What the fuck was his problem?

What the fuck was his problem?

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesar_Cardini
m.youtube.com/watch?v=SU1Ej9Yqt68
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

He didn't have a beard so he took it out on the druidic peoples.

Too patrician for the plebs

A little village of indomitable Gauls who still hold out against the invaders.

Romans considered beards barbaric, a sentiment I share

They named a salad after him.

Surrounded by small-brained backstabbing morons.

>65 AD
>still doubting our Caesar
Homines non serio hoc ego spero.

Being a Roman in the first century BC and possessing talent, intelligence and ambition to an uncommon degree.

Wrong.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caesar_Cardini

He was murdered by his adoptive son.

....Not exactly a CAUSE for problems.

Asterix storytime when

Do you know how difficult it is to hold together a fucking continent spanning empire composed of radically different peoples? In a time when it would take over a month to get from one side of the Empire to the other?

Angela Merkel has it easy and she's still shit at it. Caesar was the real deal.

There were less than 45 million people in it.

Yes but look at all the tools she has at her disposal that Caesar didn't. And she doesn't even have an army. Imagine what Caesar could have achieved if he'd had tanks and jet fighters. When was the last time Merkel marched her vanquished enemies in chains through the streets of Berlin? If you're going to rule Europe do it right, woman.

There are countries with that amount of population that are ruled terribly.

Not much, he barely ever does anything evil, he's more of an imperialist antagonist to the Gauls' independentism.

in Asterix? I've unfortunately not read it, so I can't say.
in reality? arrogance.
tl;dr: the story of Julius Caesar is a story of hubris and downfall.
he was an okay general and grossly exaggerated his exploits conquering the Gauls, but what he did right was he was charismatic with his soldiers.
when he entered politics, the landed patricians saw him as an upstart and became frustrated with how he did not want to share the political spotlight.
having his soldiers swear allegiance to him and invading Rome was a giant dick move and royally pissed off every major figure in Roman politics that wasn't already ingratiated to Caesar.
he was well-liked by the plebeian class and the common folk, but you don't fucking invade Rome, install yourself as a dictator in a democratic system, and expect everything to go hunky dory.
he didn't sufficiently protect himself and was assassinated.

he was defied by a town of cartoony over the top peasants who had an item that makes them OP.Didnt help that they actually helped him sometimes which made them harder to hate.
Plus they cucked him.

cant find a good pair of pants

Even worse, there's also a village of indomitable Gauls in Hispania and another in Britania.

even worse,their victories influence other countries.

So, Drumpf?

I remember liking him when reading the comics

>he was an okay general
>What is the Siege of Alesia?

...

not even closely relatable but here's your (You)
winning a fight in a fortified defensive position is very easy, even if you're outnumbered 3:1

In the modern world beards are for the less masculine men with weak, round chins.

If you have glorious Roman face features, having a beard is masking your manliness.

I especially liked how he was portrayed as being an cunning, arrogant, intelligent man with a code of honor that was surrounded by idiots and constantly getting involved in crazy shit he could really do without.

>arrogance
>hubris and downfall.
>grossly exaggerated his exploits
>royally pissed off every major figure
>well-liked by the plebeian class and the common folk
>install yourself as a dictator in a democratic system, and expect everything to go hunky dory.
Well, yeah.

>yfw Caesar and the Pirates

nice samefag

>Roman Republic
>Democratic

>Republic
>Democratic
Well, yeah.

it wasn't a direct democracy and elites tightly controlled their power but there were still elections. it was more of an oligarchy but there were no hereditary monarchs or dictators.

>winning a fight in a fortified defensive position is very easy, even if you're outnumbered 3:1

He was the one besieging

He pulled off some extremely fucking fantastic, ingenious and unorthodox battle plans, how about Pharsalus too? Pompey was literally a better general with a spotless record before and he had the numbers to crush Caesar. His bridge over the Rhine built fucking overnight is still impossible to replicate.

Also Caesar was not just a general, he fought personally and was wounded for years in Spain.

>Democratic People's Republic of Korea
yeah sure, now this is also a democracy

Underrated.

>he fought personally
Now that's a real general, not those fat fossils who make war from their luxury offices.

I typo'd
all he did was surround them and starve them out, user. Vercingetorix expected the Romans to attack their superior forces and believed that having a fortified position assured them victory. then Caesar just went "gg ez," surrounded Alesia, and waited.
the real miracle is that Vercingetorix wasn't smart enough to meet the Romans on the battlefield
also keep in mind that Rome grossly exaggerated the number of Gauls they fought all the fucking time.

Caesar is best in the comics.

>had an item that makes them OP
I thought the potion made them strong, not turned them into faggots.

It was the Senate and Peoples of Rome, not the Senate OF the people of Rome.

The Senate and the Curias, Councils and Assemblies were contesting powers in a system of checks and balances, one that was broken by Marius and Sulla, and that Caesar set out to put out of it's missery.

Caesar was lifelong dictator but he still avoided coming off as a king or emperor anyways, he expected the Republic to be restored upon his death. Problem was that Octavian and Mark Anthony had ambitions of their own, and the Senate still refused to stop being a pack of corrupt shitters.

If you take a close look at their electoral system it is actually quite modern. That's how the demagogues like Marius and Ceasar were able to ascend to power again and again and eventually end the Republic itself.

Bullshit.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=SU1Ej9Yqt68

Caesar was a fucking genius.

Agreed

All those Star Wars hacks should study Roman history before writing a SW story.

It was the Romans that invented modern law.

Augustus was awesome too though

That heathen Antony was the problem

Eat dick, Pompey

>he expected the Republic to be restored upon his death
Please revisionist. Ceasar picked Octavian to succeed his fortunes AND his command of the legions. It was quite clear that he wanted a strong executive, and the episode where Anthony "spontaneously" tried to have him crowned shows you what Ceasar was really made of.

Pompey the Great*
Stay salty, Crassus.

To be fair the gauls probably wouldn't admit to being beaten by some small force, better to exaggerate the massive army you had to tactically retreat from.

Did Pompey ever show up in Asterix?

Anakin as Caesar returning from the war to topple the corrupt (in the eyes of the people, at least) Republic and the Jedi with the support of the Clone Army really would have been a much better and more reasonable story than Sheev's "We Empire now lol".

I'll go ahead and say that most people - including me - recognize that Caesar was an effective general. I'm not trying to say that he was bad at it because that's obviously not true. What I AM saying is that the Battle of Alesia, from a modern standpoint, isn't all that impressive when you realize it was just Caesar surrounding the Gauls and starving them out.
That's siege strategy 101. He was smart for thinking outside of the box and not attacking, yes, and Vercingetorix was a dumbass for not realizing that could happen (or sallying out and trying to beat back the besiegers), but let's be real here.
It was more that Caesar outsmarted Vercingetorix than that Caesar defeated Vercingetorix in some massive pitch battle
manducare stercore et mori
It was the Romans - especially Caesar - who exaggerated enemy forces and played down friendly forces. it was a very common occurrence.

>Well liked
Dunno about that one. The others are a decent fit. Although the downfall has yet to occur.

>install yourself
democratically elected

popular vote is a participation award

Yes, even though he should have been dead at that point, but Asterix never was one to care about historical accuracy.

...

Celts were actually advanced. Roman propaganda has them as barbarians like the Germanics but their society was more sophisticated.

Romans considered anyone not part of the Roman Empire to be a barbarian.

>when you realize it was just Caesar surrounding the Gauls and starving them out.

He built TWO forts spanning kilometers in around a week

He fucked two superior, larger forces in the ass after receiving direct, focused attacks in his weakest spots.

Only Hannibal, Scipio and ol' Alex had pulled off fuckery like that

I always felt that Sheev as Augustus would have worked better, and have Vader as Agrippa.

Why aren't men of this caliber around anymore?

They are. We'll only know in hindsight of course.

>He built TWO forts spanning kilometers in around a week
and Vercingetorix was too stupid to try and stop him. it is impressive how quickly he built those, yet, but Vercingetorix did not try and harass the besiegers. by the time they tried, it was too late.
>He fucked two superior, larger forces in the ass after receiving direct, focused attacks in his weakest spots.
yes but that's still bottlenecking as far as I'm concerned. which is an extremely smart decision, but again here we see Caesar just outsmarting the Gauls.
>Only Hannibal, Scipio and ol' Alex had pulled off fuckery like that
too bad Hannibal didn't know how to use victories. he was a terrible politician.

who would be Caesar in this scenario? Or what would allow Sheev to step into an Augustus like role?

The Chancellor before Sheev seems most like a James Buchanan type, which is probably what they were going for

I can dump asterix and cleo, but the scan is pretty shitty

could you start a new thread? I'm enjoying the Rome discussion here

I've read that a thousand times desu

Something from their mid career would always be nice.

It needs a complete rewrite to fit. I would have had Sheev be the younger of a duo with his Sith master being the guy trying to "reform" the Republic during a crisis. Sheev takes over with his death and uses a young jedi to crush the droid rebellions, the clone armies, and the secessionists tearing the republic apart via Space-World-War-1. Then he establishes the Empire, his head general is pushed to the side, and everything proceeds from there.

Sup Forums never ceases to amaze me, one minute we're shitposting about Bendis, another we're discussing history.

>he was a terrible politician
Now you're just memeing. He had to be pretty fucking skilled to get people like Crassus and Pompey to work together, who fucking hated each other since the revolts of Spartacus, into forming the most powerful coalition in the entire republic. There's also the fact he was a wanted man from birth given the fact his uncle was Marius in a time where Sulla would kill you if Marius sneezed in your general direction at some point.

His commentaries on the Gallic wars alone show his amazing abilities as a writer and propagandist.

Did you also not see how frantically and efficiently he had improved the Republic in his brief stint as master of Rome?


You don't conquer huge varieties of land, peoples and cultures by being a fucking idiot.

>also keep in mind that Rome grossly exaggerated the number of Gauls they fought all the fucking time.
Well, away Gauls count double in Europe.

It's funny how back in the day bragging about how much genocide you committed was seen as cool. These days most governments do the opposite.

>it's a revisionist history episode

you misunderstood me and I wasn't clear
I meant that HANNIBAL was a shitty politician

it's not genocide, you tumblrina mong
it's defeating the enemy
you don't murder the enemy, you kill them
the Gauls weren't happy-go-lucky hippies, they were hardened fighters that intended on killing the shit out of the Romans

It's genocide if you burn down the village and kill every man, woman and child (after raping them naturally).

ayooo give me back muh legions
*bangs head on doorway*

This was pretty rare. Slaves are far more valuable than corpses.

except that's not what they did
they killed all the combatants and sold the rest into slavery
but here are your (You)s since you're obviously a troll
that was against the Germans, not the Gauls

I thought Stan had taken Uderzo for a second.

>and Vercingetorix was too stupid to try and stop him

But he DID

>too bad Hannibal didn't know how to use victories. he was a terrible politician.

Not his fault Carthage was full of horribly corrupt and greedy morons that were more scared of him than of Rome

He had a place called the Isle of Pleasure and instead of just going there himself makes it a part of some arduous task for some reason.

>that was against the Germans, not the Gauls
no shit, it's a meme you dip

11/10

Excellent image response using the comic being discussed.

Masterful work.

>But he DID
after Caesar built fucking kilometers of fortifications
Vercingetorix was too defensive and believed that his superior numbers would win the day
Caesar outsmarted him

Sure is a lot of salt in this thread

Did anyone here check to see if Carthage snuck in?

Is there one of thise about iberians?

>the Gauls weren't happy-go-lucky hippies, they were hardened fighters that intended on killing the shit out of the Romans

People often forget it was the Gauls who sacked Rome back when they were still a city state federated with other Italians, it was that sacking that made Rome paranoid and aggressive and ultimately imperialistic.

ALL MOCKERY OF THE JEWS AND THEIR ONE GOD SHALL BE KEPT TO AN APPROPRIATE MINIMUM

>Salt
>Cathage

Video quod tu facis, user.

People also forget that the north of Italy was full of Gauls. Some fought with Hannibal, even.

This lucky bastard got to bang Cleopatra

Also underrated.

...

Gauls were much like the Greeks, they shared a few cultural elements, but they were independent groups. Venetians and Ligurians were practically Hellenized.

Also, Italic groups like Samnites and Tarentines flipped out all the time, they were only fully dominated by Rome in the Empire. Most of Italy was not Roman but Socii or "Asociates" to Rome, and peacefully subjugated peoples became Foederati or Federated allies.

>you will never read an Asterix comic about it
;____________________;

Because we can't tolerate greatness in people. Especially in people with power. That's why we prefer to elect the feeble, the mediocre, people we don't feel threatened by.