Artemis Fowl

So how are they going to fuck it up Sup Forums?

I remember nothing about the books either than I loved them as a kid. He was a genius right?

Yeah, a genius kid from a billionaire family. And he's got a giant bodyguard/butler named Butler. It's basically "what if Batman was evil, and Alfred was The Punisher?".

That's half of the premise. The other half is fairies.

*But you know, way more lighthearted. It's a kid's series and his opponents are a literally fairies.

>disney

top cuck

Artemis will probably be black or a girl and Holly will be either a tranny or gay dude

The fact that Asa Butterfield is now too old manages to fuck it up before they even start.

One of the first books I read in my life, they will fuck with this how? Is it going to be a movie or a series?

>tfw /lit/ is too uptight and snobby to have a discussion about these books

Yeah I mentioned it here

>"what if Batman was evil, and Alfred was The Punisher?".
For the first book. Then it's "What if Batman was a kid, and Alfred was a martial artist".

Suppose to be a movie in 2019

god... I hope to get HIV before that.

I remember the gnome eating dirt and shitting out of his butt-flap at lightning speed

Almost certainly.

I read the first half of these when I was a kid. I think a bunch more have come out now, have no idea whether it would be worth going back and reading them all. I bet it doesn't hold up

I always imagined Artemis as an ugly ginger kid. Apparently he's attractive. I don't remember much but he seems like a total Mary Sue now. Genius. Handsome. Rich. Wins each time. He can read lips 100% accuracy and shit. Like what the fuck

Who would play Butler???

the guy who plays drax could be good

Ving Rhames.

always skipped past this at the scholastic book fairs at my school, was too busy reading Goosebumps and shit

He'll turn good and be allies with Holly towards the end of the second act rather than wait for a sequel.

It's more like if Die Hard was told from Hans Gruber's perspective.

He's a wimpy pussy bitch though.

quads confirm

It's a combination of the first two books so that'll probably happen.

Gerard Butler :^)

I didn't remember that part as a kid, but I recently reread the first book during Irma and it was hilarious.

Dwayne™ "The Rock"™ Johnson™

Butler will have a gay lover

I want to molest Holly.

I want to protec Holly.

This and Alex rider were my favourite books aged 8-11

Artemis Foul

So are Artemis Fowl threads going to be a staple until the movie comes out and flops harder than Eragon?

I'd almost prefer they find an unknown with a body type like pic related, maybe a football player or wrestler like Batista.

The Rock would be terrible

Get the guy playing bruce wayne in gotham to play artemis but give him some actual balls

> The Build
> martial artists
> kids love him
> fills in the diversity check box
> can BLACK Holly after

How big is he?

I remember reading these books when I was young but can't remember a single thing about them besides fairies and middle earth

6'1

The first book is actually great, and could be turned into a great movie if done right.

It's pretty much Harry Potter crossed with Die Hard, except it's from the bad guys perspective. Artemis in the first book is entirely unlikable, he's a rich asshole who's out to steal shit from people who have never wronged him.

I don't think I've ever read/watched anything else where the "protagonist" is the greedy, rich, industrious asshole who's fucking with the peaceful magical people who are all about nature and anti-human.

aw man dude Alex rider was great, such a shame the film didn't do well

the movie is appearantly books 1 and 2 combined :(

I only read the first book, what happens in the rest?

Artemis turns into a good guy and spends the rest of the series fighting common enemies alongside the fairies while having sexual tension with Holly that never goes anywhere?

I hope so

Could Rashida be a good Holly?

>captcha: kasse holly

Here's your Holly.

There was something about L.E.P. Recon and a cryo chamber or something. The cover was gold.

dammn its out of development hell?
I remember hearing about its movie back in 2007

He steals magic, does some time paradox shit, and fuggs Holly.

The end.

Isn't he more like Lex Luthor?

No one would ever believe that she's small.

gary stu would be giving him martial arts skill. He is arrogant, fucks up alot, he does get outsmarted, and admits he depends on Butler.

No he is still an ass. He ends up using stolen Fairy tech and selling it to humans. Human betrays him and he is forced to team up with the faries. Faries only agree if they get to wipe his mind after.

After the mind wipe he went back to even more of an asshole, but eventually regained his memories since he left himself clues.

Demons came into the story and time travel, he gets some magic powers after. I dropped it after that.

I remember that.

Fucking kino.

>a movie about a 12-year old criminal super-genius who kidnaps a sexy fairy and holds her for ransom against a magic SWAT army
>brought to you by Disney

Butler is a gentle but efficient killing machine so yes its hard to think of anyone else but Bautista right now.

Sounds like a fun flick

don't forget the super gory bits with the troll

I think Batista would be a good choice. I think Butler is supposed to be bald, and Batista's good enough to convey some of the dry humor of the Butler character.

The Rock would definitely be awful...plus, he's too big of a star, you can't really put him in a supporting role now.

Kino

Arctic Incident: Goblin uprising in Haven, Holly blames him, but it's not him. He makes a deal with The People to help them out in exchange for them helping find his father. Holly starts loving him because he actually cares. Opal gets BTFO by a chubby elf.

Eternity Code: Artemis Frankensteins up some LEP tech to make a cube, which is a supercomputer that can do anything. Tries to bribe a businessman for money. Accidentally pings Haven, panic ensues, Holly comes to save Artemis. Butler dies but comes back. He and the gang get mind-wiped.

Opal Deception: Opal being a whiny little cunt. Was in prison but escapes using a clone and a bunch of fuckery. Tries turning herself human to be on the "winning side" of a war between humans and The People she's trying to start. Artemis cheats the mind-wipe and Holly is in happy tears to have her lover back. They save the day, Opal is stuck working on a beet farm.

Lost Colony: Demons on a rock stuck between dimensions. Comes back to reality and shit hits the fan. Artemis steals magic for himself during the portal fuckery. Demons get BTFO, except for some qt shota ones, which are powerful warlocks.

Time Paradox: Artemis goes back in time with Holly to save a lemur that he's responsible for extincting to save his mother, who has a fairy disease brought on by him trying to cure her with his stolen magic. Except it wasn't his mother it was fucking Opal again, and the only reason they had to go back in time was because they had already been there, and Opal's there too being a bitch. Holly and Artemis trade one eye each, and Artemis ages up because time magic. They kiss, they love. Butler is happy to see Artemis after he was stuck in limbo for a few years.

Atlantis Complex: Artemis develops fairy schizophrenia. Holly does everything she can to save her sweet lover. Artemis becomes Orion and gets super horny for Holly. Some generic laughable villain.

Last Guardian: shit goes beyond off the rails, Colfer has lost his mind.

>except for some qt shota ones
giv no. 1 bf (imp)

Instead of Holly being but brown and feminine they'll make her basically an Ape and have the nigger from Ghostbusters voice her.

Possible Holly, shes's short enough at 5'2".
But a younger, skinnier gamine unknown would probably be better for the role.

...

>tfw no one ever cares about Colfer's novel about street racing future runaway orphans with their communication system made out of chewed up edible water bottles
I also liked his novel about the teen girl who gets herself blown up trying to save the old dude she was in the middle of robbing only to be sent back to do G*d's version of community service, gave middle school me some feels.

>Last Guardian: shit goes beyond off the rails, Colfer has lost his mind.
elaborate pls

Holly and Artemis are a cute couple.

He wants the money to cure his mom and save his dad from the mafia. He's an asshole but his motivation was partly noble.

Isn't she like 100 years older than him or something?

He didn't use the money to cure his mom, though. He "gave" half of the ransom back to The People in exchange for Holly healing her with magic.

Age gap /ss/ is the best

>Eternity Code: Artemis Frankensteins up some LEP tech to make a cube, which is a supercomputer that can do anything. Tries to bribe a businessman for money. Accidentally pings Haven, panic ensues, Holly comes to save Artemis. Butler dies but comes back. He and the gang get mind-wiped.
You forgot to add it's a comfy heist book

It kind of goes off the rails. It ends with Fowl Manor being attacked by Opal Koboi (introduced in book 2) and an army of ancient resurrected fairy warriors. Artemis sacrifices himself but the massive amount of magical energy in the area prevents his soul from moving on. They grow a clone of his body and his soul manages to re-inhabit it but has amnesia. Series ends with Holly narrating the events of the books to amnesiac Artemis

Your point?

elves can't resist the big human cock

3 >> 2 > 4 > 1 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Debate me

...

But Time Paradox was the best one, user.

Who could play based Chips and Pex?

Just get some literal who retards, they'll be perfect.

sorry was typing out all the >>>>>>> for 7

Idris Elba in a double role

Lost Colony was good though.

...

okay lost colony wasn't actually that bad i'll give you that, but still

Having these threads makes me want to reread the books. It's sort of bittersweet though since it'll likely rush through the first books and lose a lot if not all of the charm that made the books so good. The pizza place at stone henge and Loafers for example. It hit the tone just right balancing serious things like kidnapping and espionage with lighter moments and banter.

Also did anyone else have a crush on Minerva or was it just me? I ask this in every Artemis Fowl thread I see and I'm mad they never mentioned her again.

Did anybody else picture the main villain in Lost Colony as a demon version of Tim Curry's penguin bad guy from Pebble And The Penguin?

Why wouldn't you picture him as Tim Curry from Legend?

Sylvester Stallone and Vin Diesel

I really liked her too. I was pissed when the next book was just weird Holly sexual tension.

>tfw we probably won't get the Oberyn vs the Mountain book version of Butler brutally dismantling the troll

>Dwarves eat and shit dirt at lightning speeds to tunnel.
>Centaurs are actually shit tier magic creatures and are only good for being tech nerds.
AF magic creatures were great.

How is she attractive? She has a head like a xenomorph and a bowl cut

>long blond curls
>genius level intellect
>italian
>even younger than artemis
They hurt me by not including her. She was a really great antagonist for Artemis. I could see how she might have been sort of dead weight character wise after Lost Colony though. Just another genius teenager.

Why did the fairies make a giant spell to prevent them from entering a human home without being invited in?

If you're going by the book description, she's a Goddess. The graphic novel...depends on the panel.

Plus she has a fuckable personality.

their women were falling for the big human cock so they had to keep them from getting into the human houses

I’ve read the books and I had a fairy babe image and then I see this shit

No, that part of the plan was on a whim. His original plan was to restore the Fowl fortune from like 3rd richest to 1st richest.