SPOILERS CONFIRMED?

> Will the fanbois Rebel, or join the Empire?

nationalreview.com/article/454564/star-wars-last-jedi-unoriginal-tone-deaf-mess

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=HMUKGTkiWik
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

>"why is Luke, previously the most earnest guy in the galaxy, letting loose with acerbic wisecracks? When Rey hands Luke her precious light saber, he tosses it over his shoulder like an empty can of Dr. Pepper. He mocks it as a “laser sword,” while Rey, asked to explain the Force, calls it a “power . . . that makes things float.” The tone here is similar to that of the self-aware jocularity of the progressively less successful 2009–2016 Star Trek series"

This can't be real.

I said the same thing.
NR isn't exactly a satire site...

Quipping it is

>This can't be real.

HUH???YOU AIN’T A REAL STAR WARS FAN....DID YOU EVEN READ THA F’N BOOK????????????????

>He mocks it as a “laser sword,”

Semi-breaking the fourth wall to take shots at Lucas. That's a new low.

>flying through space like Mary Poppins
Oh fuck it's real

Rian loves Lucas tho

Rian agreed to be Disney's precious little whore
And we all know what's Disney's position toward Lucas

>Does Poe really get jailed for a parking violation? Does BB-8 really overcome an adversary with a fusillade of poker chips? Does an evil First Order warrior in a shiny metal uniform really get called “chrome dome”? Is there really a gag about how the ancient, sacred Jedi texts aren’t exactly “page-turners”? Are there really terriers made out of what appear to be the kind of icicles you hang on a Christmas tree, and are they really called “crystal critters”? Are we really meant to believe wars are won “not fighting what we hate but saving what we love”? Maybe Luke was right. Maybe the Jedi should have been allowed to just die out.
Holy shit hahahaha

Same time at the tomatoes site

>Rian loves Lucas tho

Rian is obedient.
>"I moved up to San Francisco for a few months, and every few weeks I would go in and sit down with [Lucasfilm's] Kiri Hart and her whole story group team, and I would just put everything I was thinking of up on the white board and just bounce it off everyone — just see what everyone thought. Having that kind of gut check — not just for, 'Wait, don't do that,' but for, 'Yeah, you can do that. If that's interesting to you, take that path' — having that permission from somebody, I think that had a lot to do with it."

>having that permission from somebody

This is a great line:

>Get a cheap laugh poking fun at the mythology and its power won’t be there when you need it.

Fucking hell I thought you were taking the piss until I read the review.

Fuck me this is bad.

That's about what I expected, desu.

>characters never-before-seen powers — conducting transgalactic telepathic Skype calls, flying through space like Mary Poppins. These scenes, strange as they are, get topped in eyeball-scalding pointlessness when the rebel Finn (John Boyega) and a sidekick (Kelly Marie Tran) visit an Abu Dhabi–like pleasure planet of gambling dens and arms dealers and destroy its casino by rampaging through on a herd of giant animals that look like longhorn llamas.

The spoilers are true.

Superman Leia
Luke and his force projection that's killed by Ren

Topkek

Lol, "Miss me yet?". Not after the prequils, bud.

The lower part of your comment sheds some light on why the writing is so bad. The writing staff was a bunch of Bay Area PC idiots that don't love the franchise or have as much history with it, as a lot of the fans. I guess we should have seen this coming.

Prequels were absolutely fine for the start of a space opera.

Soulless rehashes full of nonsense isn't fine for sequels.

The prequels were better than these new films.

Rian seems like a nice guy but he doesn't have the talent to be a filmmaker. He should stick to Breaking Bad episodes. JJ Abrams on the other hand looks very arrogant, he's faking being nice on public but you can see through him, he's arrogant and a major hack. The proof is that he has the nerve of coming back for episode 9 depsite ruining the franchise with his abominable TFA. Rian Johnson was set up for failure anyway. There was no decent SW possible after TFA

Prequels are perfectly nice films for kids. Get over it, it's a kids movie. I understood nothing in the trade sanctons story of Ep1, but I did love the movie as a kid and so did every other kid.

Dude, you have to accept that there are WAY more bad SW movies than good ones.
I can appreciate more the prequels as a bit more honest, in the sense of not made by committee, but they are almost as bad as Mousewars, just for different reasons.

Yikes. Not only does this confirm all the leaks, it makes things sound even worse. The casino scene sounds like an idea even prequel-era Lucas would have balled up and binned.

Ep 2 certainly wasn't, I saw that shit at a young age and it bored the hell out of me.

>Down from 96% already

Be interested to see where it sits next week when all the critics not paid off by Disney with lanyards and booze have seen it.

It has 140 reviews. Its basically not moving up or down by more than 5%.

There are 378 reviews for TFA. It could end up considerably lower if the critics overlooked by Disney decide to stick a knife in its back.

>“Permission to jump into the X-wing and blow something up?
Remember when people rightfully shat on the prequels for not making the war feel serious enough? Guess it's not out of character for Poe after "Who talks first, you or me" completely ruined any sense of tension in the first scene with Kylo Ren, but you'd think they'd learn.

Honestly doubtful. I get people hope it will have a sub 50 but we all know its gonna end up with atleast a score in the 80's.

Even if a bunch of people rated it down, some would still rate it up and just balance the score.

To be fair, These are movies designed for children. They always have been, except lucas moved the target range down from early to mid teens to late singles and preteens between the original trilogy and the prequels.

A Star Wars film should work at two levels though. It should please the young audience it was targeted at, but it has to have a level that pleases the adult fans. Phantom Menace, in particular, was a juvenile film with nothing for adult viewers.

I'd be happy if it got dragged down into the high 70's, that'd be pretty bad by Star Wars's critic-proof standards.

Mother of God.

That seems like a reasonable ending point for it if what I've read about is true. Even watching some of the more hardcore fanboys online, you can see that they are struggling to convince themselves it's great.


Which sucks because I want to love Star Wars but it all seems so planned and bland.

So he plays the fool when first encountering a wannabe Jedi years after a demoralizing defeat by the forces of evil?

Sounds just like Yoda in Empire. Not that that makes it any better, but it isn't exactly character assassination.

>These are movies designed for children

Stop saying this you dumb fucking cunt.

Kids are only one quarter of the target audience. These are called "4 Quadrant" movies.
Go look it up and stop being a fucking retard who can't formulate an argument or valid opinion.

>Phantom Menace, in particular, was a juvenile film
A juvenile film about the start of a war based on a trade dispute. Minus the pod racing and Darth Maul, every kid would have fallen asleep.

You're telling me Star Wars wasn't made for kids? Give me a break.

> the kids these days dont want deep characters
> writers, give me something that will make many me-mes on the internet or your fired
> if I dont hear half of twitter making Luke quips on Monday you're all fired

Yoda played the fool to subvert Luke's expectations of meeting a great warrior and to teach him a lesson about the force. Not like I've seen this movie, but it doesn't sound like Luke is pretending here. The reviewer describes it as Luke having to be won over and even then he acts snarky about teaching her.

> I want to love Star Wars
I feel ya, man. I'm pretty sure those of us panned TFA to hell did it. We went into it WANTING to like it.

Star Wars, after the first, was absolutely made with kids in mind. This has never been disputed. It was never intended to manifest foreveralone pacifist faggots over the age of 18.

>Does an evil First Order warrior in a shiny metal uniform really get called “chrome dome”? Is there really a gag about how the ancient, sacred Jedi texts aren’t exactly “page-turners”?

Oh god what have they done

>Luke having to be won over and even then he acts snarky about teaching her.
That's still very much Yoda in Empire. There was no pay off to making Luke carry him around, he did it just to fuck with him as he establishes a couple scenes later when he shows that physicality has no bearing on force usage.

I mean Disney makes marvel movies. Let's not forget how shit tfa was.

More fucking quips. Fuck Marvel.

I'm seeing quite a lot of negative reviews from broadsheet papers in the UK but they are not counted on Rotten Tomatoes?

How are you this dense?
>there's no reason to do this
>except the reason I list in my post

>tfw Luke gets quips but Mace Windy didn't get any.
Fucking waste of Samuel L. Jackson. Might as well have gotten some boring nigger like Don Cheadle to play Mace.

They generally have very discerning critics who are seriously into film reviewing for them, imagine my shock that Rotten Shillmatoes doesn't include their opinions...

>Marvel funny
>he is not saying this as an insult

jesus christ

t. britbong

Bought Tomatoes only count irrelevant bloggers in Disney's pockets. Real critics are tearing this shit apart.

lmao soyboy pussy

So I was right, TLJ will be defended by the shills of Rotten Tomatoes just like Fembusters

>He mocks it as a “laser sword,” while Rey, asked to explain the Force, calls it a “power . . . that makes things float.”

Holy shit. They deserve capital punishment.

What do you mean? The Guardian is included? Don't forget to donate to The Guardian.

Reminds me of a certain tiny green jedi on degoba.

>>he is not saying this as an insult
To be fair "Marvel funny" also means "huge box office".

The prequels at least added to the university in new and unique ways. And all of the prequel spin off series (cgi, cartoon) were amazing.

The Guardian rated it as high as Roastiebusters, some stamp of approval

I don't even care much about star wars, this offends me because it's bad filmmaking. These people have nearly unlimited funds and they produce pure shit.

Quote a Yoda line where he mocks/dismisses/quips on the Force...
I'll wait.

>burger not understanding jokes aimed at The Guardian.

I don't see the problem. Luke is a master now. He would look at lightsabers as essentially primitive weapons.

And the thing is Yoda was playing a character at first to teach a lesson in humility to Luke.

Luke says that line "in character" and fully convinced in The Last Jedi.

It's a fucking Garbage of the Galaxy quip with a "cue audience laugh" wink included. Idiocracy is now.

>And the thing is Yoda was playing a character at first to teach a lesson in humility to Luke.
>Luke says that line "in character" and fully convinced in The Last Jedi.
Shhh, you are ruining the shill's narrative

"The porg cross the road, why did?"

From the victory speech of force ghost super-sayan 2 Yoda in episode IX.

>asked to explain the Force, calls it a “power . . . that makes things float.”
Compare that to youtube.com/watch?v=HMUKGTkiWik instead.

Literally sums up why I hate capeshit

>It's your father's light saber.
>It a Jedi's weapon. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster
>An elegant weapon for a more civilized age

But Luke is arguably beyond Obi-Wan and Yoda. I mean he can astral project ffs.

Mother of the circular reasoning.
"Shitty characterisation and ass-pulled new powers justifies shitty characterisation and ass-pulled new powers"

See Shill?
See Shill Try
Try, Shill, Try.

kek

>But Luke is arguably beyond Obi-Wan and Yoda.
Both Obi-Wan and Yoda had pupils who made it to Knighthood.

So? That's no excuse for abandoning the fundamental characteristics of the jedi as space wizard-monk-knights and making one of the greatest jedi ever into a complete failure who regards an elegant weapon as a mere "laser sword" or the fundamental uniting force of the galaxy as a thing which "makes things float"
It's like if the pope said Jesus was just some cool nice dude, it's fucking jedi heresy.

WHERES ARMOND
WHY IS THIS KYLE SMITH DOING REVIEWS NOW

>He mocks it as a “laser sword,”
Good. I hate how the prequels made everything about lightsabers

Both also had pupils who became Sith Lords

really makes u think

I don't see a problem here. It shows Rey is still very ignorant in the force and that Luke has been dragged through a long pile of mud. We already know later in the movie that he reconsiders and engages in some kind of lightsaber duel.

LUKE: You think what?


I'm gonna walk out
with a laser sword


and face down
the whole First Order?


What did you think
was going to happen here?


You think that I came


to the most unfindable place
in the galaxy


for no reason at all?


Go away.

>National Review
Fuck off, Drumpftard.