So, how is it?

So, how is it?

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Wildly mediocre

Great until the leads showed up.

Actually true

That model is quite hot in certain scenes, bulge alert at the 44th minute.

She looked like a goblin. How such a plain chick is a model or cast as a "leading lady" I don't know.

The effects and the world building is top notch. It's like an expanded Fifth Element story and it looked great. Visual variety, the junkyard aesthetic that isn't really replicated elsewhere in sci-fi.

..and then the main cast is a fucking charisma vacuum and the pair of tits can't act and are eclipsed by the bags under our hero's eyes anyway.

How the fuck can you make casting decisions this bad?

her daddy is a billionaire, he paid for the movie.

The visuals are fantastic. It's a total feast for the eyes and a total successor to The Fifth Element in that regard, but with twenty years of advancement in tech. There's endless creative designs for aliens and props and sets, and the CGI is easily some of the best I've seen. Better than most Hollywood films actually, with loads of CG aliens that feel tangible and real in their scenes rather than being rubbery and out of place.

The opening is also really good with a montage of Earth's advancement into space, then a prologue introducing the main alien race that works really well thanks to the great CGI.

Then the leads show up, and all the problems start.

Cara Dewhatever and Dane DeHaan are absolutely woefully miscast. I'm not familiar with the books this is based on, but from the film it seems like they're supposed to be this cool and sexy adventuring couple with lots of flirtations and bantering.

These two fail completely at any of that. Their little gremlin faces and short scrawny bodies don't match up to how the film portrays them, and their performances are god awful. Cara can't act even a bit, completely wooden and just scowls for the whole film, while DeHaan seems to be channelling Keanu Reeves from 1993 or so with this bad tough guy voice. It's terrible.

The plot is nothing special either and the film keeps veering off on tangents that pad out the runtime.

A shame it doesn't live up to its wonderful visuals and design work.

>used total twice right after each other
I should proofread.

Okay that explains Tits McGee but what the fuck excuses the male lead? He goes through the entire movie like he got his frontal lobe removed.

What tits?

>he thinks we can have manly men and cute girls in movies on the current year.

The ones they sculpted on her bodyarmor

if you wouldn't suck on cara's delectable nips then you're a faggot

You're basically casting Han Solo and Leia type characters and you choose...THOSE?

Yes I know the comic predates Star Wars, you know what I mean.

The ones the costume department hilariously tried with all their might to pretend she had but failed.

Made her look like a C cup

Bargain hunt.

Also billionaire's daughter is a narcissist and is only attracted to people who look like her.

Pretty but shitty.

Luc Besson clearly had tons of passion for this film, it was obviously a dream project. So how did he fuck up casting so much?

they made enough to make another m8,I wish bubbles had lived

>Their little gremlin faces
kek. That's just how I was thinking of them when I saw this. I couldn't believe these weedy ratfaced kids were meant to be the leads. At the risk of triggering Sup Forums the role seemed to be written more for a Chris Pratt type. Instead we got these ugly little brats with wooden acting.

no they did not

same line every dreamer falls for

>you have to compromise if you want to get your dream out there. Just put my daughter in the movie (and inflate her lines/presence) and I'll make your dream happen!

the ads made it seem like a spy kids movie or lava girl and sharkboy. the lead actors are too baby faced

bubble would've been the shit if played by a different actress. Like the leads.

I gave her a pass in Suicide Squad because it was an awful role with ridiculous writing that no one could make work, plus she was literally 100% CG for most of her screentime (for some reason).

But yeah, she can't act at all. She was painfully wooden in this. He was terrible too, but in that he was going for something and failed at it, in this case a "cool tough guy" thing. She went for nothing. Some of her line readings were literally just her reciting the line blankly with an empty scowly face.

good nipps, she should play valerian and for laullarien? this midget from GoT maybe

When you are being outacted by Rihanna in a film, you know you shouldn't have been the female lead.

...

maybe a subtitled french dub would be somewhat better

>DeHaan seems to be channelling Keanu Reeves from 1993 or so with this bad tough guy voice

I just accepted it, decided he must be Keanu's son or something, and didn't mind him for the rest of the movie.

Once you get over the lead casting I thought it was pretty decent, right up until the stupid fight at the end. A stupid, completely illogical fight which totally squanders the robots they'd been building up for the whole movie, and a completely pointless fight which the good guys could have won at any point by pressing a button. Eventually the main character gets tired of fighting and they press the button, though, which I liked, because it meant the stupid fight was finally over.

I enjoyed 85% of the film but mentioning it in the same breath as Fifth Element is obscene.

I guess I'll watch this tonight but I need to get some food from the supermarket first, what do I snack on?

I didn't mean it was on Fifth Element's level as a film, just that visually it's a successor to it. Besson seemed to be going for a similar tone, but this time it didn't work, probably due to the terrible casting and dull script.

So which of the thousand planets is that?

video.vanityfair.com/watch/cara-delevingne-draws-nude-models

Lesbos Cancri 4

I totally got what you meant, I just fucking tweaked out at making any connection at all.

I don't fully agree though; this film had some dumb CG in parts and a stupid zootopia/phantom menace style tour of the city that felt like a videogame, while Fifth Element is immaculate throughout.

>spend 200 million dollars on a massively risky little known sci-fi property that needs big bucks to break even and all the help it can get
>cast two ugly charisma vacuums as your leads

I don't know, the alien design and look of the sets and use of color all felt similar to how he approached sci-fi in The Fifth Element. Not that the designs were all similar, just that they were clearly coming from the same creator in his style.

My god, she is so ugly. If they ever reboot Lord of the Rings, she would make a great Gollum.

That forehead

I honestly put up with the acting for the CGI and world. My main complaint was the forced ABSOLUTE EVIL guy, why not just make him have had to have made a hard choice instead of FUCK POCAHONTAS

It was such terrible kiddy bullshit, I tapped out after about 20 mins.

Just saw it,

Fucking leads and the dialogue was atrocious.

The opening time jumps and the back story with the blue people were great.

Soon at the 80 lbs manlet smirks his way onto the screen i wanted to kill myself.

entire chunk of 'lul rihanna' for 20 mins that has no reason being there.

It's ok

This movie is absolutely, 100% worth watching just for the blue alien tits.

she is truly ugly

>The opening time jumps

>tfw no big budget 2 hour long time jump movie showing the progress of the Terran Empire

this is all about cronyism, this right here is why the economy is going to crash

Agree

Yeah she's fucking repulsive. I don't really understand what people see in blondes normally though, so I figured basic dudes must just consider this cro-magnon shit hot. But if she's just some billionaire's kid, that makes a lot more sense.

I want to reiterate that this movie has maybe the best blue titties in cinematic history, though.
Between this and mondo Joi I really like the direction our titty technology is taking us.

KARL URBAN AND KAREN GILLAN NEEDED TO BE CAST IN THIS!!!FACT!!!

...

The main characters look absolutely horrible, but in spite of that I thought it was alright.

Honestly, it was kind of refreshing how un-american it was - including with the main characters. Every movie you go into now is nearly 100% predictable, if not in every single thing that happens then at least in every major way, like they were put together by badly programmed robots. It's all so cynical and insincere. Even 'light-hearted' or 'funny' shit like marvel capeshit is this in the extreme, like with how every time they have a dramatic moment they have to undermine it with some stupid fucking quip that ruins the movie as anything but a spectacle. And yeah, the same goes for all your shitty 'quriky' (all in similar oh-so-subversive ways) KINO that nobody but people who spend too much time obsessing over cinematography find interesting.

Not that this movie didn't have tons of flaws as well, but at least I didn't come out of it feeling like the people who put it together were shallow, miserable husks trying their best to lull me into a daze in which I'd desire nothing so much as to obey, consume, marry and reproduce.