Hey how're ya doing? I believe it's time for a Spider-man thread...

Hey how're ya doing? I believe it's time for a Spider-man thread. Tonight's episode is a Green Goblin one where Norman Osborne decides that his life isn't nearly spooky enough.

I THE GREAT GRANDINI WILL DETERMINE WHOSE KEYRING AND TROPICAL GRAPEFRUIT LIP BALM BELONGS TO. IT BELONGS TO.... A YOUNG LADY

Betty: Peter! He knew it was mine! I'm a young lady!

Peter: ...

Grandini: I SEE HER! SHE HAS BRIGHT RED HAIR! I SEE HER... IN A NEWSPAPER OFFICE:

Betty: I'm right here in the audience but he's been right about everything else! How does he do it?!

Peter: I. DONT. KNOW.

HOLD UP I SENSE SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT. THERE IS A MAN BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE. A GREEN MAN. A GREEN GOBLIN MAN. IN VERY SHORT SHORTS!

ALSO I see that my car is getting towed for parking in a handicapped spot and that my fly has been down this entire time.

Betty: WoOOOOOoooOOOW Peter! This is amazing stuff! Now let's go back to my place and see some real magic happ-

OH NO HE DIDN'T BAIL OUT AFTER I SHELLED OUT 40 BUCKS A TICKET FOR THIS. NO BASES WERE REACHED. THAT REMINDS ME. I NEED A NEW SHOWERHEAD CAUSE I KEEP BREAKING MINE

Where's that book? That book of witchcraft?! It has to be around here somewhere! You'd think someone as smart as that Grandini loser would practice the Dewey-decibal system

Ah there it is! I'll have to thank Harry for leaving all his occult books around when I kicked that sorry excuse for a son out to the streets!

Aha! With this book! With this book I'll obtain supernatural powers! That'll put that jockeying piece of shit Octavious back in his place as number 2 crook!

Hey! I didn't know you were a member of the crook of the month club! Library hours're closed, dude.

Have a pocket full of bats, Spider-man! I use em as bookmarks but you can use em for whatever!

*SPLAT*

Goblin: Didn't care for the bats? How bout a game of catch?

Spider-man: Naaaaaaaah

Spider-man: And besides! Isn't there already a demonic Goblin? The iconic and well-known, respected and adored Demogoblin? You don't think his fans won't notice you stealin' his gimmick?!

Goblin: Fans? BAAAAAAH. Casuals don't know about him so it'll be new to them! And there's nothing you can do about it!

Why you! Why ... I guess you're right, actually. Good point.

I got what I wanted! Later loooooooser! This glider could use a smogcheck but it's not going to get one. Cause I'm EVIL

Jameson: The thought of Spider-man with demonic supernatural powers makes me shutter!

Parker: But that's the green goblin!

Jameson: ARE YOU COLORBLIND, BOY, THIS PICTURE IS GREY!

So he's got a new costume! The fact that he's confident enough to wear pants that hot and show off those legs won't fool me! I'd know that face anywhere! ... It's the eyes.

Betty: It's time for one of my frequent interruptions, Mr. Jameson.

Ohai Betty.

Ohai kissless virgin

Jameson: Am I to be interrupted for every small detail?

Betty: Why yes Mr. Jameson, you're a notoriously anal micromanager and that's the way you like it. Classified wants you to ok this very bizarre newspaper dating ad.

Bizarre?! WITH ALL THE FOOTFETISH STUFF WE RUN DAILY? Let's see...

eliago
venitas
tu
supernas
mondos?
infernaaaaaaaaaaaaas

Jameson: ...
Peter: Mr. Jameson! You've froze up on me! Mr Jameson! Speak to me! Please!

Awww a hug I didn't know you cared

NEVER DO THAT AGAIN OR I'LL RIP YOUR SPINE FROM YOUR BODY AND USE IT AS A GOLF CLUB

Jameson: Where was I? What happened. MS. BRANT INCINERATE THIS PAPER AND GET OUT! I HAVE A SPLITTING HEADACHE! Must be the caffeine withdrawal catching up... only had 37 cups of coffee today.

>tfw I actually get in one of these as they're happening
Yaaaaaaay

HA HA! HE READ THE THING HE READ THE THING! I was wondering how I'd slip past the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense with this stunt

Everything's going all according to plan. Things haven't been going so great for ol' Norman lately. Died like a chump in Spider-man 1, died from Goblinitus in ASM, not even in the next reboot but the VULTURE is the main villain. But finally we're going to turn this slump around!

Glad to have you aboard.

Goblin: Ah ha ha ha ha! You know this place is surprisingly easy to break into! Come on Mr. Jameson! Let's get your freak on!

SPIDER-MAN! WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA FLYING INTO MY OFFICE ON YOUR SPIDER RIDER?!

SPIDER-MAN? DO I LOOK LIKE A SPIDER? DO YOU SEE A SPIDER ON THIS CHEST? I'M THE GREEN GOBLIN AND GETTING IN HERE WAS A SNAP JUST LIKE GW- damnit Goblin you can't ride on that one forever.

I stopped caring 3 syllables into that sentence. You want to see me, you can make an appointment with my secretary, whoever you are.

Don't need to see ya, I got what I wanted from you already. That ad you read? It was my advertisement!

WELL IT WAS TERRIBLE! I WON'T PRINT IT!

Don't need you to print it either, now. I see you're gangsta and I'm pretty gangsta myself. You! You are the man I've been searching for!

Spider-Man: Read this! I... don't know how to read.

Grandini: Oh that Supernas thing? It's part of a phrase the Green Goblin's using to try to find a medium for his sinister purposes. Only one person in a million would fall into a trance if they read it.

Could that miser be one in a million? Oh who am I kidding, of course he is. That man's a national treasure.

My Spider-sense is telling me things are about to get seriously abparanormal real fast

Spirit: YOU NEED THE SCEPTER OF OSIRIS TO STIR AND MIX A BREW

AND THEN SPIRITS OF THE UNDERWORLD WILL COME TO MEET YOU

AT THE WITCHING HOUR IN A BOILING CAULDRON THIS MUST BE DONE

SO YOU MAY UNLEASH DEMONS FOR YOUR FUN

The Scepter of Osiris? Where do I find one of those!? Tell me! Tell me now!

Spirit: IN THE MUMMY CASE OF GRANDINI, THE MYSTIC

OBTAINING IT SHOULD BE SIMPLISTIC

Is that all? Is that all on my road to satanic success?!

It's curtains for you, Gobby! Your plans are about to go out the window. and you're in for a world of pane!

Goblin: LIGHTNING BOLT

Recycling tricks from Electro? How cheap are you to rip off him, too?!

Cheap? CHEAP?! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M A 65 MILLION DOLLAR CIRCUS TRAGEDY

actually more like 75

I'm bad with money

I AM FILING YOU UNDER D FOR DEFEATED

owmyface

Now to give ya the ol' Spidey's drop

Pocket sand! SHHH SHAW

Free the thumbnail it looks as though you've sprung a fight boner. I'll wait until it subsides.

Goblin: SUCKER

What the hot mess of fresh fuck did I just walk into

Good thing there's this curtain of invisibility hanging around here in Jameson's office!

What the shit dick penis balls do you think?

Spider-Man: FUCK! It doesn't work!

BAH! I'VE WASTED ENOUGH TIME ON YOU! SPIRITS! I COMMAND YOU TO DESTROY THIS INTRUDER!

A Sup Forums rendition of a Seanbaby-esque production?

Spider-man: I don't see no alcohol to send me spiraling into addiction or spooks, ghoulies, or boo bradley! JJ, I think he's bluffing!

ACK! IT MOVED ON ITS OWN! HOW DESK-PICK-ABLE!

It's not nearly as inane as something by Seanbaby, but yeah, close.

I'VE GOT SPIRITS YES I DO
I'VE GOT SPIRITS HOW BOUT YOU?

Goblin: Oh I can't wait to tell all the guys at the country club about this!

Oww my head! Feels like 5 Mariah Careys hitting simultaneous high notes

JJ: SPIDER-MAN?! KNOCKED COLD? I must have beastmoded him something fierce with Jameson style fisticuffs! But... I don't remember doing it. Is he unconscious... or is he waiting? Last I heard scientists aren't even sure if spiders sleep.

Better play it safe. JJ, you're way too smart to fall for that ploy. HELLO POLICE? I have a Spider-man in my office and I need it removed post haste! With as much prejudice as possible!

Ow my head! It feels like someone stopped time and dropped a steamroller right on the noggin

Jameson: POLICE! THANK GOD! ARREST THAT SPIDER-MAN!

Police: Ok. On what charge?

Jameson: What charge? WHAT CHARGE? ALL OF THEM!

Could you please keep it down and tell the room to stop spinning so much?

Police: I can't just arrest him for being Spider-man, he's had to have done something specific.

Jameson: Spider-man has a long and sordid history of menacing the public and is the most dangerous man on the planet? Don't you SWINE read the paper in between inhaling donuts and drowning yourself in coffee. Fortunately I have every offense that webhead committed to memory now you just sit there and listen preach the gospel of the Spider-hate religion

I'm outta here. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern can talk it out without me! Ugh my head... I'll just go down slowly below to one of those 3 sidewalks

I love this

Jameson: HE'S GETTING AWAY! HE'S RESISTING ARREST! GO AFTER HIM! I NEED HIM IN CUFFS! I REALLY REALLY REALLY NEED HIM TO BE CUFFED WITH PICTURES FROM VARIOUS ANGLES

Officer: Um maybe you should go first. You seem to want this more than me...

Hello young lady is your MUMMY home! Nyuk nyuk nyuk

You're welcome, Satan.

The scepter of Osiris! Like taking candy from a thousand-year-old embalmed baby! Now there's nothing stopping me from being princess of Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!

*huff* *huff* *huff*

You're *wheez* out Gobby, out of one scepter.

*thwip*

HEY! I NEEDED THAT!

As your new Pope I place you under arrest!

GIVE BACK DAT EGYPTIAN BLING

I've batted against Christopher Robin! Your pitching is nothing, mortal.

SHIIIIIIIIIT

Ok Mummy we've got him on the ropes! You cover me while I go kick some tut! I'll tag you in if I need the assist!

Goblin: You've fared well, webhead! But now I'm getting my ass in gear!

Goblin: I'll be taking THAT

...

Hey what's going on in here I was taking a nap and all the sudden there's explosions and yelling and stuff. Can't a psychic mystic have a night of peace?

AHHHHHHHH! WHY DO YOU HAVE A DEAD MAN IN YOUR HOUSE, GRANDINI?!

I wish the Goblin was as simple as he was in this nowadays, especially with the weird face changing stuff going on.

That's not a dead man, that's my mummy.

Grandini: Spider-man! You let him get the scepter?! Now the only way to stop him is to learn about the witching hour! You mess this up again and we've got hell to pay!

Spider-man: Hmmmmm. I could go ask Jameson...

It feels so alone in the office without someone to yell and throw things at. Ohai Parker what are YOU doing here. Isn't it past your bedtime?

I'm inclined to agree. They've taken the personal enemy to Peter Parker thing a bit too far just cause of the Gwen snapfu

Peter: I'm here to inform you the Bugle has been scooped by the Enquirer!

Jameson: SCOOPED?! NO ONE SCOOPS J. JONAH JAMESON WITHOUT SEVERAL DECAPITATED ANIMAL HEADS WINDING UP ON BURNT OUT DOORSTEPS

Let me see that!

illeago
vinitas
tu
supernas
mondos
inferrrrrrnaaaaaaaas

Parker: Anyone home? No? Good! Spirit! Tell me the witching hour!

Was Gwen in this show? I know she shows up in other shows later on, of course, but I don't remember ever seeing her here.