Did I ever tell you about Snoke?

Did I ever tell you about Snoke?

Obi-Wan: Luke, do you know anything about Snoke?

Luke: No, who is that?

Obi-Wan: Idunno, I was hoping you could tell me.

This is the only character that matters at this point.
I just got back from watching this and I am literally sick.

Obi-Wan: Luke, do you know anything about Snoke?

Luke: No, who is that?

Obi-Wan: Who is who?

Luke: Snoke.

Obi-Wan: Who's that?

Obi-Wan: Luke, do you know anything about Snoke?

Luke: No, who is that?

Obi-Wan: Who is who?

Luke: Snoke.

Obi-Wan: He betrayed and murdered your father.

Luke: Vader?

Obi-Wan: Yes, young Luke.

Luke: What about Snoke?

Obi-Wan: Huh? Speak up.

Luke: WHAT ABOUT SNOKE?

Obi-Wan: No thanks, bad for your lungs.

Snoke was a man blinded by the power of the death sticks. He betrayed and murdered Elan Sleazbaggano. And he was a good friend.

Luke did I ever tell you about the titty milk your father loved to drink? It was high in essential nutrients, if we're ever near the isle of Ahch-To you shall have to sample some. and he was a good friend.

Obi-Wan: Luke, do you know anything about Snoke?

Luke:...

Obi-Wan: Luke

Luke: What?

Obi-Wan: Do you know anything about Snoke?

Luke:...No, who is that?

Obi-Wan:...

Luke:Obi-Wan?

Obi-Wan:...

Luke: OBI-WAN

Obi-Wan: Yes Luke?

Luke: Who is Snoke.

Obi-Wan: God I could murder a curry right now.

Luke did I ever tell you about breasts? No? Well, there's an article about them on wookiepedia. It was a good friend. Before the dark times... before the Mouse.

Post Mark Hamill youtube videos or webms please.

Who is going to make the inevitable Wookieepedia entry on Yo Mama jokes?

You see young Luke, Snoke was flying all over the island knocking down palm trees, making a horrible racket, and killing many of the survivors of the plane crash. Snoke was Jacob's brother, of course we didn't learn that until far in the series. He was a mass murderer, and a good friend.

...

Luke did I ever tell you about chairs? They're the things we're sitting on right now.

Luke, did I ever tell you about how powerful force users can project themselves across space? And how force ghosts can actually interact with the physical world, even use force powers? And yet neither Yoda nor I did anything to help you against your father, even though you obviously weren't ready to face him yet and your training was incomplete. You lost a hand and we didn't do shit to help you even though we could. We are good friends.

Now go and fight Sheev on your own, Yoda and I are going to double team Aayla's force ghost and we don't have time for your crap.

It's amazing how much Last has damaged the originals.

not as much as the prequels, but god damn if these hacks aren't trying

Perhaps ach too is a nexus of the force like dagobah, and mortis

>Did I ever tell you about Snoke?

NO!

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME SHIT ABOUT HIM!

except that he was a good friend of course

Obi-Wan: That's too bad, I could use a good friend.

>And how force ghosts can actually interact with the physical world, even use force powers?

in fairness, "I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine" suggested more than "I'll become a blue ghost that can talk to people sometimes".

No, you didn't tell me much about my father, the old republic, porgs or anything for that matter.

Luke, did I ever tell you about Jews? They were a near-rodent species that came from the planet Earth and used the media to brainwash and subject all of humanity. Some day in the future they'll make a movie about you and completely eviscerate your history and legacy. They'll betray and murder mankind by replacing them with children made entirely out of soy. They are not very good friends.

It's almost as if these movies aren't made by people that love or know anything about Star Wars, but instead by a massive corporation that is only interested in making billions of dollars.

Luke, you have to help me, Yoda can shoot force lightning

Luke, did I ever tell you about Yoda? He's a fickle little green man that likes to burn down trees and could help you destroy your enemies at any time using the power of nature. He won't though, but he will be a good friend.

...

Luke, did I ever tell you about Snoke? No, it's not a story the Jedi would tell you. He lives in the Outer Rim and has even more midichlorians than Master Yoda. The Jedi Council has never heard of him because the script for his movies won't be written for another 40 years. But trust me, Luke, he is very strong though no one knows why. He won't be a anyone's friend.

Luke, did I ever tell you about children? You should do your best to avoid murdering them. Your father was infamous for slaughtering children dozens at a time. He was a good friend.

Luke, did I ever tell you about the goblin race? They're a short, green skinned, pointy eared race incapable of original thought, artistic expression, or reading. In fact, the very sight of a book awakens a deep seated rage within the goblin. In such a state the creature may use its primitive nature magic to destroy any culturally or academically significant articles in the area. Never let a goblin near your books Luke!

lel
This.

Luke, did I ever tell you about Dr. Pavel? He was a scientist that could use the power of the atom to cause enormous explosions and fulfill the desires of any guy big enough to subject him. He's terribly afraid of flying and not much of a pilot. He did not get to bring friends.

how did lucas get away with it?!

>AWWWWWWW

Luke did I ever tell you... tell... zzz

Luke, did I ever tell you about you? You're my apprentice Luke. Or as the Jedi used to call them, my padawan. I stand around and tell you things, and you learn them to better yourself. Very soon you'll have mastered everything I have to teach, and then I'll have to refer you to a creature named Yoda. But until then, you're the best friend an old Jedi could ask for.

Luke did I ever tell you about Bane? He was a big friend

Anakin, did I ever tell you about Luke? He's going to be your son in the future. Yes, it's true, after Padme dies in childbirth and Chancellor Palpatine turns you into a robotic Sith lord your son will grow up in the same remote village on Tatooine that you did. He'll even spend time with your droid C3PO and good old R2. And he'll be a good friend.

Luke, did I ever tell you that your father wanted you to have this lightsaber? You'll forgive me, it appears that I have Progeria and age at an accelerated rate. You wouldn't believe it, but just 18 years ago I was a dashing and handsome young man, flying around the galaxy and dismembering your father. That's right, Luke. You see in my case Alzheimer's has robbed me of the memory that I was the one that nearly murdered Anakin Skywalker. Before claiming this very blade, I managed to sever his arms and his legs and watched as he burned alive on a volcano planet. In hindsight I suppose that I wasn't a very good friend, but afterall I think he'd still want you to have this lightsaber. Perhaps someday you could be as proficient at murdering younglings as he was.

The original point of "becoming more powerful than you can possibly imagine" is that death no longer means just a black void of nothingness. You gain omnipotence. That is pretty powerful.

Don't forget Luke, always focus the younglings first

UUUU

The point still stands that the force ghosts would, in the canon with which TLJ establishes, have the ability to interact with the physical world and be game changers in battle. But they didn't. Because the writers behind TLJ either never watched the OT, or never really gave a shit about it because all they care about is marketing to a new demographic with money in their pockets.

LUUUUKE is a big guy

...

...

>anakin slaughters the younglins
>last scene of TLJ shows that the younglings on canto bright are force sensitive

HE KNEW

Luke, did I ever tell you about me? After you attempt to murder a sleeping child, you'll go into recluse on a deserted island planet for a dozen years. During this time I will offer you no support or guidance despite you being at the lowest point of your life. I'm not a good friend.

...

Obi-Wan: Luke.

Luke: Yes?

Obi-Wan: *BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP*

Luke: But why?

>Did you ever hear the tragedy of Snoke the Gold? I thought not. It’s not a story the Johnson would tell you.

Snoke was a Sith Lord so powerful and so wise that no one even knew he existed.

But don't worry Luke, Yoda will come from time to time for a special training like you had on Dagobah.

Luke, did I ever tell you that force ghosts can use Force Lightning? I suppose I wouldn't have, because that hasn't been written in to the script yet.

Ironic.

He could make others more interesting... but not himself.

Luke, did I ever tell you I have a bad feeling about this?

He could link people mind in the entire galaxy but get tricked by a edgy teen

Anakin, did I ever tell you about Kylo Ren? It's your grandson who gets efortlessly beaten up every single time he's on screen.

He's not a good villain.

Luke: No, literally who is that?

And for some reason you will never try to contact him to explain why he is so full of shit about you. But it's ok, you are just a not good grandfather

Luke, did I ever tell you about the time I cuckolded another man? Yes, it was almost two decades ago that I began a relationship with another man's wife. I met her on the set of a television show (check the Wookieepedia article if you are unfamiliar with TV), and opened her up a brand new sexual awakening. I suppose that wasn't very friendly of me.

Have you heard the tragedy of Snoke, supreme leader of the first order?

Luke, did I ever tell you about the Rey ? Despite her never showing any connection to the force, she's already caught up with you, and after reading a few books and swinging a saber around for a bit, she will be ready to take on the greatest threat in the galaxy.
Oh, and you need to sacrifice yourself for her. She doesn't need you to teach her anything. In fact we've agreed that you're the one that needs to be taught a lesson. Life is not a good friend, Luke.

Fuck this one got me.

Watch out for the infamous website Sup Forums, Luke! It's a hive of scum and villainy the likes of which the internet has never seen. There are posters there that will try to tell you all sorts of stories, and they are not very good friends.

>grandson
>grandfather
retards.

Luke, did I ever tell you about your sister Leia? By the time she is 60 she will master the power to not only survive the vacuum of space, but also fly through space effortlessly using the force. It's a good trick.

I like you

Luke, did I ever tell you about plot armor? It's a device that writers use to prevent their most favored characters from suffering untimely ends. It is a good friend, especially so to your sister.

this fucking shit is why i can't leave this damn website. none of you are good friends.

Fucking eh

Luke, did I ever tell you that your father used to murder children? When you seek out Yoda, ask him to train you how to master youthanasia. It will be a good trick for you one day, when you need to murder your nephew.

It's unlikely now but I am running a head canon that explains this as the ghosts have developed new technique to influence the world and the ghosts too will eventually use up their force and die

Obi Wan, did I ever tell you that once we die we can become space ghosts that can use the force to interact with the physical world. Sorry about not freeing you from Genosis, but it was just too much fun watching you nearly escaping certain death. It's ok though because you let Luke almost become lunch on Hoth so you know where I'm coming from. We're still good friends right?

I too have developed a head canon where nothing but the fucking OT exists.

>"I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine"
It's about him sacrificing his life to save Luke. Obi-Wan knew that even if he defeated Darth Vader there, nothing of actual value would change. The emperor would still rule the galaxy. Luke would get captured and possibly die and so would Obi-Wan. Instead, Luke escapes and eventually destroys the emperor.

>ghosts can die

Spooky

Luke, did I ever tell you that your father was the best star fighter pilot in the galaxy? That may have been shortsighted. Your father developed the "spin," technique as a child, and basically everything he accomplished in the pliot's chair was by luck. Also, I may have told you that he was a cunning warrior. However, just now I remember the time he ran recklessly in to battle with Dracula and had his arm severed. And, of course there was the time when I dueled him and severed his other arm and both of his legs. Do you think that that still makes us good friends? I am sorry for misleading you.

>In my experience there's no such thing as luck
GTFO nuwars fans

Fucking kek

>daughter is Leah
>her son is Kylo
do grandsons/parents work differently on your planet?

>You wouldn't believe it, but just 18 years ago I was a dashing and handsome young man,

You got me good.

user, did I ever tell you about shitposting? It's a technique that browsers of an imageboard called Sup Forums use to bait unsuspecting people in to losing their temper. Your father was a shitposter. Which reminds me, he wanted you to have this keyboard. It is the weapon of a shitposting knight. For over a thousand generations, shitposters were telling one another about Bane and why he wore the mask. But your janitor never wanted you to have it. He thought you'd follow old OP off on some damn fool cunnyposting thread.

Redpill me on porgs

>Help me Luke, never give yourself up to the force Luke! The force is hell!

There was mass crying at the end. A fee people screamed out "I'm sorry George" as the credits rolled.
Some guy that I think was planning to shoot up the theater decided to watch the movie. He was so upset by the end that he just killed himself even though people were begging him to take then with. He said "leaving you alive after that would be far worse than murdering you here and now, so I'll leave this world the villain I always wanted to be"

they're cute little fucks written in to the script for humor and to bait normies in to buying merch.

Luke, did I ever tell you about force ghosts being able to call down lightning strikes? Can you believe we never did that to your father, the man trapped inside of a mechanical suit whose only major weakness was electric shock? I couldn't hurt him Luke, he was a good friend.

>He could make others more interesting... but not himself.

The J.J. side of the Abrams is a path to stories that some consider to be... unsatisfying.

ORGY-PORGY

Luke, did I ever tell you about "Luke, did I ever tell you about" posting? It's a meme where user takes a famous scene from star wars and replaces the actual dialogue with joke replies in the hope of getting (You)'s. If they didn't reply to this post, their mother would die in her sleep tonight. It was a good friend

They are talking about Anakin. Are you having a stroke, user?

Luke, did I ever warn you about anons who try to kill your mother in their sleep if you don't feed them (yous)? Watch out for those posters, Luke, they are not good friends.

>Luke, help me. I'm trapped in here with Yoda

Almost none of the other media for the next 30 years is going to contain them in any meaningful capacity if they follow the same path as the Ewoks. They're going to be marketed as stuffed animals and forgotten. Eventually.

>He's torturing me luke, he's not a good friend
Fuck you obi

Nice.

Luke, did I ever tell you about prank phone calls? Before going into battle, it's best to call your opponent and annoy them so you can launch a surprise attack. It will work, trust me. It was a good strategy.

Luke, did I ever tell you about Porgs? They're a sea bird native to the outer-rim planet Ahch-To. After attempting to murder your nephew, you'll flee to this planet and meet many of them. Do not fall for their charm, they are a natural pest and will make nests in your ships if left unchecked. They are not good friends.