/DOAG/ Dumbing of Age General

Billie has Stockholm Syndrome Edition

Always praise patreanon, Ruth is a horrible death eater etc.

I hope that Ruth gets the help she needs to address her anger issues and depression so she stop drinking and move on in her life.

>02 - Everything You've Ever Wanted Floats Above
Anybody know if this is another song reference?

I don't think Willis has a set pattern for chapter titles, so I dunno if it's a pun on something, a quote from a later strip, or a song reference.

Judging from preview panels, Ruth will be in detox or rehab or whatever for about three days total.

And dump Billie.

>It's a "no see Ruth and Billie's relationship isn't toxic at all what are you talking about" strip

...

>The only person who actually likes Ruth is Billie
>Not even Billie can think of anything nice to say about her

>panel 1
It's a bummer that Billie had the ends of her fingers lopped off in that accident.

I hope she apologizes to everyone she's wronged and breaks up her toxic relationship. Then I guess she can get better, I don't really care.

New strip!

>That is not a "no", Becky.

I'm reminded of Joe saying "calm your tits" to Joyce and her reacting kinda similarly.

I wonder what you could say to Joyce to make her show off her bust. Maybe if you complimented her sweater vest, but that seems like cheating.

>See, that’s why yesterday’s strip was such a rush. This had to be the Sunday.
>Man, I’m glad I don’t have to cram dailies for the Sundays anymore.

>Dina, you're a doll, but you're coming at this all wrong. Do I prefer larger breasts? Yes, but that does not imply a lack of desire towards any other chesticles. You look at Joyce's milkbags and feel insecure, but you shouldn't, not with those itty bitty titty committee approved, grade-A cups that fit perfectly on your body. I'm just an old-fashioned, cornfed, Midwestern lesbian so I might be biased, but breasts are God's way of saying he loves us, and who am I to not trust in the Lord? I love all the tits that surround us: Mary's modest mammaries, Carla's plastic teacups, Billie's teardrops with the right amount of sag, Sarah's bouncing B-cups, Sal's southern-fried sweater puppies, Amber's chubby love pillows, even Dorothy's button-down bosom. Leave your insecurities at the door, for whenever I'm around no tit will go unappreciated. And that, my dear Dina, is how I roll.

i guess that answers your question. Get Walkyverse Joyce to do it.

Not obnoxious enough. I can't imagine it coming out of Becky's mouth. Also I doubt Joyce or Becky are aware of Carla.

>>Man, I’m glad I don’t have to cram dailies for the Sundays anymore.
Yeah, pacing regular strips and sunday pages is hard, better just cram everything I can into the same format. Just close ups of faces and shitty hands from here on out. And no bigger format for the more intense moments, not worth it.

Every other word needs to be Lesbian.

>Ruth and Billie break up, get detoxed, and start the process of healing so that, at some point, they can have healthy relationships again. They never get back together, but they keep in touch and make sure neither party relapses
>Joyce (and Becky, I guess) start hanging out with Sierra and her Christian friends. Becky moves in with one of Sierra's senior friends who lives off campus, and he eventually figures out that her relentless Beckyness is because she's trying to cope with her mom dying and her beloved father going nuts, and helps her find ways to cope so that she doesn't have to yell 'I'M A LESBIAN' at random to assert her own sense of self. Meanwhile, Sierra teaches Joyce about being a Christian on your own terms and making a path that's true to you rather than what your increasingly estranged hometown believes
>Amber gets arrested and ends up in juvie for a few years. The prison psychologist, which she's court-ordered to see, eventually teaches her to channel her rage and pain in a constructive manner. When she gets out, Danny (who finally learned how to assert himself and managed to get a nice start-up going) gets her a job and Amber spends her free time volunteering at a battered women's shelter
>Dina realizes that Becky's mostly infatuated with her rather than truly in love, and realizes that being an adult isn't about doing 'adult' things like getting a girlfriend or not eating cereal all the time, but about standing up for yourself and finding your place in the world. She dumps Becky, throws herself into her studies, becomes one of the biggest names in paleontology, and successfully convinces the next Jurassic movie to have feathered dinosaurs.

>Walky and Sal go home and have a proper goddamn talk with their parents about their childhood and, while Sal doesn't completely convince her parents, she does find some closure. Walky fails the math course but learns from his mistakes, graduates with a 3.0 and gets a nondescript job in the animation industry. Sal barely graduates but lands a decent, nondescript job that gives her enough time to hang with Marcie. She also stops straightening her hair.
>Mary has a mental breakdown which leads to her getting moved to another dorm. She's also required to see one of the school's therapists in order to stay in school, and her assigned therapist is secretly trans (though Mary and the audience doesn't know that at first). They make great progress, but eventually Mary figures out she's trans (maybe through the same secret method that she used to search out Carla) and initially gets really angry before realizing that this transperson is working her ass off to undo the damage the other transperson did. Eventually, Mary comes to grips with the fact that the people who hurt her were shitty people because they were shitty people, not because they were LGBT, and this leads her to come to a similar but different conclusion about her personal religion than Joyce's: a little more guarded about sinners because of her scars, but open to listen to what people have to say.
>Carla ends up joining the school's LGBT association and gets in a feud with Bryan (the gay black one) over how best to deal with anti-LGBT folk. It gets pretty heated, but they eventually reach a mutual comprise and accept that they both have good points. Later, Carla meets Mary after her revelation and they both reach some sort of peace after Mary extracts an apology from Carla while apologizing for her former closed-mindedness. They get their degrees in art and robotics, respectively, and use their expertise to design a new and improved Ultracar toy to encourage investors to approve an Ultracar reboot.

>Leslie breaks up with Robin after the one-night stand that I'm certain they're having right fucking now, and her guilt-fueled protests against Robin's campaign ironically shores up right-wing support for her. Out of options, Roz finally 'leaks' nude photos of herself, along with nude snapshots of Robin, which does successfully derail the campaign but also gets Roz kicked the fuck out of college. Robin tries to reinvent herself as the cool Republican option who likes girls, which gets her some political brownie points but not nearly enough. Eventually, she ends up in a low-effort, low-risk service job, which she fucking loves because she's not in front of everyone's eyes anymore and she doesn't have to think too hard. Roz leverages her fame into camwhoring with the occasional softcore porn shoot while campaigning for the one thing she's actually right about: sex-positivity. Leslie lives the quiet life of a gay professor, eventually picking up a wife somewhere, breaking up with her, picking up another wife and adopting a few rugrats.
>Sarah's ex-roommate eventually comes back to school, fully detoxed, and, while she's still sort of pissed that Sarah ratted her out, Sarah convinces her that she had a good reason for it. She eventually gets Sarah back in the loop with her old circle of friends, plus Jacob. Raidah never quite gets over how easily Sarah got back in and that friction (along with other elements) leads to her breaking up with Jacob as soon as they graduate. He and Sarah date for a while before realizing that they both have different levels of sexual needs. So they date on and off for a while, with both of them trying other people during the off periods, before deciding that they're probably not going to find anyone better and getting hitched. They then start a law firm together, with Jacob handling the people skills stuff while Sarah sits in a dark room in the back and gets shit done.

>Dorothy successfully transfers into an Ivy League (but one of the shittier ones that everyone hates, like Brown), but ends up dropping out after her first year due to the workload and being miles away from her comfort zone. She comes to terms with the fact that planning can't fix everything, and accepts a quiet but extensive career in local politics
>Mike becomes a CIA interrogator. Joe becomes a gigolo. They're both completely satisfied with this

I call it Walkyverse Perfect

>no bigger format for the more intense moments, not worth it.
That's something I hate about DoA.
In it's walky and Joyce and Walky, when the storyline got intense, they would occasionally switch to the sunday-format for the next comics.
Now they're all the same newspaper format shit.

>Walkyverse Perfect
So when do the aliens come in?

They're taken care of offscreen by an unrelated government organization.

>Amber gets arrested and ends up in juvie for a few years.
Amber is in college, so most likely she is no longer a minor.

>unrelated government organization
SEMMF?

She's a freshman. A few of them don't hit 18 until a few months in.

But what about guns?

10/10. Saved me from years more of willis trash.


Who am I kinding. See you all tomorrow.

i can almost guarantee she's 18 or older. Willy won't draw non-canon couples shtupping because he feel icky about it, which makes me certain he wouldn't draw anything sexual involving a minor.

he may be a poopy-peey-pukey sadsack, but he's no Shmorky

Fair point. I remember him saying no to Billie and her ex-friend (and possible lover) from high school because any canon sex stuff would be underage.

Maybe they'll give her a light sentence on account of her being insane but not so insane that she can't stand trial.

Guns will not be available in this utopia.

>Guns will not be available in this utopia.
Then it is not a utopia.
Give my waifu a happy ending, or else I'm rebooting a 2nd time.

My friend, Guns is not available in this utopia because I'm trying to rebuild from the current nadir that the comic is in. Guns was never written into DoA. Guns was never mishandled by Willis. Do not cry for Guns, for by not being in this utopia, she is better off than everyone who is.

at that level of crazy, they'd either send her to jail for a mandantory minimum where she'd inevitably have a relapse and brutally maul someone, prolonging her stay forever, or she'd get a shorter sentencing to a mental facility, where she'd serve her sentence. of course, she'd only ever enjoy her freedom for a few months before lapsing back into the asylum as a "Frequent Flyer/Yo-Yo Patient.".

>Guns was never written into DoA
She could be

fucking christ, my eyes

Why wouldn't Willis put her in the strip again? Was she based on a real person too?

Yeah, now i'm kinda glad she's not in DoA if this would be her design.
Apparently Guns was his least favourite character.

That looks fucking AWFUL.

More than Mary? Why? Guns totally looks like your average Willis Female (TM) in that pic; what's so special about her?

Maybe it's the use of firearms?
Plus she's a fan of alternate music.

Maybe instead of going to jail, she screws up as Amazi-Girl hard enough that she realizes how crazy she got and voluntarily goes into psychiatric care.

I actually kind of like it. If you changed the hair to one color and got rid of the shitty tattoos, she'd be alright.

REPOSTAN THIS LEWD SHIT

The tatoos and anime hand and forearm wraps are also horrible.

Well, that design was done as an april fools joke.
>For April Fool's 2014, a Dumbiverse version of Guns was unveiled on Tumblr. The post was tagged with "oh shit i've inadvertently created the best character haven't i".

It's like the pubic hair is a Becky of it's own.

Just following Willis's example.

you're not wrong about the hair. i think the tattoos could stay if the hair was changed though.

that said, does Willis not get how dyed hair actually works? or how to make a good character color palette?

I don't like the art, but I like the muscle girl concept. Think of what you could do with a physically imposing and strong female character.

Maybe she could use her physical power to beat a former abuser to within an inch of his life-
Or maybe she could drag around a scrawny TA and then basically dominate him sexually...
Oh, oh, maybe they could become a vigilante, and perform acrobatic feats that would be outside the norm of those with normal physiques, but make sense due to her musculature!

Nah, it would never work.

i get it

an user can dream, user. an user can dream.

also lol

What if Guns was a JoJo?

Here's her stand.
>『BIG CHEESE』

pretty good

...

in today's comic....it's fucking nothing.

But who's the fat punisher in the leftmost panel?

He must be the key to all of this.

Nice 2 panel comic.

Obviously the solution is more frank face edits.

Fat Punisher you say?

The guy on the leftmost panel, black jacket and skull t-shirt.

>Mitchell Oonbonce served in the deserts of Qandahar...in the newest call of duty. So immersed was he, that when he came back, he legitimately believed that he'd been fighting in the war. Adjusting back to the real world was difficult, but he had his sister and mom to help...until his mom remarried a PHYSICAL TRAINER
>watching his family get slimmed down in front of him, rather than live their life and have fun, scarred M.oonbounce, so he swore to never allow another physical trainer to take away those that people cared about. Now, he stalks the night, spamming message boards and protest rallies regardless of the laws. He is....the FUNISHER.

So who do we ship him with?

Roz, who only associates with him to shore up her sex-positivity credits. Mostly she just friendzones him, only bothering to make out with/drop the occasional handjob to keep him around.

Adorable, now do the grim meathook future where everyone spirals down into depression addiction and suicide.

>a weird robot that looks like cheese and was used during bizarrely serious moments
Webcomics used to be wild, man. Now they're making hard scifi movies about a potato trapped on Mars.

>Joyce's PTSD continues to worsen, eventually turning into full blown paranoia that sees her withdraw from life. A few years after she dropped out of college she's committed to a mental health facility after attacking her landlord.
>Becky becomes increasingly self-absorbed alienating almost everyone in her life. Eventually she turns to the internet with a mixture of camwhoring, fandom bandwagoning, and virtue-signalling to provide the ego stroking she needs. She loses everything in a lawsuit after cyberbullying a high schooler into suicide.
>Amber picks the wrong guy to mess with as Amazi-Girl and is beaten into a coma. When she awakens the brain damage she received from the beating leaves her unable to function independently.
>Ruth manages to sober up, but the emotional distress caused by her grandfather causes her to frequently relapse, something that is aided by Billie, who seeks to drag Ruth back down to her level. Billie eventually dumps Ruth for a rich, older guy, sending her spiraling back into depression. Her body is found by her brother.
>Billie graduates to functional alcoholism. After dumping Ruth she engages in a string of marriages, mostly for money, before dying at age 53 from complications of long-term alcoholism.
>Dina successfully gets her doctorate in paleontology, but her difficulties in social situations mean that she was unable to form a network of academic and occupational contacts. That, combined with the rather limited opportunities in her chosen field, locked her out of most research and teaching positions. She is eventually forced to take a job at a kid's science museum where she spends the rest of her working years.
>Walky continues to have academic trouble due to a lack of discipline, eventually failing out of college. A lifetime of entry level jobs comes next, while all his free time is spent online trying to make a name for himself within the fading Monkey Master fandom.

>there are 17 year old freshmen
>there are 19 year old freshmen
>they were in the same grade

suks2bthem

>a potato trapped on Mars.
Matt Damon's Irish?

>Sal becomes a rebel without a cause who lashes out over any perceived slight. Eventually she's arrested for domestic abuse after attacking her boyfriend in a bar.
>Mary goes hardcore into her Christian fundamentalism, eventually marrying a televangelist. Her personal aspirations are quashed in favor of her husband's and she spends her youth doing little more than popping out kids and pretending not to notice her husband's affairs.
>Carla is inadvertently outed as trans and against her wishes becomes the popular face of the LBGT movement due to her parent's wealth and power. Backlash against Carla for being an attractive, wealthy, white transwoman gets intense, not helped by Carla's prickly and aggressive personality, and following a few altercations and a personal lawsuit, Carla completely withdraws. She spends the rest of her days alone under an assumed name and living off her trust fund. Ultracar reboot sucked too.
>Leslie loses her job over the DeSanto lesbian scandal and is forced to take a job at a community college. After the bitterness and hurt from the media presentation of her faded, she got married less out of love and more out of a desire not to grow old alone.
>Robin successfully deflects the lesbian accusation by painting Leslie as a left-wing activist but finds herself increasingly bothered by what she did and her life in the closet. A little while after pushing for extensive anti-LGBT legislation she's found dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound, blamed on a recent breast cancer diagnosis.
>Roz attempts to use her association with the DeSanto lesbian scandal for self-promotion, but following some initial success she quickly fades. Attempts to recapture that success quickly see her turn into a parody of herself. A string of kids follow and she winds up living with her mother again, dumping parental responsibilities on her mom and Riley whenever she runs off with a new guy.

>Sarah gets her law degree, but her curmudgeonly personality sees her pushed to backroom roles within law firms that leave her unsatisfied. After attempts to start her own firm fall through, she spends the rest of her career as a public defender until forced to retire following a perforated ulcer.
>Dorothy never manages to get into the Ivy League. Attempts at politics fail due to her measured and inauthentic interactions with others. Her work behinds the scenes in campaign management only leave her unfulfilled and angry, which she increasingly takes out on her husband and kids.
>Mike's asshole behavior prevents him from finding steady employment or a functional relationship. His body is found in the rundown house he inherited from his parents three weeks after his death when the mailman notices the mail piling up.

Walkyverse Imperfect

>Ultracar reboot sucked too
Truly, this is the darkest timeline.

>Joe becomes a gigolo.
So he's Rob Schnider?

yeah Ruth was the nicest RA
wasnt she?

How long do we have to pretend this relationship was important. It's getting in the way of Danny being fisted by a big gay jew.

None of the relationships are important. None have them have lasted an entire month.

And there is no way that Ethan has the drive to be a top.

They're basically all the characters ever focus on. Becky and Dina have known each other like a week and are practically married.

But Danny's a bi dude, so he needs to suck dick to actually count. His relationship was a sham the minute we found out he had the hots for Ethan.

Becky and Dina are probably the only relationship that approaches realistic by virtue of them only being together for a week and a half.

And I'm saying that Danny would be the top, not Ethan.

Mmm, grim. Does finding this more satisfying than the perfect version make me a bad person

Did you draw this, or is this a WIllis thing. I only ask because it looks better than his normal work in some ways but also there are a few aspects that look Willis as fuck. So if you did it as a parody good stuff.

If he knew about JoJo then this edit wouldn't have a reason to exist

Either of them having the drive to be the top is sort of a crazy delusion. Maybe that's why Mike is getting shoehorned in there -- because he's the only one who's believable as a pitcher.

Goddammit, how did you pull that off in half an hour? It took me twice as long to get Walkyverse Perfect right.

>how did you pull that off in half an hour?
Maybe he's actually been thinking up fanfiction ideas for the past month

Mike's here so Danny be a jealous bitch over a guy he's known for a week.

This way Danny and Ethan can get together without "betraying" that psycho bitch. It's just because they're both so super gay they can't help but suck each other off.

Then Ethan says "we're not friends anymore" and double birds Mike while he stands there quiet and unmoving. And then Cerberus writes an essay about how powerful it is that Ethan let go of this toxic influence.

I'm not 100% sure, but I'd bet you a pretty penny that's one of Ethan's strawmen from SP. Remember that one strip making fun of that super gorey DC comic?

And they were all as gloomy as that?

>no dialogue
So much for finding the password. I really gotta figure out how to Python.

That explains why my attempts to predict it the other night didn't work! I tried a few words I thought Billie or Dorothy might use.

Also, as usual, that was a bad strip to swap characters after. Ugh.

Why can't Amber just fucking kill herself already.

Has anyone's lives been improved through her? She abused Danny, neglected Ethan except for when she wanted to control him, tried to kill Sal. She's a piece of shit and she should fucking die.

Piece of shit let Joyce's rapist go free. Every single conversation she has is about her issues and her problems and she never makes anyone happy. She's a fucking burden. She's a fucking burden and she hurts everyone and she's going to keep hurting people and she needs to fucking die before she does it to anyone else.

She needs to die. She needs to fucking die. I hope she fucking kills herself and nobody fucking cares that useless fat piece of shit.

I do actually spend a lot of time thinking up AU stuff for various things when bored. I've even posted several AU things here on /doag/. Some of Walkyverse Imperfect is cribbed from that, some is just flipped outcomes from Walkyverse Perfect and generic bad ends.

I think out of every scene shift in the past year or so, there's only been two or three good points where Willis shifted course.

Nobody dies in the DoAverse, sothe worst that will happen is Amber being written out of the story.

Good. She can go to a fucking asylum and be locked up for the rest of her life that fucking piece of shit. Just deserves to be gone. She deserves to be fucking dead. She should fucking die. Everyone should fucking abandon her that piece of shit. That fucking piece of shit.

I drew it, but deliberately emulated the Willis style from his Guns drawing.

Those first two panels must be some sort of alcohol induced hallucination.

He's just some strawman Ethan used to slay in Shortpacked

>Being nice to Mary

Bu... what?

This was obviously before Willis had plans for Mary to be a full-fledged antagonist, back when she was no more than a background character meant to populate the universe.

>This was obviously before Willis had plans for Mary to be a full-fledged antagonist,
>Implying
She's been Joyce's Evil Twin since Roomies.

Truly, but she was more of a background/minor character up until learning that Ruth and Carla were seeing each other.