly tied to the population when the wizards in harry potter segregated themselves since the early days of their organization (in Britain before the early 1500s). you aren't thinking in the terms of their "wizard societies" at all.

native americans would have a place in the magical societies of the United States, so I don't understand why you insist they wouldn't count for some reason. an alternate history scenario can easily be thought up to show how the natives didn't get pushed out and instead moved to more secluded regions.

also, what do you have against Cajun culture? do you not think it exists or something nonsensical like this? French Louisiana's most prominent feature was the strong presence around New Orleans and they were mostly segregated from the rest of French territory.

Death Eaters more like Trump Supporters lmao

>native americans would have a place in the magical societies of the United States, so I don't understand why you insist they wouldn't count for some reason
My original point before you sperged out, was that besides Native Americans, there really isn't any unique and old culture in North America that has produced anything that wasn't just an amalgamation of previously established cultures. So outside of Native wizards, what the fuck are you going to populate your "Harry Potter in America" story with? Wiccans? Wiccanism is from Europe. Satanists? From Europe. Nothing is FROM here.
>also, what do you have against Cajun culture?
Because it's not a real culture, bud.

...

so underrated

I think you would be guaranteed to have at least one teacher who's like an old voodoo priestess teaching the potions or hexing class. I mean if you're going to be making a movie about the magical traditions of America that's a big one. You'd need to over represent Salem pointy hat witches and pilgrim warlock dudes. An indian medicine man type character that they walk on eggshells around. Slytherine would be all the new agey satanic cults like lavey, but not be satanic obviously.

>amalgamation of previously established cultures
>this would never result in a magical culture
wouldn't this have more potential for magical development due to the exchange of magical traditions?

>So outside of Native wizards, what the fuck are you going to populate your "Harry Potter in America" story with
you're still not understanding the necessary alternate history and how it is applied to a universe like Harry Potter. the wizards in harry potter didn't belong to any religions/traditions because they were phased out over the centuries, and the same thing would be present with the American wizards. the wizards in Great Britain aren't religious in harry potter and the American wizards wouldn't be religious either because as I previously stated wizard communities were organized before the 1500s and they shed all of that stuff with understanding of magic. the wizards would emigrate across the ocean and form wizard societies immediately after disembarking onto the new world; there doesn't have to be an ancient tradition or mythos for this to happen.

>not a "real" culture
Sup Forums please go, otherwise pic related was obviously implied

I'm saying that all of the mythic wizardry in Harry Potter is rooted in Old English folklore and Celtic magic. What would it be rooted in, in North America? Are you saying that your imagination sucks so much, that they just bring magic with them when they colonize? So, even at the end of the day, all of the magic is still European? That's fucking dumb.

Also, I'm not Sup Forums, I just think you are retarded for thinking that a dialect and swamp living is considered a "culture".

Everyone would know the killing curse but the only ones that would use it would be a certain population that despite being only 13% of the schools population cause 80% of all murders and 50% of all school crime in general.

upvoted

Why are you so insistent on the magical culture being native to the continent? From what you're saying, magic in Australia shouldn't be possible and Hermoine's character does not abide by harry potter's "lore". Australian magic has to be aboriginal magic, right?

>but she's muggle born, there's not a strong wizarding community there
This is similar to my point because there are magical people born everywhere in the world regardless of their heritage based on their "magical" ancestry/physical proximity to homeland. It literally takes 10-20 wizards to live in the same location for a wizard community to exist.

>your imagination sucks
clearly yours is lacking through not envisioning how magical development would occur in a unique fashion due to the frontiers I listed in my first post. that was the point of the list if you still haven't figured it out.

>all of the magic is still European? That's fucking dumb.
see above and opinions are like assholes

> dialect and swamp living is considered a "culture"
you clearly didn't view the image in my previous post. I said Cajun culture because that's the common name for it while it is a sub-culture of French culture.

>I just think you're retarded for thinking that a distinct culture is a distinct culture because I don't like it

But it's not even a sub culture...

Wrong

>distinct

Great analysis and argument, you sure showed me.

Holy shit you sound autistic as all fuck.

I actually dislike America, but find the "American Gothic" folklore to be really fucking cool. Series like Twin Peaks, Carnivale, or the mostly forgotten American Gothic have a really distinct feel and mythology that couldn't be created anywhere else.

Nobody would show up to school after their parents banned them from magic because it's "satanic".

>autists please go

>mfw someone near me says "American Gothic"

>criticizing me for not presenting an argument when you didn't either
It's interesting how triggered you people get when confronted with your own dismissive attitude.

>you people
What did he mean by this?

I meant en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Gothic_(1995_TV_series) , pretty cool, but a bit cheesy.

i could tolerate the chochang, spic and nigger majority as long as i have Luna.

All you did was screech "NO" after I correctly stated that we are gun obsessed, you fucking retard

Luna would be your classic sitcom quirky girl

>Lol no, we're just mocked for being the last of the uncucked nations.

t. 51% white

>after I correctly stated that we are gun obsessed
I guess you're right just because you say so. Great analysis and argument, you sure showed me.

Neville Longbottom would go on a school shooting

the aurors would be running around killing innocent mudbloods while voldemort and the death eaters would be organizing blm/antifa protests.

the parents would actually raise their kids instead of the story having a bs excuse for them being a cuck boarding school.

It would have been written by someone that actually knows how to make compelling stories, lore, etc.

>he's actually asking for evidence that America is gun obsessed
How much denial is this? How many levels?

Harry Potter is played by Idris Elba

>everyone would be poor
I see.

>we're just mocked for being the last of the uncucked nations
are you talking about the same nigger/spic/chink america we all know? the america that has all babies circumcised like mudslims? the america whose media and congress is entirely controlled by jews? the america where all teenage girls do the slutwalk?

phew, talk about uncucked!

whatever you say bong.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_average_wage

>El Ron
Catholic Scientologist?

>IBIS World estimates that the annual sales of gun and ammunition in the US has reached 13 billion.
>That's 4,441,726 pistols, 725,282 revolvers, 3,979,570 rifles, 1,203,072 shotguns, and 495,142 miscellaneous firearms sold in a single year.
>estimated 270-310 million guns in the US.
>that is literally a gun per person.
>one of, if not THE largest, lobbyist groups in the US is the NRA.
>GVA estimates that 2017 saw nearly 40k gun-related incidents in the US.

Wizard school shooting

>psychotic gun culture
That psychotic gun culture is why you're an American, show some fucking respect.

Left swiped

>whiskey/beer

Both of those are shit in the US

>That psychotic gun culture is why you're an American
A well-armed militia fighting to free themselves from a fovernment where they had no representation within, is somehow "psychotic gun culture?"

Holy shit, what comic is this?

The British certainly thought so.

I'm sure Cletus's little arsenal is adequate to deal with drones and other modern Military equipment.

Drones can't run a police state, you fucking moron.

Not to mention, it's well documented that unarmed fucking peasants can really fuck shit up if they get pissed off. Imagine if they actually had bullets.

The government isn't shooting you down in your backyard with drones, bud. And you are all to blame, everyone is. If you think the military and police is over-armed (which I do too), you should have voted, you should have participated in local government to put representatives that supported you in office

>our
>we're
britstanis need to go away

>I want to buy guns for the off chance that my Wolverrines-style dystopia wetdream happens.
>this isn't psychotic.

You have to have a permit to own knives in the United Cuckdom, don't take anything those clowns say seriously.

I literally just said I'm American.

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen by Alan Moore (after he went nuts)
The storyline in that volume is one big fuck you to Harry Potter going as to far as to portray Harry as a moody, angsty AntiChrist who boasts about how he's in a page of the Bible and fires lightning bolts out of his dick
The way he gets destroyed is Mary Poppins showing up and telling him she's in every page right before obliterating him

Burger here, why is it inherently bad to put knives behind permits? Most robberies are done at knife point... I'm not talking kitchen knives btw, I'm talking real knives

Yes, I'm asking you provide evidence for your claims. I know, it's shocking.

If you actually knew what you were talking about instead of just talking out your ass, you'd know that only about 35% of Americans are estimated to own firearms. I'd hardly call that obsessed.

At least this user is making an attempt.

But again, most of those guns are going to the same people who collect guns. At most, you can say that certain people are gun obsessed, but the country as a whole isn't. Besides, those collectors are always the most responsible gun owners anyway.
>GVA estimates that 2017 saw nearly 40k gun-related incidents in the US.
Most of which took place in areas that had the strictest gun control laws. Want to take a guess at why that is?

>But again, most of those guns are going to the same people who collect guns
Whatever you need to tell yourself.
>but the country as a whole isn't.
So, your argument is "no"?
>Besides, those collectors are always the most responsible gun owners anyway.
Kek, no buddy.
>Most of which took place in areas that had the strictest gun control laws
You're just pulling this out of your fucking ass. It's a goalpost move too, who gives a shit? Doesn't change the numbers.
>Want to take a guess at why that is?
Well considering it's not true to begin with and a deflection, I don't care.

You're not that smart, mate.

Lol yes it's just 35 percent...ignore the gun show loopholes and criminal ownership.