>"I got really drunk at a Conan party and Gwyneth Paltrow was there...and I was hitting on her and I was heavily flirting with her," revealed Louis CK. "I was saying stuff to her like, 'We should just get married,' and she was just taking it in stride and humoring me. But I remember thinking, 'I think I'm going to marry this really cute actress and move to California and have this whole different life.'" He continued, "And I got really drunk and I got a trumpet and I started blowing noise into the trumpet and my face was all red and I looked down and I saw her looking at me with a 'that man will never touch my body' look."
Why did young Louis CK think he had a chance with young Gwyneth Paltrow? And why do all the recently accused Hollywood sex offenders have a connection to Paltrow?
"I got really drunk at a Conan party and Gwyneth Paltrow was there...
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>why do all the recently accused Hollywood sex offenders have a connection to Paltrow?
Succubus?
Is /x/ on the case?
The key point being.. I want to got to a Conan party.
>"And I got really drunk and I got a trumpet and I started blowing noise into the trumpet and my face was all red and I looked down and I saw her looking at me with a 'that man will never touch my body' look."
cocaine
This.
lel
*blocks your path*
>families
>on snap
sounds like someones poor planning, i dont plan on footing their bill
7 l i m e s
l
i
m
e
s
Why does Gwyneth Paltrow hate poor people?
What's that look Sup Forums? Have you seen it?
He should have told her he was a producer
>Actually thinking hot woman care about humor
L O L
>7 limes
Never fails to make me laugh
>stop confessing you idiots
Multiple times, apparently I'm so aloof I disgust men too. Life is a gift
beautiful
every fucking time, I swear. I doubt this bitch has ever cooked in her entire life
>on food stamps
>"boi, better get 'dose SEVEN FUCKING limes, a single chilli and an avocado!!!!!"
that's basically an insult to people on food stamps, jesus
>thinking hot women DON'T care about humor
you give them far too much credit user
man he must enjoy those titties every single night.
One a day, perfectly normal to squeeze into your tea, etc.
If the reality is that impoverished people can never eat avocados, or can't even have a measly lemon/lime a day, then that's even worst.
I'm seriously starting to think the humiliation is just another step in his weird fetish. He's probably masturbating while talking to journalists.
>Why did young Louis CK think he had a chance with young Gwyneth Paltrow?
Because he's a deluded pathetic loser.
>And why do all the recently accused Hollywood sex offenders have a connection to Paltrow?
Because she's a tease.
>If the reality is that impoverished people can never eat avocados, or can't even have a measly lemon/lime a day, then that's even worst.
ugh, I know rite?!?!? I need at least OOAD (one avocado a day) and two scoops of lime juice!!!!!
*OAAD
What a creep manlet, pathetic.
guys always think they have a chance , its called self confidence. Young Gwenneth paltrow was a goddess.
lying cunt. we all know Cuck only likes niggers. what chance did this blonde aryan princess have?
$29? Maybe at Fucking Whole Foods. I an probably get all that for $10 at Fucking Grocery Outlet.
FAKE NEWS!
>hot woman marries Jew with industry connections
>she married him for his humor
Whatever helps you sleep at night
>tfw you'll never be the meat in a in their 90's prime Diaz-Paltrow sammich
why even live?
why would anyone admit to being this beta
Limes and avocados are luxuries for those that can afford them. If you're on 30$ you should be squeezing them on chicken and pasta/rice, veggies, cheap fruit. Not fucking limes much less 7 of them
...
literally me:
youtube.com
kino
...
I don't get the story. What is the interesting part?
I'd rather fuck Adele TBQH senpai. Paltrow is fucking insane. Plus Adele could probably make a mean ass sandwich after sex too.
>he's not a Goop guy
>why do all the recently accused Hollywood sex offenders have a connection to Paltrow?
Because she's a whore since the beginning
Welcome to the 90's user:
>he doesn't want to get GOOPED
>I got a trumpet and I started blowing noise into the trumpet and my face was all red
This is sexual assault. This is rape.
>Health food nut
>Panties don't have skid marks
0/10 immersion shattered.
>Goop will never force you into a ten-hour-blindfolded tantric sex session in weird yoga positions
Hope you never get sick or disabled and can't work for a while. It happens more than you think.
half wrong half right
rich people don't talk about money, only poor people do
Neither of his parents are Jewish and neither works in entertainment. There are however blind items going back for more than four years that she frequently cheats on him.
>Why did young Louis CK think he had a chance with young Gwyneth Paltrow?
Because she talked to her. If you ever had some testosterone in your body you would know that all men secretly thinks that all women are into them if they smile or talk to you. Which is why men get pissed off and embarrased when whe get friendzoned or accused of impropriety when we jerk off in front of them.
she's got a 10/10 footpusy
aircargonews.com
not jewish at all
pretty interesting background story, though
Jokes on you, I immediately assume women only ever smile at me out of pity.
Checkmate
Really drunk at a Hollywood party probably means "did a bunch of blow"
A fat Mexican balding Jew thinking he has a shot with Gwynneth paltrow just screams cocaine ego inflation.
urbandictionary.com
He's actually an ass man
>blind items
Why do retards still bring these up?
Ayup
Lay off that soy, boy.
>why do people smarter than me mention things
Um, because they've been remarkably fucking accurate in predicting every single fucking Hollywood scandal ever?
Dumb faggot.
>the "that man will never touch my body" look
oh i know that one
>why did a drunk faggot with no self awareness and a fear of rejection that he's trying to overcome with overreach think he could fuck the stacey?
i get that this board has a lot of socially inexperienced people but really?
>manlet
>Louis CK is 6' tall
ya the OP question really pissed me off, what kind of stupid question is this?
>I dont understand people or life
(((a conan party))), the perfectly normal event with no back room sucky sucky
And Louie could have banged her for real
If by humor you mean shekels
...
Why don't you have a savings account? I'm 25 and I've saved $40,000 USD.
Are avocadoes and lime that expensive in Amurica? In Mexico we eat them every single day, they cost pennies lol.
Strawberries on the other hand...
>perfectly normal to squeeze into your tea, etc
Yeah if you're no living on fucking food stamps.
$40,000 USD is literally nothing when it comes to medical expenses and having a family.
yes. earlier this summer i went to a folk music festival, sort of hoping to get away from mourning my dear grandma ma
I hated it, but on day 3 I said fuck it, put on a hawaiian shirt and a pair of sweatpants covered in multiple american flags (not like the pants from NApolean dynamite, it's important you see the distinction) and this was in canada, so every female there gave me the most upset look possible
Somebody show this hothead one of those pics about american medical bills...
why not just buy bags of potatoes
Because he's a crypto Jew and they view non-Jews as nothing more than livestock. Marrying her would be like marrying a beautiful pig to Louis.
so you an afford an x ray big deal.
>Are avocadoes and lime that expensive in Amurica?
no not really avocados are around $1 and limes can be as cheap as 5 / $1
jesus , she really looked like grace kelly.
Charles Manson
have you seen Shallow Hal???
>mfw I will never get to bang prime Paltrow
You can get way more than that horseshit for $29 bucks.
paltrow is an alpha female. that is alpha thinking
she's 100% right. it's hard work, not even genetics can make you /fit/ you still need to work at it
>why do all the recently accused Hollywood sex offenders have a connection to Paltrow?
Does this mean Chris Martin is next?
desu $29 is low but not impossible
you can eat the classic meme bodybuilder diet of chicken breast, broccoli, and brown rice for $50/week and poortards don't lift so they can cut the calories down to $30 and easily survive with a full belly. the "healthy food in america is expensive" meme is a shitty myth perpetuated by the absolutely abysmal understanding of nutrition that pretty much all normies have. the fact is, unprocessed foods, the ones that are best for you, are also the least expensive. it costs money to turn chicken into microwaveable pot pies, it's cheaper and healthier to just buy the unprocessed fucking chicken breast.
the real problem is that people see the startup costs and the pain response of spending money kicks in, so they think "I'm better off buying mcdonald's now instead of paying for a pot" even though it will be cheaper in the long run of like 2 months. all you really need is a stock pot, a cleaver, and a $2 bottle of oil every few months. that's it. if you live in a shitty ghetto with no oven, even a one coil electric cooking range only costs $30 at walmart and will STILL be cheaper in total than 2 months of processed food and mcdonald's. just read the /fit/ sticky about macros and shit you impoverished idiots.
>The Harvester was uglier 20 years ago
How in the bloody fuck is that possible?
I still don't understand the point of this image. 29 bucks is fuck all. Maybe it's because I'm not american.
Goop was my 90s waifu
her point was "niggers on food stamps suffer because $29/week from the gubmint aint enough to buy my cracker ass coastal diet of limes"
it is indeed a shit budget for food, but it's not auschwitz tier. the blacks are just gonna have to lay off the microwave burritos because they are too expensive, see
Based on the quotes, both of them are full of shit. Adele is trying to create some false dichotomy between being thin and making good music, which is obviously absurd. Unless you're putting 80+ hours a week at some crazy, pressure cooker job, you can squeeze in a few hours of exercise here and there. I refuse to believe that she is working so hard on making her mediocre, generic pop music that she can't go for a jog every now and again. Furthermore, dieting (or just eating reasonable portions) takes up none of your time and in no way runs contrary to a "love" of food. Look at the chefs on Food Network for example, I guarantee you that they have a much deeper "love" and appreciation for food than any normal person and yet they still manage to be in great shape.
Gwyneth is full of shit (as she generally is when she tries to make these kind of points ) because she completely fails to take into consideration the fact that she has no real job, a ton of money and god tier genetics. "Killing yourself" in the gym for 90 minutes on weekdays is nice and all, but it's really not that fucking impressive when you have a full home gym, an elite trainer and jack shit to do all day. If she rode a bus to work for 50 hours a week and then "killed herself" at some shitty LA Fitness every day, that would actually be impressive. Furthermore, for someone who claims to be working her ass off, she really isn't in any kind of incredible shape. I don't know why women act like just being thin is some amazing accomplishment that we should all marvel at. I'm muscular and thin is what I would be if I stopped giving a shit about exercise and ate less food. It's really not anything to something to brag about, especially when you're a naturally skinny person like she is. If I had her time and wealth I swear I would look like pic related.
I don't usually like Paltrow but she makes my dick diamonds in the iron man series. Am I the only one? is it the bangs in her hair?
LOL! The way he actually tells that story is fucking hilarious.
her and best emma are the only instances of bangs i can tolerate
I've dated a couple of vegetarians and 2 vegans, and I have to say that their anuses, farts, and shit smell a whole lot worse than normies. But I have a scat fetish so the worse it smells, the more I love it. One vegetarian in particular (who weighed 185lbs) left skidmarks in all of her panties. I inhaled and absorbed their scents and tastes as best as I could.
>I got really drunk at a Conan party
>best emma
which one?
wut
the vegan meme is that meat makes your shit smell worse, and that a vegan diet will make your gastro-intestinal situation overall less disgusting
I am somewhat inclined to believe it, because if you've ever been to a pasture with horses/cows, their plant poop isn't really that disgusting. it doesn't smell too bad really, it's just wet, but once it's dry it's like picking up a chunk of dried out vegetable matter with an earthy, fairly unoffensive smell. human shit by comparison is an absolutely gruesome affair. of course bovine/equine digestion is different from human, but if vegetarian shit happens to be closer to that of herbivorous animals then they probably do have less toxic farts and poo
literally not reading all of that bro
you're one of them snyderfags right?