UHVADUH

UHVADUH

HRY SBARRO?

I know you can perform spells without the incantation if you're good, but I'd still assume that if you DID pronounce the incantation it would have to be done good.
UHVUHDAH GEDABRAH wouldn't work

Fiennes was a known drunk on set and never read the books and often just did his own thing when he forgot his lines. I guess no director dared to stand up to him.

Why is Voldemort so dull in the Deathly Hallows? Seriously, Harry Potter is the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the seriesüf only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but itüfs certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books are g-g-good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King

>4th post in
Nice job, but the opening line could use some more work, people have been slacking off lately

UHVADUH? More like you should AVOIDA the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody; just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

That's more like it! You gotta add some pepper to the pasta so it doesn't get stale or tasteless.

Maybe he thought the words correctly in his head and just shouted ABUDA KEDABBA to mess with everyone's head?

>UHVADUH? More like you should AVOIDA
Legit burst out laughing

Best one in a while, and even includes Clifford. Another recent good one was Harry flying his Firebolt out of the franchise.

On topic though, this is something I picked up in a different thread, would you rather live at Hogwarts or in the Shire?
>Hogwarts is a huge magic castle full of secrets and lots magic to learn, but there are perils like deaths and corrupt teachers who torture you
>Shire is an picturesque countryside that stretches for thousands of miles, no threat of conflict or war, just peaceful farming, comfortable living, pipe smoking and taverns to drink in while Irish folk music plays and people dance and sing of trees and rivers and ale

snoke?

No, I'm from Utah.

Voldemort's look always felt a bit of a let down to me, just a pale bald dude without a nose, and the CGI isn't that good either. Gollum and Davy Jones looked much better and that was around that time, even earlier. Also should've given him red eyes and slits for pupils like in the books to truly make him look not-human. As I said, just a bald guy with no nose.

They should have just given him a nose like in the first movie, who cares if it's not like it was in the books if he looks like a fish without it. They already gave him different eyes and made him talk like a faggot anyway

I'd still go with Hogwarts

>qt wizard girls
>take day trips to Hogsmeade
>chill out in an awesome magical dorm with your bros (as long as you don't get Slytherin, their common room is the most anti-comfy thing I've ever seen)

>as long as you don't get Slytherin, their common room is the most anti-comfy thing I've ever seen
All the common rooms are comfy as fuck, they just made Slytherin's look all dark and shadowy in the second film because it's supposed to be all evil. It's actually really cosy, with good lighting, green and silver colours, and an enormous glass window (and several other smaller ones) that looks out at the great lake.
Imagine sitting in comfy armchairs by the fireside with your mates, playing magic chess, watching the giant squid swim by the large window, watching several fish and magical creatures swim by at night.

Sure, you don't get the sunlight, but a huge aquarium common room with good lighting seems comfy as fuck. If anything, Ravenclaw's seems a bit dull. It's implied to have the same structure as Gryffindor's, but it's all marble and white and cold, unlike Gryffindor's red and cosy feeling.

remember to never put pussy on a pedestal lads
>snape died a virgin

I hardly think he died a virgin, he's a very clever man after all. I bet you all of my money that as soon as he stopped hugging dead Lily, an idea came to him. He plucked a good amount of hairs from her head to use in Polyjuice Potion. Probably kept them safe and in good condition using potions or spells, maybe even multiplied them so he'd have an endless supply of her DNA.
Spent the next sixteen years giving students detention where they had to drink Polyjuice with Lily's DNA before altering their memories to make them think the detention was just writing lines.

>and an enormous glass window (and several other smaller ones) that looks out at the great lake.
Aren't the dungeons actually underwater?

Source on this?

I like to imagine the scene where Voldemort hugs Malfoy was just Fiennes being nuts and everyone rolling with

Yes, that's what I meant, I can see your confusion. When I said "looks out at the great lake", I meant an underwater view. The dungeons are indeed underwater, and Slytherin's common room has a beautiful view of the underwater lake and all its inhabitants. Not sure about Hufflepuff, they're down in the dungeons as well, or at least on the bottom level, but I'm sure a house like that would have windows with actual sunshine, perhaps they're on the opposite end of Hogwarts and the windows look out on the school grounds.

Not me, and that user was probably making shit up, but Ralph Fiennes is renowned to be a hard man to work with. Method actor, serious attitude, and also a bit of a sleaze. Cheated on his wife for several years, and had unsafe sex in an airplane toilet with a stewardess. Which sounds kinda cool, except the plane was taking him to a conference about the importance of safe sex, of which he was a spokesperson.

>Cheated on his wife for several years, and had unsafe sex in an airplane toilet with a stewardess. Which sounds kinda cool, except the plane was taking him to a conference about the importance of safe sex, of which he was a spokesperson.
Sounds like doctors who tell you stop smoking unless you want to die of cancer, and then they smoke half a pack at home.

>that weak as shit opening line
>not something to do with "UHVADULL KEDAVRA"

Exactly, the irony is delicious, it's just too much. He's a well-respected actor and director, but he's got a reputation of being a bit of a wrong'un

It was the same with Michael Gambon, in an interview from 2010 he said he told the director of GoF to make the "did you put your name in the goblet" more tense, saying Dumbledore should be acting more aggressive and angry to fit the scene. He also ad-libbed the bit where he swung the chandelier/lantern thing and the first time it hit the French lady's head.

I forgot about that scene, there was something really weird about the hug and the laugh, I can defo see it as him just fooling around

Is that pic official Pottermore art of the Hufflepuff room? If so I'd like to see the others, that looks maximum comfy.

>Spent the next sixteen years giving students detention where they had to drink Polyjuice with Lily's DNA before altering their memories to make them think the detention was just writing lines.
I dread to think what really happened during those Occlumency lessons with Snape and Harry. Going by that line of thought it's no wonder Harry never mastered it.

why bother with the killing curse, when you have the LITERAL PUPETEER CURSE
>imperio ron
>kill harry with it

there, saved the """""greatest""""" wizard a lot of hustle

>Cheated on his wife for several years, and had unsafe sex in an airplane toilet with a stewardess. Which sounds kinda cool, except the plane was taking him to a conference about the importance of safe sex, of which he was a spokesperson.

>AVOIDA
10/10

WTF I thought Hermione was black?!?!?

Not sure if that'd work, even an Imperius Ron would have to MEAN it to kill Harry and I'm not sure that's as easy as it sounds, even with mind control. Also I guess the old trope of the villain wanting to kill the hero himself applies here. Voldy could've gotten his way if he wasn't that proud and fussy. He wanted to kill Harry himself, Harry the baby who thwarted him, now an adult. Voldy wanted to show everyone how he was better than him.

It really is hilariously ironic. I like Ralph Fiennes, but seriously, using your celebrity status and good looks to have a quick fuck in a plane toilet before arriving at a conference about safe sex is just amazing. He must've been doing charity work to get an OBE or something, but he certainly screwed that up. Your credibility kinda goes down when you're the voice of safe sex and you jut gave the stewardess a quick one in the toilet ten minutes before.

I know, i'm was just tired of the same old tropes over and over again
one of the reasons I got done with hollywood a long time ago

It's the old "Bond villain leaves James Bond to his doom and disappears to put his master plan in motion" thing. It's old, outdated and stupid. But without it, the villain would always win. A truly competent villain is rare, because in the end, the hero needs to win by any means necessary. Sadly this is most often done by the genius villain making a big mistake or being too selfish and vain to even think he could be thwarted.
What's the solution to this though? Villain watching Bond being lasered in half would end the movie right there. Voldemort turning grains of sand into Horcruxes and scattering them across the Sahara would be a genius move, but ultimately detrimental to the plot.
I don't have the answers, just pointing out that this trope is used for a narrative purpose.

If you're sick of that particular trope, try reading some postmodern fiction. Those guys tend to subvert that annoying trope and do something original. Not very suited to Hollywood, but like you said, you're done with Hollywood anyway.

holy fucking kek user

...

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand the Harry potter series. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of the defense against the dark arts most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Voldemort's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from forbidden literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Harry Potter truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Voldemort's existencial catchphrase "UHVADUH KUDUHVA," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons.nI'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as J.K Rowling's genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... how I pity them. And yes by the way, I DO have a Slytherin tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.

Finally someone daring to stand up and speak the truth. Rowling is a fucking genius. Her prose might not be up there with the greats, but only an unintelligent monkey would refuse to see the brilliance of her work, her world building, her characters, and her subtle approach of increasingly darker and more mature subjects and plots.

I go speed dating a lot and the first thing I ask is whether they like HP. If they don't, I just walk away. Anyone who can't understand it is simply sub-human to me, sorry.

Wand allegiance was fucking stupid and is the biggest plothole in the series.
>Disarming anyone changes their wand's allegiance
>Draco disarms Dumbledore before he dies making him the owner of the Elder Wand
>Harry wrestles Draco's wand out of his hands at Malfoy Manor
>Doesn't even use magic to disarm him
>Harry becomes the owner of the Elder Wand because he wrestled Draco's wand out his hands
So that means that you don't even need magic to change a wand's allegiance. That also means that a vast majority of people have had their wand change its allegiance and they probably didn't even know it.

I disagree, user. I think this new Pennywise has to be the scariest movie monster we've seen in years. Literally years. There's two scenes in this movie that absolutely sent shivers down my spine. First when Pennywise possesses the slideshow and we finally get to see his very creepy and mental face in the final scene. What a build-up! I nearly pissed myself.

The other one is in the basement, first we see the excellent performance by Georgie's actor. You'll float too never has sounded more epically scary. And then Pennywise rises from the waters. I jumped in my chair and still do when watching this. I can tell I will be on the edge of my seat in theatres this september.

The movie itself seems to capture that 80s feeling we've seen in Stranger Things and other important work. Do your part and see it in theaters. Be a part of history.

Do wizards run out of "mana"? I never read the book.

I like this counter pasta

Reminder that Malfoy being a girl and Harry's epilogue wife would have made the entire story considerably better. Literally change nothing about their interactions other than that.

>clown in a sewer making children float
Yeah, amazing writing right there. Rowling in the meantime has a 7-book magical mystery series on her cv, and is currently pushing the boundaries of PI murder mysteries with her Cormoran Strike novels, five of which are still to come. Meanwhile King 20 years ago was like "hmmm what scares children? I guess clowns are pretty spooky, I'll use that and explain it away with a giant turtle god, damn if there was a prize for literary lore I would so be in there"

It's all explained very well user. Maybe read a book instead of just watching abridged films

Thanks, now I have a boner for genderbent tsundere Malfoy. Good job. Where am I gonna find porn for that?

>It's all explained very well user
it's fucking not

BASED AVOIDA POSTER