Would anybody be interested in looking over the pitch bible to an animated series I'm planning?

pic unrelated

Other urls found in this thread:

docs.google.com/document/d/1UOWsH8Fy-ngsuq_NsxFx4GbqoZFuGS_MBR5f6lgeGE4/edit?usp=sharing
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

Go for it, chum.

yeah sure i won't steal it

Okay. Do either of you have accounts on sites which have PMs? I just prefer to share it through those, is all.

If not, I guess I could just post the doc link here.

Alright, here's the link.

docs.google.com/document/d/1UOWsH8Fy-ngsuq_NsxFx4GbqoZFuGS_MBR5f6lgeGE4/edit?usp=sharing

You should be able to leave comments on it.

Also, I doubt you were planning to, but I just feel the need to ask that you please don't show it to anybody without my permission.

its ok

What's that?

>animated show about a bunch of smelly hobos in the Great Depression.

This would make an awesome comic. You'll probably never see it animated by any studio who cares about money.

Why's that?

Hey man,LeFootyLad here,glad you worked on it and posted a thread

Okay, thanks

I'm liking it, but I don't see it getting greenlit

Thanks, but why do you see it not getting greenlit?

So why does anonymous Dingo seem to be highlighting everything?

The older the intended demo, the less likely it has to being greenlit

I think it would work better as a comic (it has a better chance of becoming one)

Mind showing us the basic plot of the first episode/pilot?

I had some episode descriptions. Want to see some of those?

I also wrote some scripts, but I prefer not to share those publicly

>I had some episode descriptions. Want to see some of those?

Yes please

Banding Together: Freight Train, Ralph, and Harvey got on a trip to a music festival, but soon discover that one of the bands is sabotaging the others.

A Zero Of A Hero: The Council has to deal with Captain Callous, a man in a makeshift superhero costume who’s convinced he has super powers and all too eager to try to use them for good


Cult Classic: Harvey meets Benjamin Huskins, an old friend from high school who’s become a successful banker. Harvey decides to show Ben around Hobonia, but a series of bad first impressions leads Harvey to try to convince his friend that Hobonia isn’t a cult.


Brew Hah Hah: Freight Train and Greg go on a road trip to Massechusetts to an abandoned brewery to find what is beilived to be the world’s best ale. However, there are rumors that the brewery is haunted by the ghost of its 18th-century pilgrim owner.

Here's a few

Despair.

What do you mean by despair?

I love it m8e and I feel sorry that you'll never get it greenlit like my own ideas

Any parts of the pitch bible that stand out to you?

Nothing really, but you put a lot of heart into the character designs (and the lack of romance is surprisingly fresh)

Could you post the basic plotline for the pilot/first episode?

I haven't really thought of what the first episode should be yet

Were there any characters you liked in particular?

It's intended for teens, I think

What the hell is that?

On first observation- I like the setting, but I'm not really a fan of the theme.

I don't want to fuck you over with a style shift, but maybe this would work better as a drama/social commentary than a comedy?

Why's that?

Okay

Anybody have any ideas for what the demographic should be?

Are you sure?

Mostly unrelated

Here's my idea for the pilot (that you'll probably hate, but it's probably what a network would want)

>A stockbroker looses everything because of the great crash, having nowhere else to go, he goes to Hobonia, stuff happens and he becomes a main character (He's the relatable outsider insert for the audience)

And here's another version

>Mr. Crawfather, bored with his life of luxury, becomes interested in Hobonia (after hearing about it)
>He either comes to Hobonia as himself or disguised as a Hobo

They'll never let you have a child smoking (an they'll probably want the child characters to be the Main Characters)

I just feel like the whole notion of Hobonia has a darker connotation. That doesn't mean you can't add in some comedy, though.

I guess maybe I'm thinking Lisa: The Painful wise.

I was thinking more comedy with some serious moments.

Who do you mean by they?

See, but the thing is that's harder to pull off. I'm not saying it's not doable, but you don't want to end up becoming a sitcom a la The Office.

I was aiming for a character based comedy, with none of the main characters really being the 'main' main character.

>pic unrelated

And you lost my interest immediately

Op, please do not stop making this. I shit you not this might not be successful on a huge scale, but there is definitely potential here. If not an animated show, this could be a very good comic, and I would read the fuck out of it. Homeless ed, Ed and eddy in the great depression. What a time to be alive

Why does it remind you of Ed Edd and eddy?

Producers

Oh, okay

You should really include some Hoover Hogs (Armadillos) into your story in some way or another

Why?

Are you going to have traditional hobo elements like the hobo code or stone soup?

1: It takes place in the great depression
2: Armadillos are awesome

Okay.

Yeah, I'd say so.

Then you're golden. Keep at it.

By the way, just going from the descriptions, do the characters seem too much like tokens to you?

For some strange reason, not at all (thought Doc Coatrack being Japanese was a bit weird at first but this takes place before WWII) the main reason why is that their is nothing about them facing hardships due to being non-white (and the fact that they could be white and their character wouldn't change much/a bit)

Here's an ep idea

Sad Juju: The Main Characters meet a miserable Voodoo Priestess whose sadness causes a deluge

I suppose the Guzzling Waterfalls are, apparence-wise at least, basically older male versions of the Kanker Sisters

That might be interesting. If I think of more episode ideas, I'll put them here if you'd like

Incidentally, did anybody who read the doc notice any similarities to Gravity Falls? I haven't watched that show since a couple months after it ended, but I might have subconsciously included some similarities.

I suppose it's possible the other famous Roosevelt could make an appearance.

Only because of the "comedic animated series with supernatural elements" blurb

>Hobonia is having its annual Stone Soup cook off
>Each character goes to a different place to "make" stone soup
>The winner is Questionable Quentin

Okay. By the way, I've written some scripts, but I'd prefer not to share them publicly.

That's fine

its definitely an interesting concept, have any character sketches/designs?

No, I'm not really a drawing type of person.

Any parts/characters stand out to you?

honestly im just a sucker for settings, /tg/ habit
im getting a kinda...the goon vibe, but more lighthearted? hard to place exactly, any animation style you have in mind?

What's the goon?

For art style, I'd say one that fits with the tone and theme of the show, of course. Maybe something similar to one of the art styles from Disney XD shows.

Tg stands for traditional games, right?

Agree with new guy coming to town. Need outsider to delve into world. That or you need young hero type (think Finn) to be the main character. You need someone people identify with in a sort of crazy story. think of it as vanilla ice cream where the flavors add to a better sundae versus a flavored ice cream mixed with a large amount of toppings that mangle it all together. Not saying its bad, in fact I freaking love this, but it needs to have that key element to be able to reach a wider audience and to become an overall likeable series.

Well, there is an outsider visiting the kingdom/town in one of the episode descriptions I listed.

But I mean a consistent main character, that we can identify with. Think of some of the more popular animated shows. Gravity Falls (Dipper and Mable in new town) and Steven Universe (Steven learns of Gem World and Crystal Gem stuff) are prime examples. If you can just make one identifiable average guy that experiences this world it will become A1 10/10 rated, trust me.

I guess I can see the idea of why that works, but I also like the idea of the main characters all already being close friends by the start of the series

I suppose I could make it that one of the main characters (Possibly Harvey or Dr. Coatrack) has only recently become homeless due to the depression and joined Hobonia by the start of the series

I would say just add a new character all together.
Suggestions: A main/side character's son/daughter. Rambunctious and adventurous.
A man from out East looking for new opportunities (former stock broker now out of work)
A migrant farmer with a Spike Spiegel/Han Solo type personality but who comes to know Hobonia as his new home. Troubled past adds intrigue and future storytelling.

Eh, maybe. I'll consider it and see if it fits well with the rest of the idea.

What did you think of the idea as a whole?

I love it honestly! Good cast and concept. Just matters what art style it is presented as. It just needs that perfect look to make it A+ quality.

Any parts you like in particular?

So this Cornelius Crawfather.
It's cool if I think of him as Frank Reynolds, right?

Just the characters themselves. Each is unique and it's almost like I can picture them in my head. The setting also is really cool I feel.

Honestly, I kinda pictured him as sounding like Devito and acting like an even more elderly Frank, myself.

To add to what I said, voice actors are also key.

>The residents of Hobonia often find him naked in the sewer, foraging for rings and coins

Okay, thanks.

How do you plan to pitch this and who do you plan to pitch this to?

Speaking of, I realized that I basically wrote Susie as a combination of Charlie Kelly and Mabel Pines.

Not sure at the moment.

Make her a combination of Toph and Charlie, and I'll donate money to you.

I like questionable Quinton and I would like to voice him. Has Sup Forums ever produced anything before? ANy animators here?

Yeah, I can see that. I did have a few voice actors in mind for some of the characters, though I'm not sure if they'd be available for it in the event this eventually gets greenlit.

I take it you're not a fan of Mabel?

Unfortunately, I haven't seen enough of Avatar to really know Toph's personality beyond the basics.

>gnomercy

I have no strong opinion on Mabel.
And Toph is great. Crude, rude, tomboy, sarcastic, and arrogant.
Of course, she was my first waifu back when I was 12, so I'm biased.

Do you get it?

I think the Mabel aspects of Susie are the cartoonishly long brown hair, the odd teeth, and part of her personality.

Though one of her biggest character flaws is the exact opposite of Mabel's biggest.

So, why does she go out of her way to defend people?

Is she too overconfident in her abilities?

Likes fighting?

Hates suffering?

What exactly is her motivation for it?

I love it. I picked a weird reaction image, but it actually made me laugh.

I'll put some thought into those.

well, if you'd like, I can give you an idea. Just to think about. I dont want you to start just injecting what Sup Forums says into YOUR idea.

I think the politically minded will reject your pitch as being insensitive to the homeless. Would have to be adults only.

I'd be fine hearing it, though I've pretty much already got most of her personality figured out.

Are you sure? It stars homeless people as the main characters, and they have depth and multiple aspects to their personalities. It doesn't really make fun of them.

Good.
I was thinking, you said, she's the twon guard, and not quite used to being blind.

As a sort of slapstick/physical comedy kind of thing, she's actually a pretty confident fighter, but at the crux, she ends up oftentimes tripping over herself, or drops her shovel, and cant find it, and gets suckerpunched. Much to her chagrine.