Character brushes teeth

>character brushes teeth
>their gums don't bleed all over the place

>character takes a shit
>not a single drop of blood

> character takes a shit
> doesn't sniff the paper after he wipes

?

>character doesn't floss

>character poops
>doesn't immediately shower his anus afterwards
imagine how bad the smell must be inside his hole
toilet paper =/= antibacterial soap

>Character goes to piss
>Pee isn't red from blood
>Doesn't make noises from the pain

Hate how hollywood tones things down

>character goes a day without drinking or smoking

>character takes a nice, long shower
>gets out and immediately poops

>character goes back to taking a shower immediately poop
>doesn't gag at the smell transporting towards the water droplets in the air, intensifying the smell

>Character goes through his morning route
>Alcohol with coffee isn't a part of it

>character doesn't eat their meal while they take a shit to save time

>character has a "morning routine"

>antagonist passes by some strangers
>they don't spit in his face

i suck it like a penis
its a shit penis!

brush more OP

Sorry OP, if your gums bleed all over the place when you brush your teeth, that ain't normal dude. Maybe you should visit a dentist?

>character watches porn
>it isn't bbc sissy hypno and he doesnt suck a black dildo emulating the video while wearing pull ups

>character wakes up
>doesn't immediately go on PC next to bed and stay on it for the whole day until blank slumber calls him once more

...

>character has perfect straight teeth
>doesn't get his wisdom teeth pulled in-time loses a molar and slightly re-aligns his set of teeth to cause tooth erosion on his incisors

>character prepares a meal
>puts it in a bowl/plate instead of eating it direct from the cooking utensil to save on washing up

Fake and gay

>character farts
>doesn't smell the aroma of his own fart

>character is a happy productive member of society

>character wakes up
>doesn't go to take a shit first thing
immersion ruined

>character prepares a meal
>feeling of emptiness already fulfilled him enough for the day
>wakes up to the smell of the left over food on a coffee table
>puts it into a used shopping bag

>character takes a shit
>doesn't immediately turn around and force himself face first into it, and scream under the shit water, making shit bubbles and getting shit-piss in his mouth

>character goes into shop
>doesn't compulsively steal things

>character doesn't dream of simply vanishing out of existence

>character gets wisdom teeth
>they fit right in like regular teeth and dont need removal
heheh sory losers

>character nicks themselves while shaving

I've been shaving for over a decade and this has never happened to me, ever.

>character makes eye contact with and speaks to females

How can irelate to this

nice work breaking the fourth wall NIGGERS, thread RUINED

wait. I only shit like every 5 or 6 days
i-is there something wrong with me?

I seriously never get this one and it happens all the time. Like what?

yes

Nothing life threatening, but I would recommend eating more veggies, soups and drinking more water(no, not soda, coffee or tea, water).

> character is English

>character doesnt live in a hexagon

Taking a shit every day is the most irritating thing I hate it

>character has been having clean shits with relatively little arse friction and no blood for the past few months but doesn't know what he's been eating or not been eating

I didn't want this, they forced it on me

I could have gotten a better plan if I subtracted what I pay out of my tax

I never had a chance

>Character masturbates
>Doesn't cum in under a minute

>Character takes a shit
>wipes his ass thoroughly
Give me a fuckin break

>character masturbates
>cums like a faucet instead of a measly tiny bead

>doesn't insert the shower head inside himself to clean himself fully

>character brushes teeth
>doesn't piss in the sink at same time

>character masturbates
>jerking off at mach speed, presumably circumcised

>character goes to bed
>doesn't spend all night scratching his thighs until they bleed

>character brushed teeth
>doesn’t throw up after gagging on tiny bit of toothpaste

>character is able to function normally in society because he's not constantly gassy and having to take three or four shits a day

>character wipes himself with the loaf of bread he was eating accidently
>shrugs and eats it nevertheless

>character takes a shit
>actually sits on a toilet seat making contact with a non-sterile surface
instantly dropped

trips of truth

Try milk and chocolate

>character doesn't spend 15 minutes in the shower trying to stretch his anus with his finger only to turn it off hurriedly without even cleaning washing himself properly so his parents don't think he's doing anything bad
Man Hollywood has become way too safe those days hasn't it

>character decides to go to university
>doesnt drop out within a month because the anxiety of being there was causing him to sweat profusely, tense up and clench his teeth so much that his mouth hurt at the end of the day

>character has to fart
>he doesn't do it into a jar and save it in his garage

>character uses the 3rd person article "character"
>as a thinly disguised excuse to blog about their disgusting personal habits
>criticizes movies for not portraying them

meta

>character is meta despite meta analysis being lame as fuck and post modernism being on the way out

>character doesn't insert the various hygiene bottles into himself and then realises he's been in the there for too long that would raise suspicioun, but has to clean off the bottles because they have shit on them

>tfw I have a tooth abcess
Gotta remove it

I did this until I found out that the handle of this one old hair brush was the perfect size for anal insertion, with no edges or anything. Still can't insert it though.

>perfect size
>still can't insert it

dude are you me, based

>character doesn't fall asleep after jacking it to porn with a dildo in his ass, wake up with it still in, and fap again

>character is based
>posts pusy

ah-bloo-bloo

...

ah-bloo-bloo

Only if the character is a nigger.

>not using superior gum spiky sticks

>based
yeah maybe not the best word, fag

>character is wearing shorts
>doesn't shove hand down his waistband every five minutes to adjust his dick to the left side for comfort

>character's phone rings
>he answers it

>character has ever done a single day of honest work in his entire life

>character gets invited to a party
>he doesn't make a fake excuse to skip it and spend the entire weekend alone

>character doesn't scrap the white stuff from his teeth, sniffs it and then eat it

>character doesn't trip on one of his piss bottles

These habits are disgusting and not common. Your degenerates need serious help, no wonder you pitiful fucks voted for Hillary.

>character doesnt regularly visit adult bookstores in his state and suck cock just for the thrill of tasting random cum, and maybe even take a few of them bareback

WHO LET THE NORMIE IN

not a single post ITT made me even smile

you are a bunch of boring cunts who repeat the same """""""""""jokes"""""""""" over and over again, kill you're selves

>character goes to family reunion
>doesn't make up elaborate lies to pretend he's doing OK

suck black nigger cock you whining autists.

>character gets sick
>jaw doesn't flare up with bacterial infections penetrating deep into the bone causing slow brain infection and eventual death by dementia

>looking through script of horror film I'm in
>[girl does her morning business]
>director just has her showering and not taking a long dump
I don't get movies.

>background actor lifted off the street has aspergers and starts screaming
>the main characters don't notice and continue on with the script

i actually unironically do this. i like the smell of my poo.

>if I don't laugh at people "pretending" to be autistic then I'm an autist
wtf is wrong with yall, please stop projecting

>normie reads our thread
>thinks we're "joking" and not just confessing our secrets

I usually have sympathy for your type and act nice but now knowing your disgusting habits I'll never go near any of you smelly, bloody, shitty hands.

go to /r9k/ then

seriously wtf

>user makes a terrible post shitting up the board

>thinks this is for laughing
>thinks he belongs on Sup Forums

>character rides in a taxi
>makes small talk with the driver instead of pretending to be deaf

>character takes a shit
>doesn't spray air freshener directly into the toilet while they're sitting on it

Goes anyone else gag whenever brushing their teeth?

I must have a really really sensitive gag reflex.

>character goes a week without sex
>not even a blowie
the fuck