Let's re-write the Harry Potter films. But make them, like, good this time

Let's re-write the Harry Potter films. But make them, like, good this time.

Film opens
Harry, Vernon and Dudley gangbang Petunia for 2.5 hours
Movie ends
repeat for 7 sequels

they all fuck

>britbong childrens flicks
>18+ indonesian knitting forum

bravo

Just bring back the deleted scenes.
Like the one where george and fred "prank" everyone in the school by changing all club emblems to nazi swastikas and harry gets framed for it.
Or that scene in 4 where harry dives to save another tournament participant but before he resurfaces with her, he rapes her for one hours.
It wont happen though. Guess it was a different time back then

That slut just got weinsteined and the other cucks are none tbe wiser.

>Harry reads Voldemort's autobiographical book "My Struggle" and finds himself sympathetic and agreeing with a lot of what he has to say

Why would you bother re-writing one of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises? Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

use a better cast, not britbong losers who, save for a few exceptions that made it in hollywood anyway, are simply terrible. Robbie Coltrane as Hagrid literaly destroyed the character for me. I guess he was never much to begin with but a good actor (and director) could have saved that.

You fuck, beat me to it.

HPMOR

>expecting me to read books

Fuck off /lit/

>Ron shuffled his feet uncomfortably as he stared at them, hands tangled in a worried knot
>"What the fuck you doin' Weasley?! You better not be looking away from them!",yelled Malfoy as he stroked his rock hard member as it protruded proudly from his wizarding robes.
>Ron glanced up sheepishly to see Harry vigorously pounding Hermione from behind on the Gryffindor commons table.
>Harry looked over his shoulder at his friend with a slight grin on his face.
>"C'mon Ron", Harry grunted in between his rapid thrusts, "no need to be coy. Take it all in."
>As he plowed deeper and deeper into Hermione's beet red pussy he looked over at Dumbledore, himself deeply entranced in the act taking place before him.
>"I much prefer this Chamber of Secrets to the other, professor!" Harry exclaimed.
>"FOCUS BOY!" Hissed Professor Snape, rubbing the tip of his precum glazed penis with his thumb.
>"You're just like your father. He could never take a proper inter-house fuck train seriously either."
>The look on Dumbledore's face lightened somewhat as Harry's thrusts became quicker.
>"You getting your vinegars, young mister Potter?" Dumbledore asked in his usual, calm tone
>Harry didn't have time to respond before he began to ejaculate wildly deep inside of Hermione's slick cunt.
>Falling over her back, he licked the sweat from her skin and gazed up at the clock.
>"Twenty-one minutes... looks like a new house record." Harry muttered out in gasping breaths.
>Snape's dick began to go limp.
>Dumbledore, slapping Harry on the back, exclaimed, "50 points for Gryffindor."
>Ronald looked back down at his feet, tears welling in his eyes.
>Malfoy looked over at Dumbledore and yelled, "He cheated! There must have been a spell or some such!"
>Tucking his willy back into his robe he stormed passed Snape and over to the common room door.
>"My father will hear of this", Malfoy whispered as he stormed out of the room.

...

Was Dumbeldore a nonce? Did he rape Harry?

There is a rumour running that he was Weinstein´s father

>The "at least the books"-line not meme-arrowed
Terrible.

Harry is now played by Idris Elba.

Ah, well done OP, nice shitpost! However, name one movies saga that went as many movies as Harray Potter and still managed to keep a good consistent quality throughout? I guarantee any other film franchise you could think of has a radical dropoff by the 3rd film.

>somehow keep richard harris alive and have him play dumbledore through all the films
>have harry and hermione get together

fpbp

that fucking "no!" gets me every time

Make Harry summon Goku to fight Voldemort.

Snape as Steven Seagal

Thunderous kek

son of a bitch indonesians

>You getting your vinegars, young mister Potter?

Should have made extended editions like LotR trilogy to fit more book material. HP is probably one of the few cases where most people read the books.

It should be a Netflix series and each book should be a whole season so they can focus on shit thats brushed over in the movies. And maybe add some new stuff.

Please can someone explain what Voldemort was thinking when he attached himself to the back of quirrels head? All day, for 9 months straight, he was stuck there.

Everytime quirrel masturbated to his underage students.

Everytime quirrel shitted, he was there, hearing every splash.

Did quirrel feed him? Did he lay out meat and juice and have to bend down, backwards, as Voldemort gnawed at his treats?

It's actually crazy how every movie is watchable. there are no clone war prequel type movies that are trash. The entire saga only had 1 recast, and that's because richard as dumbledore died. The supporting cast was actually amazing too. I mean alan rickman as snape, maggie as mcgonagol etc worked so well.

The new fantastic beast movies are abit shit though i'll admit.

>hearing every splash.
Old Hogwarts didn't have this problem.

oh, this

imagine rolling over in your sleep and suffocating your dark lord. quirrel could be dreaming about his students sat on his lap while voldemort is mumbling, suffocating to death, wondering why the hell he thought it was a good idea to attach himself to such a fool, as he starts to cry, pleading for mercy, for quirrel to roll over, rasping, praying that he'll turn good and end his path of evil, to turn good, please quirrel, please...........

Americans, everybody

what the

Was Quirrel a horcrux?

>M-My lord, w=what are the plans for today?
>M-My lord?
>Sir... are you... oh no, merlins beard, he's... i've killed him, no, no... yes... haha... HAHAHA.. he's gone, the suckers dead, he can't boss me around anymore! Stupid voldemort, stupid dark lord, stinky, smelly, bald
>voldemort stirs from his deep sleep
>Did you say something, quirrel?
>n-no my lord!

Replace all of the actors and actresses with Idris Elba.

I think voldemort had no choice. Before this, he was like 95% dead, barely hanging on as a wisp and always in pain, determined not to let himself die, so to attach himself to something living must have been a relief after that existance. It's like the fetus part of voldemorts soul in deathly hallows, still alive, but barely.

Positively grand, high marks all around.

Did they demolecularize it or simple transport it to a designated shitting vault like the food.

For starters they end up in diferent houses and actually hate each other, sometimes they team up but that's all.

...

yeah i have my gripes with the series but the casting is fucking superb for the most part and the quality remains relatively consistent.

Don't look directly at it. You'll get infected by the reddit.

?

?

After a hard-days work on the day of the exams harry, ron and hermione felt extreamly tired so they went back to there dorms at once. Hermione felt intimidated by the sweat on harry's face, and harry as well. nevervously harry did not know what to next, each day he was falling more and more for hermione, but did hermione know? he thought of something simple and invited her into the boys dorm, but before he could say anything she invited him. Even if harry wasn't allowed in the girls dorm he felt to anxious to refuse. As he went up, holding hermione's hand, he can feel sweat dripping down from his chin and his legs. he didnt know what to do, but she quickly took control.
They started off with a long conversation about school, but little did he know hermione was getting quite horny. Out of nowhere, in the middle of talking about how annoying colin was getting to be, she kissed him, but only a quick peck. Harry returned it, but in a more passionate way. she slowley rolled her tounge around harry's lips and then in his mouth. She was looking so sexy in the empty dark room, in her summer-tight pink shirt, with jeans so tight that you are able to feel the texture of her skin. he leaned her on the bed until she was fully on her back then got into kissing a little more.

Harry didnt know what to do until she told him to take off his shirt, but he refused until she took off her pants. So they both did. She was in a sky-blue thong that was so thin that you could see the moisture coming out of her shaved smooth pussy. He took hermiones panies off and it was like he was in heaven. He pushed his thumb against her clit and she yelled out a quiet but meanningful moan. After about 5 min. of fingering her they both took off all there cloths. Harry took out his rock hard british cock and dabbed it on her lips until she opened her mouth. She opened her mouth and pushed it from cheeck to cheek with her tounge, crookshanks left the room with a whine. After nice oral pleasuring, Harry flipped her over on her knees and spread her legs open. He ate her from side to side until she started to have an orgasm. He didnt want her to cum yet and she didnt want him to cum, or in zacks case, not come at all. he fucked her condom free and she moaned so loud. Her smooth skin and her face so horny. her clit was so pink and she was shaved that you would mistaken her for a pedoliciouse girl. after hours of long and hard fucking they both came as she was riding his cock. one last moan and they fell to the bed side by side. this was the best day at hogwarts that they both have ever had. That is until hagrid came in and shoved his missive-barrell sized cock into hermione until she bled to death, but for harry it was a dream come true

Holy hell what a reddit thread. The films were good

The cast was perfect you dumb slut. 40 roles at least were great. That's why they will never be great if they do it again.

>determined not to let himself die
well he could survive in another body tho couldn't he, like that brain and that body doesn't seem to be a good choice

This board doesnt think they just meme. It's the only WELL DONE long series and impressive
Yes

...

They did for the first two.
>an extended cut means it would be better
3 does not benefit from its extended cut with extended material.

The only one that honestly deserves at extended cut besides 1 2 is ootp because they filmed a three hour film according to yates. Including the brain room scene.

The saw franchises. Some are good others were meh but all 7 had a consistent quailty and story and all very very watchable

No offense I wouldn't consider that comparable. As successful as those may be. I liked the first one tho.

What do you mean? They both are like the only films I can think with a long over arching plot told of a series of films. (I dont consider the mcu part of this). They both have 8 movies and the quality is the same throughout lowbudget torture porn

>mfw i just realized the chapter The Man With Two Faces was both literal and figurative
i wasn't a bright kid

As I recall he kept taking snakes and rats bodies but it was an agnozing existance, only by luck did he stumble upon quirrel who was out in albania hunting vampires or some shit.

>dumbledore a nonce
No.

>did he rape harry
Atleast once.

the wizards aknowledge technology like guns etc that would be a good starter

hot

>Yer a wizard, Harry. Now, suck my dick.

I missed reading this