It's time again for Spider-man. Tonight's episode features Spider-man matching wits against the villainous master of magnetism, Magneto. No, not that Magneto. The OTHER Magneto.
Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show as I battle a hundred capchas. Thanks Sup Forums.
Am interested, lurking
It was a dark and stormy night it's always a dark and storm night but this time there's a boat involved!
What a storm! Temping as a boat life guard is hard work, but I have to earn the money to see a doctor about this hump somehow
Spider-man: Will the boat make it? Can't save a boat unless it's sinking first. Dats da rules.
The science hall of fame has once again failed to elect me scientist of the year! They didn't even nominate me this time! Not even for a science razzie! The judges, the Insane Clown Posse never understood! They couldn't!
So now the whole world must know what power the great Doctor Magneto wields! And they must know that it's pronounced Mag-net-oh not Mag-neat-o! The latter form is stupid there's no second A in the name why would anything say it like that!
strapped in
The start of my revenge on the Science Hall of Fame begins with that boat and I'll start THAT revenge by attacking the light house! With magnetism!
Whalloping websnappers! The lighthouse went dark! Now it's just a house!
This is gonna get real dumb real fast
Come on Lighthouse! Don't give up on us now! We're all counting on you!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Boat! Welcome to die!
I'm assuming this guy is a poorly disguised Magneto who uses a prop gun to throw people off.
COME ON! COME ON! LIGHT HOUSE CHANGE GEARS OR WE'LL BE WATCHING A BAND PLAY ITSELF DOWN TO DAVY JONES'S LOCKER
Have you tried pushing? And pull with your wrist! Proper form's important!
No, he's somebody else entirely, but he is dashingly handsome.
I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING SPIDER-MAN! IT WON'T WORK! NOTHING WORKS! I TRIED YELLING AT IT, I TRIED GIVING UP AND HOPING MY PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVENESS WOULD MAKE IT FEEL BAD AND FIX ITSELF, AND I TRIED ASKING THE EXPERTS AT YAHOO ANSWERS BECAUSE THEY'VE NEVER LED ME WRONG BEFORE! ENF! EEENNNFRHHH! IT'S TOO HARD I HATE EVERYTHING.
Don't be a pussy let me show you how it's done. EUGHHHHHH NO. IT'S NOT DOING ANYTHING IT'S HOPELESS
I concur. It is hopeless. Everything's stuck. We've proven the saying "Many hands make light work" false.
Well, real or not, I think we can all agree that that is one bitchin' stach.
Hold up I have a spare light from my patented Spider-man utility belt! It'll work! It has to!
All the lumens must work together to save the day.
Spider-man: Come on guys! Head directly towards the blinding light! You can make it!
Jameson: Listen to this! Spider-man saves the freighter! As if a seasoned Captain couldn't guide a ship in by himself! I bet Spider-man probably put those dangerous rocks in the water, just for fun!
>Rocks in the water? Damn! Why didn't I think of that.
Um Mr. Jameson, what about the reports that the lighthouse and everything in it was magnetized?
Magnetism?! Rubbish! There isn't that much concentrated magnetism in the whole world! And the jury is still out on whether magnetism even exists! It may all be a hoax!
Betty: We both saw that magnetism Documentary last night. Peter! Correct him!
Peter: ... meh.
Um so Mr. Jameson are we not going to run the Spider-man and the boat story? Doesn't your code of journalism force you to cover the story?
Oh WE'LL RUN THE STORY ALRIGHT! ON THE BACK PAGE! AND POSSIBLY IN A DINGBAT FONT!
What the fuck is this shit? It's on the back page?! And they didn't even mention magnetism!
All the mention is Spider-man! Like he's capable of plans a quarter as genius as mine!
Opening this thread and saving it for later reading
You! At the computer! Yes you! Get your hand out of your pants and be honest! Don't I deserve to be famous? To be known not just for my good looks but for my awesome talents?! Can't I at least have that? The kids, they must believe, they must believe in magnetism. You believe in Magnets and can explain how they work, right? RIGHT?
I'll just have think bigger. Better! Give people a demonstration of magnetism they won't forget no matter how hard they try! That'll make me famous!
I was actually scratching my balls when I read this.
Fuck you for freaking me put OP
WOOOO go yankees!
No security? Man, no one cares about baseball any more. Peeeeeerfeeect. You never value what you've lost until it's gone.
Fun Fact: Magnets CAN melt steel beams if you put your mind to it.
Thats a good way to do it. Put it on autoupdate and tab out
NEVER FORGET
Yes! Yes! Try ignoring THAT act of unspeakable horror! There's no way they can ignore my genius and put that on the back page now!
Can't wait to buy tomorrow's newspaper! But first! To make some celebratory cupcakes! Vanilla cupcakes with strawberry frosting and a dab of lemon curd!
Wouldn't it be better to steam it and let chat make the memes?
Not a single pop fly to catch and force them to sign. I should root for a better team.
Either my eyes are playing tricks on me or the tracks are broken. I'll double check to be sure.
They are broken! How could that happen? Termites?!
It's been done. You can only fit some memes in a 10 minute episode
Choo choo
Don't have any duct tape to fix the tracks but some webbing should do in a pinch
Oh yeah there's a train coming at high speed and I'm standing right in front of it.
Time to get some pictures! JJ's going to need proof
I don't need proof that the tracks got wrecked! I need proof that Spider-man wrecked and then fixed the tracks! Where's those pictures?!
Um so are we not printing that Spider-man saved anyone or what? It's hard to make out what you want
I DIDN'T PAY FOR THIS PICTURE NOT TO USE IT, MISS BRANT. WE'LL PRINT IT AND IT'S GOING IN THE SPORTS SECTION
Magneto: Spiderman nearly causes calamity.
AGAIN WITH THE SPIDERMAN IT'S ALWAYS SPIDERMAN! SPIDERMAN SPIDERMAN SPIDERMAN! AND THE STORY PRINTED HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PICTURE AND LOOKS TO BE PARTIALLY IN RUSSIAN! I AM SO FUCKING MAD RIGHT NOW
Calm yourself. Breath in. Breath out. Don't let him get to you. Maybe you're going over everyone's heads. Remember your rivalry with Doctor Chuckie Zavior (sucks what happened to his arms) and how you can't let him and his team of harpies the ex-men get all the glory. Maybe you're being too subtle about this. Think Magneto think!
Maybe I should communicate in a way he'll best understand
Dear J. Jonah Jameson, I, the great Magneto, am responsible for almost wrecking the boat and the train...
>"This time it is YOU who are the one tricked by a wooden prop! Revenge is sweet!"
... by the time you receive this letter the maassive, broncse statute of Promethius at Rockefella center will b magneticed and flown I mean lifted to the top of the Umpire State Building!
>For fucks sake why does no one who writes letters to the editor use a goddamn dictionary
Dude what
"At xactlee noon I will demagnit it nd send it crshing to teh stret bellow,
Sincerely, Dr. Magneto
Master of Magnet
Oh no! Prometheus is going to commit suicide by jumping from the Empire State Building? The horror!
Magneto... Magneto... that name sounds familiar. It rings a bell... I swear I've heard it before but I can't remember... something to do with purple? Fashion designer? Naaah.
Magneto! Bah! Never heard of him! Why do all these nobodies write me and expect me to care about their problems?!
Jameson: Hold on I need to take this call. WHAT. A bronzed person on top of the empire state building?! And he's not wearing any shoes! This is serious!
Jameson: MISS BRANT! YOU'RE WEARING TOO MUCH LIPSTICK! FIX IT.
Jameson: PARKER! YOU'RE NOT WEARING ENOUGH LIPSTICK. FIX IT AND GET TO THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING AND GET ME SOME PICTURES
AND WHAT TIME IS IT?
Time for you to get a new watch, Mr. Jameson!
Is that madman Magneto really going to do it? I've only got ... 1... 2...3 minutes? WHY CAN'T THIS CITY GO DIGITAL
...
Time to take a dive, Prometheus!
...
Oh my god he's coming down! Yeah, he's my God, and he could be yours too if you want him to be.
I gotcha buddy. Anyone who steals fire and gives it to men is A-OK in my book!
And now you're being supported by your impressive dick. That's one thing to check off the bucket list.
WHAT? NO. HE STOPPED IT. ALL I WANT IS MY NAME AND STORY IN THE FRONT PAGE IN THE PAPER AND BE GIVEN AN AWARD ONLY NERDS CARE ABOUT IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?
>not turning into seaman semen porn
baka
SOMEDAY I'LL HAVE REVENGE. JUST YOU WAIT. BUT FIRST I'LL HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT
M... M for Magneto. I know I've seen or heard or that name at least once in my life.
Love checking this book! I love how Hank Pym isn't even considered a scientist after all the shit he's pulled over the years.
Oh and how they have an entire section on Dr. Doom how he's a college dropout
There's Magneto! First name Matto? His parents must have hated the shit out of him. Speciality in Magnetism? Hmmmmmmmmm Science Hall of Fame HMMMMM
And why was he given a full page for a footnote's worth of information? Better check out the science hall of fame to get the dirt on this guy!
Spider-sense is vibrating! That means there's a clue nearby!
Hey! Anyone here know a guy named Magneto? Wears a suit and what appears to be his mom's pink tablecloth as a cape?
WHAT'S HAPPENING MY BODY'S MOVING ON ITS OWN
OW MY HIP
Wahahaha! Kill you Spider-chicken with one magnetic pull of my power!
Dude you only knocked me down 10 feet. You're not even special! You're just a guy in a suit!
Magneto: Not so fast!
Ack ack ack! Now I know what it feels like to be literally everyone I fight! Gross! It's all damp!
Surprised? You should be! This gun doesn't just magnetize metal! It can also magnetize wood! Paper! Cloth! Flesh! Anything! So don't even think of pulling a wooden gun on me cause it ain't gonna work!
Sir, did you ever consider the fact that what you said makes no sense? And you call yourself a scientist!
IT MAKES SENSE AND I AM TOO A SCIENTIST. I COULD EXPLAIN IT TO YOU BUT YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT NOBODY UNDERSTANDS
MAYBE THE SCIENTISTS ARE ALL VISUAL LEARNERS. I'LL JUST GIVE THEM A DEMONSTRATION AND THEY'LL BE HAPPY AND GIVE ME AN AWARD AND A CAKE AND A NICE HAT AND A PAT ON THE BACK
so like, what? Don't keep me in suspense.
It's a surprise! For me to know and for you to find out!
HEY! What did I just tell you, bro? I hate surprises and don't like being kept in suspense!
Magneto: You think you can escape my magnetic powers over there? Magnetism is everywhere and within all of us, all around you, flowing and ebbing.
Spider-man: Ow my butt!
Magneto: And now! I demagnetized you from the Earth! It's not gravity keeping you grounded! It's magnetism! And how do you like being held suspended?
Spider-man: Fuck you.
But wait! There's more I can do than just reverse magnetism!
AHHHHH WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME NOW?