It's that time again for a Spidey episode. Tonight, at long last, the Rhino. My personal favorite episode, because The Rhino is the king of reaction faces.
It's gonna be a long episode,so there's more to enjoy. In fact, it may take two threads to do because there's a lot of images and jokes packed up all in this.
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Alright... let's do this.
Clickity Clack down the track there's trains a comin'!
And like any male virgin without a girlfriend I can't get enough of those fucking trains!
Spider sense...tingling... there's probably something in this train that's dangerous if it were to fall into the wrong hands and best be kept a secret!
Good thing it's marked, the first component of the Army's secret weapon. Good thing it's marked, or else no would know that it's a secret.
Spider sense is suggesting that I check the front of the train
What is it with people drawn to railroad tracks? We're gonna splatter whatever that is all over the place!
Coming through, the world's most handsome and hunky man!
oh shi-
fast as fuck boi
...
WHAT A TWEEST
That collision must have been harder than I thought, I could have sworn I saw a pink hedgehog in the explosion...
I AM THE RHINO! NOTHING CAN WITHSTAND ME AND I CAN DERAIL ANYTHING!
Spider-man: The foot bath isn't helping... maybe because it's at room temperature.
The first component! Then! I will get the other two and that makes three component boxes!
And after the boxes! I will control the woooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrlllllllld
Conductor: Damnit, there's going to be a court martial over losing this train and there's no way they'll let me captain another one.
It all happened so fast but I could have sworn we were hit by a unicorn! And Spidey tip #681, if you ever wet yourself, submerge yourself in water. No one will know.
>I CAN DERAIL ANYTHING
But can he derail this thread?
Mike Pollock: The box is gone!
Miles Price: It has to be there! Look harder!
Mike Pollock: I AMMMMMMM
Spider-man: I uh better get out of here before they start blaming the superhero
Melvin Page: Look! Over there! It's Spider-man!
Marley Peller: You didn't see shit, Melvin, you have no eyes!
No! Melvin's right! He's getting away and a forest grew spontaneously to aid his escape!
EVERYONE SEARCH IN THAT DIRECTION, THE DIRECTION I SHOOT IN
Pssst. Hay. Over here. Sorry to bale on ya but Spidey has to lay low for a bit.
A top secret component stolen by that archnemesis to society, Spider-man?! And the other two components of the world's most diabolical weapon will arrive by jet, submarine, and armored car. All 2 components are arriving by three forms of transportation?! Well you better double your security precautions to keep that webhead away!
MISS BRANT! GET PETER PARKER ON THE PHONE! YES, I HAVE A PHONE BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING TO THAT WALKING DISAPPOINTMENT SO YOU DO IT.
I'd love to Mr. Jameson, but you took my phone away from me because you caught me making music by pressing the buttons so you'll need to return it. Also can I have some paper? It's a little challenging to secretary without any tools.
Jesus, how many memes per episodes can you do with this show??
Aunt May: Peter, why you're bedridden and sick! Let your dear aunt nurse you back to health you don't worry about a thing.
Peter: *ACHOOO*
> *brrrrring
Aunt May: I'LL GET IT I'LL GET IT!
More than you'd think, but never enough.
IT'S THE BIGGEST STORY OF THE CENTURY, PARKER, AND I NEED YOU TO GET PICTURES. YOU BETTER GET SOME GOOD PICTURES FOR A CHANGE BECAUSE I HAD TO CALL YOU MYSELF BECAUSE LIKE HELL AM I GOING TO LET MISS BRANT LOOSE WITH A TELEPHONE AGAIN.
And just who the cunt is this?!
Excuse me you walking shitpile of maternal disappointment, but this is May Goddamn Parker and I'm Peter Parker's aunt! How about you stop PMSing over the phone for one fucking minute and shut that hole into Sheol you call a mouth I can smell your breath over the phone goddamn
My dear sweet cherubic Peter won't be stepping one foot out of his room today, and if you say one more word MY one foot is going straight up your ass THROUGH THIS PHONE YOU SHITPAINTING TAINT-CLOWN
w-what is it Aunt May?
Did I not get through to you, you blockheaded, simple-minded dicksucking mongoloid? Maybe if your village bicycle whore of a mother didn't spread her syphilis to you I wouldn't have to repeat myself, young man. You're going to have to find someone else. Have a nice day.
>And like any male virgin without a girlfriend I can't get enough of those fucking trains!
its funny because its true
Also careful to not get buried by Jack threads OP
Why is Kingpin wearing a Rhino costume
Peter: w-what did he want?
Aunt May: Something about you taking pictures of a spider. Never you mind! Let's focus on making you all better!
I will!
Now drink up! This is an old family remedy that's been passed down through many generations!
Peter: What is it?
May: Chicken Soup, scotch, raw egg, vodka, orange pulp, and vinegar! I put it in everything I make!
Vinegar?! BLEGH
How does the rhino use the bathroom
Get some rest! I'll check on you when it's most inconvenient.
Need to check the wreckage for clues but I can't be seen in broad daylight!
Alright! It's dark enough now! Now to find what or who caused that train wreck!
There has to be a clue around here somewhere...
Rhinoceros shoes! And they lead right back to the city to ... whatever or whoever is behind all this. Could be Wilson Fisk, could be Lex Luthor, could be Mr. Clean, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Nappa, or maybe even all of the above!
>Meanwhile at the zoo
I have the piece of the superweapon and soon the other parts will be mine! And then my destructive power will be tripled!
Then I will destroy
DESTROY
DESTRRRRRRRRRRROYYYYYYYYYY
Man you weren't joking about that primo rhino material op
The trail ends here. Odd.
Look! A jolly Hanna Barbera character is running straight at us!
...
It's going to hit us! Duck!
HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HELP?
*CRASH*
Sentiment appreciated and thanks for the compliment, but could you please delete that picture? I'd be mighty thankful.
The Spider-fairy flaps his way down to the scene!
Spider-man: Hey! It is a rhino! Rhinoman! What do you think you're doing?
Rhino: Is this a trick question? Aww hell, I'll solve that question like I solve all my problems: running into it until it breaks.
Spider-man: Yep. You fight like a dumb animal alright. So are you going to exchange insurance info with that car or what?
Now look what you made me do! Right into my favorite china shop!
Horn of the Rhino is so good.
Hold up there's a sneeze coming on.
Ah AHHH AHHHHHHH
ACHOWWWWW MY STERNUM
He got me so hard I spooked myself!
Officer Brown: Are you doing ok Officer Conjoined Cop?
OCC: Yeah... but did anyone get the number of that manatee?
No one here but us ghosts. This alley's the best haunt in town.
There, carry on, carry on.
Thanks for the backup, midget cops. We'll aim high and you aim low! As if you could aim in any other direction amirite?
OK SPIDER-MAN WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE AND YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE. COME OUT NOW AND LET US ARREST YOU AND YOU'LL GET A FREE TOTE BAG AND A FREE ROCKSTAR REVOLT BLACK CHERRY ONLY 68 GRAMS OF SUGAR AND 280 CALORIES IT'S THE PERFECT PICK-ME-UP FOR A SPIDER WHO NEEDS THAT EXTRA BOOST.
>Spider-man has obtained morph ball
Sorry to make you guys strike out but I've got no time to spare
There's that Spider sense again... this time it's Aunt May endangering my secret identity.
Aunt May: Peter! Knock Knock I'm coming in!
Stupid Aunt May barging in after one second and saying you're coming in right after isn't any more polite than saying nothing at all.
Aunt May: Peter! You poor boy! You're still sick! You should have been better by now! But don't worry, I have another secret family remedy passed down for over a 100 years
This will do the trick, trust me.
Depth, what is it?
Oh shit I remember this eps now.
Peter: What is it this time?
May: Just some fresh chicken soup I made from scratch. But there's a family saying! Starve a fever, pour boiling hot liquid down your throat to beat a cold. It's at 215 degrees!
Peter: Can't you blow on it to cool it down a bit?
May: Don't be a pussy, dearie. Drink up!
Oh there's that phone again!
You again?! Did your mother kill herself when she learned that she ruined her vagina bringing you into this world, you catastrophically retarded sewer dwelling cancer!? I spoke so your slow ass could understand : DO NOT CALL BACK MY PETEY-WETEY-PUDDIN POP IS SICK. If you call back again I'm going to take my tweezers to that splinter you call a dick and pull it off! Now you can kindly take that menstrual-blood stained rag you call a newspaper and fuck off! My Peter is not going to take pictures of bugs at the airport!
Peter: Airport? Aunt May do I have a job still?
May: Don't worry about that. Someone else can take pictures of the thing that mean old Jameson wanted.
Peter: OH! So that's it! Aunt May... I'm feeling a little sleepy right now...
That would be the xanax I mixed into your soothing remedy, dear! Sleep well Peter!
Sleep? Who's got time to sleep? The second component is coming and I have to be there!
>Meanwhile at the airport
Got to... stay awake. Got to!
peter its 3am this has to stop
This is KMAX97, your army DJ when you should be in your peejees, You're cleared to land, but first Take It To The Limit, a top performing single by the Eagles.
>Chad! shut up and direct the plane, plane lander.
Hehe! No one thought to look for me behind these barrels! And someone left a whole roast chicken under one of these! My lucky day!
Good thing we label all our important stuff so we don't misplace them.
Should I be driving this so close to a plane? There was some tragedy involving gasoline and jet fuel and buildings but I can't remember it's on the tip of my tongue ahhh couldn't be that important.
There's my opening! Time to leave the perfect camouflage for a perfect victory!
There he goes! Pretty fast for a chubby guy. Now to take the Rhino by the horn!
I'VE RUN TOO FAR TO STOP NOW
Dang. Missed the horn but close enough!
