Oscars 2018

Wha's his first joke?

Trump, amirite?

drumpftt aahahhaha

>OAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA
>*applauds**applauds**applauds**applauds*

LITERALLY DRUMPF

FUCKING DRUMPFFFFFFFF
*cries*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

STANDING OVATION

SO BRAVE

KIMMEL IS WOKE

BURN THE CONSTITUTION

I know you guys are memeing, but I honestly do think they will use Trump as a punching bag to deflect from the Hollywood sex scandals

Sexual assault jokes probably

But that's the thing user, we aren't even memeing at this point.

Something about sexual assualt accusations

At this point it will probably be nothing but Justice League, Trump and Meryl Streep jokes to deflect.

I think you guys are wrong, if anything it’s going to be constant Harvey Weinstein jokes as a way for them to show “hey guys we’re not all rapists like Harvey amirite?”

Expect a joke about how rapists can become President of the US tho

Memeing? This is literally what will happen.

>"That was a touching opening number, wasn't it?"

>think of the children like muh daughter
>fucking drumpft man

>Thank you, thank you. We are here tonight to celebrate the art of filmmaking, and diversity. Sorry Mr. President.
>*audience fucking explodes*
>*media outlets start an orgy*

At some point he will cry I'm sure.

You can't make jokes about it. The next day there will be nothing but articles about the Oscars being tone deaf. How the Oscars are a direct indication of the indifference of Hollywood to assaults on women. Its going to be years before you can pop a joke off about it.

They'll address it though. They'll have a 10 minute segment of "Harvey Survivors" who come out and stand together as everyone in the crowd claps. A massive #METOO will blaze across the screens.

>1st Trump joke
>Your Name gets snubbed for best Animated Film for a random Disney movie that none of the voters even saw and only voted "because their kids liked it"
>Blade Runner 2049 gets snubbed

Sup Forums btfo
Sup Forums btfo
Sup Forums btfo

>Now, when I took the job, they asked me to not get political......
>audience laughs
>Jimmy Kimmel stares at the camera, pretending to grasp for words
>audience continues laughing
>Bwa- (can't even complete a syllable)
>audience crying
>But!
>audience rolling in the aisles
>Close up on Vince Vaughn grinding his teeth, thinking "You were one of us Jimmy. You were fucking ONE OF US."
>But before we talk about the elephant in the room -- Melissa McCarthy not being nominated for an Oscar, let's talk about... how we got here
>a segment opens up showing Tom Cruise mountain climbing
>Christian Bale training
>Johnny Depp talking to Tim Burton over a scene
>A professor teaching an acting class full of engaged students
>Ian McKellen acting in a Shakespearean play
>Guys, guys, that's the wrong segment. That's the "Hard Work segment", show the "How did the actors get these parts, segment"
>New segment starts
>Collage of actresses with Harvey Weinstein

This but unironically.

So...
>Audience restless, starting to giggle
Don...
>Some can't controll themselves, already bursting, trying to cover up with coughs
...ald
>It's over, the hall is filled with uncontrollable laughter, slime, some are even vomiting of laughter, crawling on floor, trying to catch a breath
N'gogo Onigga gets oscar for best black man of the year.

I think it'll probably be something about the La La Land/Moonlight mix up when he hosted last year.

>N'gogo Onigga

If it's anything like this year's Emmy awards, the tv rating will be in the toilet.

based

Women be shopping

Sexual Assault jokes Harvey Weinstein and shows the survivors of sex assault do a song about female freedom.

He looks like he's misplaced his testicles and is asking the crowd if they's seen them.

>Do
Melissa McCarthy tears her dress up and runs towards the stage to suck Jimmy's cock, estimated time till stage is 2 hours
>N..
Amy Schummer pukes all over Meryl Streep

>Cheadle, your next presenter for Best Actor.
>mfw

...

The female winners will recieve a potted plant instead of the golden statuette

>N'gogo Onigga

>Estimated time till stage is 2 hours

MAATT DAMOONN

literally ignored movies this whole fucking year, but he will do a bait and switch with some comic book villian character actually being Trump

That's what they've been doing the entire time so why would they change the formula?

>something about Trump
>cries

Nice.dude.
Nice

>So this is awkward. I don't if we should circlejerk ourselves for finally noticing the huge problem of sex abuse in our industry or whether that would count as sexual assault, creating a sort of irony

>Your Name
Animeshit isn't real art
Grow up

Screencaping this

pls happen

That was actually super depressing. The oscars are a genuine highlight of the year for me, the culmination of another year of cinema and shitposting with the tards on Sup Forums
I don't know if I could take it if there was poor attendance in the live oscars thread

This but it won't be any rape jokes, just powerful virtue signaling and eventually after some quirky jabs at Trump.

The best joke would be “I’m funny and original you guys”. Oh and every speech will be either “FUCK DRUMPF AND MIXED MARTIAL ARTS” or “Me,me,me,me,memity,me”

Do you know what Trump and Weinstein did at the zoo? Grabbed some pussy.

don't worry guys, rocket man will probably erase the entire west coast before the awards cerimony

Ummm sweetie, Republicans want to burn the Constitution because it says you can't be racist and sexist. Drumpf hates the Constitution as much as he hates Latinx women.

funny how he went from manshow to huge cuckold

why are they at the zoo?

His face

Yeah, not like the Disney movie that your wife's kid saw.

Anyone involved in movie production is brutally raping children on a daily basis. 90% of the price of your movie ticket goes towards devices that make children hurt more and cry louder while being raped.

>work at local vet
>mfw my rich women boss supports trump

>MY BABY IS DEAD AND DYING

>"trump supporter"
> see: brainlet

Oscar Winner Predictions
>Best Film:Some film about gay minorities and AIDS
>Best Actor:Token Black Guy #1346
>Best Actress:Harvey Weinstein’s best cockslut
>Best Score:Who gives a fuck?
>Best Screenplay:Gay minorities movie again
>Best Director:Some middle aged soyboy who makes shitty romcoms

It all depends whether or not Get Out gets nominated

Christ, if Get Out gets even fucking nominated. I would rather sit through trump and weinstein jokes, sjw bullshit for 4 hours than for this piece of garbage to even get fucking nominated.

>walks out with his dick fully out of his pants and dripping cum
>pretends not to notice for a few jokes
>Mark Wahlberg shouts from the audience "Dude your dick's hanging out bro!"
>Jimmy zips up looking embarrassed
>"whoops, you caught me. I was disciplining my kids and a few of their friends backstage"

soooooooooo..... TRUMP *starts crying*

>t. Brainless Wojak

Of course they will
>even though hollywood is a liberal haven let's focus on drumpf and those ebul republicans

>*audience laughs*

>tfw there are leftist retards out there that actually believe this
Poe's Law was a cruel addition to the internet.

What would your acceptance speech be, Sup Forums?

>kimmel routinely makes jokes about all the harassment scandals
>Sup Forumstards crying about how he's going to deflect and insult daddy trump all night
What a bunch of thinskinned fags

>Hollywood is worthless

>t. brainless crying wojack wearing smug wojack mask

>talk about diversity
>only black people get a look in
>every other minority is btfo and if they speak up after they are labelled as ostensibly white

this thread is the ultimate proof that this board is nothing but underage fags

/film/ when

Wrong on literally every account. But you'll still probably stroke your ego about "what a surprise" even though the Oscars are insanely predictable every year

something about la la land

>/film/
Might as well be We /kino/ nigger

>Ladies and gentlemen, gentlemen and ladies. Good day and good evening. I'd like to sing a song about a spider in my soul. Ahem...

"So who knew Spacey was a faggot?"

People are going to relish Hollywood's much deserved ride through the shit-filled and glass-speckled trench of increasing irrelevancy, user, and there's nothing to do about that. It's not unique to this site either. Everyone I talk to is curious about the Oscars for only one reason, and that's to watch a bunch of rapists and pedophiles eat crow.

So is everything always going to be about Trump? When he stops being president will they still always talk about him?

So DC movies are releasing a new movie that is said to, and I quote, "turn their fortunes around," have you seen this, have you heard this?
The movie's title: Marvel's Spider-Man.

>memeing

I can't wait, its going to be a hoot regardless. Lots of OH WE SO SORRY WE DIDNT KNOW

That's not how liberals operate. If he does that he will be roasted alive by the MSM the next day for making light of sexual assault. He's going to be a massive pussy and stick to Drumpf jokes.

Satan did nothing wrong.

YAG SPARRO ?!

What it will actually be

As a huwhite man i have the priviledge to stand here and be listened to so instead i will now sit down and listen to marginalized voices

This is followed by a black hijabi performing slam poetry.

Screenshot this, i wrote his speech

fucking oscar pussies.
there was 1 way they could have redeemed their society somewhat and that was to get Seth MacFarlane and double down on pedo/rape jokes all night long. make fun of themselves nonstop.

but looks like they just keep on going like always. drumpf such a muslimophobe haha

>there was 1 way they could have redeemed their society somewhat and that was to get Seth MacFarlane
>implying

didn't know he named rapers/pedos on stage @ ceremonies before it was known in the mainstream. thats why i named Seth

lets skin white women, murderrape babies and cut off white men's legs as a joke haha

*audience goes into orbit*

I can't wait until the liberals give a standing ovation to another confirmed rapist and child molester like they did with pulanski

>T-thanks...

Why is he hosting it again?

>I would thank each and every one of you but you all ruined movies by needlessly forcing diversity and poorly-written characters and scripts, so I decided to fix the problem by setting an example of how a well-written, likable character in a good movie should be and by writing said movie myself. You should all thank me for making movies great again.

>Let's address the elephant in the room -- Harvey Weinstein's corpse. Yes, we got permission from his family to display it here so you can spit on it. *giant open casket rolls out from backstage and down the theater, stars rise to take a gander, some spit* Yes, yes, take it all out. *jennifer lawrence, bawling, takes out a spray can and sprays harbey's face* We tried getting Kevin Spacey but it's not easy reassembling the puzzle that a 12 Gauge shotgun creates. *audience laugh*

no jokes. it will be a somber evening of self-flagellation.

>"So, who here hasnt sexually harassed a woman?"

qeq

>they all start jumping in the coffin with the superstitious belief that merely rubbing your cunt on weinstein is what gets you a movie deal

Your Name was shit tho

He barely brought up Trump last year. He did like maybe twice?

It's amazing how his "last night in Sweden" comment was shown as something stupid when the next day or the next week there was an incident with a grenade.