What you got for us kid?

>what you got for us kid?
>well this guy's got no job, no college degree, no wife, no kids, no car or house in his name, no gym membership, no driver's license...
>Jesus boss, that guy's a fucking ghost!

>no Snapchat, no Instagram, no Twitter! Has a Facebook but has never posted ANYTHING; only has family and extended family as friends there. Damn, this guy's good!

...

Hey I don't have any of those....

Shit.

I removed everyone from facebook xd.

>Theres more boss he is also supposed to live in his parents basement
>So?
>We've monitored their house for over 2 months now and he hasn't left not once

Now you just need to burn off your fingerprints and you're ready to be an international spy

>...and his gf record is squeaky clean. Its like he never even existed

>Dammit. Alright, what about his penis inspection report?

>no driver's license
underage b&

>so what have you got on this suspect?
>he's got no Facebook. No SnapChat. No Twitter...
>are you serious?
>Now normally I would give up at this point, but I stumbled on something...
>yes?
>look here, his email matches an account on something called SomethingAwful, an old web forum.
>a web forum, what is that?
>It's something pedofiles used to use back in the dark ages of the web, before Facebook existed
>...before Facebook? Get your gear ready let's nab this creep. You just can't trust men without social media. Bastards every one.

That's actually me. All of it.

Even having a facebook..

>these records don't show a single kiss or even a handhold. Thirty years on the job rookie, and ive never seen something like this

>made a Facebook when I was younger and posted dumb cringe inducing shit on it
>Deactivated it
>Every couple of years I get an email from Facebook saying WELCOME BACK as they reactivate it for no reason
Panic attacks.

Just delete it.

you literally cannot fully delete a facebook account

Get banned.
I was in similar situation when kid only instead of deactivating it i got banned and i never had a fb somce

How do I get banned?

>If I didn't know any better I'd assume this guy has no friends, no family, and no significant other.
>How was he able to hide all of that
>I-i don't know sir, I've never seen anything like this in my life

Post swastika or trump or smth "offensive"