>He's still in the closet, but that may change. This A-list actor who stars in several franchises is consulting with his lawyers to possibly come forward about the time he was raped by this openly gay billionaire mogul. Hopefully he does.
Actor: Keanu Reeves
Billionaire that raped him: David Geffen
>Still in the closet
So he's gay as well as a rape victim?
>A-list actor
In the end some random Z-list dude comes out of the closet.
Ellen Must Fucking Pay
considering he is or was dating that tranny im not surprised
Considering that he dated the tranny from Sense8 for a while, he's a fag.
man he is full of bad luck
>His lawyers say it affected him so deeply that he was no longer able to express emotion on screen, turning him into a wooden shell of his former talented self.
wow it explains everything
...
>wife dies in a car accident
>hasn't been with anyone since
>must be gay
I'm glad the mainstream media is falling to fucking pieces.
Was it the Warchowski brothers?
...
But how early in his career this happened? Because he has always been a plank of wood
>A-list actor who stars in several franchises
Obviously not Keanu, Chris Evans would be believable but definitely not Keanu Reeves
> billionaire mogul
guess again
He is dating a trap.
Keanu may be gay, but he's not a faggot
We all know traps aren't gay.
After Bill and Ted 2 but before Speed
Basically homosexuality is a psychological disorder that is manifested by acute trauma. This is why it's essential to promote it. Prior tho the 90s gays would openly talk about imperiling young adults to from them as a homo. PS I have several gay friends and not one of them wasn't exposed to the choice/ or "born" at around puberty.
Bill got totally, heinously buttraped as a child dude. It's only logical that Ted suffered the same bogus journey.
peter thiel?
Homosexuality is a mental disorder that is tied with immaturity
Its a psychological complex of running away from a mans duty to impregnate women and foster children.
that really makes a lot of sense to me, does that explain lezbos as well?
>t. mom was a degenerate lezbo for about 5 years and totally fucking neglected us, letting her bulldike gf boss us all around
[/rant]
Is Geffen's semen a potion of eternal youth?
If Geffen down, Spielberg is next.
>Bill and Ted
>The Matrix
>John Wick
The only thing that makes me doubt this is:
>In January 2000, Reeves's girlfriend, Jennifer Syme, gave birth eight months into her pregnancy to Ava Archer Syme-Reeves, who was stillborn. The strain put on their relationship by their grief resulted in Reeves and Syme's breakup several weeks later. On April 2, 2001, Syme was driving alone on Los Angeles' Cahuenga Boulevard when she sideswiped three parked cars, rolled over several times and was thrown from the car. Authorities believed she died instantly. She reportedly was being treated for depression and taking two prescription drugs, which police found in her car.[50][51] Reeves, who was scheduled to begin shooting back-to-back Matrix sequels during the subsequent spring, sought "peace and time to deal with this", according to his friend Bret Domrose, a guitarist in Reeves's alternative rock band Dogstar.[50]
I guess the next step is to think about people who've worked on Geffen projects and Tom Cruise is an obvious contender for A-list, several franchises.
would spread that slant, ironically of course
always new keanu was a fag.
yea, i'm sure he "raped" you, buddy.
Why are they trying to bring down /ourguy/?Keanu is probably the chillest celebrity out there